*ka-THUD*

[Mynx]

Sorry if this post is about to annoy anyone but I really need a vent...

I'm now into the second week of my first year at University and I must say I am of two minds about it.

In honesty, I think it's safe to say that I'm enjoying it, but I also have to wonder how long I'm going to last.

I'm nocturnal by nature, and yet my timetable requires I get up at ungodly hours of the morning when the sun is yet to rise. Normally one would combat this by going to bed earlier but I encounter two problems here...

The first is, of course, the fact that I am nocturnal. There is only so early I can get to bed and get any sleep.

The second problem is that I have just gone back to Taekwon-Do after a break of about 8 months. That takes up two nights of my week and the rest, when once again I would like to be sleeping, I have to study.

I know, I know, other people have had worse quit my whining and all that jazz.

I'm honestly not looking for pity here guys...

Just needed to write...even if no one reads.

So aside from the fact that my sanity is slowly unravelling at the edges with study and training and work and study (rinse, wash, repeat)...

What else is new with me?

 

Getting back into training has been an interesting experience. Good, because I'm slowly getting fitter and relearning that which I forgot. There is a chance for me to grade to the next level of black belt in a few months and hopefully I might even be ready to take that chance...

The bad thing about it, is that there is one particular instructor who is the reason I stopped training in the first place. Due to a club reorganisation, he hardly trains us anymore, but last night I was unlucky to fall under his control again.

Again, I probably sound like I'm griping and in self pity so once more I apoligise.

It's just hard for me to train under this guy. He has this ideal that unless you can pass a black belt examination with a Distinction (top marks), you don't deserve your grade.

According to that rule then, I'm pond scum by his books. I got what is called an 'Incomplete' - not a fail, but I had to resit one area again before I got my pass.

This is quite a personal topic for me...I hate having that incomplete title in my history and even though I now hold the rank I still feel shaky about it.

And last night just made it worse.

After having about three bad rounds of sparring (freeform fighting - not full contact) and enough bruises to give me a limp, the instructor turns his attention to me and loudly proclaims for all the club to hear: "How in the hell did you get your black belt? Your sparring is TERRIBLE!"

 

Not exactly what you want to hear from an instructor when you are looking to grade again at the end of the year.

 

*sighs*

I'm sorry guys I don't mean to get on anyones nerves...

Just needed to talk and also let you guys know that if I wander into the Pen and say something stupid, chances are it's just because I haven't had the time or coherency to keep up with all the current events here...

I'm going to crawl off and hide in the shadows for a bit now...

I'm exhausted and it's destroying my train of thought.

 

Sorry for taking up how ever many minutes it takes for you to read this.

Comments are welcome, but even if this thing disappears into oblivion I'm just glad I had a place to vent my thoughts in a less violent way than my first choice.

 

Thank you.

[Ayshela]

*grabs Mynx before she disappears and hugs her gently but firmly*

I'm glad to see you back, under any circumstances. I'm sorry the scheduling is difficult for you, and doubly sorry you had to deal with the (CENSORED) instructor. Of all people, he should understand that you *earned* your rank else you wouldn't *have* it. Time off makes people rusty, he should know that also. That you held your own after months off is commendable, not condemnable. (snarls at him)

 

You know where my inbox is, hon. Vent away if you like.

*huge warm gentle hugs*

[Pillow]

My offer to break the guy's leg still stands.

[Shathward]

*sigh* Yes, I've been there. I've done Taekwon-do before, though I only got to red belt before I got sick of it all. I personally got sick of those annoying self-training exercises that you had to memorize to do, obviously, because I could never remember all the moves. I'd do the first couple, and then sort of stop while I tried to remember the next one while the instructor grinned and swatted me on the head, and then the next couple, and then another pause, etc. Also, the splits you had to do. Oh gawd. Those were so unbelievably painful it wasn't even funny. I could've sworn I heard my pelvis crack or something though it was probably my overactive early-teen imagination.

 

It's unfortunate to hear that your teacher sucks. I've never had the problem before, since all my past teachers have been terrific, though some were quite stern. The kids there were also mostly great kids as well (though there were a couple exchanges of blows, as kids our age typically do), and so quite supportive. Thus, the sparrings were a lot of fun. For me, Taekwon-do didn't do much to increase self defense, but it did teach me a bit about cooperation, willpower, etc.

