Parmenion

Tasselhoff and Ayshela were only trying to help hun The idea of the poem and the subject matter tackled is a difficult one which I believe you did well. The words redone in red are merely tweaking of an already good work. Remember that they are merely suggestions of ways to tweak your poem - as the author you always have the final word. Personally I'd be quite flattered they took the time and effort to read my poem enough and understand it enough that they might try helping me with it - far more time involved than this humble response. Again well done - keep 'em coming

I enjoyed this. I felt compelled to keep reading just to see what course of action you would eventually employ against the people/person who annoyed you!

Magic Roundabout was the coolest *smile* and so was Wanderly Wagon! I enjoyed the happiness of this poem. Tis nice to have frolicy friends to smile at, keke. The layout for me was fine apart from that one really longg line that stands out in verse 2 like a sore thumb Maybe - "Sun on fallen leaves" as a replacement or something like that? Thanks for sharing your happiness!

/me cheers and gives Appy a wollypop while she awaits Wyvern Enjoyed the obscurity of this one. I like the vague approach which leaves a lot up to the reader's imagination. Modern poetry needs more of it IMO

*hugs* Glad to see you writing again! Ive missed you! I love the poem! I never really like love poems normally i think there too i dunno lovey dubby and mushy but i like this poem! Well done!

/me apologises to Icarus for spamming in his thread, but anyway... I won't get into a religious debate - that just serves to challenge other people's ideals with one's own and serves no real purpose here other than to raise hairs on the back of necks. However, if we set aside notions of an afterlife (in my opinion) we remain with what we can do in life and reflect it through nature and what we see around us. Everyone has different perceptions on life and yes some cause an internal strife or us to be at odds with our environment. This is one of many causes of depression if you will. We can analyse why emotions, language etc.. developed in humans - to what purpose did we develop them? In anthropology we see that ancient cavemen cared for other members of their community even before language, to the best of our knowledge. Cavemen who had broken bones would be cared for in their community whereas in other aspects of nature such as a lions, deer etc they would have been left to our own devices and to fend for themselves. Humans developed emotions (in my humble opinion) to help them overcome other forces in nature and bring us where we are today. We still remain communal creatures even when we feel most isolated from the community. Even in a depression we know that there are friends, family, internet buddies and professionals who are there for us in a community that can help us either survive our environment or ourselves. We can feel pain as you said but we can also share it and have our community care for us and help us to survive when our strength is failing us. Pain (both mentally and physically) are not necessarily a bad thing. Pain is an early warning mechanism that screams at us that something is wrong that needs fixing etc.. It makes us aware of what may be a problem to our survival so that we can go about rectifying it. I would not say that it is better not to feel than to feel pain. If that was true then I could not empathize along those lines and therefore could not care about my brethren, but I do. I think this emotion or physical trait is a deliberate development and essential to the community of humans beings so that we can act together as a community through empathy. This is my limited view and I accept that not all would share it, but still I have found that bearing such thoughts in mind even when thinking irrationally helps me know that there is always hope when there are others around. I fail to see how happiness and joy have prices unless we think too much about the likes of "after-colds" when relationships go dry. If we fear too far ahead about certain outcomes and possibilities when they have not yet come to pass we are either extremely wise or extremely foolish but it remains that we have still put a knife through the heart of wonder as Tad Williams said. Our purpose is survivial (in my humble opinion) so that we might procreate under the basic laws of nature. Even in this day and age, when we do not face life threatening attacks etc.. (for most of the luckier countries) we still face ourselves. We are still presented with challenges to overcome. We have a finite time to exist on this planet (IMO) no point being dead before we have to. These are words I wrote for my little one which I think I'll use to some up what I'm not sure I got across properly ... "I cannot say I know what you are going through. But perhaps if we sit awhile and talk about it, the problem will go away. Or at the very least you may feel a little better and the hollow of your heart may no longer be completely empty."

This is the kind or piece that would be "The Masterpiece" of a poet's collection. Inspired! There are so many couplets I enjoyed... "Hands on the grandfather clock Counting down our lives tick-tock" "lust, sadism, shameless shams for our short attention spans" (loved the alliteration here - really draws attention to the point!) "Strip Earth of every plant and beast Come. Feast." (potrays humanity as a huge gobbling machine for me - nicey!) "Into confusion we sink I'm not wise because I don't think or I don't think because I'm not wise?" "Raise my face, Life I taste My instincts--primal, pure raw In awe" These in particular punched home the brutality of being human in a way that is balanced at the end but left me with a feeling that we are perhaps not responsible for our ill-points for we ourselves are just another force of nature but with purpose and dutytowards the planet. My mind did wander and I got a lot from this poem! I must read it again in a month or two to see what it says to me then. Bravo!

