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Everything posted by Vlad

  1. Well, isn’t this a pleasant surprise… And hello to you too. I thought you’d sworn to never show your face around here again? A lot can change in two years. It would appear not, as evidenced by your presence. Aren't you going to ask why I came back? I already have. But I can once more, if you insist. I do. Why, then? Or rather, why now? I’m not living in a fairy tale anymore. They never last. How did it end? It wasn’t a fairy tale ending. Maybe you should start from the fairy tale beginning? It didn’t have one of those either. So what did it have? The classic story: Boy meets Girl. Girl doesn’t know what she wants. Boy doesn’t either. I thought I was the one telling the story? You said it was a classic. I think I’ve already heard this particular one. Maybe. They were both young, and just a little bit crazy. Crazy never comes in just little bits. Always with the interruptions. I’ll try and stop. Go on. Where was I? Oh, yes, they were both a little crazy, but they were crazy about each other. Can you just skip to the good part? The good part? What good part? It’s a love story, isn’t it? You’re so crass. Every good love story has to have a climactic kiss. Fine. They kissed. The End. Happy? Very much so. Thank you. Can I tell the rest of it now? Sure, if you want. They quickly fell in love and spent every waking minute together. Yep, I’ve definitely heard this one before. They were going to wed, but then the problems arose. What kind of problems? All sorts. Most of them were actually resolved relatively easily, but not all. Care to elaborate? Well, the straw on the camel’s back was the altar. The altar? As in, at a church? Apparently, it was the wrong color. According to whom? According to her. And you couldn’t alter the altar? Hey, leave me out of this. Right, sorry. And he couldn’t? I guess not. I think they were both too tired by then. I see. So what happened next? She told him to leave. And? He did. That’s it? What more do you want? More of the story! There isn’t any, I’m afraid. So is that the end? I don’t know. How can you not know? I already said it doesn’t have an ending. Maybe it will find one someday. This seems like a good place to stop. Same time next week? Of course.
  2. for one second i'm there hands knees on all fours my sin my gin a fifth out of reach smell of sex and vomit and early sabbath morning service sorry that i can't remember what i've said or ate or drank or didn't but tend to lose time dozing in between the moments how unlucky for me to be this way amen
  3. Powerful emotions are at play here, and I enjoyed the style and presentation. It reminded me of how I used to write, when I wrote, so thank you for that. The poem feels very conflicted and carries that quite well. You do a good job of balancing what I'll call the internal confusion and external confusion - the characters are confused, and even the reader might be jerked around a little bit, but as the author you drew focus to where it needed to be. It gives a good anchor so that on the second or third time through, the listener can take cues from it and start to make sense of the scene in his/her head. As for the fifth stanza, I'd suggest keeping it parallel to the rest of the poem and using The same guts instead of Those. You'd probably have to change the rest of the stanza to be grammatically correct then, so maybe something like The same guts that you take one word, one tear at a time The image I suggest is less forceful, it is simply one of resignation and 'oh you're taking my guts how quaint' instead of the original version which seems to carry a lot of spite within it. So this may not be the direction you want to go, then. Perhaps all you need to do is combine the lines two and three into a single - here, take them - to make the poem more terse and more angry/upset/emotional?
  4. There's a good narrative going on here, I like the story told of your mind leaving and then (presumably) returning when it has completed its sojourn. I've looked at this several times now and am still finding new insight and perspective and new messages coming from your poem.
  5. Vlad


    Good comment on the punctuation, I got rid of most of it and the flow does feel a little bit better. I'm a little mixed about the contractions and apostrophes in the second stanza, but I don't think those actually matter. Keeping the punctuation in the final line feels like the right choice, bringing a the reader to a full stop. Thank you for your feedback!
  6. Vlad


    raindrop lines falling on my windows thunder without lightning as i sit here safe secluded protected from the world the rain is hitting harder now clouded shapes loom above my thoughts lost inside of my own home finding bleakness every way i look the rain pauses breathes and starts again trees waving i'm wavering don't know what to do a single bird flies across the sky searching for his nest maybe shelter then stillness in all things waiting to challenge nature but afraid is it over? no, it's beautiful.
  7. At first I thought this was suggesting an avoidance of melanin, which would be very strange indeed. I actually go tanning in the winter to help out with moderate seasonal depression that I have. It's bed for me to not get enough UV rays, or something. Also, yea, lots of old faces here. Go figure. I've switched my muse from writing to dancing, so that's my excuse. But it's good to pop in and read every once in a while.
  8. "Ok, for our next challenge, we're going to have a poetry writing contest." "Poetry? Wow, that's exciting." "Isn't it? You guys will need to be down at the station by one, ready to read." "Forty-five minutes isn't very long, Matt." "You're right. And the topic for your poems is... unrequited love." "What's that?" "Oh, how I envy you." Stay Just outside Hour After hour, after hour Passes Awaiting your return Smiles Fade to disappointments Dejection All the wine, long since Drank The roses wilted, the cards Never Answered, please tell Me Was it the camera Hanging From the trees?
  9. If you can stop one heart from breaking, you shall not live in vain. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance...
  10. Oh how I love To see you smile Your eyes and lips Beacons of great joy Oh how I love To hold you close Our selves entwined Tender hearts aflame Oh how I love To know you're there My shelter from this place My angel here nearby but sometimes you just drown me in the sorrow fill me up with doubt cast shadows on my sunshine and never hear me out but sometimes you just do not want to try give up on the world push everybody far oh so far away Oh how I love The memories we share The laughs that we enjoy The happy times gone by The moments I can keep but sometimes you just tell me you're afraid cry a lake of tears We'll stick it out Through times, hard and soft Through those days When we wish we'd died Don't close your heart Don't open your eyes Don't look around so much I'm here for you, You're here for me, Oh how I love To spend my life with you
  11. http://www.verbotomy.com It's the creative, daily, make-up-a-word challenge. The people running the site give you a prompt each day - today's is DEFINITION: To enjoy, or derive physical pleasure from, the eating of sweets and other sugared substances -- often leads to over-consumption. - and you make up a word that fits. After that, you vote on the best words that *other* people have come up with.
  12. Hey guys - short notice I know, but here's scoop! I'm going to be flying in to Newark airport 10:30 am on Friday this week. I'll head up to New York City when I arrive. I'd like to meet up with anybody interested for coffee, or a snack, or whatever, that afternoon. I've got to catch a bus from the Port Authority Terminal no later than 4:30, so any time before that is good for me. I'll also be sight-seeing with what time I have available, so planning this ahead of time seems like a good idea. -Mike
  13. That's in, um... three weeks, no? So no worries for now, right?
  14. I'll do two. Sunrise in my eyes, A new day, revitalize Bright new life at dawn Cool brisk wind streams by Traveling from distant lands Whispering its tales
  15. Can't comment on the content, because it would be hard to be impartial on it. One thing that stuck out was that some of the stanzas had rhymes, some had near or imperfect rhymes, and one had a false or eye rhyme. I wasn't sure where the focus was supposed to go with such an irregular pattern. It could help convey the feeling of the poem, and if that was your intent you did it well, but I would aim for a tad more structure.
  16. Vlad