 

All I can suggest is that you do have the option of quitting Taekwon-do and maybe going after a different martial art. Perhaps you could try your hand at Aikido, or maybe kung fu, jujitsu, karate, kendo (quite cool, though the initial equipment purchase is a sizeable bit of an investment), perhaps even ninjutsu. There are other options than just giving up or plugging away under a teacher you hate. When you're trying to learn something properly, never mind have a good time while you're at it, the quality of the teacher counts for a lot.

 

*EDIT: I hope the guy hasn't been such a terrible teacher that he hasn't taught you that violence like Pillow's suggestion isn't the answer. If you get the feeling he's just a teacher instead of a true guide, mentor, role model, and friend as well as a teacher, perhaps it's time to change martial arts. Yes, you've invested a lot in Taekwon-do, but a fresh start and some new learning in a different martial art can be refreshing.

Edited March 9, 2005 by Shathward

[Tanuchan]

A gentle wolf nudges the dejected kitty, unbalancing her skillfully enough that she plops into the floor in surprise. And a second later, she's holding an armful of wolf and feeling the soft, warm fur in her hands and arms, besides being nuzzled and licked until she starts giggling because of the tickiling.

 

Good, kitty.

 

Talk what you want, as much as you want. We're here to listen to you and to lend you our shoulders, don't you worry about that... oh, and to hug you also.

 

*hugs*

 

It's my personal experience that beginning college is a big change. I would say that you will adapt little by little, but I guess you know that... it's just hard to change so many things about our life at the same time. But you should know that you aren't alone, and that there are people who will help you to go through that period.

 

Believe in yourself, and that you did, and do, your best. No one is perfect, and there's not a problem in needing a second examination to pass on something; it just shows that you had some trouble and worked succesfully to overcome them. It holds true in whatever you take - trust the word of a college teacher! Don't be more demanding on yourself than you deserve, kitty... you *are* good, just believe in it. A good person, a good writer, a good student. I have reasons to believe in all that, and more .

 

*hugs once more, and pushes a big stuffed phoenix into your arms*

 

I have a friend who believes stuffed animals are a great help... hug tight until you feel better. Then switch to some*one* else to hug

 

We love you, kitty. Don't forget it.

 

~Tanny

 

PS. And listen to what people are telling you!

Edited March 9, 2005 by Tanuchan

[Sweetcherrie]

For your study schedule, I'm going through the same thing, and for me it always takes a week or 3/4 to get back into the shool schedules. The first few weeks you feel dead but after it does get better.

 

So don't give up on that yet, It *will* get easier.

 

For teakwon-do, I have never done any fighting sports, I play volleyball.

But here too I've sometimes had an PEEP trainer. Just keep at it, your there for you, not for him. In the end you'll grow stronger, because you'll have fought the desire to give up.

 

*hugs*

 

- Sweetcherrie

[Gryphon]

The biggest advantage at staying at that particular Taekwon-Do club is that as an instructor Mynx doesn't need to pay tuition fees herself.

 

Now here's a suggestion:

 

Do your best in any session that particular instructor takes - he's not taking as many as he once did, and aside from the fact that he acts the complete butt head at times I'm sure eventually he'll go away and pick on someone else if he can see that you're trying your best.

 

In the mean time there are several other instructors at that club, a number of them ranked higher than the one you're having a bad time with... and all of them, I'm sure, willing to help you improve and move on up through the ranks if that's what you want to do.

 

Besides... I know you've had at least one of them offer to work with you to improve.

 

Edit: Oh, forgot... you're only in your 2nd week at Uni.. you'll adapt, quicker than you think you will

Edited March 9, 2005 by Gryphon

[Mynx]

Gaa! I'm being attacked by kindness!

 

*rueful grin*

 

Thank you guys, it really does help and mean a lot to me.

I have looked at other martial arts. The problem(s) I face is that I am too stubborn to leave the art at this stage in my rank. I refuse to be just another black belt who got the minimum rank and then disappeared.

