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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

Tralla

Quill-Bearer
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Everything posted by Tralla

  1. My kitty would would be Tres, the evil looking Siamese mix on the left... The cat on the right is the family cat, Deuce, who *despises* Tres, but in this case they were both so fascinated with the very rare occurrence of snow that she didn't care how close he was. And the pride n joy of my life, my little papillon Dino. This little guy may be soft, but he's got big spaniel eyes that will melt you into gooey puddle from ten feet and more away with his patented sad-puppy-won't-you-love-me look. Him as a 6 month-old baby, and him as he is now:
  2. It's a regular reunion round these parts lately! A very sincere welcome back, Joat. Good to see you're doing well. This Tramin is glad to cross your path again. =)
  3. Very well written, Mynx!
  4. Author's note: Short and sweet. Keep in mind I haven't really written anything in four years and change. Updates may be slow to come. Like most of my stuff, it will probably have its darker elements. ----- “That’s it, little one. Go to sleep now.” Fingers loosened their implacable hold and stroked the hair on the old patient’s head gently. As the blue fluid finished injecting and the eyes glazed over, Jacqueline Ross gave a sigh and straightened. Resting the small dog’s wizened head on the counter, she gave the curly coat a final pat and started cleaning the various medical instruments strewn around her. Dr. Amanda Hansen scribbled some final notes in the pet’s file, folded the sheet over, and set the file aside. She eyed her technician thoughtfully, and then grimaced. “You always let the geriatrics get to you, Jack,” she admonished softly. “You’re going to have to adapt if you want to stay in the field.” “I know,” Jack replied, her gaze fixed on the instrument she was scrubbing vigorously. Clotted blood stuck to stainless steel like superglue. “I’m getting tougher, really, but some of the old farts just… It’s better than leaving them to suffer, but it’s hard being the one to hold them for that injection. I’ll get over it.” Amanda stared at her a moment longer, then nodded and turned away. Jack closed her eyes and leaned against the sink. Her hands shook. Sweat beaded her brow. She couldn’t tell anyone the real reason for her trouble with the old patients. The old, weakened, helpless patients, that triggered every predatory instinct surfacing so inconveniently in her brain. She couldn’t tell a soul that while the blue killing fluid was flooding their veins, she could hear their little hearts slowing, stuttering, and stopping. The meat was still hot and fresh. It would taste so good going down right away, before it cooled and took on the distinctive musty odour of newly dead flesh. She wouldn’t even have to feel the guilt of the kill. Her accelerated metabolism would handle the euthanyl with little more than a slight buzz. She was alone at the moment. Slipping into one of the empty wards with her little bundle would be so easy. She could- Jack jerked away from the sink with a little gasp. Dropping the clean tool on the drying tray, her eyes searched out the clock over her left shoulder. Relief flooded her when she reverted back to her human brain enough to interpret the minute and hour hands. Time to go. Thank god. Studiously avoiding the body still lying on the counter, Jack rushed down to the staff room, grabbed her purse, and made as fast of a getaway as she could. The drive home passed in a blur. She didn’t remember entering her house, or stripping out of her clothes on her way through. Her heightened senses were with her entirely, however, when she stood completely bare in her back yard, acres of grassy farmland stretching around her. Jack glared up at the weak quarter moon waiting just above the horizon, its glow yellowed and sickly from the smog hovering over the nearby city. Still it pulled at her, foreign but irresistible. Her skin itched and ached, yearning to answer the call. Realization of everything she’d lost, and everything she had yet to lose, washed over Jack in a tidal wave of black despair. A cry burst from her, escalating into a broken wail. When that rose inevitably into an inhuman howl, she wept. It wasn’t easy being a newly turned werewolf.
