Gwaihir Posted May 5, 2003 Report Share Posted May 5, 2003 I thought, that if I held you tight enough You couldn’t get away. You’d have to stay, But as I watch Piece By piece you slip away Like Theseus’s ship. I’ve come to understand. I can’t manipulate, I only choose Which parts to lose. A few people I may get to stay in touch with But most of them will slide away. And if I were desperate I could even keep the places I live. A small hollow feeling tells me that wouldn’t help There’s just no way to keep the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tamaranis Posted May 5, 2003 Report Share Posted May 5, 2003 I saw no one commented, so I decided I'd better. Very Buddism. I doubt that's what you were going for though(or maybe you were, I dunno). Its also sad in a resigned, detached sort of way. It seems to start out on a personal level, a close friend or loved one is being pulled away by time, then gets more general. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that, but it does give an sense of expanding scope as the poem goes on... uhh... A feeling of loss that starts with one person a creates a realization of constant inevitable loss. It also sort of seems to capture the essence of looking back at good ol' days, and realizing they're gone forever. And thus we have to make good new days. This is as much sense as I make when it comes to this stuff, so if I'm bothering anyone stop me, really. It doesn't get any better after this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted May 5, 2003 Report Share Posted May 5, 2003 poignant poem (because recognizing the losses that come from other people's Free Will is so darned hard), and good analysis by Tamaranis. I liked them both. -Peredhil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Silverblade Posted May 5, 2003 Report Share Posted May 5, 2003 Wonderful poetry Gwai. Thanks for sharing. I loved it. - Justin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salinye Posted May 5, 2003 Report Share Posted May 5, 2003 Wow, the comments on this poem are excellent! Not sure I can add anything other than that I liked it. I too noticed the start of personal loss moving into a broader scope of discouraged loss. I'm one who thinks the past is to be cherished but not clung to. Embrace what's ahead rather? Interesting, the things we embrace today, we're forced to cherish tomorrow. ~Salinye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheyenne Posted May 5, 2003 Report Share Posted May 5, 2003 It reminds me of AM, SoB, and the military all at once. I tried for so long to hold onto those friendships. I guess the saying is true "Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate" It is a well written poem. I enjoyed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted May 6, 2003 Report Share Posted May 6, 2003 Excellent poem Gwaihir! I think that your poetry has improved, particularly on a structural level. I love the way the spacing of the words in "Trying to Keep you" evokes the emotions of the narrator, especially in the seperation of the phrase "Piece by piece you slip away," which is cut into seperate pieces. The allusion to Theseus' slip is also very intriguing, as it brings an element of mythology and the notion that even great heros have their weakness' into the mix. The message of the poem is also strong and heartfelt... Once again, great stuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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