But it was the reason I stopped training for a while.

I'm back because that instructor is no longer fully in charge of my training. I only have the bad luck to get him about 1 week in 7.

I had a bit of bad luck last year in the manner of things Taekwon-Do related.

Me, Gryphon and Cryptomancer left our original club due to a number of issues, some of which were raised by a small mistake on my part.

Coming to a new club where the instructor has such different methods and values so late in the game does make things hard, and if it weren't for the fact that he is no longer the default instructor, I probably would be still sitting on my fat ass and watching it get fatter.

So, put up with this guy every now and then to prove to both him and myself that I am capable of reaching his rank?

I think I'll tolerate the pain a little longer to rub THAT in his face...

[Pillow]

Rub it in his face with a cheese grater!

[Shathward]

Too stubborn to do something about your misery that actually works? Your solution is to just stay and endure when it's driving you nuts, stressing you out, etc? I mean, the guy is pulling you down. The guy is not doing what a proper instructor should be doing. He's picking on you. There is no reason for you to stay, and when you're getting an overdose of stress along with sleep deprivation and the strenuous adjusting to school, you can NOT afford to assume the "try so hard to succeed and rub it in his face" attitude.

 

I apologize for lecturing, but you need to take care of yourself, be more gentle to yourself, and go easy on your body and mind. Unless you are self-conscious enough to think people'd actually care whether you quit Taekwon-do or not, switching to some other martial art or even just a balanced yoga+light jogging+light weight lifting+light stretches in the morning regime seems healthier for you no matter how I think about it. Though I wouldn't know what's best for you, being just another screenname at the Pen.

[Pillow]

Too stubborn to do something about your misery that actually works? Your solution is to just stay and endure when it's driving you nuts, stressing you out, etc? I mean, the guy is pulling you down. The guy is not doing what a proper instructor should be doing. He's picking on you. There is no reason for you to stay, and when you're getting an overdose of stress along with sleep deprivation and the strenuous adjusting to school, you can NOT afford to assume the "try so hard to succeed and rub it in his face" attitude.

 

I apologize for lecturing, but you need to take care of yourself, be more gentle to yourself, and go easy on your body and mind. Unless you are self-conscious enough to think people'd actually care whether you quit Taekwon-do or not, switching to some other martial art or even just a balanced yoga+light jogging+light weight lifting+light stretches in the morning regime seems healthier for you no matter how I think about it. Though I wouldn't know what's best for you, being just another screenname at the Pen.

First off, there is no such thing as just another screen name at the Pen. Second, the stubborness that Mynx is displaying is the same kind of stubborness Navy SEALs, Marine Force Recon, and Army Rangers display. It's the mark of a warrior and Mynx has that.

[Gryphon]

Plus you have got to realise several additional things:

 

First up being stubborn is one of those things that Mynx just does. And in this case her stubborn-ness is aimed at getting her to her 2nd Dan black belt. If she wants it enough she'll get it, and she tells me she does, so I doubt she'll quit.

 

Second, it is only one instructor out of several at that club. Like I said earlier, the others are willing to help her succeed.

 

Third, I'm one of those instructors (one of the other ones who are not psycho) and I'm willing to put in as much time as she wants to in order to get her next rank. Which incidentally will put her at the same rank as the guy she's having trouble with, which'll probably solve all problems in short order.

[Quincunx]

I was going to write some PMs tonight searching for Truth, but forget that, there are much better truths sparring around this thread.

 

(Tzimfemme grabs a seat at thread-side and, while munching on chocolate-covered unbuttered popcorn, swivels her head back and forth to watch the advice fly.)

[Mynx]

Too stubborn to do something about your misery that actually works? Your solution is to just stay and endure when it's driving you nuts, stressing you out, etc?

Well...

yeah.

Gryphon and Pillow are both right, and while I appreciate your advice here Shathward, there's one thing about me you have to realise...

 

 

...I'm Insane.

[Venefyxatu]

Hooray for Insanity! It's a mighty gift ...

 

Seriously, though ... I see why you don't want to quit - it would be like giving up and that's a very hard thing to do for some people, you among us apparently.

