Loki Wyrd

I always enjoy nature poems, it's good of you to share. One question though...what's it look like to see a hawk running through the air? Oh yes, and you may wish to consider running a spell check. I'm a hypocrite, I never do, but I just noticed a couple typos. No big deal.

Anything that involves the word destroy has me won over. I think I actually liked the 2nd stanza the best though, specifically the second line...it's a good line. I have a few simple grammatical/spelling changes I'd like to suggest (or point out actually), do you mind?

It's good you posted it, it's always nice to be able to read another's work. I think I liked the 1st stanza the most, and from it you might be able to draw a title. Personally I don't put much stock in titles, but when all else fails the first line of a poem usually works.

How is it that you have 0 posts by your name, yet here I am reading one of your posts? It's an interesting topic you chose to write about. Your first stanza seems a little out of sorts, you may want to try rewording it a little. I could offer some suggestions if you'd like. Good 2nd stanza though.

Good luck in coming up with something. Don't feel like you have to force it though, sometimes patience pays off.

Well, well...welcome to the glamorous life of the initiate. I bet I can go find you a nice clean spot on the ground to sleep on, and if you're lucky you may get thrown the occasional scrap of food. It's unintentional I assure you, but it doesn't make it taste any worse. Congrats on your acceptance.

I've been writing some more today. This time I have four things to share. I can't scribble away fast enough To cover up all this shit Mistakes I've made without a sound But with a pencil in my hand ---------------------------------- I think I'm a schizophrenic, And I know I'm drug dependent. Though I've never taken anything It all seems so clear; If it wasn't for my phobias I wouldn't know what to fear. My panic attacks come and they go; How's a guy to be certain if he just doesn't know? ---------------------------------- Where does all my anger go Hidden away inside Locked up without reprieve Until suddenly... It bursts My fury unleashed Unremitting and overwhelming Destroying all I touch ---------------------------------- I never woke up Feeling rested and reassured The night before's events never transpired Just a nightmare A dream gone terribly wrong I've been considering adding another line to the last one, but I just don't know. Right now I feel it has a high level of uncertainty, and I like that, but another line could pull it together and maybe add something. I can't help but writing, forgive me for posting just anything, but I get a kick out of sharing - most of the time (see first one).

Hehe, randomness is good. In the future it would be good of you to limit yourself to posting one thread in the Banquet Room a day, so things don't get cluttered. If you have multiple writings you'd like to share you can include them within the same thread. It's good to see you anxious about posting though, and watch those multiple posts (I'm referring to the accidental multiple posting of this thread now ).

*looks at your name* Do I notice a theme?

Thank you. You mean the part where I talk about having to kill X-Sabre, right?

Welcome aboard mate. I don't know anything about poetry, but I look forward to reading what you have to post nevertheless.

I'm with vlad, the style works well. Maybe consider changing the 3rd stanza 4th line to something like "Hide you must" - think that would be any good?

If you hadn't guessed, it has finally ended. I wrote it up in a hurry when I did get to writing, but I hope it maintained a certain level of coherency. I'll have to read it over, and improve upon it later. I probably was a little long-winded at the beginning, and later on things might have broken down, but it can't be helped - the words of the lazy.

He awoke to find her Lying peacefully beside him Beautiful in her innocence Perfection trapped in time This moment would be his forever While her lifeless figure faded I've been writing too much. I think I need to start waiting for inspiration instead of just pushing ahead all the time. But...what...do...you - think? Any gooey goodness within?

Happy real bday~~> :wizzie:

I enjoyed how it came together at the end, very clever.

http://www.themightypen.net/public/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif I just noticed I mispelled delirium....why, oh why can't I edit a title? The '...' signified an advancing in time from the main part of the poem to the last stanza...almost as if I were to have slept, and woken up to find myself hardly remembering the day before.

It's good you didn't try apologizing, or you would have had some serious fist shaking coming your way. I'm glad you liked it.

Lost in delirium, On the way down To hell or wherever I am to be bound. Talking with myself, The only one I can, The rest are illusions; So is man. What can I trust If not my mind? Not distance or proportion, And certainly not time. Don't mind the voices That follow you to bed, We're not out to get you, We're to get out of your head. ... Things are all foggy, Lost in the haze; Memory is nowhere When all is a daze. ------------------------ Look towards the window That is not made of glass It is water A pool you find yourself in Looking out Dripping into it You cause a ripple Your presence felt throughout You are within Continuing to lose yourself Drop by Drop And yet there you are I basically just wrote these now. The first one doesn't seem very different from a lot of things I write, and the second...well, it's probably best not to speak of the second. I think writing my story caused me to want to write these two. Oh well, casualties of war...

Short and to the point...makes it much more likely for me to read it. *nods* I'm sure we've all been there at some time in our lives.

Hmm...interesting, though the last staza seemed to throw me a little. I see what you're getting at (I think), but it just comes off a little awkward to me.

Haha, nice. Seems almost cynical.

I like it, thanks for sharing.

Happy almost~~b~day~~> :wizzie: