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We join one of Ozymandias' obstreperous classes being taught on the grounds of The Mighty Pen Keep, already in progress. His students today are Bartleby, AshtonBlades, Nyarlathotep, and Degorram. The location happens to be green, under much sky, well stocked with trees, and very very far away from the Keep itself.


The Loremaster paces back and forth across an open field in a clearing in the trees. His pupils sit on the grass, somewhat anticipating, somewhat vexed.


Arms folded emphatically behind his back, Ozymandias stares intently at the forest as he continues his talk. "2Just like the rules of the Pen is Mightier than the Sword, the ranks are a bit difficult to follow at first but quickly become second nature. It's much like digesting the humble medicago sativa alfalfa we've been foraging for -" Bartleby politely raises a paw. "Yes Bartleby."


"Eep, Mr. Ozymandias? That isn't really very like rules of any sort is it? I mean -"


"Tut tut my good guinea," interrupts the former king. "Tut. Ha! I made a funny." He grins at one of those inconspicuous spots in the forest he'd been facing instead of them up until a minute ago, then shakes himself as though suddenly remembering where he is.


"It's all about connecting ourselves with nature. This place that we live in, any world despite seeming chaos in the actions and governance of weather, lives of animals, the seasons... All of these have a weight that they equalize everything else in nature with.


To put it in the ancient terms of Earth and of many other planets as their people first gained a firm grasp of science, there are four elements to everything around us."


It was around this time that the audience realized that they had indeed been feeling a vibration in their feet or bottoms which now gave way to a mighty roar as the ground heaved and a mountain tore itself out of the treeline no more than a mile away. All who weren't already off of their feet were thrown down, even Ozymandias as he continued calmly "Earth,"


The quake was over as abruptly as it had begun. The Loremaster stood and offered a hand up to those that required it.


Ashton opened his mouth and the egyptian fixed him with an intense stare. "Air," was all he said and now the leaves were torn from the trees, flung at them by a furious maelstrom in razor-like carnage. The titanic wind had already knocked them all flat to the ground again, however, so all harm done was to the long grass they had been meeting in, shortening it by a good six inches from one end of the clearing to the other.


The wind slowed eventually. The Pennites, now flustered, frightened, and a little angry began to protest. "Now see here!" The complaint died on their lips as it was realized as one that the wisps of fog that had been pushed out here on their way through the forest had grown and thickened into a veil that eclipsed all but the nearest folk to each others' eyes from view. Ozymandias, heard but not seen, went on.




Softly, steadily other voices with a quality that was not quite describable took up a chant from the fringes of the fog.


"Ph'nglui mglw'nash Cthulu1 R'lyeh wgah'ngal shtagn."


It might have been a quality of wrongness echoing from those alien throats, it might have been the words, but the sounds made the neck-hairs of all present stand on end, whether they could say why or not.


Without warning an enormous figure, much much too large to be Ozymandias, began to emerge from the mists. It had great luminous eyes and an outline that refused even the vaguest discernment.


"Fire" came Ozymandias' word. The group noticed the barest flicker of red behind them, followed shortly thereafter by the thing in the fog shifting its gaze toward them only to be struck in between its considerable eyeballs by something that glinted yellow once before finding its target with a wet, yet pronounced Thunk sound.


The fog lifted with preternatural speed only to reveal a sunlit clearing in what was once more a wholly unremarkable forest with no mountain, no bare trees, no sliced grass, no chanters, and no... thing.


Except for the gold brick wrapped about with a slice of lemon before them in the dirt and the werewolf placidly smoking a meerschaum pipe behind them. It strolled to the front of the group.


Adjusting a now much less incongruous than it would have been under almost any other circumstances powder blue tie that proclaimed it to be World's Best Dad, the werewolf clears its throat.


"Remember," it begins. "You are all in various stages of refining your skill in writing and speaking words as are we all here. This really only requires study and practice, thus this is not the truly important part of pursuing the art of the word. The truly important part is having imagination and the desire to use words the way no one else but you does. That cannot be taught. That cannot be practiced.


Each of you have the important part in spades." It jabs a claw into the air, as if for emphasis, but music begins to play from the air at the same time. "Do not forget this."


Two elevators are lowered on cables that reached so impossibly high up into the sky their ends cannot be seen. They hit the ground. The doors open with an electric rush of air. White smoke issues forth from both, and each member of Daft Punk steps out. The elevators undergo a rapid and astoundingly complex transformation into synthesizers, and the two gleaming robots (blinking lights and all) begin to play. Ozymandias, the grass, the werewolf, and a chilling white thing just inside the trees dance. So do the clouds.