I know that it's not quite the same but I also had a few teachers I did not get along with, both in my school career and in my piano "career". For someone who has gotten used to getting along with every teacher he has that was pretty hard, but quitting, changing school, ... are options I wouldn't even have considered. So just do your best, and make sure that you enjoy rubbing it in his face when you succeed!

 

As for the schedule part : this is something that all schools seem to do. If even I can do it, then you definitely can! I mean, yes, it gets harder every day (I know this from experience - going to bed at 1 am and getting up at anything between 6 - 9 am does get harder every day), but it is do-able. I mean, like, even I can, like, keep like, doing it

 

You're not alone Mynxie, courage!

[Shathward]

*sigh* Your call then, Mynx. I don't see why you have to be closeminded to other martial arts, but fine.

[Knight]

I must make myself known.

 

PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY!

What makes the grass grow?! BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD!

NAPALM STICKS TO KIDS!

 

 

OH, hell, you mean you AREN'T going through Basic? No offense, Mynx, Pillow, but she's not a warrior. Martial arts is a different mentality; and while I admire her stubbornness, and am going to offer my suggestions, I must say that I cannot presently equate the two.

 

In all seriousness, my friend, I would make the following suggestion: If you yourself are an instructor, and you have an issue with someone who is a fellow instructor, regardless of whether or not he is directly in charge of you, as a member of the cadre, you should be able to deal with him, one on one. Therefore, you need to talk to him, on a personal level, if you have not done so, already. He cannot ignore the fact that you help teach- and therefore, he should deal with you. If he doesn't, he is an anal, ignorant fool, regardless of his rank; and unlike the military, you do have the option that Shathward laid out to you, and change your schools. It's one of the things that is drilled in your head, when you go to any school to be in a position of leadership; praise in public, and chastize in private. If he has issues, he needs to take them up with you, on the side. Contrarily, if you have something you need to specifically work on, you should probably ask him, or another of your more senior instructors to help. Otherwise, you need to move to a different school, because that is not going to work out in your favor; I can guarantee it.

 

As for college; I can sympathize- it is a HUGE, HUGE adjustment- and my first semester was pretty damned bad. Fortunately, this semester, things have changed somewhat. I have already talked to you about that, though. My suggestion is to make sure you show up for classes, and do all your assignments- it gets so easy to blow things off, when you are tired- I know this from experience. Also; try to take little naps throughout the day, where possible. Set an alarm clock for twenty to thirty minutes, and you won't believe the kind of difference it makes. It helps me out, tremendously- I am able to pay attention in biology, which is quite possibly the worst class I have taken, high school, college, or otherwise...

[Peredhil]

Peredhil peers in hesitantly, holding a stuffed Griffon in one huggle grip and a Heart-Bear in another, leaving him at a loss of how to hug Mynx reassuringly.

 

I don't know your situation, and I only know you through your words and the words of others here (and the interaction of the two), but may I make a few comments?

These are opinion, so feel absolutely free to reject them without any onus or grief - The affection I feel for you wasn't based on your taking my advice and can't be lost by it either.

 

1) It is good to vent in a safe place like the Pen where you can discuss options without condemnation. I prolly would've posted in the Courtyard, where only Pen Initiates and members can see it, but I'm a somewhat private person by nature. Along those lines, You can always PM me, or if that is a bother, PM me with your email and I'll email you back.

2) I've found in my own life and personality type that I dislike change. I absolutely hate the first month of anything new, no matter how beneficial to my future it will be. I'm the guy that would prolly initially complain (and quite honestly in the emotion) about winning the lottery. So I've learned to never judge any situation I'm in once I start it for four weeks. If it was a decision based on intelligent thinking, I've found I regret far too much a decision based on ephemeral emotions to back out or quit.

3) The things that have come easiest to me I've appreciated the least. Unfortunately for me, it's the dark valleys of life and the struggle up the hill that have given me the most strength for the next valley. I'm only as strong as what I've overcome. From this, I've learned patience by focusing on the hope of the next hilltop (even knowing there will always be a valley to follow), and endurance. The personal reward has been worth it.

