Salinye Posted November 12, 2007 Report Share Posted November 12, 2007 Hi all! Sorry this is a day or so late, but it's a good one. The thing I might point out here is that there are different kinds of relationships. Obviously ones that are romantically entwined comes to mind first, but there are other relationships, friendships, business partners or associates, etc. :0) Can't wait to hear your thoughts! At the beginning of a relationship, do you trust your new partner unless there is something specific to make you do otherwise, or do you withhold your trust until he or she has earned it? ~Salinye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted November 13, 2007 Report Share Posted November 13, 2007 I tend to be too trusting. And despite all my ranting over this and that, I remain at the core an optimist, though a practical one. Sometimes I get burned, sometimes I make out. Life is give and take. In a relationship, I trust until given a reason not to trust, which varies because I can be pretty perceptive one day and dense as a log the next. So trust everyone and you risk being taking for a fool. Trust no one and you'll die from the stress. rev... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gryphon Posted November 15, 2007 Report Share Posted November 15, 2007 I usually tend towards reserved trust. Trust, but until trustworthyness has been proven it's trust with a proverbial grain of salt. I'm happy to believe that people can be trusted, but there's a period of time at the start of a relationship where that trust needs to be nurtured so that it can grow and put down some firm roots. Trust is easy to give, as easy to lose as you let it be and often really hard to get back again once it's gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mardrax Posted November 15, 2007 Report Share Posted November 15, 2007 I wouldn't be able to have any relationship even relating to friendship with someone if I feel that for some reason I can't trust that person in word, deed, and most likely both. In general, I trust people until they give me reason to do otherwise. Trust on the level of blind faith I could have, have had even, but it's rare to the extreme. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 The Quakers and Unitarians came up with full contact love fest game for building trust among youth... It's called wink, aka kissing rugby and ratchet screwdriver. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wink_%28game%29 demonstration: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salinye Posted November 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 ROFL That's Awesome, Rev! Who knew those Quakers were such a randy group?? http://www.themightypen.net/public/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif For me, trust is a double edged sword. Some of you may have noticed, but I tend to be an cards-all-in-dive-heads-first kind of girl. This applies to pretty much all aspects of my life and relationships are no exception. I tend to have really good intuition about people, so if I give my trust, it's usually not something I regret. However, I have had some bad experiences. In the end, I'd rather trust than not unless given a reason not to. However, once someone does something for me not to trust them, it's very hard to get that back. Burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice, shame on me. You know the saying... I've been married long enough now that it's hard to imagine not fully trusting the person I'm romantically entwined with. My husband is half of my soul and I know that he would die before giving me any reason not to trust him. As romantic as that is, the truth is that when you have that much trust in someone, they have the greatest ability to wound you, so I'm grateful I've given that trust to such an amazing man who is more than worthy of it. ~Salinye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwaihir Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 The funny thing is that I remember playing that game, but we were strictly forbidden to do more than touch their shoulders. I tend to trust not at all or very much and if it's worth being in a serious relationship (I don't do any other kind) then it's worth trusting them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Degorram Posted November 20, 2007 Report Share Posted November 20, 2007 If you cannot place your full trust in that person, then why are you in a relationship? Honestly, if you aren't looking to marry the person, then what are you doing? People aren't toys and entertainment, and sadly, that's how everyone gets treated if they're not careful. I've seen first hand what happens when you do not fully trust your partner, and guys, it really hurts the other person. And eventually the relationship ends because of it. Now, in my limited experience with love and all that jazz, I can't say that this is always the case. But it never does any good to keep your trust from someone until they've "earned it". Innocent until proven guilty guys. And if they've already proven themselves guilty, then you're in the wrong boat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Regel Posted November 23, 2007 Report Share Posted November 23, 2007 Only a young naive person or a fool would put their whole trust in a person at the beginning of a relationship. I guess I was that fool as a young man. Life has beat some sense into me. At this moment