Aardvark Posted February 5, 2003 Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 "Zombi?" "Yeah, Zombi. Without the E. The E is a useless addition to the name, I tells you. It drops it out of synch with causality, weakening the creature." "I see..." "See, you know your average zombie well. Brainless corpse, ambling around on a neverending search for brains. Most people attribute this to the creature's lack of brains from being dead and all, but they be wrong, I tells ya." "Umm... ok" "Where as your average Zombi, don't forget the capitalisation, I tells ya, well he's a smart, cunning devil. Unless he's a she. Then she's a smart cunning devil. Either way, they're smart and they're cunning. They're not really devils, being the reanimated corpses of people, but that's beside the point. They fight like devils, plus they're smart like devils and they're cunning like devils. They're still undead, but in a devilish way." "Right..." "Now, if you pitted a Zombi against a zombie, it'd be no contest. The Zombi would pummel the inferior git into the earth, tear it limb from limb, then chant various deathrites over it's dismembered form, to dispel the weak magics holding it to the world. Try any of that garbage on a Zombi, you'll be payin' a visit to the undertaker in the morn'. 'Cause they got the harmonics all correct an' such, they is stronger, faster and can sew themselves back together in the event of sudden dismemberment." "Umm..." "Too few of them necrogoons realise this, though, so they go ahead, preaching their dyslexic dogma to the dead and get inferior beings rising from the ground. But once they drop the e, they've got some serious soldiers of the damned at their disposal. But they've gotta be on their guard, 'cause these Zombi be cunning' devils, know what I mean? They'll tear you limb from limb soon as look at ya, and that's when they're in a good mood." "Who are you, again?" "So's I got to thinkin' that maybe the misspelling is some kind of safety thing, put in by necro's from ages past, knowin' that their descendants are gonna be the inferior type of necronerd who isn't into the whole king of the dead routine and only practices this in his mummy's (heh heh, mummy, geddit?) basement 'cause they can't get girls. Sos the ancients deliberately on purpose misspell the name of the things, thereby castratin' them of their power, speed and brains, thereby ensuring that havoc isn't wreaked upon the world 'til someone worthy of the title Lord of the Undead emerges" "Ok... I'm going now..." "Now, your classical Lord of the Undead...." At this point, I smiled, nodded politely and backed away. God, who invites these freaks to parties? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Degenero Angelus Posted February 5, 2003 Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 LOL That's good, Aardvark. Funny stuffs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted February 5, 2003 Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 You're a Terry Pratchett fan, aren't you. Pretty good stuff - keep it up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tasslehoff Posted February 5, 2003 Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 Ha Ha. That was SO funny, maybe its cause I am on these Nightquill drug pills cause I got a stuffy nose and all that good stuff, but that was just hilarious.. Anywho.. Very Well Done! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyrfalcon Posted February 5, 2003 Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 Gyrfalcon laughs softly. Good one, Aardvark. If this was archmage, ever Nether'd be screaming for Zombi units. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted February 5, 2003 Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 Cheers and applauds Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwaihir Posted February 5, 2003 Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 You rock. (mightent you be stronger if you were ardvark? one less extra letter to weigh you down) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted February 5, 2003 Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 hehe, Gwaihir your silly. That was too good Aardvark, the multitude of Zombi fangirls are lining up outside as we speak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aardvark Posted February 5, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 /me removes the capital A from his name and repeatedly belts Gwai with it BLASPHEMER!!! HEATHEN SWINE!!! VAGABOND!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted February 5, 2003 Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 Don't you think 'vagabond' is going a bit far? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aardvark Posted February 5, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 Don't start with me, donut I was toying with variations on iraqi dictator, insurance salesman and Bushist, so as you can see, she got off lightly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted February 5, 2003 Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 Coulda been worse. Coulda been 'donut'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 or..you coulda been the missing part of the donut.. or even a biznatch. <_< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aardvark Posted February 6, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 One great glorious hole Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 Thanks, Aardvark. Your Joy is so bountious... My my, did someone get up on the wrong side of the ant hill this morning? You certainly sound like someone who could use a little cheer. How about this; Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To show the aardvark it could be done. No? Ah well. I tried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 (edited) From Seasame Street: I'm an aardvark, and I'm proud! I'm an aardvark, and I'm happy! I'm an aardvark, If I try to be specific And a little scientific, I am feeling quite terrific! I'm an aardvark, fierce and free! I'm an aardvark, standing bravely! I'm an aardvark, And I'm tough and smart and strong And always right, And that's the way I'll always be ... Until I meet another aardvark Who's bigger than me! Edited February 6, 2003 by Rune Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 That's one aard vark you got there Rune. ...heh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 good story, sound like something I'd be telling people at a party... If I was ever invited... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aardvark Posted February 6, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 I didn't get out of the wrong side of the anthill I got out of the wrong goddamn anthill Yes, I'm Aard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwaihir Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 It's that extra A that's making you so grumpy! *mischevous grin and a dash to hide behind Zool, before she gets beat up again* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerulean Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 Cerulean contemplates the removal of the final letters of names. She scratches her quill busily over a sheet of parchment, until she has some workable examples. "Okay let's see..." she murmurs, checking the parchment studiously. "I think we have an astute theory here... Zombie goes to Zombi, fair enough Zool would be Zoo (somewhere safe to keep his mad chickens? lol) Peredhil would be Pered-hi (always a friendly greeting for folks) Rune would be Run (She certainly runs a lot of great threads) Yes, I think the theory pretty much holds up. As the last words have barely left Cerulean's lips, Harpy enters with a grin and a wink. "That'd make me Harp then?" The two women share the same improbable image of Scarlett in angelic attire, reclining serenely on a cloud, issuing delicately plucked melodies into the ether. Cerulean tears the parchment up into confetti-sized pieces. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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