Preprise

Very good feedback Mardrax. One of the changes I made after listening to the performance, taking out a measure between the verses. As for the "like the...tomb" thing, I'll certainly try that. The loud open chords, I'm keeping them in. I like it like that and how it cuts out short. It fits the subject matter for me (a conversation with sin). Seems we think along the same lines though. I'd love to hear some of your stuff!

Interesting. Has re-read value!

Thank you Face!

Very cool. I like how the tension builds!

That's very nice of you to say but I'm just emulating the genius of Dr. Seuss.

Thanks for your thoughtful analysis!

This is an intense piece. Very heavy and sad. An original concept as well!

I fall and rise with the motions of your hand For you are the queen of this desert land. When I thirst, you drain the cactus fruit And I drink the cure of pure repute. Then in a vision, I hold the dunes in my hand And I suck the jewels of the cool silk sand.

Creepy cool! I love the "leap frog" effect.

My exoskeleton Defying the rebel. I stare down the bait. Sordid cover in haze Beckons the burning fast. I stare down the gate. The coaxing pledge of skin And streaming video. I unleash the gun Escape is not an art And the trigger is sweet. I unleash the gun. Lust heavy, the breath chokes On lurid chemistry. I dig out the bone. Delayed, my wetness leaks. The searing mushroom flares. I dig out the throne. Erupting in cloaked moans I submit to lava. I bury the veil. Yield to ounce after ounce. Need outdoes desire. I bury the trail. Beyond the aftermath I choose my covenant. I will burn the bone And weep without learning.

I like Ice Cream. It makes me feel better when I'm down.

That's cool also.

This day is a good one. Like this cinnamon bun! I ambushed you with love And the good vibes thereof.

Jason thinks destroying the end of days would very difficult and very awesome! This means he'll give it a try.

This is neat. Especially if the thread title is also the poem's title.

Poetry vérité. Intense!

Jason says: "Trippy!" This means Jason likes the poem.

This makes me think. My head hurts but the poem kicks 7 different kinds of ass!

This poem is more awesome than frozen bananas and frozen bananas are pretty damn awesome!

Well, thing is, this poem is not abstract. This song was written very deliberately and it has a specific meaning. If you figure it out by yourself you will get a sense of satisfaction and renewed enjoyment. That's the theory anyway. ...If you ask nicely I'll tell you what it's about. I'll whisper it in your ear.

I enjoyed the rhythm of this poem a great deal! I'm a sucker for strong meter. I also like the concept. Thanks for this!

Thank you Katz and Signe! It seems you all enjoyed the song to some degree so that's great!

Thanks for the input, keep it coming! I have no plans for instrumentation right now. I'm focusing on building a body of songs. Once I feel I have a decent repertoire of originals, I'll think of the next step. Now I'm just focusing on the song structures. You, my friends, will be the test audience for these songs. Other than my wife, you're the first to hear these songs. I've been writing songs seriously for about 10 years. I recently got excited about a new lyric writing techniques and a new chord and melody construction method so it's lots of fun! But I'm bored of working in a vacuum, I want these little constructs to be heard by more people. I've decided it's silly to toil away at my craft and put my whole heart in a song and have only 3 people hear it. So, thank you!

Crap on skates! My first post in like 2 years and I screw up the thread title. click to view a performance of the song.

Ok fair enough Frankly, I am confused as to what the ranks mean and the purpose of them. Benefits. Not a big deal, I'm just here for the poetry really