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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

Vlad

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Everything posted by Vlad

  1. Q: Now that I can contact other members, who can I ask about the Important Decisions here? A: All of the biggest decisions are made by the membership because that's who they will impact the most. A proposed change or decision usually begins as a discussion in the forums. If a group consensus is not reached, then the issue will go to a vote among those designated as the voting membership. Functional or Structural changes may be decided by the Elders, advised by the Ancients, and are implemented by the Admin. In rare case of a tie, the Loremaster holds the deciding vote. Back to top
  2. Vlad

    Board Update

    Small fires rage around the city while Pennites flock in panic, emergency sirens blaring. Many are seen gathering possesions - magical items and artifacts, momentos of adventures past, scrolls and parchments of poetry, ink wells and quills, advertisements for Almost Dragonic products. Carnival booths being torn down left and right, a slew of mages operating to lift the portal to the beach and load it onto a heavy cart, a horde of goblins moving the conservatory brick by brick. A sense of urgency swells as stark winds spread fires eastward, toward the gates. Scattered members stand to direct the traffic throught the gate, fearing collapse at any moment, while many Elders serve as waypoints in the people's exodus. Quickly going through the keep, Vlad knew to spread the news to those who had not yet heard or realized. Even as he approached you, the lich began speaking. "Move out. We don't have much time. If anything, we're down on time. Grab your stuff and let's go!" And he's gone before you even have a chance to ask why. Heeding his advice, you follow the groups exiting, nervously whispering amongst yourselves. Just outside of the gates, the soft features of Yui-Chan greet you, and she offers to explain the situation. "We're doing a bit of reconstruction here. A bit of upgrading, if you will. Everything is expected to be back up and running Monday morning," she explained with a reassuring smile. "We don't plan on losing anything in the transition, but it's a good thing you grabbed all your stuff, just in case."
  3. Note, shamelessly compiled from the good folks at www.magiclampoon.com, mainly "dbuel" and "Energizer" Well, like I posted before - somewhere else, don't recall exactly - I'm the editor of my school's satirical newspaper. To start this year off right, I prepared a little "How-To" Guide for my underlings, but figured you guys might enjoy it, or maybe even pick up a little trick or too. We are a group of writers, after all. (Remember this is in the context of Satirical News, but can be applied to all satire) ********** How to write a fake news article? Of course, when it comes to comedy, no one is an expert. Humor is very personal. However, when writing a fake news article, there are some ideas upon which even people with differing senses of humor might come to agree. The idea of a fake news article is that it has the seemliness of a real news article. It reads like real news, it has the style of real news, it has some of the characteristics of real news, and so on. Lacking these things, your fake news article ceases to be "fake news" and becomes some other sort of joke. Most people aren't journalists, and so most people would reasonably have little way of knowing some of the principles of journalism. These same principles of written journalism apply to satire and fake news. News stories in most cases are really about quotes. Ask yourself, what is "reporting"? "Reporting" in its purest sense is writing what you simply observe. Making conclusions is subsequent to "reporting." Making conclusions is "analyzing." Pure reporting is simply relating what was seen and heard. In most news stories, what is seen and heard are sources. The sources speak the information, and so the story fundamentally is what the sources say. The basic premise of the basic news story is to relate to the reader what some sources said. In fact, normally, you don't really see sources doing much of anything other than talking. A lawsuit story? The attorneys tell you why they will win or what they plan to do. A police story? The police have charged someone and they tell you how they caught the person, or why they think the person is guilty. The defense attorney tells you why the person is innocent. A county commission story? A commissioner tells you what he plans to do. A resident tells you what he will ask the commission to do. The talking is, in most stories, what constitutes your observations. The quotes, then, are tremendously important in a real news story. Many written news stories consist of a reporter obtaining some great quotes and then writing the story around them. So in your fake news story, the quotes are equally important. The quotes should often be where you put the punch lines. Your fake story is made up of silly people doing silly things, and quotes are how those people can be in your story. The narration is just you being in the story, and so you should narrate as little as possible. Again, since most people are not journalists, it may not occur to most people how quotes are the backbone of a standard written news story. Another principle of written journalism is that paragraphs are extremely short. You may never have noticed, but if you pick up your newspaper, you will see that most paragraphs in the paper are one sentence, or perhaps two. Rarely will there be a paragraph much longer than that. The reason for this is because newspaper columns are very narrow, and so long paragraphs would be compounded into even greater length by the format. The fake news should follow the style to imitate that newspaper feel. Some other principles to keep in mind are that newspapers are careful to identify in what city and on what date an event occurred. Newspapers also try to mention the next step if a story is about a process, and try to include a reaction from someone other than the initial source. One interesting thing about a news story, as opposed to an essay that you might write, is that in a common news story, the first sentence often can stand by itself as having summarized the entire news story. In fact, in