4) Enjoy your hilltops! Don't let *anyone* rob you of the reward of breaking into the light, the euphoria of triumph, of being on top for a brief moment. For some people, it is easier to sabotage climbers than it is to climb out themself. It's not pride or arrogance, it is taking responsibility for what you do - right as well as wrong. Too many people, in an oddly prideful sense of false humility will stand up and announce that they've done wrong and are sorry. But it takes a strength of a different kind to announce you've done right and are pleased. Along the same lines - say "thank you" to compliments instead of explaining why the person is wrong. Few people are as vulnerable as when they make the effort to compiment someone else honestly. Just don't stay too long on that hilltop luxuriating - head for the next hilltop as soon as you catch your breath and recover.

5) It is the journey that matters, the constant enduring struggle. The point isn't how many hilltops you've climbed, it is that you never gave up moving forward. It is how many people you've led up into the light with you. What is the point of being strong if not to help someone else. There is a very strong leadership lesson to be learned from your current martial arts instructor; a living example of how incorrect thinking and goal setting leads to incorrect instruction and attitude, and the effects on another person (in this case you). Analyze him, learn from him - and leave him behind in his valley as you progress beyond him.

6) I am a Romantic, loving the past and disliking the unknown future by nature. That manifests in my dislike of change, even knowing it is necessary, and in my being Nocturnal - sleeping slays another day and requires me to face another. I've always found it easier to stay up than to get up, and this despite the last 21 years in a job that has me waking very early every day. Knowing this about myself, I always tried to schedule my classes, when available, for either extremely early in the morning (so I could stay up for it and sleep after), or in the afternoon. Failing that, I tried to take Tuesday/Thursday classes so that I had a four day weekend every week. It's not always possible, but I was able to do it more often that one might have thought.

6) Listen to everyone's advice, then make up your own mind. Everyone is the same, within variations, as imposed on us by the vast amount of genetic material we all share. However, it is that small variation (less than 1/2 of 1% of our genetic material) that makes for all the differences with which people are born. In other words, humans tend to have the same types of problems, but each solution has to be unique for that particular individual. I was once told that a good rule of thumb is to find out what the experts say is impossible, and then try to disprove them. If you succeed, you've advanced knowledge for humanity. If you fail, you have a true understanding of that subject.

 

-Peredhil six cents.

[Akallabeth]

. . .make sure you show up for classes, and do all your assignments- it gets so easy to blow things off, when you are tired- I know this from experience. Also; try to take little naps throughout the day, where possible. Set an alarm clock for twenty to thirty minutes, and you won't believe the kind of difference it makes. . .

I'd really like to second that. I do not have experience in any sort of martial art or schooling of that type, so I will leave that to more knowledgeable persons. But for college, there are several simple things to do which will let you do fine. (and if you're like me, the only hard thing about them is convincing yourself to follow through with them)

 

-Get to ALL classes on time, preferably five minutes ahead or so, to give you a buffer time. Very bad things can happen if you miss class. Also, be sure to at least try to pay attention and try to take notes in class. In that light . . .

 

-Get plenty of sleep and wake up on time. I don't really think it matters when so much as that it is fairly regular and enough to get a concious you through your classes and homework.

 

-Do all homework and study for tests. Regular studying (not for any certain reason other than refreshing you memory) is good, or so I have been told.

 

 

Like I said, probably the hardest thing about all these things is just getting yourself to follow through on them. I know I'm still working on it . . . :/

[Gwaihir]

I haven't been doing Aikido for more than six months, so I won't try to speak from the point of view of a martial artist, but I can tell you that both the dojos I've trained in have had frustrations for different reasons. where I am now I have minor issues with the way they protect women. etc.

No where you train will you find the perfect place and if you quit that'll take you do a difference place, but it won't be ideal either.

Tough it out and we'll be here to support you!

[Mynx]

I see why you don't want to quit - it would be like giving up and that's a very hard thing to do for some people, you among us apparently.

Yup

 

I don't see why you have to be closeminded to other martial arts

It's not a matter of being closeminded. It's a matter of there being a distinct lack of martial arts in my area and my refusal to accept weakness and give in.

