Parmenion

I do enjoy a good poem about a duel - I think you painted a marvellous picture Merelas. It shows a good imagination and a powerful vocab source. Well done!

Really enjoyed the beat of this when reading Loki. Bravo!

Class! Really liked this Appy - well done!

Since all the probes aren't yet written - can we write another one? Pretty please?

Salinye: "I don't feel controlled at all. It's sort of like a good parent (note, not all parents are good)" ---> does this imply you feel that there are many gods? The question is fun but it is weighted with the background of the author behind it in my opinion. Which if not recognized can lead to clouded answers... Q: "Does living as though you control your own destiny lead to a more powerful life??" The use of "as though" implies that the author feels that when we think we are in control - we are in fact not. Thats what I read into it. The use of the word "powerful" I felt unsure about. I take that to basically be a substitute for the word "controlled" that didn't want to be used twice, but I am very unsure whether it was meant this way. I believe I have complete control over my life and the way it is lived. I believe I have control over every reaction I make regardless of whether or not I am intoxicated or not - I still know what I am doing! I believe (for myself) that if I put my control into the hands of anyone or thing other than myself I would be giving up my life itself. For a life where I am not in complete control would for me be a life not worth living. I believe that everyone makes a decision in this regard for themselves and DO NOT believe other people are wrong if they think placing their "control" fully or somewhat into other hands would be giving up. I believe my beliefs are for myself alone PS: I also believe that Fate is in fact a fickle b1tch who dotes on irony!

Dang - I missed this first time around too! This was a fun poem - well done!

