Parmenion

Excellent Regel! Good meter and Rythym coupled with a keen eye for interesting description. I very much enjoyed this read. I particularly liked the lines: His face a closed story With no life of its own Frozen contempt Shards of glass, broken bone. Was thinking that maybe an extra word in the third line like Frozen with/in contempt might help the flow by lending an extra syllable. Regarding homeless people and my subjective opinion. I have little or no time for them. I used to work the streets selling as a street vendor years ago. I remember one specific girl who used to prod her baby's bum with a pin to make it cry in the hope of getting more attention and more money. I knew another guy who made a mint swindling money out of people by saying he needed train fare to get to a job interview. Regardless of whether you are there by circumstance or by choice there are agencies and places out there to help. If pride stops these people from seeking help and genuinely wanting to change their circumstances then they have learned nothing about human society and how it functions and in my personal opinion deserve their fate.

Brilliant! - fast paced, easy flow and a fun oul tale of what all us men secretly think about...shhhh.....

So you didn't fly into my arms, Nor accept my fingered kiss, The first words you spoke berated me, "Why did you not do this?" No hello or how are you, Until your tongue had run, No smile or touch unto my hand, No glimpse of a hidden sun. Aye, but you had a stressful day, Couldn't afford affection's price, You waited 'round that extra hour, Sure wasn't that enough of being nice? There I sat in silent daze, Longing to tell you i missed you so much, But could not risk that depth of words, As you might think I need your crutch. The evening though went well then, As did the following morn, Then I imposed upon your house, And was met with skeptical scorn. You warned the night it would be long, That I should get some sleep, I saw you then in your new dress, And my heart did skip and leap. Your form was far the better, And you met me with kind eyes, You hugged and laughed and sparkled, As the stars hung in the skies. We danced and laughed and chatted, As night turned to early morn, But as the party ticked along, I faded 'fore sun was born.

Athena blessed this raven lass, Incandescent in her ways, Sincere, forthright, without being crass, Hypnotic with her gaze. Living life at her own pace, In all she did and said, Never giving up her space, Gods! She hogged the bed! Half smiles play around her lips, On thoughts inside her head, Like a nymph she sways her hips, In gestures left unsaid! Away she flits whenever she flares, No subject is she for eyes and stares.

One of these days an American is going to have to explain the whole base system to me. I mean like why do you guys have to talk around a subject instead of getting straight to the heart of the matter?

Very good work again little one. Apologies about being rude on Sunday but I was quite drunk and couldnt read the screen. Hope everything is fine and will see you soon since you ain't online.

I believe it is eminently possible to interrupt the voiceless. If voiceless is taken as being a metaphor, then one can draw from history to say that during the women's suffrage in the late 19th and early 20th century the women who were protesting their lack of voice (or vote) were interrupted as many were carted off to prison. In that context a voiceless person may be interrupted. The same could also apply in retort to ageist philosphies whereby an older person would shout down a child or younger person unwilling to hear their arguments or point of view because they think they know better. Therefore the younger feels as though their words are but smoke in the wind and they are voiceless, or to put it another way bereft of opinion in the face of someone who doesn'y hear it. Hope this addresses your query Rev, and happy xmas and new year to you and yours.

:*

Happy birthday man

brilliant - pure genius my friend !

just read this again like I hadn't read it before - still as good second time round. Save this one lass, its a masterpiece.

Well done Charlie. A very perceptive piece.

Reminds me of the struggle many people face in many situations... Children not being allowed to have opinions because adults think they know better. Younger siblings being kept in the shadows regarding their opinions because of the strength and mental bullying of older siblings (I remember being particularly good at this when i was younger and don't think I have lost the knack ). Partners who are pschologically bullied by those of stronger character in relationships. The poem is a very apt window looking out from such a situation which describes the victim's emotional distress , duress, lack of understanding regarding such mistreatment and the inevitable result of such mental abuse. That being the protagonist's gathering of strength and mental stability to themselves. The protagonist gains what every victim in such a a situation will gain - strength of character and a greater sense of self. So the reality of the poem for me is very accurate abd believable lending credance to the description. The repetitive style used to drive home the points being made was used for me with the right weight at the right times stamping into the reader's mind the main issues being dealt with. As Zariah quoted, that stanza is a fantastic image! I do believe this poem marks a turning point in your ability as a poet. It shows the depth and intricacy you have learned to shape words and sentences; that you have learned how to use complex imagery to convey your messages and that you can take subjects objectively and tackle them with the ability to portray a a protagonist who could exist in a number of possible situations without diminishing the weight of any one in particular - this makes your poem have a much broader base and a more encompassing appeal in general to readers. I think I am already at the stage of learning from you.

