Ayshela

or to live on knowing that you are unworthy of life.

Leaning back in her chair, Ayshela watches Brute leave. The shuttered look upon her face eases enough to show anyone chancing to glance her way a glimpse of pain and deep sorrow. "That sounds familiar, somehow." she mutters to herself. Pulling a small pouch from somewhere under her cloak, she riffles through bits of paper until she finds the one which has been teasing at her memory and reads it slowly. Darkness swirls around me, holding me, supporting me as I float upon its surface. Rising, swelling slowly around me, it reaches up to crash upon me in waves, its arms pulling me quickly to its depths before releasing me to spiral to the surface. Blindly striking out for shore once more, cleaving through the darkness that holds me when I rest my aching, weary arms, I swim the gulf of despair. I aim for where I think, I hope, you still wander the sandy shore of life awaiting the day I discover the edge of darkness, and find the courage to cross it. "Ahh, yes, that was it." Looking after Brute once more, it occurs to her that he may need a friendly ear at such time as the pain eases enough to allow words. ooc: such emotional turmoil is difficult, perhaps impossible, to ever truly rid oneself of. Would that it were readily feasible! i know that you don't know me from Eve, but should you find yourself in need of a willing ear - i have two. Should you find yourself in need of a shoulder to cry on - i have broad shoulders, and i'm waterproof. To find those who wish you well - you have merely to look around you.

Salinye - i cannot answer for anyone else, however i suspect that it was a matter of context rather than the specific content that caused the misunderstanding. i have avoided posting to this thread for some time for simply that reason. That which i would have to say relates to an earlier branch of this topic thread, and in the more recent conversational shift (which is controversial enough and has deep emotional ties for many) the risk of being grossly misunderstood was simply too great. In a conversation which touches deeply held beliefs and very deep emotions, especially one in which expressions cannot be seen and voice tones cannot be heard, it is all too easy to be misread and that which is added as a well-meant and somewhat amusing return to an earlier context to be misconstrued as a commentary on the current context and/or participants. i know this, having inadvertently done it myself from both sides more than once. :-\ At risk of 'opening my mouth and removing all doubt' i honestly believe this was a misunderstanding based in uncertainty as to the proper context for your comments.

Well, i can't say that i blame them! i wouldn't like being called George either, even if you did hug me and love me! Character creation has always been one of the hardest things for me. Setting is generally a piece of cake, and flow of events - it takes some time, but it does come along. Finding the "who" to do the "what" can drive a sane man mad, though, and as i was never sane to begin with... (g) One of my favorite tools is building on a specific trait i've noticed in someone. Say i'm walking through the store and see someone do something that in the context is puzzling or slightly odd. What kind of person would he or she be, for that to be a normal and reasonable response? How did he or she become that kind of person? Invent the history which led to that moment, and you have your character. This works much better for me because it's a matter of flow of events then, as they influenced the formation of the character, and flow of events is easier than spontaneous character generation. It takes something which is difficult for me and makes it possible by doing it in the realm of something which is less difficult. Whether this would be useful for you, i don't know. Whether this even makes sense to you, i don't know. i hope so, however. A head full of ideas is a crowded place to be, and downright uncomfortable when they thoroughly resent their names!

Ayshela sits enjoying the shadow of the corner table as she ponders where to go and what to do. Nodding to the bartender in thankful acknowledgement of an excellent drink, she looks around the room and is reminded that safety in numbers is merely a popular myth. She looks Wyvern over closely as he rushes over to her table. Interesting. She looked at him skeptically as he expounded on his "investment opportunities", and politely declined. "Thank you for your generous offer, but i prefer my available funds to be a little more - well, available." As she watches Wyvern rush off to another investment opportunity she makes a mental note to look into this guild he mentioned. Lost in thought, she didn't immediately notice the wolf padding in her direction. A smile broke irresistably over her face as she noticed him easily dodging the mismanaged feet of patrons trying to find their ways to the door or the closest facilities. Here, now, was an elegant creature. He came to sit by her feet, clear yellow eyes flickering from her to her drink, and she thought she caught the ghost of a whimper as his eyes rested on her glass. Slowly extending her hand toward him, she spoke softly and reassuringly. "Well now, not only are you a gorgeous beast, you have good taste in drinks as well. I'd share, but there's barely enough left to make a good taste. Would you like one of your own?" Hearing that faint whimper repeated, Ayshela gently ruffled HopperWolf's fur and headed off to the bar for a refill for herself, and a drink for her friend. ooc: No worries, HopperWolf. i quite enjoyed the discussion, before life waylaid me and i was unable to get back to it. i did look in on that thread and it's quite wandered from our points of discussion, so i thought it was perhaps better to just leave it be. i never once considered you objectionable. Here, enjoy your drink and be at ease.