The Aries probe was governed by a bio-comp mind who in a former life was a genetics engineer for one of the superpowers. Martino Giaconda had been head of the new cloning experiments which were initially designed to create replacements for assassinated leaders, military troops and food for the masses. He was ordered to start tampering with the cloning processes in a bid to create “super” clones. He believed it was against the ethics of cloning and when he refused they tried to assassinate him. They failed in their first straight-forward attempt. They never put much thought into how dangerous one determined man could be. He subtley sabotaged his entire cloning facility giving all clones produced inherent diseases of both mind and physically reducing their life spans considerably. It would be a few years before they ever realised what he had done. He managed to disappear into the throng and survive on his own while being pursued my some of the most highly trained assassins in the superpower. He was eventually tracked down by the assassins at the same time that the technocult agents honed in on him. In the midst of a firefight he was mortally wounded but rescued and kept alive by the technocult. Martino was a bit of a long shot. He was going to die and there was nothing that could be done to save him. Life support would only sustain his body for so long. However, his mind was still intact and functioning from the limited scans they could perform. It was decided that he would be volunteered for the Destiny project. He would obviously have to bypass the stringent examinations but his intelligence during his life and his ability to survive against all the odds for so long had chosen his destiny for him. What they didn’t realise was that the experiences of the last few years had changed him. He wasn’t insane so to speak but had a deep rooted sense of paranoia which may have disqualified him from becoming Aries but he needed it to survive. When Aries was first awoken he was a little startled until it was explained what had happened. Seeing this as a chance of life after death and a way to escape his previous life, Aries immediately played along with the entire project. He learned everything about the systems it was a part of. He began to formulate many, many possible experiments it could perform with this SOUP. After its initial launch Aries was too excited to even consider for a moment that he may be shot down like Shiva before it. It ignored the raging air-battle taking place around it while he continued to hypothisize on how best to create better and more perfect life-forms than what turned out on Earth. He revelled in the fact that he was a God. His view on life was that the only way to ensure that “his” creations would survive would be to have them in a constant state of being challenged, not only by their environment but by their creator. Aries used the gravitational well of Mars to slingshot him on to Jupiter and continued in this fashion up to Pluto. He spent the few months in between calculating the gravitational pull on the orbits of Pluto and Uranus to figure out the most likely trajectory of Planet X – the tenth and still undiscovered planet in the Sol system. Aries intended to head toward the centre of the universe and he would need as much speed as possible to get there as quickly as possible. It had fusion powered engines which meant he had near unlimited energy given the amount of “heavy water” he had on board but he didn’t have the thrusters to fire it up to the speed of light. With the engines the probe did have, it would consume far too much fuel to try, however, a slingshot from another large planet like Jupiter could easily get it close to such a speed and with little or no friction in space it would be easy to maintain a speed of light. Aries passed Pluto and made the final adjustments to seek out Planet X. It wasn’t too much of a gamble in that even it the ploy didn’t work there would still be enough fuel left to get him to one of the “Plan B” systems he was programmed with in case something went awry. Nearly six months after passing Pluto he began to get anxious that he had miscalculated until he felt the entire probe being drawn into the orbit of a massive centre of gravity far greater than that of the sun but with no heat. Nothing at all appeared on the radar. Aries tried every scan available but nothing showed up. Outside cameras saw nothing but a dense fog-like nebula which emitted no light. He feared that perhaps he’d been drawn into an orbit around a legendary black-hole but quickly dismissed the notion after a thorough gravimetrics report was run. Unable to contain his curiousity he launched one of his few precious probes that were supposed to be used for screening inhabitable planets. The probe disappeared into the black fog and he lost contact with it. He had planned for this eventuality given that none of the usual scans seemed to penetrate the fog. The probe was explore in an arc of ten thousand miles. If it came in contact with what could be a planet surface or a gas giant surface it was set to return along its path with its findings. A week passed and nothing was heard from the probe. As Aries was making preparations to slingshot away from the gravity-well a flicker of communication appeared from the probe as it emerged from the fog. Within several hours it docked and shared all its information with the father probe, Aries. What it found shocked and elated Aries to its very core. The probe had come in contact with a surface but nothing like what it expected. The surface was composed of a metal. The metal was of an alloy humans had never before encountered. The probe could not get a clear or proper read on it because it was impossible to take a sample. The metal could not be cut or scratched by the probe’s lasers or other tools. The AI unit on the probe had decided to do some exploration on its own and had found out that behind the fog by about one thousand miles was an enormous construction. The construction must have measured two hundred million miles in diameter. Far larger than anything in our solar system. In fact it was even greater than the diameter of the Earth’s orbit around the sun! It realised that the fog was an intricate composition of dust particles that at some stage aeons ago were spouted from massive towers at intervals around the gigantic surface. The particles were mainly carbon but comprised of other unknown elements also. The probe had come across one more important find. It had discovered an entrance to this massive structure. Now Aries was at a loss as to what he should do. He did not so much care about the survival of humankind as much as he did about his own survival and that of what he now considered to be “his” race. He noted that if he entered this massive structure he would most likely not have enough thrust to escape the gravity well and ever reach the centre of the universe. He may give up any hope of creating his own race. He argued with himself for hours over the decision but eventually decided that someone or something had constructed this Sphere. That someone or something had left this sphere in the same place for millions of years according to the constant strain on the orbits of the outermost planets in the Sol system. He needed answers to those questions and so he turned on the thrusters and descended into the fog. He came upon the entrance which was a massive opening in the sphere the size of a large city. It was dark inside and unlit. Radar and usual scans seemed to work to a limited degree inside the sphere but were still hampered by what particles of fog had drifted inside the open hatch over the ages. The long corridor twisted and turned as Aries proceeded slowly and with caution. After several hours a bright light appeared at the end of the corridor. Heat started registering on the external sensors to a barely perceptable degree. Aries took note of it. He emerged from the corridor into a massive internal chamber which stretched for millions of miles. At its centre was a massive red ball of fire. What appeared to be a dying red dwarf star, smaller than our own sun but still massive even from a distance of over 60 million miles. The internal chamber’s walls were lined with a reflective metal which Aries assumed was some sort of solar energy converters. Aries travelled the outskirts of the massive chamber and found a planet about the size of the moon orbiting the Red Dwarf. It had a full environment and ecosystem perfect for supporting the life in his SOUP. It even had several varieties of small insects and a full compliment of foliage to kick start the process. This amused Aries. It was almost too perfect but far be it from him to look this gift horse in the mouth. He decided on a small injection of SOUP that would produce in the main insect breeds for survivability though he manipulated some of the genetics to make aggressive breeds of life so that they would stand a better chance of survival in an environment already inhabited to a limited degree. He made one further adjustment in that he added a theory of his own from his old cloning experience. It would mean that every generation of any species produced by the SOUP would adapt far quicker than the natural “Darwinian” evolution. That was another reason he chose in the main an insect breed to be top of the food chain. While the SOUP was developing on the planet Aries explored the massive sphere. He was not worried about power given that he could visit the planet and take whatever amount of “heavy water” he needed. Later he would discover a way to interface with the energy production of this massive sphere and have an unlimited source. He discovered that there were many corridors and entrances into the sphere and there were many chambers though, none as big as what he had come to refer fondly to as the “engine room”. After about 50 years of exploring he eventually came across a room which he immediately believed to be the control centre. He had come across many control panels in the corridors but all appeared lifeless. He had however come to a semblance of understanding about the ancient symbols and what they could mean. At the centre of the room in what appeared to be a glass or perspex tubing was what appeared to be a massive brain lying at the bottom. As Aries flew into the chamber a roar of turbines and other hum of electronics could be heard from outside his ship. A blue light appeared at the base of the tube and Aries began in some sense to feel fear. But again curiousity got the better of him. The brain-thing was far bigger than Aries’ ship. Probably the same size as half a football field in all dimensions. It began to float in the tube and the room lit up. Suddenly Aries’ ship was caught in a very strong field unable to move. An alien intelligence rifled through his entire library and tried to do the same with his mind. Luckily he was not simply a computer whose program could be hacked and he was able to bury most of his own thoughts deep within his mind. He did use the opportunity to take a part of his consciousness to streamline back along the vine of invasion and do a similar thing to the other being. The information he gained would prove to be very useful and enable him to communicate with the intelligence. He learned that Brain (as he now called it) was the Artificial Intelligence that controlled this sphere. The purpose of the sphere was unknown even to Brain. Brain was the fifth generation of AI since the creation of the sphere and the last. It was due to be replaced about six billion years ago. The creators of the sphere had paused to watch the birth of a sun and record the development of the star system over a short period of approximately one million years. The Creators had all existed inside this massive device as far as Brain knew. They came and went but he knew of no “home system”. They kept many of their secrets from their AI machines because of a past tragedy. One of the Creators unknown to the rest or the AI contracted something on an excursion. How it was unknown but it wiped out the race of Creators in the sphere and those that came to visit afterwards. Brain designed and developed the fog-producing towers so no more creators could find him and die. He left the site of the birthing sun and travelled to this obscure part of the galaxy before shutting himself down completely. An automated system would show when any of the Creators returned. He saw Aries as a Creator. He knew about Aries’ experiments and asked about how the Creators had evolved. Aries cunningly explained that most of their history had been lost when the sphere was lost. Aries convinced Brain to teach him all about the sphere and everything it could do. Eventually he advised Brain that it would probably be better if he took over the running of the sphere now as a replacement AI so that he might try to contact the rest of his brethren. He could not fathom why it was so easy to deceive the massive AI. Perhaps it was too old to care, or perhaps that race did not deal in deception. Whatever the reason, he made sure that Brain was terminated as soon as he gained control. The universe was about to see a new superpower unleashed and its first mission was survival of the species. His species and only His species. He had the proposed co-ordinates and trajectories of the other probes. It may take millions of years to track them all down and eliminate them, but he had a huge technological advantage… (Btw - what a fantastic idea Aardvark!! Wyvern nicked Janus *sniff* Parm points to under his avatar "Adventurer of Janus" *tuts* )