most common news stories, the first sentence is designed such that even if you read it and it only, you would still have a basic understanding of what happened. The first sentence actually describing the essence of the story is so important, newspaper people gave it a special name. They call it a lede. They even spell the word funny. In most common news stories, the lede is the first sentence and completely summarizes what happened. You could just read the first sentence and have a basic understanding of the story. Everything after that is elaboration. Now, this isn't always true. In some newspaper stories, there's a clever introduction and then you really find out what's going on a few sentences later. This is uncommon enough to be referred to by newspaper people as a delayed lede. You can see that if there's a special name for the situation where the third sentence contains the story's point, then that situation is thought to be unusual in newspapering. The joke stories that we do here should be, for the most part, very short. Having a couple long ones is good, but they can be hard to develop. Short stories are much easier to write, and the joke is easier to convey. In most stories, there is no room for a delayed lede. The lede will have to be a normal lede. Given that your story is the normal short one, and since these stories are jokes, this means that the very first sentence of your story should contain the essence of the joke. The joke shouldn't wait several sentences. By trying to make the joke wait a few sentences, you will ruin the effect of your joke news story being a news story, and it will seem extremely forced. It won't read like a joke news story, and people will lose interest. Satire needs to be more to-the-point by its very nature, the joke should be shown quickly to the reader with the rest of the article explaining the funny. A person attempting to write a fake news story might try the following template: • Sentence stating silly thing that happened -- what, where and when. • New paragraph: Sentence stating who was there or who was involved. • New paragraph: Silly quote from person just mentioned. • New paragraph: Sentence stating who reacted to thing. • New paragraph: Silly quote from reacting person. And that's it. Attempting a simple template like the above can be helpful in keeping in mind the principles we've looked at above. Humor shouldn't slavishly follow a formula, but a template can be helpful when trying to do something imitative such as a fake news story. It is helpful to think of news articles as tied-together dialogue, and funny dialogue is way easier to write than funny anything-else. A good explanation of jokes from How the Mind Works, by Pinker, who cites Koestler. A joke consists of 3 elements: • Something doesn't make sense • There's a shift in frame of reference that causes it to make sense • As a result of the shift in frame of reference, someone loses dignity It looks to me like this model very often applies. There is more info on humor in the book, but I'm sticking to this short catchy bit. This isn't a blueprint you can use for writing jokes. In fact, it is very doubtful that such a blueprint can exist. However it can help you identify jokes that no-one is actually going to laugh at, or help you figure out why no-one laughed. For example puns are often missing loss of dignity, which is why we associate them with groans and not laughs.
  4. Vlad shifted his focus to behind the figure leaning over him. There were clouds, clouds of all colors. Strong blues and deep purples fought against the barbaric reds in the sky, wounds bleeding together, hues blending and joining - watercolors in the lich's mind. Vlad focused on a bright yellow speck, and slowly his vision settled back, sweeping across and settling the feuds so violent only moments ago. Looking back at the face in front of him, he saw a woman. A woman he does not recognize, but a spark went off in the back of the lich's mind. This woman, her smile, that gentle look... all so familiar, yet forgotten for so long. Closing his eyes in disbelief, Vlad reached up toward the contours of the martonly face. His hand traced a U about the woman's cheeks and chin, but when he opened his eyes once more, the woman was gone. Mother...? Steeling himself against what he guessed to be the plane's effects, Vlad slowly rose to his feet. His vision did not extend far through the air, thick with magic, but it went far enough to see what could be those he arrived with. Beyond the horizon, there was a flaming castle, a raging battle not unlike what he had just seen in the sky above. Turning to his left, Vlad picked out greenery, maybe a forest or some hills trapped inside this world. Settling on the castle, it had a greater chance of people in his mind, Vlad started off toward it with a trot. A swift tail-wind picked up and the lich slowly felt himself rising above the ground. Trying to combat the wind, but to no avail, Vlad resigned himself to being carried across the plane. Watching the rapidly approaching castle, nay, rapidly approaching city, he felt confident in meeting his companions, or maybe even Gryphon or Sweetcherrie. As he let his mind wander, Vlad felt the wind drop off and fell to the ground. Wondering if the destination had been reached so quickly, the lich struggled up and looked around for any sign of the fortress he had been approaching. A denser fog than before settled around him, and panic accompanied the blank new world. Vlad tried to remember which direction he was travelling, the flames burning vividly in his memory. The castle stayed hidden from view and no more appeared than a candle's tongue on the tip of the lich's finger. Mentally putting it out, Vlad turned to where he remembered the greenery, and instead saw a new castle, slightly crumbling but mostly intact. Guessing at the distance, the lich instead chose to explore his surroundings for signs of life. Peering through the fog, almost cutting it open with his eyes, Vlad searched for movement. His surroundings quickly grew darker, before the lich finally spotted a complex of buildings. Slowly nearing, a pain rose up in between his temples. Gathering the willpower to keep going, the pain suddenly seared and Vlad felt himself hurled backwards by an unknown force. Moments later, or maybe hours, he awoke once more to find the world a clean slate.
