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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

Pen Roll Call 2005


Gyrfalcon

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Well, it's that time of the year again - time for another roll call to see who's around and who isn't!

 

This will proceed like the roll call last year, with a leading intro to a story given, and then each person will add to the story - you can add as much as you want, though in the interests of brevity, try to keep it to a paragraph or two. *grins*

 

Also, for those of you who still possess a weenie from last year - participation in this role call removes last year's weenie and prevents you from being branded a dreaded... double-weenie! :P

 

Of course, you could be like the evil Doctor and *enjoy* your weenie status, but you don't really want to use Doctor Evil as a rolemodel, do you?

 

*coughs*

 

Otherwise, back to the technical details.

 

In addition to prose, you can also write a brief poetic piece (perhaps as part of an epic or song) detailing the further (mis)adventures of the intrepid hero and/or any companions he meets. If you can think of something else to do that advances the story, go for it!

 

This roll call will last from September the 5th through October the 17th. This gives you about six weeks to check this thread and reply to it... no pressure, right? ;)

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And now to open this roll call...

 

"The dust-streaked knight worked his way up the hillside, cursing the day he had accepted this dragon-slaying gig. At the time, he thought it'd be all about charging the beast on his charger and slaying it with a lance. Noone had told him that dragons tended to choose lairs that were hard for people without wings to get into. Now, finally, he had reached the dragon's lair, when he looked up to see..."

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"Attention all K-mart shoppers! Attention all K-mart shoppers!" The knight took a step back at this dreadful war-cry and promptly fell down the mountain again, in a series of bounces accompanied by humourus cries of pain.

The cameraman followed him all the way down and zoomed in on the knight as it hit rock-bottom just as...

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.... the world ended. It was a small, local thing, barely the size of a medium-sized supermarket, but nevertheless the Four Mice of Apocalypse (Squeak, Squeeek, Squak and Squeuek) who had made it were quite proud of their accomplisment as they rode on to sunset on their domesticated dogs. Without actually looking back at the fruits of their work, at the area which was not quite completely destroyed after all, since ...

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...a small anaerobic bacteria survived. After several divisions there were several million bacteria, who slowly turned the toxic gases in the area into oxygen, nitrogen and all other different types of gases and non-gases. Several million years later...

Edited by Patrick Durham
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... euchariotic life had started again, and was thriving as only insane life can. However, different from the previous cycle of life in this corner of the Universe, the creatures weren't huge. Or even big. Or at least small.

 

No. They were tiny.

 

Gulliver would have been a bigger giant in this more-than-lilliputian universe. And, struggling to go up a small mound, there was a tiny Knight who rode his valiant stallion muttering against the hardship of killing mythical dragons.

 

On a closer look, his stallion was very similar to ....

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...a magical portal. Considering his luck so far he decided to avoid it, but as the fluffy kangaroo hopped on by the knight fell off his saddle directly through the portal.

 

Intense pain followed as the knight was first compressed then magically stretched, every molecule in his body being torn apart and then put back together again, bigger, stronger, faster.

 

When the agony stopped he looked around, stepped out of the gooey remains of his former mount and...

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....went with the four easier payment plan. "Good choice mate." said the travel agent with a smile. "Now would you like to purchase some travel insurance?" As the travel agent looked at the befuddled knight's face yet another portal appear behind him. Something resembling a scaley disembodied claw reached out of the dark abyss...

Edited by Regel
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... and floated across the room to land on the agent's shoulder. "Helllllo, Mike," it said in a voice that promised iminent danger for the man. "Your insurance covers loss of limbs and damage to internal organs, both. You will pay up, now, won't you?" Mike the travel agent went pale and ...

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portfolio. Ten minutes later, he was still rummaging through the dusty parchments. The Travel Agent's hands were overflowing with rejected material. The scaly claw had been impressed into labour, holding yet more parchments that were not the policy.

 

"I'm sure it's in here," Mike muttered in a harried tone, "just ooone more minute and I'll have it.."

 

At that moment, Mike leaned deeply into the portfolio, apparently (finally) scraping the bottom, when his arm jerked sharply. Once (he yelped)! Twice (he screamed)! Thrice (he was yanked into the portfolio)!

