Vlad Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 The surge of power, The rush of my fate, Streaming endlessly- Without direction, Not knowing yourself, The worst punishment, Shards flying through you, Limping through a life, Hiding these secrets, Confusing yourself, Portals to new worlds, Breathing in the truth, My eyes are opened..! ________________________ Another experiment in syllable structure. This one, I think, didn't turn out as well. On a positive note, I think I'm over my writers block! At least partly. YAY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whynotsin Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 Nice job Vlad, Keep the experiment going try try again until you succeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whynotsin Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 Not saying you haven't already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaneus Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 Dang you, Vlad! I am still wrestling with my writer's block. On a side note, good job on the poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tasslehoff Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 Vlad.. I lost my sense of thought cause I got wrapped up in a conversation with Gyrfalcon, so if this doesnt make sense.. BLAME HIM! -Anywho. What i was going to mention was that I hate the fact of not knowing which way my life is going and not havning control.. I like to think I determine my fate, and well hope that I do. But, i like what you where doing with the poem. I dont know if it was meant this way but. Without direction, Not knowing yourself, The worst punishment, Shards flying through you, Limping through a life, Hiding these secrets, Confusing yourself, I see a little *theme* or kinda well numeric order.. 2-3-3-4-3-3-2.. Anywho. i think thats pretty cool. It flows well and I think it adds more to the poem! WAIT! EDIT! I just knowticed, the opening stanza and closing stanza both have 3 lines with four words.. Is that meant to be Vlad? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 Interesting. I find that if I can impose structure on my life, make some things routine, it frees me to go higher and further in other areas. You've got the five syllables in each line. Now's the time to read it outloud. look for hard and soft syllables and try to balance them. You might also try varying off the 5 all the way through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad Posted March 11, 2003 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 I wanted a bit of irony with the words and syllables being so rigid and structured, but I wanted the poem itself to be smooth and (vacant?). Thanks for the critisism...! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted April 9, 2003 Report Share Posted April 9, 2003 Limping through a life, Hiding these secrets, Confusing yourself, Those are 3 very very powerful lines. Limping through life, hiding the secrets (or the wounds) and confusing yourself. I really like "limping through a life" I like the structure and overall feeling of the short bursts of lines. It almost reminds me of someone looking in a mirror or standing in the dark and proclaiming thoughts about themselves to anyone who will listen... with little concern for whether the other people in the room or not understand what they mean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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