A good poem that I did enjoy reading. Tackled the subject in a very tasteful manner. Well done. I do however think, that it should be placed into the Scarlett Pen...yes, no?

Excellent! A nice message

Both very enjoyable

I have every confidence you can do this no bother to you psimon

I read 2 books by David Gemmel many years agao called Lion of Macedon and Dark Prince. In it was the character of Parmenion. Loosely based on the heroic Parmenion, one of Alexander the Great's best generals and a general of his father Prince Phillip before him. The film lies by the way Parmenion was one of the best battle tacticians ever to have lived. Alexander only ever lost one battle and that was when Parmenion was not at his side. Parmenion never lost a battle.

moi aussi

Looking through logs I wonder, At the ports I've called my home, I'll not again berth in them, Yet I'll never be alone. But one port stood out diff'rent, Like a jewel in strong moonlight, Her bay shaped like a curving smile, Her spires' unique delight! My life this cloth and timber, My direction is my wheel, Home port this gorgeous lady, Whose heart I tried to steal. Emotions are the winds of life, Calm or strong in sail, Navigation maps my logic, See me safe through any gale! I traded cargo to her, And fair winds they came my way, I would make her as my North... But my maps would go astray! <-- comedy I nestled in her harbour, On those long hot sunny days, Dreamt of pirates off her coast, I'd sink or set ablaze! My heart this cargo in me, My memories - ship's logs. Oceans see opportunity, Lost in Fate's fickle fogs, The crew my friends and family, Sail me safe through any storm, But home port I hear her calling, To repair me back to form! The seas and squalls they led me, Onto cities fair and bright, Yet none have held her charm, Or looked as stunning in moonlight. There's cargo in my hold for her, Her course still in my maps, But if I'll harbour in her port... We'll have to see...perhaps...

Smartass You are 100% Rational, 71% Extroverted, 71% Brutal, and 71% Arrogant. You are the Smartass! You are rational, extroverted, brutal, and arrogant. You probably consider people who are emotional and gentle to be big pussies who are obviously in lesser stature than you. You have many flaws, despite your seeming intelligence and cool-headedness. For instance, you aren't very nice. In fact, you're probably an asshole. And you are conceited and self-centered. Not only that, but you are very loud and vocal about all this, seeing as how you are extroverted. There is no better way to describe you than as a "smartass", I'm afraid. Perhaps just "ass" would do, too. But that's a little less literary and descriptive. At any rate, your main personality defect is the fact that you are self-centered, mean, uncaring, and brutally logical. To put it less negatively: 1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive. 2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted. 3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle. 4. You are more ARROGANT than humble. Surprise surprise Of course my g/f does see the "weaker" caring side of my personality, yes i do have one!