i'm sorry, Brute. Days which feel like that are awful. Days which truly are like that are immeasurably worse. My sympathies. i hope things ease up for you soon!

May i add my best wishes for Happy Birthdays also, and a rewarding year to come.

With a weary sigh, Ayshela trudged through the shadows as evening closed in. Seeing lighted windows ahead of her, she changed course slightly to investigate, hoping to find shelter for the night. "A Cabaret Room, eh? Interesting. Dusty and well worn, but so am I. Oh! And the door opens outward, in case of... altercation. Nice touch, that." Pulling the door open quietly, she slipped inside amidst the wash of laughter and conversation. "Hmmm. Sounds friendly enough." she mumbled to herself as she stood in the shadows beside the door. Glancing about, she located the bar at the far end of the room and the bartender, who appeared to be a pleasant person. Making her way across the room almost unnoticed, she reached the bartender just as someone called out, "And who might you be, lass?" Turning slowly to face the voice, she met a frank smile and curious eyes. "Ayshela," she said, nodding slightly. Caught between conflicting desires, she hesitated only an instant before smiling slightly and choosing both. Turning back to the bartender, she tossed a fistful of money on the bar calling as she did, "Double scotch on the rocks, and a round for the house on me, if you please." In the ensuing commotion, Ayshela collected her drink and drifted to a darkened table in the corner of the room, where she began to ponder possibilities.

"most right/good causing least pain" does definitely have to take into account short term pain vs. long term pain, i agree. if my child has a splinter in his/her hand and i refuse to remove it because it will cause pain, i am in fact doing wrong by my child because that splinter will fester and cause a greater degree of pain over a longer period of time. something like that is pretty clear. similarly enforcement of rules/training, though in most cases such guidance can be done with little to no *physical* pain (which gets into a whole other discussion defining pain, which i think i won't get into now). i agree that there are fundamental truths of the nature of "is this true or isn't it" or "does this exist or doesn't it" but i think the fundamental, universal "is this true or isn't it" category of truth is both smaller than people tend to think, and harder to define accurately and exactly (which is precisely why we run into such trouble with conflicting beliefs). Simply put - how did the universe come into being? i don't know, i wasn't there. Does God exist? i don't *know* with a sure knowledge one way or the other, much less in what form such existence may take. What is morally Right and morally Wrong? That gets into a whole sticky mess because it depends on so much which cannot be proven, and unfortunately tends to be intolerant of other viewpoints. Returning to the original quote and point, once more - while i don't entirely agree with the quote i did and do appreciate the encouragement to "pass by peacefully" and allow others their beliefs, whether you agree with them or not. In my own personal and biased opinion, our world as a whole, as well as individually, could do well with a bit more such tolerance and respect.

Well, HopperWolf, i'm not so sure we don't *both* agree and disagree, a bit. You are convinced that things assuredly are black and white, right or wrong, true or false, if i read your post correctly? Actually, i don't dispute the existence of black or white, right or wrong, true or false. What i disagree with is the stand that that is all there is - that something is either completely right or completely wrong, completely true or completely false. i very deeply believe that there is a whole range of partials in between each extreme. i equally believe that people would get along a lot better if they allowed others to be partially right as well, rather than standing firmly in their own rightness and everyone else's wrongness. Taking your example of Hitler: Hitler may very well have believed that he had a right, in the name of perfection of the species or whatever, to imprison and/or kill anyone who did not meet his standards or who opposed him. There were many who supported him in his belief, to one extent or another. There were many who opposed him, for probably a small multitude of reasons. Who was right? Who was wrong? Personally, i tend toward the belief that the most right/good causes the least pain, which i realize may not be the most popular view. On that basis, Hitler was most definitely wrong because he caused a great deal of pain and terror to a great number of people. On the other hand, how many times has the average person wished the gene pool could have a little chlorine? What Hitler did, how he went about what he did, is the stuff of lengthier and headier debates than we're probably prepared to get into here and somewhat a tangent to the subject anyway. Using your example, though, even Hitler cannot be proven to be completely evil, completely wrong, completely black in a world of black and white. Black and white certainly exist. So do a wealth of shades between. Right and wrong exist. So do partial states - more right than wrong, more wrong than right.. and our interpretation of those partials is based on our perception of part of a fundamental truth. If we perceive fundamental truths incompletely, unclearly, and from different perspectives, how much more incomplete and different will be everthing we base upon that perception? And i'm out of time, have to dash out the door in ten seconds. Probably just as well. Just time to add the usual disclaimer - i speak only of my own views, of which you are free to accept, reject, or completely disregard.

