Quincunx Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 Belted out over ten minutes, after too long of being in the room. Three nervous men who roll themselves in ink to hide their naked limbs. They roll and rub in consciouness of being male, and flub up lines to girls, and sweat, and sweat, and stink. . . They slime their way on others as a shield they know there's something secret and it's theirs but men are not alone in having hairs and girls all have no reason yet to yield. . . Uncertainty anticipates the sight, those hairs are tingling "Other Gender Near", What should we do to cover up our fear? (our girlish frets recurring every night) It's obvious they're just the same as us Except for that protrusion and that pus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondemoon Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 oh my...that's.....yucky. nonono....I mean it's good....but the descriptions....they're just....they make me squirm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 Eh, ya get used to it. <_> (Being male, that is. The poem I find strangely refreshing...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 I don't really know what to think... It's good descriptive-wise, and kinda funny (Note: I'm still in puberty...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impostor Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 This poem immediately reminded me of something, but I couldn't figure out what and then I thought I got it. I said to myself "DO go naked into that good night," huh? And then I said Oh, wait, it was gentle, wasn't it... what am I saying? this is almost subversive in its funniness Impostor where have all the flowers gone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 Laughs loud and long So people are like belly-buttons!!! there are Innies and Outies... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 that's right 'out' Peredhil... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted February 7, 2003 Report Share Posted February 7, 2003 hehe, I was doing great until I hit the word pus..and that just conjured up an image that was just all around yucky. But after I got over that yucky image I reread it and it was good. *chuckles* Although I imagine men, covered in hair..turning into blobs and sliming their way around while girlies run around shouting cooties, but thats just me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quincunx Posted February 10, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2003 You were thinking of a villanelle*, Impostor, this poem is vaguely Elizabethan sonnet form, with liberties taken on which lines rhymed with which, and rules concerning full stops heaved out of the channel. The poem was a stab at being poetic with crudity, lately a popular form here. . .without a lesson backing it, crudity is a worthless exercise, and I prefer 'most anything else I've written. *This is a villanelle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted February 10, 2003 Report Share Posted February 10, 2003 good point, never would have saw it on my own, but good point... i'd considered writting something myself to lighten the mood... but my hearts just not in it right now... revery the dreamlost "Darkness has hunger that's insatiable, and lightness has a call that hard to hear."(Indigo grls) the dream continues... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozymandias Posted February 11, 2003 Report Share Posted February 11, 2003 Your poem has a very sardonic Lewis Carroll outlook to it. That's what I like most about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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