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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

a conversation I had with a fool human


Gwaihir

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*lol* I ONLY have 2 cats for practical and hygienic reasons. If I would listen to my knack for meowing pets, I would actually raise a bunch of these. *lol*

 

Anyway, its fortunate that this bickering turns out to be fun, because I would have been genuinely bored.

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*Falcon walks in, obviously perturbed*

 

You're all wrong, us vampires have it the best.

 

#1: We live longer than humans, and normally much longer than elves. In fact, due to that entire undead thing, we've got a quite long lifespan. Right up there with Demigods and immortals, actually.

 

#2: We're pretty equalistic about who we consume. I mean, you can't be all that picky.

 

#3: We look pretty damn cool. I mean, we always look good in black with skin the color of bone and those slightly pointed ears that we look so much better with than those sissy elves. We've got better fashion sense too, y'know. I mean, you don't normally see a vampire lord without a nice billowing cloak in crimson or black and formal attire underneath.

 

#4: We have natural powers FAR outweighing either humans or elves. We have superhuman strength, the ability to hypnotize people, levitation, flight, and many many other things I can't remember for the life (death?) of me right now.

 

#5: We have a certain reputation in the bedroom that elves and humans just *smirk* don't.

 

#6: Vampire chicks are really hot.

 

#7: Vampires actually aren't allergic to silver, and really like the metal.

 

All in all, you'll see we're far superior. Now bow to your new vampire masters and hand over all valuables.

 

Cioden Darkeye

Quill-Bearer - The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

President of the Peredhil Fan Club

Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses

Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II

Council - The Hunters - Blitz II

Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta

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Triple Decker chocolate mocha cheese cake served on brownie foundation type thing.

 

Call me sucker for redheads, but i'm casting my vote towards the dryads... hehe.

 

revery

the dreamlost

"brrr, could somebody bump up the sun a few notches"

the dream continues...

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I just have to refute this... *evil grin*

 

#1) Vampires live longer then humans- until they step outside for a quick stretch, oops, its the sun, no more vampire. =P

 

#2) All that equal-opportunity consumption causes equal-opportunity vampire-slaying. One person, one whack on the stake.

 

#3) The coolness is debatable, especially since you smell like blood, decay, and open graves. And not even colonge/perfume covers *that* smell. (This is Daryl's (a werefox, who has a keen sense of smell) observation, but I trust his nose)

 

#4) Humans have sheer numbers- elves have sheer magical power (and their resistences to vampiric hypnotisim helps)

 

#5) Really? I've heard of many great human and elven lovers, but not vampiric lovers. Perhaps its the fact taht you suck the lady dry, and thus she can't pass on your fame?

 

#6) So are human and elven women. And most of them won't drink your blood.

 

#7) Yes, but the wooden stakes are a problem...

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Guest Lord Seth Exodus

Well now, I'm a bit late stepping into this conversation but I've a few points to make.

 

Bhurin, that raspberry cheescake from the fashion show *drool*

 

Vampires? Pasty skinned parasites, with bad dental hygene; also see: brother in law. Firstly, so much for a day job. Secondly, you sleep in a small box with a lid; not much room for a lady friend. And you've never seen a woman swoon as when a guy walks up and greets her with an accent; British or Australian especially. The clothes? 17th century garbs; I dress the same way myself; though with more silver than red. And, like Gyrfalcon said, a tic-tac doesn't take care of that "blood-breath". A hicky shouldn't cost you your soul. Granted, vampire chick are hot, but I want more from a woman than just a good suck. As for the ears, they don't work either way, vampire or elf.

 

Now, I take offence to the statments being made that humans are just ignorant masses who shoot first and ask questions later. Humans are brilliant stratagists. Human's have almost conquered the world how many times? Granted, they weren't always the most populare ideas, but the logic and skill was there, on both sides.

 

Sure Dwarves make incredible arcitechture, but it's all under ground. I'll take my four-floor, victorian house, and furnishings to a mountain tunnel, thank you very much. To quote Shrek: " Sure it's big enough, but just look at the location."

 

Now, I think Bhurin summed up the whole beauty in Elves vs. humans thing quite nicely. Nothing compares to the sleek outline of a human female in a satin dress as she glides over to you, and takes you hand in hers. Looking into her eyes, and being filled with exstacy never felt before by her touch. I think it nice when you are dancing cheek to cheek you don't worry about losing an eye on her ear!

 

Finally, nobility. "Long live the King!" "God bless the Queen!" "All hail, Lord...!" Human's wrote the book on nobility, respect, and proper form. Never do you find such elequence than at a royal reception. A low bow, a kiss of the hand, an address of " M'Lady" " M'Lord" " Your Highness" This is the respectable form of humans. This is the dignity and respect that they lay upon the deserving.

 

God made man in his own graven image. We are the closest thing to perfection ever made. The Lord blessed us with being first, and best in His eyes.

 

Point, set, match!

 

-Seth Exodus

Initiate of The Pen

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Guest Lord Seth Exodus

*Bows* Well, thank you very much. I never thought...*sniff*... I could win. Though, it was just a matter of logic, and applying the obvious. I only hope....*sniffle* that my work can benifit all in the future. Thank you again.

 

Yours truly,

Seth Exodus

Initiate of The Pen

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*Falcon bristles and narrows his eyes*

 

To re-refute Gyr's points:

 

#1. Vampires will live a heck of a lot longer, and it IS possible for a vampire to go out into the sun, just not for very long. Five minutes maximum. And so what if we can't go out when it's sunny...what else is cloud cover for, eh?

 

#2. See original point #4 on superpowers. We're far stronger than the humans, and many of us don't even sleep unprotected anymore so we're rather safe there.

 

#3. Hmph. I'd say Werefoxes don't smell all that great either, and I for one bathe regularly. Also, humans smell worse than we do, even when we don't bathe.

 

#4. Vampires bite humans, humans join Vampire ranks. Vampires bite elves, elves join vampire ranks. You know, if we actually tried, we could repopulate the world with vampires really quickly. The only reason we keep our numbers small is supply and demand. There's only so much food to go around.

 

#5. Obviously if you haven't heard of vampire lovers than you haven't read much about them. The main thing is that most vampiric lovers turn their victims so that they too become undead, so YES, they don't really spread the fame. BUT among other vampires, that doesn't apply.

 

#6. I like the entire pale skin look, myself. Did when I was human too. Now it's just much more plentiful. And said human and elven woman can be made into vampire women quite quickly.

 

#7. Do you realize how much those idiots miss with the stakes? I've woken up at least six times with one in my abdomen, shoulder, right chest, arm, and once in my LEG! I mean, it's not too much trouble to locate the heart, but they still have problems with it.

 

#8. We are the coolest looking supernatural race. I mean, what is the competition? Let's see here...

Imps? No, too completely annoying.

 

Trolls? Give me a break!

 

Zombies? Too no-brain-ish

 

Skeletons? Too no-flesh-ish

 

Werewolves? Ripping apart friends and family every full moon sounds REAL fun.

 

Werefoxes? See above, plus I don't like foxes.

 

Werebrutes? Giant evil canine/brute/thing is not good. 'Specially when he eats Succubis.

 

Ghosts? Too insubstantial.

 

Wyverns? No. Way. In. Hell.

 

Dragons? Very very close match. In fact, some dragons are cooler than us. But not many.

 

Angels? Way too stuck up.

 

Devils? See above.

 

Well, I'll leave you all with that.

 

Cioden Darkeye

Quill-Bearer - The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

President of the Peredhil Fan Club

Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses

Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II

Council - The Hunters - Blitz II

Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta

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Peredhil looks very confused.

 

You're not a Saberhagen Vampire.

 

You're not a D&D, AD&D, FARS, GURPS, Runequest, DragonQuest, Arduin Grimoire, Chivalry & Sorcery Vampire.

 

Would you be a Vampire based on the Anne Rice novels? Since I haven't read/played those, that would explain why I don't recognize many of your points.

 

I'm probably most familiar of course with the FARS Vampires, which are markedly different than what you describe.

 

Muses a while on Roz with a whimsical smile.