  5. Vlad

    The Mighty Pen News!

    The Mighty Pen banner appeared on television sets across the keep, heralding another News update. As the trumpets die down, the banner fades away to reveal a portly fellow with a cigarette in his mouth sitting behind the news desk. "I'm Joe. An electrician here," he chewed on his tobacco, and let out a slight cough. "Vlad's outta the studio today, something about Breakin' News from one o' da guilds. Imporant stuff, Quill Bearers only," he continued. Joe lifted his thick arm to scratch the bald spot on his head. A few hairs fell out, but he didn't notice. "Buncha peoples got Lost, ya know." "Anyways, here's da News:" Quill Quests! -- Sweetcherrie is still working on the Pen Gazette! Good reading to be had by all! Promotion! -- A new Troubador takes her place, stop by and say hello! Roll Call! -- Lose all those weenies, or avoid getting another one by writing a sentence or three in the Annual Roll Call thread! Game Design! -- There's a game in the works, a project led by Valdar. It promises to be fun, so go ahead and create a few cards of your own! "You guys got all that? Because I'm not repeating anything. Oh, did I mention there's a carnival? Yea, well, there is, and anyone can jump in." Joe shuffles the papers in front of him, clearly looking for a missing headline. "Oh, where'd it go? He said it's da most importan' one..." Triumphantly lifting a sheet of paper above his head, Joe inadvertantly reveals a rather large armpit stain on his yellow shirt. Start thinking about Haloween, because there's a special surprise in store for all y'all this year! "Alright, now that we've got the news covered, I can show off my real talents!" Having made his bold statement, Joe jumps onto the table and begins to make farting noises with his hand and armpit. Yes, the soaked one. ...aaaaand, CUT! Key: Green = Open. Orange = Initiate+. Purple = Quill-Bearer+.
  6. The portal glowed, then everything went blank. What a day... what a day... Vlad thought to himself. He wasn't in pain, but he didn't feel like himself either. His body felt... not there? No, that's not it. He felt numb, everywhere at once. Must have been some feedback from that magic Tanuchan was working. Still with his eyes closed, Vlad focused on what had happened. Last time his body felt numb, he woke up as a lich instead of a vampire - an experience he wasn't ready to repeat. There was the spell... and then... lots of energy, maybe... unfortunate, really... Hesitantly, he cracked open his eyes. There was white. White-ness all around him, a blank world. Well, that explains the numbness. As he looked down to check if his body was intact, the lich felt everything shift. It was as if the world rotated when he moved his head, pushing his legs and torso up. Alright, no sudden movements, now. Vlad looked to his left, and again felt the world around him twist his body, this time clockwise. Now expecting the movements, Vlad looked to his right and sure enough felt the world moving with him. What a place this is... Gathering enough courage to lift his hand, the lich braced for tremors or quakes to come from the world. Nothing came. He bent his leg and took a step. Still nothing. Vlad breathed a sigh of relief. As he exhaled, a strong gust came from behind and startled the lich. He waited a moment, and decided it safe to go on. "This is all-" The words had barely escaped his mind, when Vlad saw Minta running straight toward him. She was going fast, even for his recollection of the girl's speed. Trying desperately to slow her down, Vlad opened his mouth wide to scream, but no sound came out. The running girl was making a beeline to the lich's current location. As she came closer and closer and closer, Vlad braced for impact. After she stopped, he had a few questions to ask. But she didn't stop, she just kept running and running and went straight through him in but a moment. Vlad stood dumbfounded as he turned to look behind him. Minta wasn't there. "-her fault." Reaching into his pocket, Vlad pulls out the portal Gryhpon gave him. "I used a portal to get here..." The stone glowed green again, and isolated bolts of electricity leaped out from it. the lich tried to visually see where they lead, but most dissipated into the white-ness. He tried to focus the stone as Tanuchan had done just a short time ago, but no energy came to him. "...so I can use a portal to get out?" The electricity began to coalesce into a circle in front of him. Sky blue arcs intermingled with royal and navy blue swatches, marring the white. Robin's eggs fluttered about meeting denim, lilac, and cobalt. Vlad looked about himself, and saw purple encroaching on the white, with speckled ash of emerald, topaz, amethyst, and white diamond mixed in. The lightning brought together clouds and shadows fell, despite the appearance of everything being illuminated from within. Vlad shivered with fear and anticipation. This was not the cosmic energy that he was used to, but it was a close relative. Reaching out to the now solidified, but still sworling, azure gate, Vlad closed his eyes and hoped for the best. When his fingers touched the makeshift portal, a coldness covered the lich's body. Everything went numb again, and thought inside his head began to shake. Oh, HELL no... Not this again... Everythign became blazing for a moment, then subsided. The lich shut his eyes even tighter, trying to protect himself, but to no avail. He still felt in free-fall, finally ending with a heavy thud. Letting out a low moan and slowly opening his eyes, Vlad saw a figure hunched over him. His eyes refused to focus through his now splitting headache, and all he could do was let out another groan.
