HopperWolf

dear god I like this piece!! Serious the first and last stanzas are fantastic. I would say that it might be worth adding a caesura on the second line of the third stanza. The disjointedness that it would have might lend to the surreal feel of the piece overall - that's how I read it in the first place for some odd reason. Also, you have mixed tneses - changing the tense of "notices" of the line below would sort that out. It would read like so: "There’s a door in my drive way I wonder how, it appeared And nobody noticed" Hrm... I'm undecided on the effect of that though. just a suggestion to play with Only other suggestion is MORE! Between the first and final stanza I wouldn't mind seeing three or four stanzas expanding on the [potential?] mysteries behind that doorway. Yes I know there be no mystery - it's just a random door, but when i read your poem I get a very surreal set of images in my head. and the door seems to me to be a great metaphor for so many things that it would be really quite impressive if you expanded in a direction there. As the lovely Ayshela says, where would you end up if you opened it? could be a great pondering piece! And again, I LOVE the work.

Peredhil. excelent advise for life in general well writen!

cool, I'd like to know about that archive query too, sinceI'm at GMT over here, that's an odd time for me to be listening in at. mind you it sounds cool so I shall have to make the effort can't wait.

HopperWolf is bowled over by a vast amount of glee and congratulatory hugs. Thanks hun Always a pleasure. we must chat more, my dear. it has been too long since a whisky and chinwag at the fireplace. And wow, finally made QB..... I'm in awe! I'm so excited I'd chase my own tail if i weren't in company. Thanks to the powers that be

I have to agree with merelas here. The last line seems a little rushed, and where you make a point at the end of every other stanza this one seems a little lacking. Having said that, though, the piece is very good. Close to my own heart in that this is how I found school to be for me too I especially love the first two stanzas as they seem to me to be the most pointed. keep it comin

Nothin to see in this reply *blush* I made a boo boo.

thank you merelas!! noted, agreed and changed I must say i appreciate your comments greatly. thanks! Love it when someone helps me out like that. i agree, sleeper. without merelas seeing it he would not have given such feedback, my ego would not be that little bigger, and more importantly, i would not have changed my poem for the better. oh, and thank you Zen as well. comments always good.

thank you very much sleepless it warms this dog's heart that someone liked his work enough to revive it

firstly, I would suggest replacing the words "I must" for "to" in the fourth line. (that was for me the only stumble) "I want to use my gifts for you, And display your light in all I do." Secondly, I do not find the "and" to be a problem at all, since I obviously read with an English emphasis, in fact i would find it awkward if "and" were removed.

wonderful wonderful writing. perfect rhyme scheme structure and great topic. language use is marvelous and... and i love it. more to compliment but i must dash. great read!

hey kendricke, excellent work. I enjoyed reading and the theme was a joy to explore. The only thing I can suggest is that you pick up the structure a little and get a bit more consistancy.

thanks for the comments, Yuki, I had to agree. I was reluctant to change the sound at first but find that now it seems to flow a little better with "within" Thanks for the suggestion. very much appreciated!

merry christmas to all of you. hope it's a blast

Hopper sits in awe. He would applaud but having paws makes that a problem. It's the thought that counts though

And so you come, Face to face, With the one who held your gaze, Enraptured within, His heart created maze. Not for fragile minds, this, But try it if you may, And see the fruits of love, As you think upon the day.

I agree with what everyone else has said really. I nice peaceful poem, enhanced by its own simplicity.

Mira, pretty much spot on there. I felt very much like that when I wrote it too. Quin, I know what you mean, it's because the instance I'm relating is a bit too specific. think people mouthing off behind your back. The barbs in others' mouths is you hearing it from someone else. Play is italicized because I wanted to emphasise the sarcasm. I know the use of the word play instead of pray or similar should be enough but I wanted to transfer the bitterness. Most of my later works are written with reading aloud in mind. Something I got interested in through reading Shakespeare and my favourite poet, Alexander Pope.