One more time...


One more time

We gonna celebrate

Oh yeah, all right

Don't stop dancing 2






1. The Call of Cthulu by H. P. Lovecraft

2. lyrics for One More Time by Daft Punk

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The stark raving stork to English translation:


Congratulations Blby, AshtonBlades, and Nyarlathotep on attaining the rank of Page. And congratulations to Degorram on attaining the rank of Quill Bearer.



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Okay, I've been away a LONG time, but seeing a name on this list sent me walking through memory lane...


I think I had just barely ventured to the Pen and stepped into a dual that was in completely uncharted territory. I was like the old sheep wandering into the young wolf pack.


AshtonBlades, this dual down memory lane is for you. :0)





What is this? King of the Hill?

King of the ghetto Shpeal?

Such talent is rot when it’s spouted without thought.

You dive in, hope to swim against the current,

However, most of what I’ve seen is a deterrent.

Be careful grab your water wings, lest you should drown.

I’m here to announce there’s a new girl in town.


I may look simple, I may seem sweet,

But don’t underestimate me,

you’ll find yourself beneath my feet.

I’m like the kind bard,

Insults I find hard.

But if you challenge I’ll duel.

Pull out your sword, fool.


So all of you writ rapping wanna be’s

Reading this saying “Puhleez”.

Just sit back and think before you jump up and sing

Do you really want to be known as the





*Ashton stares at her in disbelief, then takes the mic.*


Who are you, the new Lil' Kim?

I take yo' mediocre rhymes and snap them like a Slim Jim,

I'm the Freestyle King man, come on, get it right,

You're just a dim star, my star shines bright,

Sorry, your rap has gone awry,

After I flame you you be talking about yo' problems on Maury,

I'm a gentelmen, ladies first,

But after that, gentelmen no more, prepare for the worst,

I'm authentic, I don't curse,

Spit it so hard, you forget your next verse,

You can be the bard, I'll be the knight,

I can make Mona Lisa smile, 'cause my rap is nice,

Now I'm gonna stop my ongoing status quo

another day, you can be the side show.


*Gives her the mic back and waits patiently*




Laughs and smiles, suddenly a bit shy that the attention is on her, but oh well, she's gotta try.


*Takes the mic back*


You think you're the king?

More like my peasant.

Step back, I'll track you down,

Just like a hunter does the pheasant.

You should stick to what you do best,

Like serving me whine and letting me rest.


Here you are, up in my face,

Prancing around like you own the place.

You think your star shines bright,

But yo' lyrics ain't tight.

Hoping to win against me,

That just ain't right!


You talk about Phat,

But your rap is flat.

Don't you know you're dealing

With the queen of Perky?

Step off the stage, you're just a jive Turkey.


Then there is the pointy One,

He's up there wavin' his tongue

Like he's all that and then some

You're like a yo yo, in a mojo, with ho ho,

But now I digress, just trying to impress.


Listen here, Ashton, you say you're a knight,

So pull out your sword and let's fight.

Best be warned, if you care to duel,

You're likely to end up in a puddle of your drool.

Now step right back before I kick you wit' a stiletto

Like I said before, YOUR RAP IS GHETTO!


Smiles a bit embarrassed and hands the mic back.




*Takes the mic back from Salinye*


So now you think that I'm am your peasant,

You rap the past, I rap the present,

So you say that my rap is flat,

You've got to be kidding, with yo' amateur crap,

Yo, you just another novice that's about to get burned,

How I got so good, well that's none of your concern,

I spit these rhymes, with stylistic division,

I'll snipe you away, with rapid precision,

You flow like jagged rocks on display,

I flow like the river on a cool sunny day,

Say, you think because you can rap that your okay?

Wait, you can make two words rhyme, hooray!

A five year old kid can make two words rhyme,

You're just nothing, my stuff is sublime,

I rip you up like a Great White Shark,

Your stuff is boring, I'd be better off staring at bark,

Like you said, you runnin' with the big dogs now,

When I'm done, you be staring at me like,

"How?" blink.gif




(That was great, Ashton! Touche!)


Ashton Blades you make me laugh and smile!

So kick on back and listen to me for a while.

You say I think I'm okay because I can rap,

Well I'm here to tell you I'm great, but not because of this crap.

I walk in style and I flow with grace.

Why is there a need for one of us to save face?


You say you're a great white shark, but you're swimmin' in my ocean.

Hangin' with me is like drinkin' from a potion.

Your head starts spinnin' an' you're feelin' kinda dazed.