The Miserable Me, eh? hey.. you... shoo! get out of my head! go on, shoo!! (psst... you really wouldn't like it in here)

i don't dispute there being a level of fundamental truth, IF you accept the basis that existence is a fundamental truth. By that i mean existence of the universe and all within it, not just human existence. i do, however, question the statement that the idea of the definition is definition enough, because ideas about a part of a fundamental truth, accepted as the whole of the fundamental truth, have often been the basis of bloody disagreements. i think we all seek after fundamental truths. i don't think we grasp all of any truth we find a portion of. what i personally see in the original quote is an acceptance of consciousness, being, as fundamental truth - and rejection of humanities penchant for seizing a small portion of the truth and believing that is all there is, that anyone who finds a different portion of truth is wrong. i may be completely misreading this, of course, but for myself i don't see what's so objectionable about this. i'm not an anti-realist, though i doubt whether we ever fully grasp the reality which surrounds us. I agree that there are many things which we cannot see which affect us, but i disagree that things are black and white, right or wrong, good or bad. I believe that just as there are many portions of the truth which have been perceived, that in many situations lesser than "fundamental truths" people can be and are partly right, partly wrong. Situations and things and people can be and are partly good, partly bad, if you want to use those judgements. Subjective is really the only way we can judge anything, but our subjective judgements are somewhat perilous because they are based only on the portion of truth we perceive and our interpretation, our understanding of a situation which may be based on a different portion of the truth. and again, my thoughts only, which may make sense only within the chambers of my mind.

Nice. To sort of answer the unspoken question: God only knows. You may grow old together. You may grow apart fairly soon. Only time will tell. One thing that isn't quite clear here. The last line of the second verse, "where you were, inside and out" - where you were... with the people? in harmony with the people? both? neither? i'm not quite sure what you're driving at right there. In large, though, for an effort spawned of boredom, this is nice.

*nod* all my life the only things anyone noticed were those which i did not do. you've said it so well! perhaps, if someone else feels it too, i'm not as crazy as i sometimes feel, to wish in random moments to be more than a mere drudge? thank you.

ooh, ooh.. KEI! Gotta have my fix!! (giggle) excellently done! though i must shamefully confess that at the line "every dose larger than the one before" i felt a sudden urge to dash out for a quad mocha.

i think both have their place. personally, i fervently hope that art forms are never completely digitized. i can't imagine any form of digital art that would replace the feel of the pastels in your hand, being able to smudge in just a *hint* of colour to brighten or shadow, the adventures of colour blending and trying to create just the right shade. i can't imagine doing watercolours in digital media, though i suppose someone will figure it out. Drawing, painting, ceramics, sculpture, they have been to me very hands-on creative experiences. i don't think hand on a mouse would quite do the same thing, for me.

One of my favorite quotes: "The truth you speak has no past and no future. It is, and that's all it needs to be." ~Richard Bach, "Illusions" I must admit i do like the original quote. It's encouraging to see *someone* pointing out the desperate need many people seem to have, to believe that they are right and anyone who dares think or believe differently is wrong and will come to a bad end. Why can't we all, in our differing beliefs, be possessed of a portion of the Truth? Rather like slices of an apple - that you and i have different slices does not mean one of us has something other than apple. Or perhaps the meandering thoughts make sense only in the recesses of my own mind.