Hopper wonders along the rows of seating that have appeared from nowhere and the many unmemorable looking humans, elves and what have you sitting in them. It has to be said, although the wolf will take most things in his stride, he is at this point a little confused. When he finally reaches the end of the seating he spies the overly large form of a Jerry Springer looky likey, one Scary Winger. Things start to make sense once Scary tucks a rogue tail back into his suit trousers. Hopper takes a seat and watches procedings, hoping someone might get him some food, or some good whisky once this debacle is over. Soon little people are offering out weapons and, quite interestingly from this wolf's point of view, what appear to be geese. Hopper decides that for once the crazy dragon might be on to something with fool's scheme of his. Time to edge his way closer to the stage. On of those geese looks nicely plump.

3 hours and what duties have I? Plenty, fair people, and I do them fully, Though you do not know them, or me, Still you lash me blindly. And did I whimper? Not so. Well, let me put your minds at ease, ‘Lest guilt should play upon them. That I think less of you too, When I hear your barbs in others’ mouths But bite back my own words – dark and foul, Even as I think of how Your words have found their mark.

I've been surfing round various boards lately and reading what today's amateur poets have to offer. I've seen quite a range of things, some bad (in my opinion at least) some extremely good, stuff I only dream of writing. (though unsurprisingly this here site boasts the biggest percentage of good poetry per post. cool huh?) Anyway, one thing I had noticed was that there seems to be an overwhelming amount of freeflowing poetry out there. (By this I mean no set structure or sometimes even rhyme scheme). Now, don't get me wrong, freeflow form is well and good, and I can appreciate it just fine. Heck, I use it myself a fair amount, more than I would like though. And a lot of it is good stuff, raising interesting issues and theories. My thought is this: Are we relying to much on free flow poetry? Is there too much of it around comparativly? As I said before, a lot of what I have read is good stuff, but even with the good works I often get the feeling that people are rushing ahead with the ideas they want express and not pausing long enough to think about the best form to express them in. I find structure and rhyme scheme alters the mood of a piece quite considerably. and there in fact academically agreed forms of poetry suited to styles of expression. for example, a long winded rant raging against society in the first person is quite well suited to decametre rhyming couplets. The sonnet form does tend to enhance a love poem. I'm not saying that themes should be confined to these particular forms, just that poets of today should consider them more fully when composing a piece. when you have an idea for a poetic theme, consider your form. Or, if you want to use a certain form, chose a suitable topic. What are your views/thoughts?

Tass! been way too long since I seen your scrawling round here.

hey wyv, I like most of the adaptations you have made here. where the first was somewhat more abstract (Which I'm guessing might have been somewhat intentional) you've ended up with something more immediately accessable. "Your hand leaves But it’s moisture rests, and mists computer keys and mouse pads with perfumed sweat." has to be my favourite stanza, wonderful combination of the two moods being bandied about here. "And the code on the screen bares a sudden ressemblence to my heart. Broken into a million fragments." However, this last stanza to me seems a little too blatant, and not entirely in keeping with the ambiance of the rest of the piece. key words being "sudden" and "heart" for me. Nothing about the piece strikes me as particularly sudden and where the rest manages to retain a certain distance this just comes too close for my liking, too emotional. Also, glad to see the never winter nights has been put back in! i did really like that.

excellent.

Would that I could fly, This Hell Hound’s had enough, Of curséd souls And the Tempter’s watch; Unmoving on his ivory throne, That of man was hewn, And now he sits upon, While I, his dog, below At his wretched mass look on. Writhing decay stares back; Indulgence its putrid scent. No bonds, no leash, Confine me to this place, But my own weak will. The Messenger approach, Pallor skin drawn tight, Haunting beauty his mark. Let rip this hell hound, For Heaven’s sake. Supple sickly skin gives way With liquid ease, His Angel down again, His Angel’s flight rescind. And so to the air, On bloodied Fallen wings, His hound no more, Let the Tempter watch, Unmoving on his ivory throne, While this mutt flies beyond The bounds of what he knows, And me, no one’s, above. The darkened sky gives way, With liquid ease, His kingdom’s ceiling holds His kingdom’s hound within. The ground returns, With shattering promise. Temptation laughs, This dog is broken, Temptation laughs, This dog is his.

it's a sadly beautiful piece. very well written. the rhyme scheme works well and the rhythm is superb. I particularly like the first stanza. This will probably speak to a lot of people very personally in different ways.