Alaeha

Yay! *POUNCE* *Hugs!* Welcome back! Missed you.

"Tying me, is it?" Lysil demanded, standing a few feet behind Daniel. "How am I supposed to cower in the corner with the other women if I'm tied up?" "I didn't say you had to cower." Daniel began. "You didn't have to. It went without saying. While you're off having your fun and saving the kingdom, I'm supposed to sit at home like a good little girl and practice embroidery, or knitting, or help with the laundry, or something else that's ladylike." Lisyl sneered. "Or, of course, I could look for a suitor, except that all the men but the servants will be out 'saving the kingdom' with you." "What does any of that have to do with cowering? It's all perfectly acceptable behavior for a young lady." Kauble asked. Silencing him with a gesture, Daniel turned a serious look on his daughter. "Lisyl, you're seventeen. I have no intentions of letting you die before I do. I want you to stay safe." "Safe. It's always 'Safe'." She spat. Turning her back on him, she stalked away. As she rounded the corner, she heard her father speaking with Kauble. "My orders stand."

I stumbled over the first line... but then I thought for half a second and adjusted boiling's pronunciation from "boy-ling" to "boy-il-ing". Then it was fine. Personally, I think it's fine the way it is. The phrasing on this piece is really ambiguous though, I think. Probably because you use line breaks to imply a pause in some places, but not in others. It wouldn't be unreasonable to read it as if there were a comma between the two lines "I'll do it now If just for kicks" but obviously there's no pause in "if only you would look at me." The last two lines seem to come really suddenly, without any sort of cue leading up to them... but other than at least some manner of punctuation for the sake of clarity, that's all I can think of to suggest right now. Nicely done!

This reminds me of a poem I read for my literature class. One of the opening lines went something like "abortion won't let you forget". This seems more like struggling over whether or not to give a kid up for adoption... I like this... it's a really saddening piece. Double-binds really, really suck. *Hugs*

This isn't a madlib... but rather an observation... Purple Passion sounds like a perfume. Or maybe a body wash. If it isn't, it should be.

Sorry... I was doing on sort of a Ritchie-istic Douglas Adams kick this morning or something I guess. (The way I look at it, I'm 16 going on 60... but then... I'm odd like that)

*Confused* So is it 62th, or 42rd? Either way, Happy Birthday! *Hugs*

Piece has been dissected with a scalpel. Remnants PM'd back with suggestions for improvements. Note: Poems are not like birds. They work just as well when you take them apart to see what makes them work. ~A slightly less dead (more fresh?) Alaeha

1) A Unit of Time: The duration of an Almost-Dragonic Warranty. 2) Name of a City: Boring (A city in Oregon) 3) Name of a River: Euphrates 4) A location: behind the skeleton in the closet 5) Adjective: Slithy (So I stole it from Jabberwocky...) 6) Plural noun: cute widdle bunny wabbitses 7) Verb Ending in "ing": skipping Adjective: pert 9) Type of Family Relative: Wife-in-law 10) Noun: Mechanical Pencil 11) Plural Noun: Empty 2-liter bottles of Dr Pepper 12) Name of a Street: Not Main Street 13) An emotion: Red Hot Apathy 14) Verb in past tense: contracted 15) Three Initials (example: ABB): WTF 16) Type of Animal: Gazelle 17) Plural Noun: Brown paper bags 18) A Junkfood: A Hostess Twinkie 19) Adjective: Filthy 20) A Liquid: Post-dated Root Beer

I read it and immediately thought of the "Kid" from Robert Asprin's Myth series, in "Little Myth Marker." It could use some smoothing... but my brain is dead. I'll get to this later if you'd like.

Loneliness by definition is a bad feeling. It's the unfulfilled desire for company. If you don't desire company, and don't have it, that's called solitude. </Snob> My inner English Professor strikes again!

"I'm not a pessimist. I'm a realist." Except that I prefer the term cynic, becaus it works in neat letters like y and n. Nicely done. Don't really have much to suggest except maybe lengthening the line about mental exploits for the sake of the otherwise regular meter.

Hmm... Odd. I could actually read this as a poem. I think the formatting managed to convey the hurried, frantic pace well. I loved that, and I'm not sure I can quite explain why. *Hugs* Nicely done.

And horses will charge? I like this. The last stanza, and especially the last line, are so unexpected... Very nicely done.

No... waiting for inspiration is the #1 cause of writer's block. You can write about anything. Speaking of gooey goodness, I should write a poem about Rolos sometime. Or something like that. This has potential, I think. It leads into a Monty Python skit beautifully. "She's dead." "She's resting."

Yes. Now that it actually is the right day... Happy Birthday! *Hugs*

Hey! My digestion problems are none of your business! (Thanks for fixing it. Just had to... err... give you crap?)

Yay! *Hugs* Glad you're applying! I think this is well done. I love the story-type stuff at the beginning even though the poem isn't quite my style. *Rehugs* *Settles down to wait with Yuki*

Finally watched the Ring on new year's eve... and then I wondered where this thread was. I got nervous sometimes... but it scared me no more than the standard "action" flick to be honest. I thought it was well done... but killing the guy was unnecessary. I think it would've been a better movie if they'd ended it after they "freed" the girl and didn't die immediately. But the characters were colossally stupid. I mean really. If something was crawling through the screen of my TV into my living room, I'd throw furniture at the TV to break it. Or run as if Cerberus were nipping my heels. The kid got on my nerves. They should've killed him, rather than whats-his-name who played the kid's Dad. I mean at least he was cute.

Than is the more grammatically correct version. He threw the ball, then he slipped and fell on his backside, landing harder than he had before.

Blah. I like this... though it took me a while to get around to reading all the way through it. There's one thing that I can't puzzle out though. What the heck is a Bosh Bluey? What is the meaning of Bosh Bluey?

Heh... and reading all these responses, my thought is Alice in Wonderland. *Childish look* See, I knew about this poem before it was posted. So on you all! I win! I still like it. It's such a random thing... it's almost like writing a poem about eggnog.

I like the way the piece was done... or at least the idea of it. The content is great. It's just that the italicized, parenthetical portion - important though it is - is... too long, I guess, to be between the lines, honestly. It's like by the time you get done reading the interruptive material, you have to go back to the beginning to figure out where the whole thing came from. Or is that just me? I like it... it just seems as if it could stand to be smoothed out a bit.

I had friends who were Boy Scouts and sang a song along those lines on occasion. Congratulations to all! And I'm certain there's no mistake, Mira. You deserve it as much as any. *Hugs to all*

ntraveler - Promotions after Quillbearer always receive their own posts. Those who get them put a lot of work into it, so they really do deserve having a thread just for that. There'll probably be other promotions later, when the elders or loremaster/deputy get a chance. (I may be wrong, though. I have my anti-tomato barrier up just in case ) Aardvark - Congratulations! You deserve it. *Hugs*