Tralla Posted March 12, 2003 Report Share Posted March 12, 2003 (edited) achromo some i'm the girl you never see please don't stand so close to me i'll infect your mind with gray and ruin your chromatic day. you never see me standing there watching from the shadows there the vibrant hues fall from your lips the colours sear my fingertips unseen, too, your elimination from the silent desaturation of mine eyes watching from the shadows gray. Edited October 11, 2004 by Tralla Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted March 12, 2003 Report Share Posted March 12, 2003 Wow. Very very nice. Not quite sure whether you're talking about someone with a genetic defect, or someone who just feels ignored or uninteresting, but either way, quite good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lumpenproletariat Posted March 12, 2003 Report Share Posted March 12, 2003 I like the repetition of previous statements in the last two lines...makes me read it over and over, thouroughly up to your usual high standard Tralla =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Degenero Angelus Posted March 12, 2003 Report Share Posted March 12, 2003 I love you Tralla. *dances* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted March 13, 2003 Report Share Posted March 13, 2003 (edited) I love gray. Not sure why but if the word gray is involved I¡¦m gonna like it. With that aside, your poem paints both a childish picture in my mind as well as a very thoughtful adult portrait. The childish version views a girl, about 7.. wearing all gray with black hair and white skin. She is standing next to a group of children who are playing, wearing bright vivid colors like an open crayola box. She walks towards them, and they drop the ball they were tossing to one another to point and stare. Their fascination with the difference between themselves and the newcomer based entirely on the way they differ in physical appearance floods their senses to where they soon become so absorbed that the color floods from their clothing and faces to leave them hollow shells of once they what were. The girl does not understand and drifts away companionless and confused. Innocence in my child's eye does not read complexity into the poem..and does not view the girl as the instigator of the problems..but rather as the victim. The adult portrait sees it as a view on life and how people are different from one another. Also noticing manipulation and other forms of forced change. My adult eye seems to place the blame on the subject because she is different. Overall its bloody brilliant. Edited March 13, 2003 by Rune Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tralla Posted March 14, 2003 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 Thank you, guys! (I've never had anything called bloody brilliant before... Rune, you're a doll!) Alaeha - chromo means colourful, and some means body, so achromo some, non-colourful body... heh. heh heh. Bad, I know. =P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett O'Harpy Posted March 16, 2003 Report Share Posted March 16, 2003 Hi Tralla, I think you did a great job here of presenting your subject in an effective way. I'm fascinated by colours, hues, the nuances of half-shades... so this was going to have me hooked from the beginning. I think the first stanza is definitely the strongest. Maybe the last stanza would benefit from some metrical re-jigging, but overall I think it's a lovely pice of work. Thank you for posting, Harpy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Silverblade Posted March 16, 2003 Report Share Posted March 16, 2003 Wonderful work Tralla. I enjoyed it quite a bit. A very moving piece. Thank you. - Justin (PS - love your signature quote by Emerson) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethics Gradient Posted March 17, 2003 Report Share Posted March 17, 2003 Once I had seen the title, I had to read it I liked the way you used the colours, at first I interpreted them as moods or feelings, then as words or thoughts, or maybe something like life force - it made me read it again and again, and I found that I quite liked that flowing feeling of not knowing for certain. To sum up, I think it's great. I really enjoyed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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