  5. I liked this, overall. Although it's a concept that's been tackled by many people, there's something a little horrifying about it, so they can be quite powerful stories. Okee, here's for the more picky critique. Feel free to disregard, just giving my impressions. “Your time has come. Report to debriefing room ... A little melodramatic. If they're addressing machines, what about something like, "You have an assignment." Your later conversations suggest she's an experienced agent. A routine mission shouldn't be a momentous event. The eyes blinked lazily and #117 unfolded herself to stand uneasily on cybertronic legs. I'd replace 'lazily' and 'uneasily' with, say, 'slowly' and 'unsteadily'. To me, the first words have too many emotional undertones for a creature with no emotions. The bottom part and left side of her torso were also a silver mass of wires, tubes, and metal plating. Her left forearm and hand glimmered, sleek and smooth as the most expensive of alloys. ... She was just like the other, forgettable and insignificant. The first half of the first sentence is awkward. Try describing the body area differently, ie 'left and lower torso'. For the second sentence, IS it an expensive alloy? If you're going to use simile, it should probably read 'AS sleek and blah blah blah'. And for the last sentense... otherS. You drop a lot of 's's throughout the story. I do the same thing all the time with 'ed'. Proofreading should fix this. Slowly at first, then picking up speed, #117 walked out of the room Walked is a little... blah. Perhaps a more descriptive verb? Did she stride? March? Stagger? “#’s 318, 211, 423, and 117: you have been specially selected for Code 13-BCX. You will live among a certain group of humans and analyze their actions. Become like them. After a period of two weeks we will collect them for processing. Your service will greatly benefit the Company. Step through the door and receive your temporary identities.” 'Numbers' instead of '#'s' might make that statement a little easier to read. Another thought: if they're essentially robots, why bother telling them what's going to happen in two weeks? It's none of their business. Their job is the recon. Or, if they're experienced operators, they already know the recon is for extraction. And why bother telling them their service will benefit the Company? It's wasted breath. Just order them around. They're flat machines. The man felt chills run up his spine. Cliche. Is there another way you could describe his unease? The four entered the smoky, loud, thrumming club. It wasn’t hard to locate the group they were looking for. They were a group of college students, muses, punks. Set the scene. Is it humid? Do they work their way through a press of talking, laughing bodies? Does the music grate on cyber nerves? This is an important scene for the story, a little more depth might pull your readers in better. The young man, stunned, nodded at her dumbly. Shook his head? Nodding would suggest someone WAS siting there. "...They are so clipped.” Loved this. Slang made it instantly feel like a more realistic culture. "I don’t have any mates yet.” She corrects this statement for Gabe, but then two more friends saunter right on up! I'd have a big question mark over my head on that one! The girls eyed the young man approvingly and the young men inwardly sighed. Those still single had been hoping to snag Viola for themselves. I wouldn't bother with the second sentence. Pretty redundant. Viola inwardly shattered the image with a silent glare. I had to reread this several times. I didn't understand what it meant. It was one of the reasons she was so good for her purpose Again, 'good' is a very blah word. How about 'perfect', 'ideal' or 'well suited'? ...in 13 days and 22 hours they would be joining their ranks. Who and the what now? Try to avoid the words 'they' , 'their', etc, referring to different groups in the same sentence. The meaning of the sentence comes into question. “Hey, sir, look at this.” ... “Yes, sir. I’ll see to it myself.” I would delay this interlude a little longer, maybe lump it in with the other headquarters scene a little farther down. You tend to lay out your answers immediately after your questions. Building mystery and leaving your reader wondering will build suspense and pull your reader deeper. I was kind of disappointed the snap happened so early. A little more time spent with the group, or even a superficial resemblance between Clint and Josh, would explain her attachment to him later on. ie, if he's just another human, why would his name penetrate her firewall? His name is just meaningless data unless he means something to her. Men in white lab coats grabbed Viola, yanking her off of the scientist. If she's all souped up and cybertronic, could mere humans really restrain her? The men yanked her wig and clothing off, stripping her bare. Why waste the time before you have her subdued? If she needs to see her metal bits, one of the men trying to restrain her could accidentally tear something... “We can’t! We’d have to un-strap her and she’d kill us all. Reference as proof for above comment about regular men not being able to restrain her. Bring on the drugs, baby! "That’ll take several hours at least.” ... it had only been about half an hour... “There you are!” he exclaimed. “You’ve put us severely behind. I was supposed to be working on #117 by now!” If he was supposed to be processing for several hours, and it had only been a half hour, how could Clint have put them severely behind. And he wouldn't have been working on #117 by now, it's only been a half hour! I was also really disappointed by the whole escape thing. Draw it out! Make it dramatic! It's the climax of the story! More struggle, more tears! When Viola gets the emotion chip, why doesn't she kick some serious butt, then she and Clint run through the complex, dodging Eras and bolting past horrors, screams, and rooms with row upon row of dormant cyborgs? THEN they get caught, or walk into a trap when they think they're home free, or something? I could have skimmed the entire description of their struggles and not missed anything. It wasn't involving at all. The scientist placed what appeared to be two sharp needles on either side of 117’s head, directed at each temple. He switched on several computers and watched as their screens loaded up. He pressed a green button and the needles jammed into Viola’s head. Again, hype it up. She has the emotion chip still in. Is she screaming? Spewing obscenities? Is she experiencing overwhelming fear, rage, or what? What does she feel when the needles go in? Static hazing to blackness? Her self of self spiralling away from her grasping fingers? Excruciating pain as the emotion chip collides with the deprogramming of her identity? Just skipping to the next scene gives us no chance to identify with your main character. You are to guide #836 through the Company so that he may learn the paths. Learn the paths? Vague and unscientific. What about, learn operating procedures, prepare for future missions (ominous sense of continuity of the evil company...oooh) or something a little more technical? Immediately her firewall jumped up and cut off that train of though. 'Jumped up' is also a weak phrase here. Got anything with more punch? Hopefully that helps. Sorry if I bruised your muse. I really did like the story, otherwise I wouldn't put so much effort into helping you either improve it or your future stories. I look forward to seeing anything else you might write about this character. You could have quite a little adventure evolve out of this short story.
