Preprise

wow, that is... interesting.

Wo, I'm lost. Care to help out a guy who's been so insanely busy he doen't really know what's going on?

Haven't been around because overwhelmed with stuff. Still alive and interested in writing.

the fabric of the cosmos

As you may not or may not know I am a graphic designer. While in college I worked on a project that might interest you writers. Check it out here. http://jugglingman.blogspot.com/2007/06/la...-cover-and.html http://jugglingman.blogspot.com/2007/07/mo...epairexude.html Comments are welcome.

hmmm, I see what you mean now.

Thanks for your input. I'll go ahead and disagree with this statement. The right word placed on top of the right chord will make or break a song. Also, I'm a singer songwriter so the singing and guitar is the only thing. When few elements exist, each becomes more intense.

If I was to nitpick I'd say there might a bit of an inconsistency in how you present your single line punches (no clue if there is a technical term for it). above, you break your sentence to deliver a punch. there also. But not there. "But dead crickets…" and "And still…" can not read as a sentence. "Conclusion reached…" does. You might argue that it lends that last line more weight. I think it is an excellent piece. So far that's all the comments I have. thanks for this.

So I'm making an effort to post this with the punctuation advice I recieved in mind. Though just as an exercise because this is a song and wird choice and conceptual structure is more important in this case. I'm shooting for a traditional songwriting flavour but doing my best not to slip into cliché. I have to say that just the few weeks I have been here did contribute to the lyric writing of this song which I consider to be one of the more solid ones I have written in the past few years. Your thoughts, impressions, praise and rotten tomatoes are more than welcome. In a flash of light you gained super powers but you didn't want to change the world. So you just flew to a place of silence and warmed your bones by the burning voices. All the thoughts you thought and all the fights you fought blown away by the devil's breath. Hurricane there is no peace in your eye. There is only pain there are only lies. Hurricane there are no tears in your eye. There are only flames there is only fire. Twenty years adrift on the ocean to gather strength then strike the land. Now old friends are seeking new shelter from the wrath of your hand. So why seek the truth? Why shift the blame? When all you've left is a broken name. Hurricane there is no peace in your eye. There is only pain there are only lies. Hurricane there are no tears in your eye. There are only flames there is only fire.

One more thing. If it seems I'm not applying advice very quickly it's just that I'm ultra busy with wrapping up school.

hmmm interesting. I have actually moved away from punctuation. A few of my completely subjective reasons are... #1: It's ugly as sin. It just ... looks bad. To me the cleanliness of negative space is part of the reading experience. But that's the designer in me talking. #2: I found I was unable to use them to create the rythms I'm so fond of (Dr. Seuss is a big influence, no really). But that you mention that it can actually be used to create forced beats and emphasize certain things is quite intriguing to me. I'll keep my eyes peeled and see what tricks I can pick up from others. Thanks for the input. I agree that a more precise title would be better. I'll get to thinking on that. Thanks for the "seeping" comment. So obvious. As for the grammar thing in general, meh, I don't know. Sometimes I care other times I don't. If I try to abide closely by it I get lost in it and end up not having a poem but an equation. Not sure how to consolidate the interests. uhm ...

I've said it before, democracy is pretty but often ineffective and low as heck. Snail's pace. This is the web, a day = a month.

anyone else?

voted. Same point of view as before

Your clout and the unbearable weight of heavy wind sucking worn old trails and inroads or imagined selflessness clutching the noose of a soft illusion Feed from the threat, suckle its nipple nuzzle the mouth of the warm canon When new roots lift an atrophied gate seeping through the torn wreckage the freight train remembers a haunting ration of fear Derailed at the fleeting moment of truth freed from the threat that cleanses the breech It releases the shores of deep dreams

read all about it here http://internethunger.blogspot.com/2007/10...elpful-and.html

Right-o. So... what are we waiting for?

What? You can't put it under the geld thing? It's just a line of text.

I know that, now relax. Let me make it clear that adding a custom field into everyone's profile and making this field visible next to each post is the best way to go. That was my idea in the first place anyway wasn't it? That's why this whole discussion started. I do know though that while in the think tank it is best not to reject any ideas even those that may appear complex and impossible at the moment. That's what I meant. Perhaps I expressed myself in a way conducive to being misunderstood. Again for emphasis. Little box n the profile next to each post is the easiest and best way to go. Democracy is pretty but awful slow sometimes...

touchy

I believe we shouldn't think about how this complicates things for admin but how it simplifies it for the members. The doodad under the name thing is simplest for everyone anyway, I just threw some ideas out there - I do that for a living. If you're making people link from her to there then to here and then back to there and so on... you lose them. Take it from the designer. If you put the doodad an inch or 2 from where the mouse is likely to be and near where there is likely to go (the screen name) you'll get much more usage and therefore more usefulness. It'll also separate you from other forums and will increase the likelihood of enticing new members and keeping them around. Take it from the new guy, if I wasn't a designer and a pig headed stubborn guy willing to speak up I would've been gone in 5 minutes when I first checked out this place. But add the doodad and you make a major improvement. It quickly allows you know where you and other people stand (gives a feel for the type of people that hang out here) and it adds interactivity. There are so many advantages. It also facilitates communication and self expression (if it's an editable field), and if I understand correctly, that is an important part of the Pen. The list of reasons why this is an improvement is long and compelling. But this is a sort of democracy so let's see what the votes say. So far we're getting a standardized drop-down. (I'm against the standardized, see above for reasons why)

another thing that would word is a form for each post that you have to fill out that says stuff like, word count, style, feedback desired. Because some people like harsh on some pieces but gentle on others. With the form thing your required to specify what you want on any given story/poem. Yet another solution is to separate it into threads. Show and Tell where feedback is forbidden and regular where it's just light discussion and finally Show and Hell where you get grilled. Straightforward but unwieldy.

I say put type of feedback desired and not level Levels complicate the thing a little. "I want level 5 but only for the grammar and level 3 for the concept and level 4 for..." What's levels for? What do they mean? Then you got to look up stuff and ... zzz... As a designer I suggest this: box drops down from the "click for type of feedback desired" link that has a small field for inputing text (by user? fill out a form?). Hover box would be much better still. I read a poem, float over the thing 'pop!', read three lines and 'voila', I know what this person is about. Yes some people will input stupid stuff and that's fine they just won't get much feedback because people won't know what they're talking about. The fact that it's editable is very powerful because as they grow in skill or change, the type of feed back might change from grammatical to structural to conceptual etc. for whatever they feel they want to work on. It's not ideal because you don't always know what you should work on and you often need a little rough love to whip you into shape but that's not what the thread is about. So yeah, hover>drop down>input field. That would be smooth usability. EDIT: oh and nor separate for stories and poems, that can be specified if desired in the drop down thingy.

I think Yui is saying, do what you want.

crap