Ayshela

i do have an "up to the moment" text file with all the first lines, so if anyone wants one but doesn't have time to go through all the pages and copy them out, PM me and i'll pop a copy off to you.

So many wonderful lines that haven't been used, here - bumping for the new people, and i know there's a couple of us had talked about copying all the suggested first lines out to a text file to work from away from the computer, so this will also make it easier to find (and remember) for anyone else wanting to do so. pulling one from further up the page... Colors burn behind closed eyes as figures whirl through memory. Laughing faces dance through time and thought of those I wished to see once more before the page was turned that brought this chapter to its close. I wished to say hello again before time for goodbyes arose. new line: Fashion's altered beauty shines

*nods* just coming back to do that, had to grab a phone call. =) the four words are: quixotic lighter teddy-bear deck

Matt sighed in exasperation as once again a beach bum jogged by, kicking sand straight into the keyboard of his new laptop. Being dragged off on holiday was bad enough, with the newest updates for Linux due any day and the network waiting for him back at home. This, though, was just too much! Sentenced to a day of "fun and sun" when he had his contest entry for The Most Evil, Addictive, Mind-Numbing Jingle Ever contest to compose? He shook his laptop gently and once again deposited a small pile of sand beside him, then scowled and slogged off toward the hotel in search of a dark and peaceful corner near an outlet.

i think it would read a bit easier if you were to go back and format it a bit. One long chunk of text is harder to read than paragraphs with white space between. Oh, and when you edit - please post it as a separate follow-up post. It's much easier to offer feedback when the changes can be tracked from one post to another so we can see what worked better in each version. It's also easier to know when something's been edited and updated if it's done in a separate post, because edits don't bump a topic where a new post does. =)

*laughs* "not for the faint of heart" may, indeed, be the best description of the series. I think perhaps the most amusing "I didn't put it down" experience i ever *saw* was when Kandara had picked up Sharon Green's "The Blending" series. He doesn't read quickly, so it was *weeks* of finding him parked somewhere, inside or outside, engrossed in the next one in the series and half-heartedly complaining about having just walked by the book and it jumped into his hand. *giggles*

*tacklehugs Rune* yay! glad to see you about again! recommendation noted, as i haven't read any Koontz. thoughts have been more than usually fragmented lately, so i'm only coming up with one example of the kind of thing you've mentioned, at the moment. I'd picked up Jacqueline Carey's "Kushiel's Dart" out of mingled curiosity and boredom - i knew i was going to have *hours* of time with little else to do but read, and the length of the book was pretty well guaranteed to consume most of it. It was an intruiging enough read, and well written enough that i only had to refer to the very extensive geneology and court "house listing" in the front of the book a couple times to place someone. I appreciate that, in any author. The subject matter of the series ensures that i recommend them carefully, because i know a lot of people who'd be more apt to fling them across the room than read and understand them. =( Her books remain on my bookshelf, though, and have been the subject of several lengthy conversations and debates, for one reason. There are concepts that Carey covers that have left me breathless and lightheaded at seeing someone else say something i'd long since given up hope of anyone else even understanding, much less actually saying - in print, even! The invaluable reassurance that someone else "gets it" would keep them on my shelves alone. That they are so very well written is a huge bonus. =) *huggles Rune again*

Ayshela and Kaitlyn crept into the Cabaret as early and as quietly as was possible with a small child. Kaitlyn decorated each table with gold and silver helium balloons attached to a bag containing noisemakers and confetti eggs. Ayshela made sure the central table held the usual array of plates, napkins, and silverware, all carefully arranged around a large cake frosted to look like a huge geld piece. With a few deft touches of streamers and ribbons, Kaitlyn and Ayshela melted away, leaving a banner swaying gently behind them. A black banner, on which gold paint shone clearly - Happy Birthday Wyvern!!!

Master P is so uberly awesomely trustworthy (and gives such uberly awesome backrubs) that not only is it in fact quite possible to fall asleep standing up whilst having your back rubbed, it's quite safe to do so! =)

*gentle hugs* nicely woven details, hon. much smoother than a lot of things have worked for you, lately! The main suggestion, at the moment, is to check the punctuation. The only punctuation you have is one comma and the ending full stop, and i'm pretty sure that's not all one sentence. Your best punctuation check - take out all the line breaks and do it like a normal sentence, then go back and put the breaks in where you want them.