and time I still give people the opportunity to disappoint me, but I do so with a watchful eye. Trust is something that is earned slowly now. I found out early that my greatest disappointment and my biggest wound is that of a trusted friend's betrayal. It is an unforgivable act of cruelty to me so for me trust is now no longer a default but rather a prize that is won over a substantial period of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katzaniel Posted November 23, 2007 Report Share Posted November 23, 2007 I was wondering when someone would finally say that they give neither full trust nor distrust. It's not a black and white question. Like Regel, I tend to watch people just in case they turn out to be unworthy of trust, but myself, I rarely *act* on distrust unless it's been earned. Like, if someone wanted to borrow money, I'd let them, but I would be careful not to forget that I had given it to them, because if they pretend that I hadn't given them anything, I would want to know for sure that I wasn't mistaken. But I wouldn't ever start off assuming that someone was untrustworthy. I tend to be very, very trusting - but also aware. I take precautions. In fact, I'm maybe a little paranoid at times... it's kind of difficult to explain, actually, without sounding contradictory. But I don't ever take *serious* risks like telling someone online my name and address (potentially a life and death matter), no matter how well I know them, while on the other hand I'll freely play with money, my emotions, et cetera when it comes to people I don't yet know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zadown Posted November 25, 2007 Report Share Posted November 25, 2007 When I was talking with my dad about loaning quite a lot of money to a friend, he said "don't loan anything you wouldn't be able to lose". That's pretty good advice, and close to my own philosophy in matters of trust in general. I don't put myself into a position where a breach of trust can be catastrophical. If somebody lets me down, the loss incurred in that should be a payment I'm willing to make for the knowledge I can't trust that person at all or with that sort of stuff, whatever it was: being somewhere on time, a loan or helping me with something. It's not a binary thing, trust - I know of most of my friends they aren't too great on being anywhere right on time, but on the other hand I know they will turn up eventually if they've said they will. That's just one tiny facet of how much I trust them of course, and if one of them asked for a loan it'd be a whole different thing altogether. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katzaniel Posted November 26, 2007 Report Share Posted November 26, 2007 Good point, Zadown. I think most of my friends, for example, know that they can trust me in terms of lending money, doing things I've promised to do (although occasionally needing reminders), keeping secrets, and so on - but that I'm the worst person in the world to trust in terms of remembering to keep appointments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted December 5, 2007 Report Share Posted December 5, 2007 *reads the question again* In a romantic relationship I tend to look at past relations too much, and since those are past relations (ie. something went wrong) my trust isn't easily gained. I look for signs of why I shouldn't trust rather then signs of why I should trust. Which is a very bad thing to start out with I can tell ya. Eventually, this either gets turned around, or not (and that's where the relationship really should stop). This time I got turned around, and this was no small feat. It leaves me vunerable but the fact that this doesn't scare me as much anymore means that I trust and believe that this will not be taken advantage off. With friends, or new friends, I tend to trust too much though. But, as with Salinye, I have a pretty well developed instinct and because of that have not been harmed personally except by my own doing. Blind faith I have had and payed dearly for it (am still paying at times). But because of what happened, even from that I have learned things I would otherwise not have, so even that is not a loss but I gained something. Maybe paying is the wrong word. I should say that I'm still getting experience from that every now and then *thinks that's about it* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted December 5, 2007 Report Share Posted December 5, 2007 *hugs Appy* Welcome back Hon'. As a side-note, love is vulnerability, and pain is inevitable since we're human. But shared love with the right person makes it all worthwhile, to me. To the question, I guess I'm a mix of Regel (with whom I find myself nearly always agreeing in principles) and my old Peredhilish self. I tend to give myself away easily to people with whom I know I'm gonna have a relationship. Call it intuition, or whatever, but I rarely am wrong in my picks of friends and chosen-family. Sometimes it happens, but even then, it's not me who they hurt as much as someone else for whom I care, because my friends vary widely. I can forgive a great deal when I'm teaching a new friend how to love, 'specially if they've never had a real friend before, except betraying someone under my protection. Hurt me, we'll talk. Hurt a loved one, I turn it over to Elladan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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