  7. Taking in everything that had happened, from his own life threatened to learning of Gryphon and Sweetcherrie's danger, Vlad sat quietly. When Mynx announced that she was ready to try again, he looked around at the other people. Isn't anybody going to offer to help? I suppose I should... "Uhh... Mynx? If I can interject here..." Vlad reached into his pocket and gingerly pulled out an item. The feline looked confused in a why-are-you-interrupting sort of way, but Tanuchan showed a flash of understanding. "Is that one of Gryphon's items? From his Quill Quest?" Her tone quickly turned from inquisitive to apprehensive, "I didn't know you were a part of that." "Yea, well, things change. Anyways, maybe another item with his magic will help. And besides, this one's a portal. No idea where it leads, so who knows..." "I don't think that's a good idea. We've already lost two Guild Leaders, and like you said, you don't know where the portal leads." Vlad spun around to see who spoke. His eyes fell upon the latest arrival - Stephen. "Can we just get on with this? Vlad, were you going to offer to help?" Mynx grumbled impatiently. "I'll try my best. If we can make contact again, maybe we can set the destination of the portal to wherever we need to go. Oh, and don't worry about the size, I picked up a few tricks while reading in the libraries..." He grinned and held out the black and silver stone, apparently waiting.
  8. Sitting in the room he had only recently moved into, above the News Studio, Vlad looked at the pile of parchments, scrolls, and crystal balls in front of him. He had to be ready for the next News Update in only a few hours, and yet there was nothing he really felt like reporting. Letting out a soft grunt and kicking a crystal ball away, the lich buried his head in his hands. While trying to untangle the mess of thoughts and stories in his mind, something else invaded his consiousness. Pieces of a message, fragment he couldn't put together. I've been in here way too long. I think I need to ask Minta about lich hallucinations. Could've sworn that was Gryph needing something... Slowly rising from his place, Vlad hobbled toward the door, mental fatigue evident in his walk. Pausing for a moment, the lich reached to a shelf and summoned to items which he quickly slipped into a pocket. Looking for Minta and Gryphon... these will come in handy, I suppose. Exiting the small building near the gates of the Pen Complex, Vlad headed toward the heart of the Keep - The Cabaret room. On the walk there, he ran into hardly a soul. Right, Carnival... he mused, and continued on his way. Walking into toward the bar, he was greeted a few times, but managed to keep a low profile. Delicately pulling out one of the items he'd thought to take from his shelf, Vlad cleared off a small area of one table. Carefully pouring out the contents of the pixy stick, Vlad mentally began to count: One.... Two.... Three? Four??? Fi- ZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!! Minta appeared for the sugar with several minions in tow. "Ooohhh, it's my very own spell casting lich again! Yay!" "Hey Minta, I was getting worried. Usually you're faster for the pixy sticks." "Silly zombie lost his feets! Hee-heeee!" the Neato Necro Gnomie Girlie giggled. "I need to ask you a question... about me being a lich..." Vlad hesitated, trying to read the expression on Minta's face. "Nu-uh-uuhhh! First you gotta do somethin' for me!" she declared through a grin. Vlad motioned towards the sugar and waited for Minta to respond. "You tricked meeee! No FAAAIIIIIIIIIIRRR" she wailed, while Vlad grimaced and waited patiently. "Oh fine," she pouted. "Do you know if liches have hallucinations? Or have visions? Or just... hear things?" "Oooohhh! Coolest Cosmic-Powers ever!!! Whadd'ya see? You hafta tell me now, you hafta!!!" "No, but thanks," Vlad declared and left the room absent-mindedly. Cosmic Powers? Could be... maybe it was something important. Minta was no help, maybe I can find Gryphon now. He's doing..." The lich tried to remember News about Gryphon from the past couple of days... Oh, that's right! Remodelling that guild! Could've done it with magic, I think, but it's a good place as any to start... Letting his feet guide him, Vlad considered the possibilities of what may have happened. Upon arrival, the sturdy door was ajar, somethign the lich interpreted as a good sign. The building looked like it had been around for ages, not newly rebuilt. Maybe it had been around for ages, this area of the Keep was one that Vlad rarely found himself in. Taking a moment to marvel at the architecture, he hastily headed inside. Now here's a News Story. I could do the human interest angle. New place, same people, a tale of recons- OOMPF!!! Vlad jerked back to reality when he found himself with a face full of fur - mostly feline. After barely regaining his bearings, Vlad looked up to see two angry faces and the business end of what appeared to be a very sharp sword. "Heh, guess that stuff Minta said was true..." the lich stated as he let out a nervous chuckle.
