Rune

hehe, Gwaihir your silly. That was too good Aardvark, the multitude of Zombi fangirls are lining up outside as we speak.

whoa, very freaky. That one was good and seemed to fit the theme for P.J. well. If you rejected this one, I really need to go and read the new one.

aww its so cute, and kinda sad. hehe, the walmart line was funny.

hmm, very bold and direct. Painful..on both ends. Scary as well..because i sense rage..more than anger.

me thinks sic stands for spelling it correctly? although i dunno. spelling errors are fun! and that poem was uber coote.

Wow, this whole conversation is way over my head.. but without reading any of the responses and just reacting to the poem..i sort of like its obscure'ness. It's one of those poems you walk away from going "huh?" That doesnt make it bad, but it doesnt leave the reader with a sense of the poem and you, as the poet..it more leaves them with a sense of general thoughtfulness. Guess it really depends on what your looking for. To comment on that other post you made, where you explained the poem in detail... that post was an interesting read on its own! Im glad you posted both.

wow, that was really good. I like the repetition of "the rain?" at the end of each line. Reminded me of a chant in a way, and in reading I sped up each line as I went along which really added to the chanting feel. Thank you for sharing.

The poem flows well, structure and word wise. There arnt any mispellings or grammer errors that ive noticed. It's a good symbolic and image intensive representation of trying to say "i love you" the first time. It also maintains a single character perspective which minimizes confusion. The only part that sticks out, and only minor-like is this section: A storm brews in my head, Ever so violent it thrashes. Every thought of you, dead, My whole system crashes. The first part, regarding the storm..makes sense. He is trying to get his thoughts together to express his love but its like a storm. Only slightly confusing part is the "every thought of you, dead" and the word system for some reason feels out of place. This could just be my inability to connect with the poem in that particular spot and others may not have the same difficulty..but I wanted to comment and figured Id mention it.

er, i would assume disappeare is suposed to be disappeared? or disappear? and "bye" in "I see you walk bye," should be "by"? or is it symbolic? And im horrible at poetry but this is just an idea as well. For me, it flowed a bit more natural..but obviously it all depends on what you were going for. As I walk through the fields Where time has stopped The memories fall down. I see you walk by, I'm not sure what to do So I break down and cry. (at the very sight of you) Crumbling to the ground, Raining in my head, I'm not sure what to do I'd rather be dead. But it doesn't matter I wake up and you have disappeared.

Peredhil smiled to himself as the conversation with Rune ended. “Such a silly girl” he thought aloud before suddenly grabbing his head. Something had struck him, in a psychic sort of way. He stumbled before passing out for several minutes. Josh had let Tasslehoff go with little more than a tongue lashing about how it was improper to borrow things. Rune and Josh were making their way through the keep towards the Cabaret room. They stopped once or twice to ask a few people some questions and to properly introduce Josh to the locals. Josh, rather angry at the length of time this whole ordeal was taking, didn’t want to be introduced. But Rune insisted. “You have be respectful mister.” She wagged her finger in a motherly way. Peredhil woke with a start. His brow dripping with sweat and his hands ached from attempting to stop his fall automatically. “What just happened?” he thought to himself. Standing up on unsteady legs he grabbed hold of the wall for support. “There’s something nearby that is very powerful, either that or the shrimp scampi I had for lunch is getting to me.” With the last word he felt himself losing grip on reality once more as his vision went black and he fell backwards. Tumbling down the stairs he landed in a heap at the foot of the staircase he had been climbing. “meep!” came a sound from under the unconscious Peredhil. A few moments later Tasslehoff came scambling out from under the pile of Half Elf. “Hey, you should watch where your going feet!” he said as he waddled around to get a better look at whatever had fallen on him. “Peredhil!” he screeched. “Are you ok?” Helping the dizzy and bruised Peredhil to his feet the kender did his best to support him. “I’m not sure what happened.” Peredhil responded as he rubbed his aching temple. “But I do know something has got to be up those stairs. We should really figure it out, last time something like this happened we were cleaning slug juice from that giant gnome eating slug monster from the third realm for days.” “Is there anyone we can call?” the kender asked. Looking around for some sort of brave warrior or knight in shining armor to appear. Before Peredhil could get his thoughts straight Rune and Josh appeared in the hallway. “Peredhil!” She danced happily. “but what on earth happened to you? You look like you fell down some stairs.” “That’s cause he did Rune.” Tasslehoff responded matter-of-factly. Josh moved forward and touched his hand to Peredhil’s head before he could move. Unaware that the Half Elf was a master healer himself, he continued his spell. A soft blue glow came out of the the older man’s hand and bathed Peredhil in it’s light. His bruises disappeared and he suddenly regained his composure. Rune boggled at the ordeal. “What was that?!” she half shouted. “I am a druid” Josh responded, now it was his turn to be matter-of-factly. “Did you not wonder why I was able to transform into a bird?” “I thought druids could only transform into wolves” Rune responded. “Only in everquest my dear.” He patted the girl on the head playfully. She giggled at the small sign of affection. “Well that explains how you controlled Tassle, cause he is sorta like a pengie.. well at least he really likes pengies so maybe that’s how you did that.” Rune rambles on to convince herself that nothing is out of the ordinary in the entire situation. Peredhil, now having regained himself, looked towards the small party. “Well” he says, startling Rune who was busy concentrating on making everything work, “We need to figure out what’s going on.” The party discussed the details about the bird, and Josh’s arrival, and the dizzy spells that Peredhil was having.

