HappyBuddha

Cupcakes - go sugar! Video Games or Board Games?

I like this poem, I think it does really clever things with the structure to call emphasis to the small but not insignificant points it wants to make Placing one word in the middle of each stanza is not only interesting and helpful, it's downright instrumental to making this poem as good as it is. I think using one word to form two distinct sentences prompts the reader to play the sentences off one another. That leads him or her to re-read the first sentence and in many cases reconsider or heighten his/her appreciation for what's being presented. Very good stuff, right up through the closing line, which is excellent in that it brings the poem to an end succinctly without losing the openness to interpretation that defines this poem.

HappyBuddha reaches for a piece of cake, only to stop himself and blush. "Where are my manners? Birthday boys go first!" Happy Birthday Patrick!

I'll take 11 - no deadlines though, we hates those precious!

HappyBuddha pauses from the eating, a leg-sized piece of cake suspended in his gigantic fist "Thangf yoo aw so muts" he shouts happily, pausing to swallow before continuing "I think you'reve actually made my dream from last night come true!" With that, he bites into the cake and proceeds with laborious task, proceeding at a pace that would put Japanese World Eating Champion Takeru Kobayashi to shame. Thank you all so much! You're all terrificly sweet and far too affectionate for a stony-heart like me! I feel tadpoles fluttering in my arteries! I think that's a good thing!

I really like "that cold and silent picture frame" - 'picture frame' just leaps out at me. I think the repetition of the ending lines helps to keep this poem together. A little cohesion goes a long way

Friendship, Ignored I've neglected to repay the investors who underwrote my personal growth failing even to meet interest payments let alone pay back the principle This is all that's satisfactory enough to put up. This is most certainly incomplete but I needed to put this out there.

I don't have the time to give this poem the long reply it deserves, but I would like to say that "spew down luke" is really original, and the originality pays off. Since this is near the beginning of the poem, it helps to get the reader interested from the very start.

burns

Congratulations to everyone! *welcoming hugs*

"He had missed the aggravation and tension of the city previous month, but leapt out of his bedroom window with an infuriated will that morning for an entirely diffrent reason than most of the rest of the city had for want to beat senseless a truly maddening pyromaniac" The phrasing of this sentence is awkward and befuddling...see if you can't work out the kinks here. "I admit to rather liking the idea of a flying superhero with laser vision called Redeye being a prime mover here too. Let's hear it for old school superhero naming! Woo!" Let's hear it for Aristotelian references! =D Also, "Ubermenschen" made me laugh mightily. P.S. Ha! I do too participate, Sweet! Just not often...

*Hugs* Happy Birthday to both of you!

*Huggles and holds*

Laughs, giggles, blushes, and smiles all at the same time Thank you all so much for the wonderful birthday wishes! They mean a lot to me :-) (Bear)hugs all those who posted in this thread

The imagery in this poem is very good and you deserve kudos for that. The problem is, it's too good for the "empty" you inject twice and the "alone" you end upon. You seem a little bit afraid to let the imagery stand on its own, without a word blaring out its significance like a brightly lit neon sign. Don't be. The scene you paint does a damn fine job of making an emotional impact, but you clip its wings and reduce its effectiveness by bonking the reader over the head with "empty" and "alone." I think that absent those two words, you'll need a closing stanza relating the poem to something human. I would suggest something along the lines of "Seated by a leaf-clogged fountain/I wonder where she went." But its your poem - do as you wish :-) Hope I wasn't too harsh - I like what you've got so far, and it'd be a terrible shame if you didn't give it the little touch-up it needs to be really good.