  9. ...was immediately accosted by a travel agent. Drowning in pamphlets about the great sunsets and warm waters in this area, our hero decided that three easy payments were not the way to go. Instead, he...
  10. I'm sure you've all already seen the link, but it just kind of feels necessary. http://www.redcross.org
  11. Northwest Web Design Pacific Web Design Coastal Web Design ???
  12. Large blue letters run across the television, quickly falling to the bottom to reveal a well dressed lich behind a news desk. "...so I said to him, you can take your slimy a- huh? We're going live today?" "Ahem, today's top story: Magical Misfits Misuse Mirage-Maker. "Reports are flooding in about two escaped elementals from the North Tower of the Pen Keep. Although their demands are unclear, they seem to be well organized and highly vindictive. The two managed to cause mayhem for a short while before being apprehended by Pen Operatives. Special Agent Valdar made no comment on the situation. In other news... Promotions! Some people in this world are moving on up! They're the go getters of tomorrow, so us old timers better watch out! Congratulations to all of the new Promotees! Quill Quest! Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Sweetcherrie pioneers One-Time-Only Pen Gazette! Game Project! Our very own Valdar is planning on planning an undertaking of great significance! He'll be making his very own Collectible Card Game! ...and there's a Carnival going on too! Open to everyone: There's plenty of items for sale! Bid while you have the time, geld, and moxy! These would make a great addition to any collection! The Beauty Pageant has just concluded, and our top reporters are currently on site, waiting for the official scores! Oh, it looks like they're just coming in... yes folks, we have a winner! If you've got any extra items, put them to good use! You can trade them away at the Swap Meet, but don't worry: Wyvern may run it, but he doesn't require a cut! Tried all that already?Write off that weenie! Complete a delinquent Writing Exchange or Bachelor[ette] Auction piece! Make your own Carnival Booth! Apply, or try a Quill Quest! Find more stuff that belongs in the News! "This is your local news-lich, Vlad, signing off!" "Are those cameras done? Good. As I was saying, I told that guy to take a hike so far he'd need a doctor to- "I thought you said those cameras stopped rolling! Somebody's getting fired for this!" "I don't care if it's your first day, I'm about to make it your las-" As if on cue, the image of a lich lunging at the cameraman is replaced by static. Key: Green = Open. Orange = Initiate+. Purple = Quill-Bearer+. Red = New. Grey = Expired.
  13. As the golden letters continue rotating, the blue background flickers and reveals the lich in the middle of his broadcast, unaware that his transmition had been pirated. After a few moments the letters fade out as well, and the sound feed cuts back in. "-the weather promises to continue to be fair for the duration of the carnival, with slight cloud cover to abate the heat later this week." "In market news, Almost Dragonic Enterprises reported underwhelming profits for the fourth quarter. Our on site reporters tried to contact a representative but company insiders refused to comment on the situation." "The archeological section of the carnival staff has uncovered three new items, and are still trying to figure out what they are. If you think you may know message our hotline immediately." "That concludes our evening broadcast, I'm Vlad on behalf of Mighty Pen News." "Goodnight Terra, and have a pleasant tomorrow." Key: Green = Public, Orange = Initiates+, Purple = Quill-Bearer+, Gray = Expired. Red = New.
  14. "Pigeons drop project; collect crap" "Parasites under our skin, locals complain" Will either of those work?