Take a look around -you might find yourself Amazed.


Amazed and trippin' that a simple girly like me,

Would dare to call you out, so everyone can see.

You showed up to stand the test bringing your best

Slingin' your rhyme like the master of a rap fest.


Touche my friend, you've proved a worthy challenge thus far

I rather find all this silly mud slinging quite bazaar.

Now it's time I hand the mic back,

Time for this sheep to jump outta' the wolf pack.




*Takes the mic again*


Hey, look! It's the amateur girl,

You'll get blown away as my style unfurls,

Every time I knock you down you come back for more,

You'll just get burned, 'cause I'm hotter than the core,

I'm here, I'm gonna be here for a long time,

You'll never hear Blade kick the wrong rhyme,

I got this game tied up like a phone line,

I suck you up like a sour green lime!

I am the master of this rap fest,

Everyone's afraid because they know that I'm the best,

Now I hand the mic back to you,

So you can show me what you do.




*Takes the mic shaking her head with a smile wondering when this boy will ever learn...*


So, you want this lamb back in the slaughter house?

Best not consider me prey, sizin' me up-

Like a cat does a mouse.

That would be your first mistake, don't let it be your last.

Underestimating me will get you in trouble fast.

Don't mistake my meekness as weakness.

I don’t cause trouble, and I’m hardly a pest,

But I'm here to show, I can freestyle with the best.

I not only talk the talk, but I play the part.

I'm no doormat, but I'm a lady at heart.

You threw me back up here, thinking I wouldn't measure

What you don't know is that I perform well under pressure.

So turn the heat up and throw in your best

I'll try hard not to send you home cryin' like the rest.


*Shyly steps back leaving the mic free still getting used to this free style Thang*




*Grabs the mic*


Now listen carefully, to this perspective,

Listen as I crush you with my lyrical objective,

You're just another pawn in this game I play,

Unimportant and standing in my way,

A doormat you are, you clean my boots,

As I lock you away with the rest of the chicken coop,

I'll turn up the heat, higher than you can take,

My rhymes slap you around like a box of Shake n' Bake,

What's that you say? When will I ever learn?

Once you try harder to win, this championship you gotta earn,

When we rhyme the sign says "Viewer discresion Advised",

They just don't want the crowd to see me make you cry,

You're just another greenhorn at this game,

But you're proving to be a challenge, I'm glad you came.


*Smiles and gives her back the mic*




*laughs taking the mic back* Here we go....


You think I'm a pawn in this game of chess?

More like the queen, so bow down and confess,

Confess you're impressed-Impressed I'm still here,

Still takin' the mic instead of runnin' off in fear.

Clean your boots? I must add an interjection.

Listening to me is like getting an infection

My rhymes will consume you and penetrate

Into your soul, you try to run, but it's too late.

Before your composure you can regain

My lyrics have already taken control of your brain.

So now you walk around like an undead zombie

Your thoughts more hollow then a model for Ambercrombie

So you wanna escape, you better move faster

Bolt now, lest you find yourself calling me master.


*laughs at her own ghetto shpeal and hands the mic back*




*Takes mic back*


Once again you want me to make you croak,

You're just a beginner whose rhymes choke,

I'm like a hornet, only sting when I'm provoked,

Try the water gun on me and end up gettin' soaked,

Better watch out, I'm comin' your way,

Screw up your night, then screw up your day,

I cut you up like I'm servin' gourmet,

Then flame you and Blaze you like I'm makin' flambe'

if you continue get beat up like Cassius Clay,

Any way you want it have it your way.


*Gives Salinye the mic back*



LOL Ashton! I truly forgot about that until I saw your name and had to search for about 10 minutes to find the old thread. Thanks for entertaining this freestyle newbie. :0)


~Salinye :fairy:

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eeep scurry blush. Should speak, hidehidhide, but should speak. Fight will. Bravebrave "Umm :blush:

I think I'm still pretty new hear, but thank you!"



*scurries Speedily under table*

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Huzzah to me! :D Thank you all! Congratulations Bilby, Nyarlathotep, and Ashtonblades!

Edited by Degorram

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Well, it appears that being fashionably late is a Kiwi trend so I'll add my belated congrats to one and all :D



PS. Are you a native Geordie, Deg, or an import? ( my dad is from Blyth :blink: ) Small world :lol:

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*bows* Thank you for this great honor. I will wield this new found power with...ok, so there isnt really any power behind this position, but I will pretend there is!


And thank you all for the congrats. I will remember this when I return to this world in my true form as the god of a thousand masks...

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