    The numbers serve to break up the poem into sections that are grouped thematically. In some of the sections, there is only a line, and in others there are a couple of stanzas; I didn't think the reader would pick up on hte groupings I wanted to create, and that the changes of topic might be too abrupt. The other benefit to the numbers is that I got to repeat a single section multiple times, until the speaker gets it right, like section VI. Thanks.
  17. I- You are... II- Your form conforms to mine, Our minds combine at once. I meant for a Moment... four Moments... for Us. III- I dare to wish, To wish to dream, To dream to dare to hold you close. Close my eyes and Hold you close. IV- My words, this World Cannot tear apart. A part of me with you. V- When... Whenever... Forever... With you- Hold you- Hold onto you, and on and on and on Forever, whenever. VI- Hey girl, I feel this way, but... VI- Hey, you know I like you, but... VI- Hey babe. I love you. And I never want to let go.
  18. Would you care to remind some of us old fogeys what each symbol means?
  19. They came from outer space, they claimed. And I saw no reason not to believe, Until so many bodies turned up maimed. The places they’d been are the most famed, But I knew not of the lies they’d weave. They came from outer space, they claimed. The slander found, made them all inflamed, But none would think that men they’d cleave. Until so many bodies turned up maimed. I saw through the disguise that they had framed, Repeated what they said before – Oh how I was naïve. They came from outer space, they claimed. The story had us humans so ashamed, For we would talk of love and peace and how to live. Until so many bodies turned up maimed. These so called space-men surely must be blamed, It is their fault that fact from fiction we did not sieve. They came from outer space, they claimed. Until so many bodies turned up maimed.
  20. Vlad

    my spiders

    "And I wonder if one day/ There will be room left for me." I enjoyed this reading. The poem kept speeding up as I read it, increasing the sense of paranoia/fear/etc... I'd disagree with Wyv and say the ending suits the poem just fine. Gives it a feeling of cosmic irony, and I loves meself some irony. Keep writing.
  21. Alright, so I feel like I should make a post that at the very least will rationalize why I chose to end with "Exeunt." First of all, the love in this poem is over-the-top. Maybe I didn't do that enough, but I thought that it was kind of obvious. I guess I need to go back a tweak the diction, hindsight is 20/20, nobody to blame but myself, etc., etc... That's the easy part. The next part is kind of... vague? Poorly thought out? Overly complex? All of the above? The poem is indeed supposed to be representative of a play. Too bad that *all* fiction has the same element [rising action, climax, denouement, etc...] so I couldn't clearly separate the styles. To that effect, I tried to use the dates as remeniscent of scenes or even acts. The thought behind this poem was inspired by real events. [] However, sometimes life has a way of making you think that it can't all be real. I tried to dramaticize the tension in the poem, but I think I need to go back and take a look at it. Make it more pointed, or maybe try to smooth it out. As is, the poem feel like it's lost between two different goals, and isn't sure where to go from here. Thoughts? Comments?
  22. 10:45- Our eyes lock. 10:46- Her walk, her smile; It's everything she does. My hand on the door, Her hand on mine. 10:47- Her laugh, her eyes; Trading small talk or a joke. Her with me, or I with she- Alone in a crowded corridor. When I go blind This is all I wish to see. 10:48- Perfect beauty, perfect grace; Behold the greatest riches known. Moments stolen from this world, Set apart from true reality. 10:49- A short kiss, That lingers endlessly. 10:50- Exeunt.
  23. Heh, thanks all of you. I usually don't have time anymore (), but a little birdie () told me to come by and check out this thread. Quincunx - It's uprorious. Yea, yesterday was pretty good, extended family flew in a bit early for Thanksgiving and we all had a jolly good time. I got an iPod Nano, which is already full with terrible (according to most of you, that is) music, and some books. I loves me books. Anyways, when life slows down enough, I'll be back to tell my tale.
  24. "G" I never was, yet always will be. I am never seen, yet I always come. I can carry nothing, yet hold much for some.
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