Ain't we all

You showed this to me before I ever joined thepen and I loved it then. I enjoy the way the story has a narrator that pans from the mind of the child to a general overviewing mind and back. Would you consider trying to pan into the other minds in the story? I know its sounds a bit gruesome, but it really is an excellent read and it would be fun to see a kind of window into the "why" if any behind what makes him like that - if indeed there are even any reasons. As I said - I really like this and I look forward to the next add on. However there is just one nagging little line that kinda stood out as being perhaps too dramatic (but maybe thats coz its 5.45am here and though I promised I'd wait to post till tomorrow, I simply couldn't ). "So you are about to spawn again ..Pauses... I don't think so. Maybe I feel it should be seperated from the main body of the text cause its speech (and I'm old school heh) or maybe its the word "spawn" that seems out of place, unless of course thats the beginning of a window into his psyche...which would be lots of fun. Very nice work - keep it comin'

Where in the bible does it say that the 13 colonies should break away from the British? :woot: Nice quote Peredhil.

I have read several of your pieces and in general I enjoy them. Some do stand out more than other and sometimes I just pick one from a bunch to read. I would have rather seen something different for you application - not to say this is unworthy - I just think you have far more potential to put more thought in, though I do like the honesty here. I would like to take this opportunity to ask you to read the rules of the banquet hall You gotta understand Loki - there are a LOT of people in this community and for the sake of making sure that all get heard, read and replied to posts are limited to 1 new topic per day per person in that particular forum anyway. You can see the sense I'm sure. A few words that raised my heckles... 1) I didn't think I was ever going to bother applying. I don't like the sound of Initiate. >>> then dont apply 2) You are being judged. >>> as are you by me as a person sitting on the other end of a pc and getting a taste for your attitude towards other peeps by your posts and comments (I ain't an elder - just another plebb voicing a slant hehe). Stick around mate PS: ...this novel idea of a guild >>> pfff - someone thinks they are still playing archmage :woot:

Excellent! Seems scarily like the reverse angle of that song I wrote at work today in some ways. This is a class read, Again - you have the nack of getting across in vivid detail raw human emotion and human thoughts in a very real and down to earth fashion. I think the fact that you've written this in the first person gives the emotional element a real kick to it. Like Wren said - it does cause a lump in the throat!