Josh mumbled about how long this was taking while glancing at Tasslehoff, He stopped his interaction with the kender for a moment when Rune finished her conversation. "I will come and find you." and with that Rune ended the telepathic channel. "Did you find out where he was?" Josh asked, a hopeful look in his eye. "Oh, hmm..Well he isnt that great at giving directions... Plus, He is lost..so i dont where he is. Lets go find him, Come on... lets go!" She grabbed Josh by the hand and headed out towards the Cabaret Room.

Amazing Tassle. I give you pengies too!

Reminds me of how I felt about my parents when I was 15 or so. The constant pushing of someone who wants to be in your life when you feel that they in no way can understand what your going through. Without reading that last statement, it sounds like it is finished to me. When you throw in the fact that you dont think it sounds finished...suddenly I dont either. hehe. Maybe keep working on it and post the final when your done?

Your style is very rugged which makes it unique. Reminds me of something more akinned to a street style. Very difficult subject, but you put it together nicely. Thanks for sharing.

Your level of professionalism amazes me DoomGaze. You appear to be able to project your thoughts so well into your poems. They convey a very full sense, and read so naturally.. Thank you for sharing.

*boggles* After Cyril's comment I will just say that the poem was uber wicked and I like it. They all ignore their destiny It will all end eventually Procreating and recreating What’s the point of it all? To answer that question, I would have to say the point is simply .. what else do we have to do? Unless re-incarnation or the ideals of heaven are fact.. then you only get one life and you might as well enjoy it. Worrying about the end only brings one closer to it faster in my opinion. I know you didnt ask anyone to answer that question, but its always fun to do so I think. ^___^

hehe, too funny.

Great poem! It sounds kind of neat if you alternate the rhymes as well... I see it all as it slips away I know not why I did this Why did my life have to end this way? Or why everyone finds me so hideous I see myself as I float away I look back on everything I’ve done Why did I choose this pathway? I know I’ve let down everyone Everyone that’s close, everyone As I silently say farewell It all ends now, I will not fail again I hope they will all forgive

I struggled here: Surprised that I have no token, Of what these past years, perhaps because the line break makes me take a pause when reading and so I was a bit confused when I picked it back up. Could just be me though, others might not have the same problem. Great ending and great poem overall. Thanks for posting it.

yay! Welcome Archaneus! welcome welcome!

I.C.C.W.O.W. Rune chews on her fingers. "Umm.. I can't count? Hmm, no that can't be it, Im pretty sure I've heard him count before..although he could be talking about me, in which I'm not very good at counting so that is kinda true." The child rambles on attempting to decode the mystery letters. She thanks Tassle for helping her fix the tremedous mistake with the upside down writing! "Whew, that could have been a major disaster." OOC: Thanks for the nice comments everyone! You guys are uber wicked.

ewie, fishes are not my friend. Never been a fan..but im glad it turned out ok. and I saw that movie! and read that book.. highschool english.. whew, what a time.

Rune is totally lost but is gonna try and go with the flow. There is summertime, but no seasons in the land of doubles. There is love and devastation, but not a single emotion in the land of doubles. Rune boggles and waddles out of the room. There are penguins but no waddles! in the land of doubles! *giggles* ok ok, ill stop cause I dunno what im doing. There are deadlines, but no time in the land of doubles? There are duplicates, but no copies in the land of doubles. There are uncles..but no families in the land of doubles! There are ants, but no insects in the land of doubles..

Welcome! Rune runs up to Aldeen, taps him on the knee to get his attention, quickly shakes his hand and then runs off with an old man named Josh in toe. "Wait! wait just one moment..thats -tow- not -toe- Rune." "Ooo, sorries." The demon child blushes slightly. "silly words, always mispelling themselves."