Deadly Nightshade Posted March 1, 2003 Report Share Posted March 1, 2003 Through the Mist There lay a treasure What that treasure it no one knows But it is big and it is nice Through the Mist There lay a trap Painful and sharp but beyond that lay the treasure Through the Mist There rest a hunter Waiting to pounce And tare apart Through the Mist There lay death Even the toughest may fall frail Will you pass Through the Mist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaneus Posted March 1, 2003 Report Share Posted March 1, 2003 (edited) Sounds to me like some sort of summons to heros or opening to a quest in a book. That could just be my strange thought patterns. Edited March 1, 2003 by Archaneus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tasslehoff Posted March 1, 2003 Report Share Posted March 1, 2003 I think the treasure is you.. Therefore, I shall make it through the mist! ONWARD! * starts to run throught the mist, only the slam into the from door of the Banquet Room.. * " Erm, HeH. Forgot to opent he door " Mumbles the injured Angel before he falls over, knocked out OOC: That was very good ready Nightshade. =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad Posted March 1, 2003 Report Share Posted March 1, 2003 This is a good poem, with an interesting epithet. It flows well, except for the last stanza. It seems a bit choppy with the last two lines being longer than everything else. If you were to rewrite it perhaps you could make Even the toughest may fall frailinto two lines and haveWill you pass Through the Mist?be by itself. Maybe even two or three blank lines before it. Watch your spelling and think about where you end the lines. Both of those seem a bit distracting, and may detract from the meaning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted March 2, 2003 Report Share Posted March 2, 2003 hmmm. I agree with Vlad about the spelling - but don't ever worry about that until AFTER you've gotten the poem down. You have the core images of a neat idea here. This could be the introduction to a short story even. If you went back and reworked it a little, you'd really have a polished gem. As it is, it already sparkles to me. I like poems of this nature, so maybe I'm a bit biased. Good job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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