  15. Q: So what exactly are Quill Quests and how should I do one? A: A Quill Quest is the requirement a Quill Bearer fulfills for promotion to Voting Member. They may be either a writing project, or a task benefiting the Pen as a whole. Writing Quests may require a goodly amount of writing or leadership, but you can do your Quest over whatever span of time you need. An example might be coordinating a Special Event, such as a Carnival, and soliciting members to run Booths and Events. Task Quests could be something such as selecting a member of Voting rank, and searching the Vaults for their works and creating a post which acts as an index of their works, with links to each. You are encouraged to create your own ideas and then get them approved, by contacting one of the Elders. If you have part of an idea, or a half-baked Something, then still PM an Elder. They may be able to brainstorm with you. Looking at past Quill Quests for examples, is another source for ideas. However, if you're really just stumped, PM an Elder, and ask for ideas, or a Quest assignment such as the LoreMaster used to do. (Ref: http://patrickdurham.net/themightypen/index.php?/topic/15277-quick-guide-to-quill-quests/) Back to top
  16. As Vlad walks in carrying whatlooks to be heaps of useless metal, other pennites curteously clear a path for him. More likely because they'd prefer to avoid impalement, ranther than etiquitte, but they all watched him intently anyways. Finally arriving at a table, the lich dumped his items on the wood surface with a deep groan. Reaching for a model of plantes orbiting a star, Vlad sets it up on one edge of the table. Carefully placing an astrolabe and a Newton's Cradle nearby, he begins muttering... "Now you know... due to fluctuations in the cosmic paths and gravitational red shift..." He paused for a moment to draw a chalk-line leading from a mirror to the now-observant Yui. "She wasn't actually born... on... this... day..." he finished, at the same time looking up, and finding himself face to face with a none too pleased Mistress of Shadows. "Err... Happy Birthday Yui!" Vlad stammered while pushing most of the items he'd brought to the floor with a heavy thud. "I brought cake!" he managed to exclaim through a toothy grin, and pointed at the remaining items on the table. The Huntress forced out a laugh, and went to celebrate with less eccentric well-wishers.
  17. Summer is drawing to a close... Pennites heading back to school soon... It almost draws a tear to my eye. Almost. But until then... Things to know! Carnival -- Bachelor Auction is right around the corner! Just felt that it deserves aspecial mention. Housekeeping! -- Zool's embarked on a new mission for The Pen! Read on to see if it applies to you! Things to do! Weenie? -- Get to work writing it off then. Wouldn't want to get cooked, now would you? Brainstorming! -- There's a story in here somewhere, but Falcon can't quite find it. Will you be the one to help? - Vlad Wow, this was rather scant. Key: Green = Public. Orange = Initiates+. Purple = Quill-Bearer+. Gray = Expired.
  18. Riding past houses, Vlad mechanically watched the addresses go by. At this point, he was already ready for the date to end, but knew he had a task ahead of himself. Ethics... what's wrong with having ethics...? Pondering deeper questions than of tonights events, the vampire did not notice nearing his destination until a sudden jolt snapped his mind back to focus. Slowly exiting the vehicle, Vlad approached the door in front him him - this time with more caution. Knocking hesitantly, the door creaked open at his slightest touch. As his eyes adjusted to the many candles inside, a stout woman revealed herself. "Who you?" she asked in a thick, yet unplacable accent. "Uhh..." Vlad stammered. This is not my day. "What you wanting?" The woman demanded. "Uhh... are y-you Jade?" "I no Jade, I Helga. Clean, cook..." She pantomimed sweeping in response to the vampire's blank reaction. "You're late," a voice declared from further inside the house. Vlad looked past the obviously mental - in his opinion - woman, and saw a bright smile. Finally. Why did agree to do this? Jade had curly hair to her shoulders, distinguished features, and dark brown eyes. Any other time Vlad would have thought her beautiful; now he just though her a nuisance and a waste of a perfectly good night. "Yea..." was all he managed to respond. "I see you've met my housekeeper. She's really very nice once you get to know her... Oh wow, you came in a suit, I better get something so I'm not underdressed..." she rambled on, inserting a slight giggle every few sentances. This was the first time Vlad noticed Jade wearing a T-shirt with the Electric Teeth logo on the front, and matching blue shorts. As she bounced away, he fell against the door frame and did all he could to resist crying. This is going to hurt. Why did I ever agree to this? In Jade's absence, Helga became even more animated in an attempt to catch Vlad's eye. After several minutes of ignoring the housekeeper, Vlad decided that wallowing in self-pity just doesn't seem like enough. Stepping away from the house, he looked down the street and felt a cool wind brush across his face. For the first time in the whole evening, the vampire managed to relax. He felt a hand on his shoulder, but did not