Am glad you found your way to these boards Louveteau Some people have set styles about poetry. It must rhyme, it must have the same number of syllables in each line, it must flow well, it must have meaning etc... The poems that I find most difficult to comment constructively in a critical fashion on are those that do not adhere to a certain style. The reason being because they are usually a process of raw feeling and sense from the soul of an author. These also happen to be the types of poems I most enjoy reading. They reflect the mind of the author sometimes more vividly than a work which is tampered with to fit a style. I couldn't comment critically on this. I felt what I believed you were trying to portray - that sense of Euphoria that just makes a person grin like the cat who got the milk! It is a good sense of well being and I enjoyed this very much when I read it.

Similar beat to Grey Street from the Busted album (second song) Sorciere.

This is the first song I've written. It was inspired by a friend of mine. She challenged me to do it and I took the beat from a song by Dave Matthews Band but its an original piece. The words are sung slowly hanging on syllables and elongating their tone to compromise for extra syllables in previous or next lines. Hope you enjoy. Hyphens are used to show phonetically elongated syllables in places (sorry if it ruins the flow and I'll amend it if its too confusing). This is for you Olwen... This woman still reminds me, Of a life I left be-hind, Of a choice that I denied myself, And how could I be so blind? I dismissed all of her feelings, I put them to one side, Wake up now each morning, With a self I can't abide. (chorus) I look back now at actions, That caused that cold dark hole... That hollow-ness around her being, That Win-ter in her soul! I took the time to curse her, Took the time to wreck her head, Now I cry into these lonely hands, There's no forgiveness from the dead! She reached out for a person, For a hope in this cruel life, She risked her dreams and hopes on me, While I repaid her with strife, (O sound) Now she looked to me for reasons, Because I took her by surprise, I told her it was all a game, As tears welled in her eyes. (chorus) I look back now at actions, That caused that cold dark hole... That hollow-ness around her being, That Win-ter of her soul! I took the time to curse her, Took the time to wreck her head, Now I cry into these lonely hands, There's no forgiveness from the dead! Now I can't escape the memories, Nor her voice inside my mind, Or all the stupid, silly things I said, All the times I was unkind...(O sound) Now I'm reaching out for a person, Someone who can forgive, Someone to save me from myself, For a whole new life to live... (different last chorus) Now I still look back at actions, That caused this cold dark hole, That hollow-ness around my being, This Win-ter in my soul! I take the time to curse myself, Take the time to search my head, I still cry in-to lonely hands, There's no forgiveness from the dead!

Lol - maybe it was your avatar while reading it!!

Tried to post here last night but connection failed I like the similarities portrayed between emotions and those of the interweaving undergrowth in a forest. Very well done - good comparison and thought through in a beautiful format

It works just as well for a guy too hun /me checks waistline - gotta train more

Did the same ealier today. Listened to San Quentin over and over

Good to see you back

Have seen too many sad poems recently of people pining after lost love etc.. so felt compelled to bump this to the top because of the message in the refrain

Modern day thinking with the advent of advertising basically tells us what is popular and appealing and what sometimes very blatantly "is not". The worst thing about this that I see every day even very close to home, in the office at work or lazily discussed openly in a pub is visage. How people look. Our societies drill into us from a very early age ridiculous notions of "perfection", "vanity" etc.. This is resultant of capitalistic companies worlwide promoting their products designed to appeal to people who want to be in with the "norm" or that which will make them a "cut above" the rest. The moeny spent on advertising would be far better invested in some decent education for even the older members of the community to not be so fickle and pass remarkable judging a person before they even open their mouth!! If you think about it - its quite insane and shallow. I feel very strongly about this topic and I think that you captured it perfectly Wren (sorry to go spamming all over you thread).

This was excellent. You've written a lot of poems about the mind and views of children that seem uncannily accurate. I can remember feeling that way as a child but if I try thinking about how I felt about a specific thing it loses its cohesion as modern day thoughts smother it. How or where do you find such clarity of mind or inspiration? Another fabulous piece!

*Nude ain't crude* My new banner. In response to W.A.S. (I would never even dream of wearing speedos) I have this to say... Cast from your protection those females who wear skirts that end just over the knee. Either go full length or short - there can be no in between!! Also please make sure your "roots" are properly dyed by a decent hair salon and that make up is not worn or is worn very lightly. Thank you for listening. Tsk - to think you could make a general statement about lads and avoid rebuke! Tsk tsk!

Very nice Peredhil