Happy birthday man, hope you had a good one *sorry for the late note hehe*

FANTASTIC! To think that gem was sitting up inside your skull and all you needed was a tiny push to get it out! I think you can see yourself the difference in the tale. This one has a beginning, a middle, an end, a journey, realisations, premonitions - its got it all! Its not just a description but has a LOT of angles that the reader can get stuck into There is just enough vagueness throughout that allow the readers minds of their own as to what is being discussed, what is happening. I think that aspect suits your piece well. Because despite coming across as a very personal piece, this poem goes a long way into giving the reader great insight without giving too much. In so far as it continues to flow and move along without getting "stuck" on personal hang-ups too long. So its personal but practical. This poem has a lot of very likeable traits some of which I have mentioned above. The thing that binds all these traits together to give it that strength of character and depth of meaning as a poem is the structure you have used. You built the poem up. It starts off in a wandering manner but becomes mroe and more focused as it goes along. Its like waking from a dream somewhat groggy but the world around quickly focuses into a recognisable shape and pattern. "Your way is the only way, I have no worth. Question me, you never believed in me. Father, King of Hurt." This stanza blew me away. Its honesty, bluntness and very direct accusation is both striking and painful. For one to call their father, the King of Hurt and mean it lends the reader some inkling of the enormity of Hurt the protagonist faced. (Being from a family such as that I can certainly identify with the sentiment - just wished I'd thought of the stanza first ). Then the stanza is followed masterfully by: "Loveless life of fear and negativity: The life you lived and know so well. This your gift? Your legacy?" All children DO look to their parents for guidance. Having been from a family in which both parents are quite "stupid" with regard to their responsibilities in those roles, I can again very much identify with the gravity of this stanza. The parent of the protagonist in this instance has no sense of the responsibility of their position or role. The fact that the protagonist relaises this in a questionning manner shows a glimpse into the mind of the protagonist. We can see how much further advanced a mind he/she has compared with the mind(s) that he/she was raised by, and not in an arrogant or superior fashion, but humbly so in a questionning manner. The you go on to describe the "3" you brought up regarding mothers in a quick paced and well structured manner. Suddenly the poem BURSTS into a realisation with: "YOU’RE the artist of what you live. Blame the man blame the moon but Life delivers what you give." That paragraph has just the right amount of energy at the right time. It cuts like a knife through the abandonment and loneliness of the preceding stanzas with a powerful reminder that life is what you make of it. This sets the tone for the next stanzas. The words in the stanza are quite clever...artists create...or...you create what you live like, life delivers what you put into it. Make an investment in life, you get a return. Thats what this stanza implies in a ncie practical manner. The story carries on further. Beacuse we have already seen the pieces of history that have occured in the past we can appreciate more so the journey that arrives at this stanza: "It’s no wonder, to him I cleaved 8 years of sorrow, disappointment and grief I had no view of what life could be." This stanza carries much more weight because of the journey to get here. As a direct result of that journey we (the reader) can easily see how such a long length of time as 8 years could be wasted, given that there were no premises of what was good living and what was bad living set out for him/her as an example during his/her childhood. The pinnacle, is the line "I had no view of what life could be". Its a regretful tone that such a length of time was lost, but its not regret bereft of hope. There is a lingering sensation of hope because of the "You're the artist" line. The reader feels that despite this perilous and trying journey, the protagonist, who has endured so much will still win through. You last three stanzas made me feel like I feel when I play "O Fortuna" really loudly. My blood ran cold and my hairs on the back of my neck stood up!! Those last stanzas are the creshendo of feeling and expression the poem has been building up to. They state quite boldly - yes I faced this, yes I went through it, yes it was bloody hard, but life is going to have to do a whole lot worse to keep me down!!! Quite Brilliant IMO You have incorporated into this poem every element the reader could possibly need to grow fond of the protagonist and to start rooting for her nearer the end, wanting her to win through. As compared with the poem at the very top. We had something whereby an emotive state was described (quite well also) but it went nowhere and one felt that the protagonist in that instance may aswell do the world a favour and get it over with. Now in comparison we can see that your second poem in my opinion was far superior to the first. You thought about the second. You used certain elements and things to grab the reader's attention. You told a story, took a journey and came up with some useful questions and insights that grabbed and challenged the minds of the readers. So what can we deduce from this? We can look at how the respective poems were written. We can deduce that an exploration of ourselves in the form of a poem can be done in a fashion that helps us to explore ourselves as well as helping to create a journey for the person reading our work. Poems can and will be written often times without the reader in mind, but it when you bear in mind that your poem will be read, you can become aware of the fact that you have an opportunity to get across a message to others. Just as the character in your poem thought that a parent should provide more than just negativity, lovelessness and fear, I feel that it is the duty of the poet to provide messages to their reader. We can provide messages of negativity with no story, but would that not just breed melancholy and more negativity especially in the young who read our works? I feel that in our messages we have the opportunities...no...we have the obligations on us to show balance and to some extents - entertain A pleasure reading your work Tattered - you did it