 

They at least, can't claim to live longer than anyone, being undead, and therefore suspended between death and life, neither one nor the other.

 

Perhaps both sides in this discussion are drawing from different worlds?

 

Looks at his watch and scampers away.

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I think his vampire is from the world of imagination...

 

And while it may not fit exactly with any of the other definitions, perhaps there is enough imagination left over amoungst us to find room for his very well articulated (in his world) creation.

 

~Zool~

Ancient, The Pen is Mightier than the Sword.

Bard of Terra, Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards.

Elder than dirt, more foolish than a jester, able to trip over the smallest logic in a single step. It's... Oh, you know.

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"Of course vampires suck... WooHoo!!" Zool jumps excitedly then starts handing out facemasks and hockey sticks.

 

" Now it's getting interesting!"

 

 

~Zool~

Ancient, The Pen is Mightier than the Sword.

Bard of Terra, Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards.

Elder than dirt, more foolish than a jester, able to trip over the smallest logic in a single step. It's... Oh, you know.

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Carbone was eating her food in the kitchen and she heard the bickering outside. She, of course, doesn't understands it and decides to check for her mistress. Unfortunatly for her, her mistress is at the other edge of the Cabaret looking over the show, so that means that she got to walk through that noisy crowd, avoiding their contact as much as possible to reach her mistress. Carbone decides to return to the Manor of Tongues and to climbs to stair, on toward her "terrictory" and jumps on the futon.

 

Sleeps better for me. No cat here.

 

Meanwhile Cambronne was also looking for his mistress and looks at the crowd and, unlike his counterpart, decides to make his way through the crowd by rubbing his side on everyone he comes across.

 

Lots of legs where I can mark my odor. There's the boss.

 

He jumps on a chair next to Celes' and meowls while rubbing his nose on her elbow.

 

- "Allô mon chat!"*, exclaims the Frenchie while rubbing his head

 

Then, people looked over Celes, finding out that the thing that walks by them was no other than the almost-panther Cambronne.

 

- "You see?", adds Celes, "I've told you that this discussion was pointless. For him, you were all the same. Beings on witch he can leaves his odor on. Wheter you were a Vamp, an Elfe or a Wyvern, didn't matters to him."

 

The Frenchie ends her speech with a burst of laugh.

 

*"Hello my cat!"

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Don't let him get too close to the Wyvern...

 

Unless he has suddenly taken up a low-fur diet.

 

~Zool~

Ancient, The Pen is Mightier than the Sword.

Bard of Terra, Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards.

Elder than dirt, more foolish than a jester, able to trip over the smallest logic in a single step. It's... Oh, you know.

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My Eye!

Nyyark puts on an eye patch

 

Oh well it wasn't a total loss. I look like a pirate and can say I lost it in the elf and vampire coolness war.

NyyarkCoolFactor = NyyarkCoolFactor + 1

 

No say that humans aren't the best. They have cool eye-patch Pirates!

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No actually, using C coding decreases your cool factor

 

It means your smart and probably nerdy.

 

Being Nerdy gives you a cool factor of 2, and even if you manage to bring it up to 5, you still don't get the untouchable to projectiles skill.

 

As it is My Pirateness gives me a - 1 one, modified by an additional one - for being presented in Basic code format.

 

In C my modifier would have bee a - 2, leaving me one less than I had.

 

In some cases with a -3 to my coolfactor.

 

Now this is minute compared to the -6 modifier for being one of the only elves at the Pen, and the -4 for easily sunburning, but It is still sufficient to upset my coolfactor balance.

 

I need this balance to retain any Coolness at all while still being "Crow-boy". For some reason that modifies my coolfactor by a -3 around everyone but Crows, Goths, an I.

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Nonono, my young friend.

 

Pirate-ness is always a plus. Have you ever seen a movie/story/show that wouldn't benefit from an infusion of pirates.

 

Look at the Hymn to Dionysus...Pure Greek Gold there, and it's all due to the pirates.

 

I have yet to encounter anything that couldn't possibly be bettered with the infusion of pirates.

 

Arrrrr....

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