Parmenion

I was very impressed with this work! I think it really hit the nail on the head with regard to America's foreign policy in the World today and for all intents and purposes - the social engineering that commonly takes young American minds and twists them to believe that a World does not exist outisde of the "great country". It is rare to hear a voice from within the USA who can have such an objective and critical view of whats going on. I tip my hat to you sir. With regard to Vincent's link I would only say that all countries are or have been stupid in many ways throughout their history. The problem with the general thought processes of many Americans is that they cannot see their own mistakes objectively. This poem highlites the wrongs of a nation but reflects for me more upon the ability of the author to take a step back and not look for arguments as to why certain things appear necessary. A difficult subject which in my opinion the auther tackled with finesse.

Ooooh I liked this! Good work Autumn_sun!

Enjoyed this - good work

I'm with her I like this poem and the serach implied! Tres bien!

It'll toughen the lad up Nice work Sorc!

There are many ways in the English language to express one's opinion other than cursing. The tone and manner in which you used it was very direct and very powerful - not necessary in my opinion. I ain't no saint - in that I have cursed in writing before but only in humour I believe (me runs to re-read all works for fear of being hypocritical). I'm disappointed. Thats my honest opinion.

Good work my dear. Roll with the good times

Losing control of my mind. Either via disease, head injury, whatever.

Or dish it out depending on the forum *chuckle* We should debate those words sometime...

Loved this! Read it like 5 times and didn't get bored starting it again. Timeless

Class! Three cheers for evil (whichever side that is). There was some very creative imagery in this. It is so definitely a tiny window of a massive story!! Please add more...maybe a 20 years later thingy or something. No limit to yer talents hun

I think this would make a grand song! Let me tell you about an Irish philosophy final exam about 15 years ago. One of the topics on the final exam to write about was simply: Why? One gutsy student or someone who didn't really care - either way, instead or writing the prescribed number of foolscap pages as a debate-type discussion he simply wrote: Because. Then left the exam hall. His paper hangs in Trinity college to this day and he was awarded first grade honours for the paper itself. Ain't life better so simple

The very last line was altered in case moderators deemed it unsuitable. It makes a reference to something that is widespread in Thailand and quite legal but the reference may not be suitable. Catch me on IRC and ask for the original and then you can make up your mind. Peace

This may seem rambling but bear with it - you may find its worth it. Grammatical errors are deliberate in most places as it helps the flow and falls under poetic licence in my book Rhyming using seal and kneel are also fine if you have my accent heh. Enjoy... St. 1 Riddled within and rotting away, Society is my death and decay, Though I try to wade through the fray, Challenge is waning with each passing day. All I can see are cogs in a wheel, Sucked into its clutches so young and I feel, Slavery is not just a physical kneel, More mental and sinister, from youth us does seal. Religion or tradition traps most every young mind, Right and the Left are the same I do find, Always they're preaching "Equality to all of mankind", Still Worlds remain - we're stuck in this bind? The First World's enlightened aren't so on the ball, To say...a Thai trader's life be-hind the stall, We haggle cheap prices and yet have the gall, To ridicule their laws - you make the call. One overweight side sues coz of foods, The flipside would ravish the fat it exudes, Knowing this only darkens my moods, We're not selfish chickens in rival broods. St.2 Snapping back now to my own dismay, At the problems facing the world of today, They begin at the root, They begin in the core, We barely co-operate at all anymore. They found humanlike bones a million years old, Often bad breaks were healed we are told, Before we could speak, Before we could greed, We helped fallen burdens to mend and to feed. If this is true, then have we devolved? Become less inclined to see things resolved? What can I do? What can I say? Could my children avoid my dismay? St.3 I shudder to think that life is a gift, When all I see is rift after rift, People tell me of problems in debts and in love, Can they even compare with things up above? Yet when I do my part to help close to home, Does that mean I have become one more clone? I scribble my protests long into the night, Unmotivated myself to take up the fight, Capitalism got me from a real early age, I tighten my purse - don't spend on my page, Conscience remains at the back of my skull, Well its useful for keeping my writing less dull!

I'll leave the commenting on structure to those who know what it is, keke, but it seemed a tad off beat on reading it the first time but not the second (maybe I'm just tired). On a constructive note I loved the title - nice play on words mate! The poem itself portrayed an easy to follow self-analysing/chivalrous type side for the protagonist which I must admit to being very fond of this writing style and I feel you did it justice. If I seem not to make sense I'll try explain better when less sleepy

Thats pretty good for a not being under the influence of some substance I also enjoyed the theme of time as Rhapsody pointed out. However, more so I enjoyed the fact that it begins as it ends with a person walking down a metaphor of life ("road"). For me the poem itself was a rambling walk (read) in a steady captivating fashion. I enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing

Thoroughly enjoyable - I hated having to go back to school!!

Very tasty!

*Chuckles* this was fun

I think your room will miss you too after this!

The poem I enjoyed. This line in particular struck me: " I wasted everything one you, Wasted it on stupid imaturity," Time spent learning in my humble opinion is not wasted, but I know thats not exactly a possible logical thought given the concept of the poem Mine is just a rambling observation so do forgive

Simple and natural - good work!

Well done *smile*

Damn I enjoyed this so much. This is really the kind of style I enjoy. Agree with Sorciere to an extent that sometimes it didn't flow as well as it could have but in fairness it didn't make the poem itself any less enjoyable for me. Well done - its a good piece!

This truly is a stroke of genius! What a really rewarding read!! It is a story I know very well and your telling of it in my opinion did it every justice. Bravo!