 

The Travel Agent looked at the scaly claw, which turned its palm downward and let the multitude of papers drop.

 

The portfolio lay thrashing on the floor for a moment, then settled into a motionless waiting.

 

Mike, still screaming with no one to hear, fell through into ...

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the middle of the board.

 

"Aw damn!" said the moleman* playing red.

 

The second moleman stared at the array of red and black checkers on the floor, a glint of satisfaction in his eyes.

"Well, it's tied then," he said.

 

"That was not a tie," snapped red, "I was two moves away from winning and you won't get away with it just because a human fell through the roof."

 

"Ah, but now there is no way to prove that you were going to win. Why, I could have turned the whole game around in my next move. It is a tie, there's no way out of it, and that means that I get the....

 

 

*A brief note on the history of molemen. Amazingly, after the localized apocalypse, the other inhabitants of the planet never noticed the small, regrowing mini-country and never by any chance wandered into it. Even the Yersinia pestis bacteria avoided it like the plague.

Ground dwelling lifeforms on the other hand, returned to its soils within a matter of weeks. Among the first to arrive were the moles, who upon finding the area unoccupied and quite free of competition rapidly developed a thriving civilization that still existed several million years later when miniature travel agents (such as Mike) scurried about on the surface.

Edited by Canid
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" the 12 headed strawbery monster of happyland, given under the rules of things that will be given upon ties, wins, or losses by the harvard school of pwnage... section 12-32-b of the code of ethics"

the other mole was dumbfounded by the spouting of the rulebook, and decided that it was best to retaliate as per section 88-3-x and pulled out a..................

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...exactly that moment a young kender walked into the middle of the *rule-book* spounting, holding what else, but a few weines. ( :D )

 

" Raistlin wouldnt like you shouting all these spells. Infact doesnt this Vodka Egg, or whatchever ya may call it belong to you. I found it. Would you like it back. I must be on my way "

 

With that said he tosses to mole egg back at its tosser. and heads off into the sunset

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the discovery of the reasons why tulips always babble about nonsense. It had been theorized that tulips needed to babble because they were sprouting from a fertile ground of ideas. However, the research results demonstrated without any doubts that the tulips babbled because they can.

 

Dubfounded by the simplicity of the conclusions, scientists decided to abandonned their ways and to turn themselves to the flowers. As they preach, they...

Edited by Lady Celes Crusader
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.. bow to the Pollen Queen, Roaiseyulip. Seated atop her dandelion thrown, she casts the subtlest of smiles to her admirers. A huge commotion breaks out in the crowds, and a number of flower zealots begin tearing through their books of scriptures (known in previous times as "flower guides") in search of a sign. It doesn't take long before the Queen becomes irritated by all of the commotion, and she slams a stem sceptor upon the ground.

 

"Silence!"

 

The crowds go quiet and stare, holding their breath.

 

"I cannot see you all, for I am molewoman by birth." Roiseyulip waves a mole-ish digging hand through the air. "But I recognize your presence, and feel your need for my guidance. Rely not upon those human tomes of flowers as resources, for they shall only give you the tiniest fraction of the truth. Sit back, and let me tell you the tale of worlds past. Of the K-Mart oracle, and the four horsemice of apocolypse... of a time before the flower dynasty, when dragons and knights reigned supreme."

 

Roaiseyulip grips her flower sceptor tightly and trembles as the crowds break into an excited commotion once again. As she waits for the noise to subside, nobody notices the long-range can of weedkiller that one suspicious audience member aims...

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turn into the GREAT PUMKIN!

 

Curiously the Moleppl starting acting conspicuously like big woobly headed children strewn around a baseball diamond.

 

"oh the Great one has returned," the Lucy Moleppls cried. "Charlee! Linus! ...Light the torches...Franklin, Shroader bring forth offerings of Candy Corn, Pixie Sticks, and Licorish to the most high sacred e-goardenated one...and be quick about it."

 

The others went about their tasks as Snoopy donned his...

Edited by reverie
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flying goggles and set off to find the mythical dragons Roaiseyulip almost spoke of just before she changed into the Great Pumpkin. Quickly becoming tired of his search (after all, Roaiseyulip didn't give him much to go on) Snoopy decides there are better places to fly to and heads for....

Edited by MinimondoT
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