Alaeha Posted September 5, 2003 Report Share Posted September 5, 2003 (edited) Ok... so this is, perhaps, a bit sad. But that's expected of me. And I felt bad about not having written anything lately. White as snow... I knew a man, a time ago, whose tale I think you ought to know. His heart was pure, as white as snow, yet in the end, he sank too low beneath his load. You ought to know... he was a healer, white as snow. He bore too many other's loads, and lost himself within their needs. He travelled with them down their roads... I fear I know where that path leads. I knew a man in days long past, whose giving heart was unsurpassed. He gave it all, until at last he'd nothing left. And so they cast their burdens, with weight unsurpassed upon the man, until at last he snapped, and shattered under such a load, for all have limits. Yet, he sacrificed his all. Too much was given up without regret. I knew a man a time ago... his heart was pure, as white as snow. Edited September 5, 2003 by Alaeha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted September 5, 2003 Report Share Posted September 5, 2003 Wow, good poem! It's a balance, giving everything but keeping yourself. The best times, in my experience, are with a loved friend. You both give in trust 100% - and end up with exponential results. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sorciere Posted September 6, 2003 Report Share Posted September 6, 2003 Great flow in this one, it just ran away with me as I read it, I love it when a poem does that! Nice lesson in giving there too, very well done! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted September 6, 2003 Report Share Posted September 6, 2003 a nice lesson in taking, too. but i fear that those who truly need to hear it, would not understand it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tattered Posted September 6, 2003 Report Share Posted September 6, 2003 I did so enjoy this. It didn't seem "sad" per say, but just a story with a lesson and a choice. Give or Take? We all need to make sure we are giving enough and still remebering to allow others to give what we must take. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vincent Silver Posted September 6, 2003 Report Share Posted September 6, 2003 Well writen,I really liked it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted September 6, 2003 Report Share Posted September 6, 2003 A whole fairy tale captured in a few lines, it's beautifull Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted September 6, 2003 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2003 Odd... Hadn't thought of it as a fairy tale... Any one in particular that it reminded you of, or what? (Just curious as to why you said that) And... thanks, to everyone else. I'll try to make my next work worth reading, as well... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parmenion Posted September 6, 2003 Report Share Posted September 6, 2003 This was a touch of class Alaeha. An exceptional work and a captivating read. I think you worked the repetition of "white as snow" very well. It got across to the reader just how noble and good this man was simply via this well placed repetition. I thought it had a great message about not to expect too much of others - I didn't find it in the least sad. Congrats! (took the liberty of correcting a mispelled word. A mere speck in a good response, but since I have the power... -P'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted September 10, 2003 Report Share Posted September 10, 2003 I did't think of any fairy tale in specific, but the visualisation strongly reminds me of fairy tale visualisation of virtues and the such. It would make a great tale about giving and, exaclty like Parmenion pointed out, to not to expect too much from others. It is inspiring Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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