  6. Better late than never! A very happy birthday to you, Alaeha!
  7. Rac: what are you looking for in a sig? I can't do original art, but I used to cobble together a number of the sigs that bounced around here.
  8. *cough* speaking of people packing their things and walking out the door... Hey look, she's not dead! The usual apologies on extreme inactivity extended, with sincere good intentions to do better. Health hasn't been too hot the past few months, but that's nothing new. What is? I wrote a whopping page. First words out of my muse in... three, four years? Something like that. Go me! Big hellos to all my old friends, and hope to stick around to meet some new ones.
  9. That sounds like a fantastic holiday, Katz! Congratulations on the wedding and everything else, too! I'm glad you enjoyed my home province so much. It's a shame we couldn't meet up, but I'm a lot farther from Victoria than most people seem to think. =( I took that trip from Victoria to Seattle, too, once; it's very pretty, in an extremely rural sort of way. Welcome back!
  10. Hey, you always know you got my vote, Wyv. Good luck on compiling!
  11. Like? It IS a Bachelor of Science. My major is in Actuarial Mathematics (risk analysis and mortality statistics), and I also minored in Microeconomics. Don't I sound like the life of the party?
  12. So I've graduated. Whoopee. BSc and top of my class. I also have virtually no prospects in my field for the next 6 months or so. Not a surprise, given the trend with university education these days. BUT, after two months of complete and utter down time in which I do nothing more challenging than write the date in files at work, I have managed to muster enough mental creative muscle to drag my muse back by her hair. She came kicking, screaming, and cursing foully enough to make a carpenter-sailor-ex-wannabe-gangsta curl his toes, but she is at least putting in a grudging appearance. For the first time in four years, there are stories mud-slogging around in my brain. Gods, I've missed it. I've missed you.
  13. Aww... thanks guys =D Being a part of the incredibly enlightened (/sarcasm) Canadian province of BC, I've been able to drink legally for two years... Vote for three. Go me. =P
  14. ... screech that could make a dwarf's ears bleed. Meanwhile, the penguins duck and run for cover, searching the skeletal trees around for the semi-expected shape of a pretty little angel, co-conspirator of butterflies. Instead, they find...
  15. Robot You are 85% Rational, 42% Extroverted, 14% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant. You are the Robot! You are characterized by your rationality. In fact, this is really ALL you are characterized by. Like a cold, heartless machine, you are so logical and unemotional that you scarcely seem human. For instance, you are very humble and don't bother thinking of your own interests, you are very gentle and lack emotion, and you are also very introverted and introspective. You may have noticed that these traits are just as applicable to your laptop as they are to a human being. In short, your personality defect is that you don't really HAVE a personality. You are one of those annoying, super-logical people that never gets upset or flustered. Unless, of course, you short circuit. To put it less negatively: 1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive. 2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted. 3. You are more GENTLE than brutal. 4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant. Compatibility: Your exact opposite is the Class Clown. Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Emo Kid, and the Haughty Intellectual.
  16. Giving her a scant moment to get her bearings, Callin tugged her forward, guiding her firmly after the departing High Mage. They crossed a vast, very dark space, then stepped through a grand set of double doors into a broad hallway dimly lit by sourceless lights similar to those at the Blue Palace, only tinted slightly lavender instead of blue. There were doors to either side, all closed, and undoubtedly locked. As they passed, Kaolin saw that some of the doorjambs were heavily carved with jagged symbols that almost gave her a headache to look at. One double set of doors had runes carved upon their surface as well, and as Kaolin watched, the markings suddenly shifted their pattern, some etchings fading away while entirely new symbols appeared elsewhere. A very faint sigh drifted in the air around Kaolin, before being cut off abruptly by the next runic shift. With a shiver, Kaolin tore her eyes from the strange portal and fixed her gaze firmly on the High Mage’s back. The hallway ended in a narrow spiral stair, also lit with the lavender lights. Kaolin counted nine landings passed on their way up, but they continued climbing until a plain wooden door finally blocked their way. The High Mage paused and raised two fingers to her lips. She kissed them softly, then touched the upper right corner, the upper left corner, and the doorlatch before proceeding through it. Callin and Kaolin followed quickly, and the apparently not-so-plain door swung shut on silent hinges behind them without a human touch to guide it. The small round room they had entered was lined with bookshelves, all neatly filled with bound books, stacks of rolled parchment, and the assorted odd curios any powerful being accumulates in their lifetime. In the center of the room stood a wooden table, inlaid with a large slab of glossy black stone and laden with a small lump of melted wax that might have been a candle. Zermaterix rounded the table in smooth strides and seated herself in the luxurious purple armchair waiting there. Folding her hands precisely before her on the table, the High Mage looked down at them for a long moment, then up at the young girl waiting hesitantly before her. “What you said about the Gifted being hunted by High Mages is true,” she began softly. “Most children snared in their nets are eventually put to death. With the amount of damage Leeching inflicts upon their young minds, it’s kinder than leaving them alive.” “There is no ‘kindness’ in it,” Kaolin scoffed. “The High Mages just don’t want to be burdened with so many unproductive mouths to feed.” Zermaterix nodded solemnly. “That is also true. Regardless, when the children are captured, most are culled after their Gifts are extracted. However, a few of the wiser Mages watch for particularly gifted children, those with an uncannily solid grasp of their Gifts. A talent, if you like. These, they keep and raise as apprentices, and eventually allies if they take their own place among the High Council. The education of these young Gifted is a dangerous and highly controversial activity. Those who are already High regard any increase to their numbers as a personal threat to their seat of power. They particularly despise me,” she stated with a cold smile, “because I have to audacity to keep many of those I capture alive, if their Gifts prove more useful in such an arrangement. There are some Gifts I would not wish upon my worst enemy. A number of the High Mages have gone quite mad as a consequence of their greed.” She leaned forward intently. “But you, Kaolin, are no mere tool. You have an incredible potential for power simmering beneath your skin. We have been hunting you for years, knowing that if someone as shortsighted as Phallonomar stumbled upon you, it would be a disastrous waste.” Zermaterix rose to her feet in one swift motion. “I offer you your life, Kaolin. More importantly, I offer you knowledge, and power. You can be the equal of any Mage on the High Council, with the education I provide. You’ll never have to fear your Gift again.” She paused, realized that the girl was still hesitant, and delivered the final blow with ruthless force. This child could not be allowed to slip through her fingers again. “No one else will have to die for your Gift, Kaolin.” So gentle. So cruel. So perfect. Kaolin began to tremble, a look of absolute horror flitting across her otherwise impassive features. High Mage Zermaterix extended one porcelain-smooth hand, palm up, over the table. “Become my apprentice, Kaolin. Embrace your Gift, instead of fearing it. Join me.” Brilliant green eyes fixed on that outstretched hand, the child took one slow step forward, then another. She halted just out of reach. Her gaze flickered up to the Mage’s cold, beautiful face, but returned quickly to the waiting palm. “No one else will have to die for me,” she murmured quietly. Reaching out, Kaolin grasped the High Mage’s hand tightly. When her eyes rose again to Zermaterix’s face, they burned with such a supernatural fire that an unfamiliar tingle of fear crawled up the back of the woman’s neck. There was nothing of the terrified babe in this girl now. “If you betray me, Mage,” she promised softly, a tinge of her otherworldly power seeping into her voice, “you will regret the day your thrice-cursed grandparents first laid eyes upon each other.” By the Gods, Zermaterix thought suddenly, what sort of creature will I unleash upon the world?
  17. If you know and care, *don't panic!* This is a bit like steam escaping a tightly lidded pot... I'm okay, and there are periods of happiness to balance off this dreary bit. I feel a bit like a melancholic young adolescent even posting it, but it's my first bit of creativity in a long while, so I couldn't resist. ~ ~ ~ I never thought of loneliness. Of all the things to come, I didn’t plan for that. No one warned me, either. Do they not experience the same, or are they so acclimated to it that they no longer consider it a factor? I would have liked to know, even though I probably still wouldn’t have planned for it. I should have. You don’t notice it at first. It sneaks up on you slowly, ever so slowly, as each of your previous links to the world is severed or slips away. For the first little while, you think yourself immune. You are wrong, as you will learn. “The path from cocky ignorance”, I think Mark called it. You learn. As I said, it’s a slow thing. The phone stops ringing, to begin with, even if you attempt to coax out the sound by calling someone first. Phones are uncooperative little creatures. But it’s all right. Write off the phone book. There’s always the messenger. You are loved. Eventually online acquaintances grow stale. The incomings dwindle as you grow tired and busy and bitter about the telephone, which is still not cooperating (little bastard.) You’re not inclined to initiate. It’s all right. Write off the messenger. Family’s all you really need. You will always be loved. But the hours are long and the meals are sporadic. You’re not learning ABC’s anymore, so no one really knows or pretends to understand. You’re a big girl. You can laugh off the strange looks and bad jokes people reach for to ward off what you love. You can eat alone, and you can sleep alone, and you can travel alone, and you can study alone. You understand your choice of passions, or pretend to, which amounts to the same thing since you can’t see your own strange looks. You don’t love. You carry your solitude on your shoulders like a heavy, heavy cloak. You smile your polite fake little smiles, and dress to the mean, and carry a novel, and imitate ambition. You walk with your eyes a million miles away because to look down means that you’re not strong enough to fight that little unplanned thing slowly devouring the moth-bitten remnants of your world. You don’t know how to relate to people anymore; the smile’s a little too rusty, the phone a little too dusty. You’ve fallen too far behind. You feel like a child. You need to be loved. You tell yourself that it must be worth it. So many do something so similar, and you’ve learned it well that you’re nothing special. You’re going places. You can start anew when you get wherever it is that you’re supposed to be going. If you get there. When you get there. If. You’re going to be successful, and charming, and pretty, and social, and loved. ‘Going to be’ doesn’t hold up so well, these days. These days you’re tired, the kind of tired that sleeping doesn’t touch. The polite fake little smiles are an awful lot of effort, now. You would weep, but that sneaky little thing has consumed just about everything, now. You’re feeling kind of empty inside, and eating doesn’t really help much. You’re feeling kind of dehydrated, and drinking – water – doesn’t really help much, either. And when you finally see all the little things you never planned for, you’re sad and exhausted. Come so far, so far to go. Will you ever get there? Will anyone be left to see? What else will you bypass or lose or give up without even knowing? You don’t know. Path from cocky ignorance, indeed. But at least you’re stronger now. You don’t need to be loved. You’re a big girl. You’re a little better at planning, or like to pretend that you are. You’re not so special, but you’re stronger now. You’re going places, and you just might get there soon. Will anyone see? Will anyone remember me? Oh. Perhaps I’m not as dehydrated as I thought.
  18. this absolutely rocks. I love the tone to it, and the way it flows. The repetition isn't slap-you-in-the-face standing out, it's a part of the poem, and fits there. It makes you smile. thanks for giving me my smile of the day.
  19. I absolutely had to post this little gem I found leafing through the local paper. Call me twisted, but I found it hilarious. Location details removed for privacy. Trust Restored Yesterday my trust in mankind got a little boost. Returning from ****** I was driving on Highway # when suddenly the car in front of me, for no apparent reason, slowed down, coming to a complete stop. Then I realized that a truck and trailer, coming east in the opposite direction that I was going, had also stopped and was maneuvering to park in a diagonal direction across the highway so that no one could pass in either direction, on either lane. Flabbergasted, at first I thought the driver had engine problems, when suddenly a mother duck with six or seven ducklings came into my view by crossing safely the very busy section of the highway. I admit that while thinking about it, I still get a big clump in my throat. I want to thank from the bottom of my heart the two drivers for restoring in me that all mankind is not all bad. ... Do you think that if I trail one of those quacking string-of-ducks toys behind me on my daily trip to the bus stop, I can cross the crosswalk on the busy highway without having to risk my life to stop traffic? ... What if I waddle?
  20. Gryphon, I don't know you very well (I don't know ANYONE newer than one or two years very well =P ) BUT: 1.) You seem pretty cool anyway 2.) Anyone who uses Dee Dreslough art for their avatar *&%^ing ROCKS!
  21. *scratches head* At the risk of being the most unpopular person here... Maybe they send different instructions to Canada, the other friendly secret-superpower in the world, but IKEA instructions have actually been the easiest to follow out of anything we've ever bought. And that was one bizarre coffee table I was putting together. By contrast, the rather simply designed computer desk I bought around the same time required *three people* and several extra hours to put together... *shakes fist at her admittedly attractive computer desk* ... or maybe everybody else just ships us their reject manuals. =P
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