 

If he doesn't, he is an anal, ignorant fool, regardless of his rank

Yup

 

you do have the option that Shathward laid out to you, and change your schools

In my situation...Not really I'm afraid

 

 

...To everyone else who has made a comment here, thanks.

I really appreciate all the advice and support I'm getting here and it's nice to know that you don't seem to regard me as 'That really weird cat who likes to kill things' all the time...

Well maybe you do...

But yo still talk to me! That's what matters...

[Shathward]

Mmm, Gwai, I've seen what you mean about protecting women in martial arts. The men there are protective of the women they train with, and much more often than not that comes from a subconscious belief that women are somehow weaker. My guess is that this comes from the fact that martial arts is a highly physical activity, which brings out adrenaline and a bit of testosterone, and that the testosterone is to blame. It's the testosterone that makes men do stupid things and think they're cool, go "oh YEAAAAHHH!!!" in response to pain when the honest response is to cry a bit, etc, and it also makes women look weak in their eyes. Not something that can easily be fixed, I s'pose.

 

Mynx, you could think of it as expanding your martial arts skills and integrating other traditions into your style rather than simply as "quitting". It's a healthier, smarter, openminded, organic way of looking at it.

[Gryphon]

Mynx, you could think of it as expanding your martial arts skills and integrating other traditions into your style rather than simply as "quitting". It's a healthier, smarter, openminded, organic way of looking at it.

Or you could try thinking of it as asking Mynx to abandon a personal goal leaving her without means to personally confirm the validity of her personal rank and ability in her own eyes.

 

Also having 'shopped around' the martial arts in the area that we live, my personal opinion is that many of them are:

 

a) Overpriced

b ) Instructed by people that are worse bastards than the one Mynx is talking about here.

 

There are exceptions, some of our friends do other styles that might be enjoyable to her (or me even ) but that would mean walking away from those goals that Mynx has set, and that's not the type of person she is. And with the hours she's putting in at uni and the adaption that's involved in that she doesn't have time to take up a second art, not at this stage anyway.

 

~~~

 

Incidentally Knight, the main problem with the guy Mynx is talking about is that he tries to run a Taekwon-Do class like it's a military boot camp. Now I grant that it did come out of the military. He just seems to forget that it isn't still there. With help, and I'm more than willing to help her, Mynx will overcome.

 

~~~

 

Peredhil... I love the way you look at things, thank you from me, if not from Mynx.

Gryphon animates Peredhil's stuffed Griffon briefly and it hugs him

Edited March 9, 2005 by Gryphon

[Zariah]

I'll say some prayers for you, Mynx.

I remember when I was in Tae Kwan Do. I loved it for 4 years, but then a month before my black belt testing, my instructor became really hard on me, and I felt not only like a failure, but like karate wasn't worth the crap I had to take for it. I wanted to have a fun experience, and it's a shame that it ended due to some crummy teacher.

 

My advice would be to consider either getting another teacher, ignoring the one you have and just accepting that he's a meanie, or finding another place to continue your journey. Don't let some poobah ruin your fun.

 

As for college. *Sigh* My freshman year, I had classes that ranged from 7:30 AM and 10:00 am and I could not make it to most of them. Other than the fact that I was depressed, I was also a night owl and spent most of my "day" at night.

 

My advice would be to either see if you can switch some of your classes, attend the same class at another time just for the lectures, but make it on time for exams, or tough it out and make sure you schedule your classes differently next time. If you speak with your counselor about your problem, they may be able to insure you can get better scheduling in the future. Another option for sleeping, would be to *try* taking Tylenol PM early like 7ish on nights you are home and see if that helps get you to sleep earlier.

 

*Hugs* Hang in there. This is not the end of the world, have faith and things can get better.

 

Also, I agree with Peredhil's advice and wisdom.

[Yui-chan]

It was times like these in college that inspired me to create what has since become something of a structure-bracing moto for my life:

 

"I can survive anything... for a while."

 

So, I say you stick with it for as long as you can handle it. In my experience, though it sometimes seems like it's going to stretch on too far, the end of the trouble always comes long before you've reached your breaking point. I'm sure you'll find that, too.

 

Good luck and take care. We're always here for venting or rant-receival.

 

Yours,

~Yui