Ayshela and Kaitlyn slip in behind HappyBuddha, waiting until he's made the rounds of those waiting with birthday greetings. Just as he turns away from the last person they *pounce* - Ayshela tackling him at chest height and Kaitlyn catching him round the knees. They collapse in a mad heap of giggles and hugs and happy birthday wishes - and it only takes five minutes to disentangle them!

oh, i am so sorry i missed this! Happy happy birthday, dear! I hope it was splendiferous for you, whichever side of the invisible "leap day" you celebrated! *huge warm hugs*

Side note: the Consolidated list of projects/exercises has been brought up to date, so if you're new and haven't seen these before OR if you've missed any, they'll be easy to find. =)

*giggles* congrats Azuran! *hugs*

I've never really liked Valentine's Day, whether i had a valentine or not. Yeah, it's nice sometimes to have someone make a special point of doing nice things, but if it takes a national holiday for someone to remember to let the people they care about KNOW that they care, there's something much more amiss than an overcommercialized holiday. Around here, that *is* a daily occurrence, because i believe that's how it should be. What point a special day to do what should be done regularly, if not daily? *shrug* and i swear that makes sense in my head, even if not through my fingers tonight. *sigh*

*laughs ruefully* not this year, it appears... i've felt so much like a trampoline stretched tightly trying to bounce everyone who keeps throwing themselves at the ground - and it's EVERYONE lately - i think i'm starting to fray around the edges. i've taken to hiding in Peredhil's pocket, so none of the nasties can find me. Lovely safe place! =)

*laughs* no worries, and no timelines. i understand the frustration of not having new drafts, but we're all very well aware of Real Life demands, around here. I'll be off to the hospital to wait for Kandara to come out of open heart surgery in the morning, so i confess to a bit of relief that there *won't* be a draft here waiting, at least until i'm likely to have a chance to look at it. no worries. sometimes the "back of the mind editing" time is my most productive, actually, so i doubt it will do any harm to leave it simmering.

i don't have time to give this the full answer i'd like, at the moment, but before i lose the thought... if you were dead-set on keeping the "Do not take Ecstasy" bit but it's not working in the rhyme scheme - move it. Put it at the beginning of the line and reference your speaker afterwards. you don't HAVE to end the line with the conversational quote, and any small point of emphasis lost would be more than compensated for in clarity and flow. That's one of the more fun things about writing poetry, actually. It's much like a puzzle. The pieces can be moved around a lot of different ways, flipped over, interchanged for a different one... the challenge is finding the *best* arrangement out of many possibilities.

Many questions, indeed. I wonder how many of us ever feel we and our names truly fit together? I wonder sometimes how much life would be changed if one went through it with a different name. I like the last two lines of the next to last verse, especially. I probably took it somewhere other than you intended, but i've known far too many girls who married young to escape - home, their life, all that went with the name that they had. It doesn't work, as you've suggested, though many keep trying. Thought provoking, as usual. I'm a bit lost in the content, so have nothing for you in the technique this time, though. :-S

NICE touch in your Feedback Level, as a side note. Nice to know both what you would like, and what you are best able to provide. You've got quite a bit wrapped into this piece, but it's a bit hard to find because i get sidetracked by the conflict between the very formal, and archaic, "thee" and "thou" - and "vroom" and "boom'd". I think you'd make your point more clearly and fluidly if you wrote it as you'd speak it. As a purely picky point on meter and impact, i think you'd have a stronger and smoother finish if you lost the "and" at the beginning of the last line. You've got a really good concept here. I'd love to see you redo this, telling it like it is in the plain speech one friend would use with another.

Happy Birthday to one of the wisest and sweetest men i've ever been fortunate enough to come to know! Here's hoping life slows down a bit and lets you breathe over the next year, eh? =)

Welcome! Always glad to see new people popping in here! directional arrows PM'd, if i lost you more than found you just let me know.

heh.. if it makes you feel any better... i'm not familiar with the first one, but #2, 3, and 4 i'll happily second, and put in as many votes as possible on #5! LOL

*tacklehugs* a belated happy birthday, Signe! hope it was splendiferous!

Ayshela quirked an eyebrow at hearing "I dare you." "oh, really now?" she thought. With an impish grin she quietly made her way through the Keep toward the Werewolf players. She drifted to a halt just inside the cover of a nearby shadow and waited... and waited... watching as people slipped this way and that, listening to arguments and whispers and still waiting... Once all was quiet and the person she waited for had come near, Ayshela sprang out in a flying leap and pounced Tanuchan! As they rolled across the floor in a tangle of squeals and giggles, arms and legs and hair flying all directions, the only word which could be heard was a gleeful "Gotcha!" As they rolled to a stop Ayshela hugged Tanny firmly and whispered in her ear, "Your turn. I dare you!" Dang, it's been way too long since i had a good excuse to tacklehug someone!