This is truly a treasure of a poem! It read well from start till finish; it looked liked it flowed out really easily! After reading it several times I cannot figure if he's forgiven or not forgiven. I need to know! Kekeke, I git involved with it

First and foremost I enjoyed this one a lot. I think the style perfectly suits the message or "fly on the wall" view of secret thoughts. Enchanting To Ayshela - How can one think that death may sometimes ever be an option? Especially when we have infinite opportunity and hope in life and nothing to gain in the alternative This is one for you today *HUG!!*

I haven't logged in here in far too long - I'll be back from holiers in about 10 days and promise to catch up and comment more! You know whats better than support & constructive criticism? Why somebody starting a debate in your thread and making ya seem popular. Thanks mate, my ego loves ya Thanks for all the feed back to date. I feel I owe yee a bit of insight to it. The poem is written about a father who all through his life made his daughters life hell by all kinds of abuse. He is now out of her life as he is dead yet so powerful was his affect on her mind that she stills becomes dumbstruck at the clarity of some of his memories and shivers when some scents remind her... It wasn't supposed to happy/unhappy or depressive but more like a window through to her mind. In my own defence I think its just some styles suit some ways of sharing some emotions and others have others. I dunt always rhyme This is another touching one I wrote (in my opinion) and it rhymes too. I'd like your opinion on whether it does justice or not Dragolin. http://www.patrickdurham.net/themightypen/index.php?show...=ballad+of+hope Cheers

That was a very difficult challenge which you rose to nicely Sorciere. Bravo!

its fluffy!

Parmenion snatches the piece of paper from the old lizard, greedily hugging it to his chest like a most prized possession. He darts from the office out to his friends in the courtyard beaming from every pore in his body. Proudly he holds it up and in a meek voice whispers "Go Me!" Parmenion grabs the "I'll try to be good" sticker and sticks it to the underside of the lapel of his coat and winks at Sorciere. Thanks Wyvern, hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it! Go raibh maith agaibh

:wizzie: I like this alot Wren! *hugs* It reminds me of an experiance of mine i especially like the last stanza! Very well done!

I saw a meadow in the sky, I saw a cloud eat a fly, I saw a spider ten feet high, I saw a ladder walk on by... I saw a sailor made of mince, I saw a pie squirm and wince, I saw a child chew a fence, I saw a goat with-out sense... I saw a man swim an ocean, I saw a dolphin put on lotion, I saw a woman. These are things that I did see, And all make perfect sense to me. I am not stark and raving mad, The solution is easy to be had, Don't read it all line by line, Think about it, take your time, Half of end and half of next, Is the way to read that text. Puzzle revealed and more clear, The motto is we should not fear, The strange, the twisted, the bizarre, The good, the gifted, stuff of par, All the time when we do read, Certain aspects we must heed, Though we see things in a certain light, Does not mean that we are right... parmenion_eire@yahoo.com

Lovely poem Wren! Great response Peredhil! With friends like that Wren - how can ya stay being a big grumpasaurus for long? Thank you both for making me smile...

I love kittens too - lets exchange receipies Seriously though - enjoyed the poem, twas cute.

Good work X-Sabre. Thoroughly enjoyed this

You may not see at all...

O wow i love this its the exact same as wat i went threw with my ex best friend wow it brought lots of memborys flooding back! Its excellent

Family is really something! I enjoyed this annael! /me runs off to hug everyone in the family

Reminds me of the feelings involved after splitting up with someone. Until I read the line about heart dying and then I just read on as if heart dying meant - love fading - isn't that weird? I really did enjoy it *hugs*

I really liked your format Sorciere! Very original & nicely done!

As Pere was pointing out to you Mira, there is more to creativity than you first may see. You posted your poem for a reason. You chose to call it "garbage" for another reason. You are of course entitled to your own perspective on your work - however - I quite enjoyed this. It may have few words, but I feel the message is a "big one". I want to see more of your work - but I don't want to see you calling it garbage at the start m'kay?

Always difficult losing those we love. But they are never truly dead when memories live on and when tributes like this are written in their honour. Well done hun