FANTASTIC! To think that gem was sitting up inside your skull and all you needed was a tiny push to get it out! I think you can see yourself the difference in the tale. This one has a beginning, a middle, an end, a journey, realisations, premonitions - its got it all! Its not just a description but has a LOT of angles that the reader can get stuck into There is just enough vagueness throughout that allow the readers minds of their own as to what is being discussed, what is happening. I think that aspect suits your piece well. Because despite coming across as a very personal piece, this poem goes a long way into giving the reader great insight without giving too much. In so far as it continues to flow and move along without getting "stuck" on personal hang-ups too long. So its personal but practical. This poem has a lot of very likeable traits some of which I have mentioned above. The thing that binds all these traits together to give it that strength of character and depth of meaning as a poem is the structure you have used. You built the poem up. It starts off in a wandering manner but becomes mroe and more focused as it goes along. Its like waking from a dream somewhat groggy but the world around quickly focuses into a recognisable shape and pattern. "Your way is the only way, I have no worth. Question me, you never believed in me. Father, King of Hurt." This stanza blew me away. Its honesty, bluntness and very direct accusation is both striking and painful. For one to call their father, the King of Hurt and mean it lends the reader some inkling of the enormity of Hurt the protagonist faced. (Being from a family such as that I can certainly identify with the sentiment - just wished I'd thought of the stanza first ). Then the stanza is followed masterfully by: "Loveless life of fear and negativity: The life you lived and know so well. This your gift? Your legacy?" All children DO look to their parents for guidance. Having been from a family in which both parents are quite "stupid" with regard to their responsibilities in those roles, I can again very much identify with the gravity of this stanza. The parent of the protagonist in this instance has no sense of the responsibility of their position or role. The fact that the protagonist relaises this in a questionning manner shows a glimpse into the mind of the protagonist. We can see how much further advanced a mind he/she has compared with the mind(s) that he/she was raised by, and not in an arrogant or superior fashion, but humbly so in a questionning manner. The you go on to describe the "3" you brought up regarding mothers in a quick paced and well structured manner. Suddenly the poem BURSTS into a realisation with: "YOU’RE the artist of what you live. Blame the man blame the moon but Life delivers what you give." That paragraph has just the right amount of energy at the right time. It cuts like a knife through the abandonment and loneliness of the preceding stanzas with a powerful reminder that life is what you make of it. This sets the tone for the next stanzas. The words in the stanza are quite clever...artists create...or...you create what you live like, life delivers what you put into it. Make an investment in life, you get a return. Thats what this stanza implies in a ncie practical manner. The story carries on further. Beacuse we have already seen the pieces of history that have occured in the past we can appreciate more so the journey that arrives at this stanza: "It’s no wonder, to him I cleaved 8 years of sorrow, disappointment and grief I had no view of what life could be." This stanza carries much more weight because of the journey to get here. As a direct result of that journey we (the reader) can easily see how such a long length of time as 8 years could be wasted, given that there were no premises of what was good living and what was bad living set out for him/her as an example during his/her childhood. The pinnacle, is the line "I had no view of what life could be". Its a regretful tone that such a length of time was lost, but its not regret bereft of hope. There is a lingering sensation of hope because of the "You're the artist" line. The reader feels that despite this perilous and trying journey, the protagonist, who has endured so much will still win through. You last three stanzas made me feel like I feel when I play "O Fortuna" really loudly. My blood ran cold and my hairs on the back of my neck stood up!! Those last stanzas are the creshendo of feeling and expression the poem has been building up to. They state quite boldly - yes I faced this, yes I went through it, yes it was bloody hard, but life is going to have to do a whole lot worse to keep me down!!! Quite Brilliant IMO You have incorporated into this poem every element the reader could possibly need to grow fond of the protagonist and to start rooting for her nearer the end, wanting her to win through. As compared with the poem at the very top. We had something whereby an emotive state was described (quite well also) but it went nowhere and one felt that the protagonist in that instance may aswell do the world a favour and get it over with. Now in comparison we can see that your second poem in my opinion was far superior to the first. You thought about the second. You used certain elements and things to grab the reader's attention. You told a story, took a journey and came up with some useful questions and insights that grabbed and challenged the minds of the readers. So what can we deduce from this? We can look at how the respective poems were written. We can deduce that an exploration of ourselves in the form of a poem can be done in a fashion that helps us to explore ourselves as well as helping to create a journey for the person reading our work. Poems can and will be written often times without the reader in mind, but it when you bear in mind that your poem will be read, you can become aware of the fact that you have an opportunity to get across a message to others. Just as the character in your poem thought that a parent should provide more than just negativity, lovelessness and fear, I feel that it is the duty of the poet to provide messages to their reader. We can provide messages of negativity with no story, but would that not just breed melancholy and more negativity especially in the young who read our works? I feel that in our messages we have the opportunities...no...we have the obligations on us to show balance and to some extents - entertain A pleasure reading your work Tattered - you did it

That sounds like quite an anti-social policy. If its a case that school funding is going to be based on how well the students do, then by-proxy the richer schools can afford to "buy" the best teachers leaving inner cities to fend with the bottom of the barrel teacher-stock. This would lead to more and more education issues for the inner city areas with the only out being to join the military to get a decent education. Ultimately, for a country which invests more in its military than the combined investment of the other 7 members of the G-8 this sounds like a pretty smart capitalistic tool! That would mean that the country continues to draw "fodder" for its armies with the promise of reasonable education. So the personal for the military never diminsh because education is based on a capitalistic philosophy as opposed to a social one. The premise however of the capitalistic philosophy is that it serves the interest of the nation to be utilising a resource which otherwise is merely a drain on the economy via crime, unemployment benefit etc... Of course this is a similar but more subtle variation of Stalin's policies of impressing the anti-social, criminals etc.. into his forced labour camps. Still quite a brilliant strategy from a national perspective.