Salinye Posted July 29, 2003 Report Share Posted July 29, 2003 ****** If you had to name the single most important quality of a good mate, what would it be? ****** Now I think this is a good question because a "good mate" can be different things to different people depending on what they want out of life. Obviously for me, the term would refer to a lifelong monogamous partner, perhaps even Soul Mate. To others, perhaps a good mate is just someone who offers security and comfort. Who knows.... I look forward to hearing what you have to say about this question. :0) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mira Posted July 29, 2003 Report Share Posted July 29, 2003 I'm going to pull a "Dubya" here and make up the word Talkability. [dubyavoice]Talkability is the ability to communicate your feelings and thoughts to another person and have them give you meaningful feedback. I think that Talkability is a must have in any solid relationship, be it with a romantic partner or a best friend. [/dubyavoice] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted July 29, 2003 Report Share Posted July 29, 2003 gads... the *single* most important quality??? there's so much that is important.. though, i guess, for me it has always been and will always be trustworthiness. all the words, all the feelings, the sense of humour.. whatever else is important.. none of it matters if i can't trust the person i'm with. i *have* to be able to trust my mate with my words, my feelings, my life.. past, present, and future.. if my heart and soul aren't safe with him, i can't be with him. all else is secondary, to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aardvark Posted July 29, 2003 Report Share Posted July 29, 2003 Go find Carlos Mencia's stand-up bit on friendship. He said it better than I could, so I'm stealing his Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Psimon Posted July 29, 2003 Report Share Posted July 29, 2003 The single most important quality? LOVE To quote the good book... Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13: 4 - - emphasis added Kinda sums up the ideal mate, no matter what you want out of life... My wife has demonstrated so many of these qualities throughout the 12 years we have known each other (10.5 of those years spent as husband and wife) and I have always tried to do likewise. And we will continue to do so until we are laid to rest next to one another (and we hope carry on in the hereafter too ) I am VERY privileged to know her The same qualities/standards of love can be applied to any true friend. I am likewise privileged to have a few of those too Alas, the modern world has such a poor understanding of what true love is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orlan Posted July 29, 2003 Report Share Posted July 29, 2003 Aardvark, I believe you have won that argument! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WrenWind Posted July 29, 2003 Report Share Posted July 29, 2003 *smiles* i agree with Psimon LOVE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwaihir Posted July 29, 2003 Report Share Posted July 29, 2003 the ability to be caring. If they're caring they'll be generous and kind and loving and all the other things, imo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted July 29, 2003 Report Share Posted July 29, 2003 I think the *single* most important quality in any relationship is honesty. Not just the honesty of conscience, which tells a person to be truthful, but I mean the honesty of consciousness, which means always speaking and listening from the heart, and always presenting one's true self in whatever situation one is in. Without it, intimacy is impossible And from there, anything is possible.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Celes Crusader Posted July 30, 2003 Report Share Posted July 30, 2003 Only one? ouch... Although Zool beats me with mentioning honesty. But I'll mention another one that I feel important. I think that someone needs to be receptive. Being receptive means being able to listen to what your love tells you, to his different ideas, to his point of views, etc. This is helps a couple to grow along with honesty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted July 30, 2003 Report Share Posted July 30, 2003 Well... apart from Love, Acceptance. If someone can't accept me for the nut case that I am, the rest doesn't matter. I refuse to let myself become close to someone who looks at me the way you would look at an old house. "Well... You put a new roof on it, and recarpet the living room, and it'll be ok." But by the same token, when someone insists that you remain exactly as you are, refusing to admit that you have flaws, that's not helpful either... So it's Acceptance of me as a person, with the flaws inherent in humanity. One who refuses to accept that people change and grow would be less than a friend, and certainly unworthy of being called a mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lumpenproletariat Posted July 30, 2003 Report Share Posted July 30, 2003 I'd agree with Zool, honesty, which kinda intertwines with trust, and loyalty etc. I know few of these people irl however, even inner family. Kinda weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salinye Posted July 30, 2003 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2003 Okay, I guess once again, I should answer my own question, eh? I've thought long and hard on this one. It is hard to pinpoint just one attribute and to call it most important. However, I think I'll have to say "Security". Security in all it's forms. Emotional security, physical security, spiritual security etc. You could even take it to the more shallow and say financial or educational security, although not as important as the first list. I am really blessed in the fact that I am married to my best friend. I love being married. Every day is a blast. But I think what I love most is how secure I am with him. I'm not afraid in any sense to be myself. I am secure in our love, our marriage and our friendship. He leaves me with little fears or doubts. That's what I love. Security. I am a women, and we women tend to be insecure from time to time. (*cough* just from time to time, right? *cough*) Especially when it comes to how we look, or how we appeal to our significant others. How wonderful to be married to someone who squashes all those insecurities. :0) So there you have it, I hope it makes sense. I know Security is not a very romantic answer, but imho I think that when a person feels secure they look happier, sexier and healthier! I also think that will reflect on how they carry themselves, or how they conduct their lives. Nothing is more attractive imho than a person who is confident and secure within themselves. (Not cocky, not vain, just secure.) Oye...my answers always end up too long! ~Salinye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwaihir Posted July 31, 2003 Report Share Posted July 31, 2003 we women tend to be secure from time to timeso do men Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annael Posted July 31, 2003 Report Share Posted July 31, 2003 one word : Understanding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted August 1, 2003 Report Share Posted August 1, 2003 Makes a mental note to check out Aardvark's reference. One thing? Meep... Commitment to Best? Commitment with implications that no matter the feelings or circumstances, there will be a future together. Best with the implications that each will do whatever is necessary to ensure the growth toward potential that their partner can obtain. In other words - I'm rephraising in other words all the things the others have said. Derivative and sneaky, aren't I? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Big Pointy One Posted August 1, 2003 Report Share Posted August 1, 2003 I'm also going to have to go with love here... I think everything else doesn't matter, so long as you love your mate, and they love you. If that's truly the case, anything else (ideally) should be able to be worked out. ~Shruggies~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted August 1, 2003 Report Share Posted August 1, 2003 What is interesting to me is how everyone's different answer puts everybody elses answer into perspective. I think everything everyone has mentioned is very important, and at some time or another is the most important thing, but it's interesting to me to read the different answers, and to think about them, and to think, yeah, that IS the most important thing... and then think how they all relate, and affect our relating to each other... and then move on to the next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canid Posted August 1, 2003 Report Share Posted August 1, 2003 Of all the quallities that are nessesary in a good mate... I'd have to say the most inportant for me would be kindness. There are a lot of people who will go out of their way to make one person happy, but it is somewhat more rare to find someone who genuinely cares about those around them (care stretching to 'animals' as well as humans) - who's daily gestures of respect are out of care rather than for appearance's sake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted August 1, 2003 Report Share Posted August 1, 2003 hmmm. That's a point. Even after all these years, I tend to assume that trait in others until proven otherwise. notes that's one wise wolf there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerulean Posted August 3, 2003 Report Share Posted August 3, 2003 What a huge question! I've been wrestling with this unsuccessfully for ages. I agree with Zool, kinda here, that each of these qualities can be the most important at a particular time, or stage in a relationship, or in a person's life. I think I've decided that try as I might, there's no single feature that can encompass what I look for in a partner. So instead, I'll offer one that's very important to me, but I don't think has been mentioned yet - tenderness. C. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett O'Harpy Posted August 3, 2003 Report Share Posted August 3, 2003 A weak pulse and a buoyant portfolio. Oh darn, that's two things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merelas Posted August 12, 2003 Report Share Posted August 12, 2003 As always, I'm terribly late with this, but I'm going to bring mine up anyways... some of you have touched on it, but I'm going to redo it. So if you don't like it, tough luck, buttercup. I'm going to say Loyalty. Loyalty is a huge issue for me, because if someone can be there for you ALWAYS, no matter what, and put your needs above their own, that's something. And if they would stay with you through anything, and remain faithful to you throughout a marriage or a friendship, or whatever... that's the most important thing to me. Wow... that made probably the least sense of anything I've said all day. Score! -Merelas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damon Inferel Posted August 13, 2003 Report Share Posted August 13, 2003 I'm going to go with the reference of soul mate Mrs. Salinye... I believe that fair qualities of my ideal soul mate have already been matched with my beloved. Honesty of course, as well as compassion. Someone who does feel sympathy, but is stern enough to not show overwhelming pity. Let's see... I have problems, and she's never been pitiful towards me, which is good... unless my knowledge of the word pitiful is not quite up to it's full definition. Let's just say that she has never spent her time around me always doctoring me and making my problems a burden to her. She knows she has a life and she still lives it, but still cares enough to watch out for if anything goes too far. Let's see... beauty, though she fills the category nicely in my opinion, is not something that is at the top of my list of qualities. The beauty of her persona is amazing, and it is the personality that I think I first fell in love with. I think that the courage to express themself, or less vague... she has enough courage to express herself normally. If I'm annoying, she lets me know and so on... Um... she's really easy to listen too... even if you have no idea what's she's talking about. She's the kind of person that I can listen to all day, even if she were reading something that would put an insomniac to sleep... I love her so much. LEt's just say that all of my qualities in a soul mate don't have anything left to be fulfilled. And she is an exccellent writer too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted August 13, 2003 Report Share Posted August 13, 2003 Having met both, Peredhil concurs with Damon I think you both are very fortunate in your choice of each other. The two of you complement each other exceedingly well. I just love it when life works the way I feel it should. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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