turn. An elegant voice whispered into the vampire's ear, "I'm ready." The voice was different that it was only ten minutes earlier, but not noticably so. He turned his head slowly, and on this sight would have lost his breath had he had need of it. The woman by his arm had completely transformed. The dark green dress and and golden braclet around her wrist were classy, but not flashy. Even her demeanor had adjusted to her enviroment. Still slightly shocked, Vlad barely managed to announce "Your chariot awaits, m'lady." Motioning to the carriage, Vlad helped Jade get seated before joining her from the other side. As the horses started in motion once more, Vlad forced small talk, all the while wondering where to take her. What did I think of earlier? Concert? She had some band's shirt, I think. Sports? No, no sports. She'd slap me for that... "Yes, it is a lovely evening tonight," Jade hinted. "Err... beautiful. Yea, beautiful," Vlad responded, half-heartedly. He still had no idea where to take his date, and the horses had been wandering aimlessly for quite a while now. He was beginning to worry that Jade might suspect his ignorance. "A lovely moon up, how romantic," Jade tried again. "Lovely... yea," Vlad echoed, his mind still on other things. So... where can we go. I'm running out of time here... Time? Time... Racing? Racing... No... Arena! Fighting! No... We're too high-class for that right now... Uhh... Fighting... Fighting... Running? Walking? Strolling? Beach! Women love beaches? Romantic! Uhh... Beach, where? "If it's no secret, where are we going?" Jade asked, giving up on her subtle clues. "Beach. Moonlit stroll on the beach!" Vlad breathed a silent sigh of relief that he'd though of a place just now. Jade simply rolled her eyes. On sensing a decion from their riders, the two stallions turned toward the faux beach - A mighty castle on an ocean front? Unheard of! - and sped up. Apparently, Vlad wasn't the only one impatient with the night's events.
  19. Katz - as I understood it, Snape heard the beginning of the prophecy, but part-way through was... well "asked too leave" seems a bit more civil than what probably happened. And on my previoius post, let me try and clarify: Snape is a double-agent. Dumbledore knows this, and Voldemort knows this. Snape has to give Dumbledore true information most of the time because that's the only way he can keep his job and a spot in the Order. Snape has to give Voldemort true information all of the time because Voldemort can just look into Snape's thoughts. I'm not saying Dumbledore can't do the same, but he'd be much less effective at it. Voldemort is a better Legilemens than Dumbledore and would be willing to torture Snape to extract information. As I understand it Dumbledore wouldn't do that. Basically it distills down to Voldemort having more information in this war than Dumbledore. And Snape being the bridge that both sides get a good deal of info from. Snape's loyalties lie with Voldemort, and if he doesn't respect him more than he respects Dumbledore, he at least fears him more - which in the end will dictate his actions regardless.
  20. The more and more I've thought about it, I've decided that Rowling has put Snape in a very tight position. It's well known that Voldemort is quite skilled at Legilimens, which leads me to understand that he knows more about Snape's position as a double agent. If he even suspected more loyalty to the Order than to himself, I'm sure Snape would have been killed by now. Dumbledore on the other hand admitted to struggling with Legilimens on Morfin (and wouldn't even try it on Slugworth). The only hope for Snape being good is a Darth Vader Moment at the end of Book 7.
  21. I'm in the same boat as Patrick here, except I don't expect to be able to manage it today. Tomorrow at the latest, I hope.
  22. If only I wasn't so lazy... I mean, I got it started, right guys? Guys? GUYS? Where'd you all go?
  23. AN: Because the date was won pre-Rage, I have decided to write this using the vampiric character. A few miles out from the Pen Keep... The sun was setting in this part of the world, but one man’s day was just about to begin. He was nocturnal by nature, so darkness was nothing new to him. The rest of the evening would prove to be a whole new experience for the green soul. Water rushed from a faucet as Vlad splashed liquid on his face. When did I agree to do this? He was better dressed tonight than he was usually, but he also knew it wouldn’t matter. Letting the cold water drip down his cheeks, recounted the plans he had thought through so many times before- It’s a nice night, tonight. Don’t get attached, you have an obligation to fulfill. Pick her up at nine. Make small talk for a few minutes. Be polite, but not too polite. She paid good money, but don’t let that affect you. Entertain her for a couple of hours, then take her home. Make sure she enjoys herself, make sure she doesn’t complain to the carnies. Look her in the eye when she talks. Hold her hand, and use her name. Use her name... Blast, what was it again? Where’s that paper when I need it? Gu... Ga... Gi... No, it began with a J. Ji... Ju... Ja... Jo... Jo! Jo? No, that’s not it... Turning off the faucet and lights, Vlad walked to his door. Seeing a glimpse of white, he paused, and reached at it. Clasping the object between his forefinger and thumb, the vampire examined it. Jade! That’s it! Jade, can’t forget that! Eyes going back to the paper, he internalized the address and stuffed the scrap into the breast pocket of his coat. Putting a hand on the doorknob, Vlad closed his eyes- Jadejadejadejadejadejadeja... Outside and approaching the rented carriage, the vampire squinted at the sky. No clouds? Good. Full moon? Werewolves? I’ll be fine. Taking a seat and lifting the reins, Vlad mentally made a note to thank the groundskeeper for these horses later. After figuring out where their new master needed to go, the two stallions started at a gallop without further provocation. Confident in the path finding ability of the two animals, Vlad laid back and closed his eyes. When did I agree to do this? Several minutes into the journey, the rider felt a prick on his nose. Ignoring it, he mused about too many insects. After one more on his forehead and another on his nose, Vlad’s eyes darted open and were accosted by raindrops. Slowly at first, but seeing the lack of resistance he presented, the liquid gathered in speed and in numbers on its path down. Great, now this suit’ll be ruined. Orlan’s gonna kill me. Frantically studying his location, Vlad found a door he recognized just ahead. The horses sensed the vampire’s panic – they’re magic, get over it – and calmly stopped in front of the only familiar place for Vlad. Leaping out of the carriage, he began beating on the door. “Ven... Ven! Venefyxatu, I know you’re in there!” “Oh, hey Vlad. Nice suit. Whacha need?” “It’s pouring hard out here, and I’ve got a date soon. Won’t do to be wet.” “So you want to hide out in my place for a bit? Sure,” the mage chuckled to himself, opening the door wider. “Yea. And if you have a towel, that’d be great too,” Vlad responded on his way in. After drying himself off and waiting for the precipitation to subside, the vampire thanked his friend and headed onwards to his date. Alright, that slowed things down, but not a problem. Less small talk, less entertainment, and I’ll still be back before the sun rises. Why did I ever agree to do this? A few minutes passed, and Vlad found himself in an unfamiliar area. Telling his transport to slow down, he fished in his pocket for the address. Realizing he was only a few feet away, he decided to walk the remaining distance. Gathering some nerves, a few deep breaths, and whatever dignity he had left in a soaked, then not quite professionally dried, suit and knocked on the door. There was silence for well over a minute, but probably felt like an eternity, before the door swung open. At first, Vlad didn’t see anyone there. “Hoo’re yoo?” demanded a heavy voice. Vlad looked down to try and find a face to associate with the voice. Upon seeing a dwarf with a bottle in hand, the worst thoughts immediately came to mind. Oh, hell. I have a date with a drunken dwarf. “Are you, uhh... Deja? Err... not deja, Jade! You’re not Jade! Is Jade home?” the vampire stammered. “I ain’t no Jade! Ain’t got near any o’ tha’ stuff! I mines th’ iron ‘n the mines.” “Uhh... thanks...” “Hey! Where’s ya goin’? Where’s ya be goin’?” the dwarf managed though his slurred speech. He never got a response. Before seating himself in the carriage anew, Vlad looked at the sheet of paper that was supposed to tell him where to go. 196 Seventh St. He looked at it for a moment, before having an idea about the dilemma. Vlad turned it upside down and read- .tS 4tueAeS 961 I probably have the right address, just the wrong street. Now where can I find a sign...? the vampire mused to his horses. Alright, so I’m on Ninth St. right now, and it looks like Eighth St. is that way... So I’ve got to go in the other direction! Vlad beamed at his memory, for once not failing to remember that a guild of writers would put streets in alphabetical order, not a numerical one. Edit: The rest is coming. Before the 18th, I hope.
  24. How do you want it done, logistically? Personally, I don't think I'd want to argue the Aff and Neg at the same time, as that would just give my opponent more warrants/links/impacts. [Technical talk there, sorry]
  25. Summers getting kind of dull now, and everyone's still down at the beach. A Carnival is in full swing, and well... not much else is. Hard to compete with the best. These happ'nings are happenin', ya know! Quill Quests! Venefyxatu is working hard at giving away Magical Books! [Or a "Magickel bo0k" as he calls it. ] Discussion! An old friend is back, and she's come with more Life Questions! Are you ready to explore the depths of your heart and mind? [Yea, this isn't quite news, but I'm really reaching here. Carnivals take away a lot of my business. ] Bored? Try these! ** There's a quaint little RolePlay thread running around called the Mini Saga! Say it in fifty words, or shave your thoughts to size! ** Haven't picked up the pen in some time? You could always write off a weenie, or write in an application! ** Find a work that makes your heart beat to a different rhythm and then share it! The Pen Reccommends list needs your help! ** Get yourself psyched up for a writing project on a different board! Wyvern has all the details. - Vlad Key: Green = Public. Orange = Initiates+. Purple = Quill-Bearer+. Gray = Expired.
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