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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

Bachelor Auction


Sweetcherrie

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Dana stepped onto the temporary stage that had been set up for the occasion, and looked at the audience. Sweetcherrie had asked her between running back and forth for the Beauty Pageant and the organization if she could introduce the bachelors for the auction. She had no idea who would exactly join in, but somehow Sweetcherrie had tricked her into saying yes. Dana had prepared a speech, but at the last moment she had decided to keep it short. It would be so much better if the participants would introduce themselves.

 

She stepped up to the microphone.

“Ok, from now on the bachelors have one week to present themselves to the audience, after this the people that want to bid can hand in three names by PM and the amount they bid on this person. They’ll have three days to do that. All clear?”

 

Dana looked around, and saw that some people were nodding. No questions arose, and she stepped of the stage again to give the bachelors the possibility to present themselves.

Edited by Sweetcherrie
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The crowds of female pennites whisper amongst themselves as a figure shrouded in a dark cloak makes his way onto the stage. The hooded figure nods to Sweetcherrie as he takes her place on the platform, and shifts his scaly tail in the hopes of hiding it. He then clears his throat and pulls back his hood, letting his horns protrude. The whispers turn to shrieks.

 

"Greetings, ladiesssss." Wyvern grins, and dodges several sharpened high heels that are tossed at him. "I'm, errr, ow! Well, you know I'm Wyver- aaack!"

 

Wyvern's beady eyes dart to the back of the stage for a moment as he notices Righthand Richie and Leo Lefty climbing up the railings, their Anti-Wyvern Bachelor Sign Up Sheet Protection Squad badges glimmering in the light. Wyvern coughs, ducks a purse full of bricks, and quickens his speech.

 

"You may know me from -yow! such infamous dates as "Death Becomes Yui" and "A Different Kind of Date," and you're also looking at the first- ow! first ever almost dragonic future-Beauty Pageant winner (actual win is pendi-ow!). Don't have any Quin-kisses to boast, b-but-"

 

Wyvern's speech is muffled as Richie gags him from behind. Leo promptly places a handcuff over one of Wyvern's claws, and trips him over. The two security officials hold Wyvern down until he's stopped squirming, then turn to the now-silent auction crowds.

 

"By all that is right and good, and out of profound respect for the female masses of the Pen, we have subdued this evil creature!" The two guards speak in unison, their lines perfected by months of security rehearsals. "You need not worry of him any longer."

 

Righthand Richie signals to Leo, who begins dragging Wyvern off of the stage by means of his tail. Richie then holds up a single sheet of paper, which has been stamped "[EVIDENCE]."

 

"As this paper demonstrates, that almost dragon was under the impression that he had signed up for the bachelor auction when he signed the Adventurers Wanted agreement in the last Winter carnival. We at the Anti-Wyvern Bachelor Sign Up Sheet Protection Squad let the lizard remain under this impression to prevent him from signing the actual sign up sheet, thereby saving you fine women from any potential hazards he may have caused with his reckless, lustful dating habits. We hope that you enjoy the rest of the Bachelor Auctions, and have a nice day!"

 

With that, Richie folds the sheet of evidence and walks off of the stage. The crowds remain strangely quiet, breaking the once-jovial atmosphere that had filled the auction quarters.

 

"Well..." Sweetcherrie rubs a hand over her aching forehead. "These bachelor introductions have gotten off to a GREAT start."

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Black walked out onto the stage with a "Joe Cool" grin and carried with him a fancy wooden cane. The cane had, at its head, the mantle of a fluffy pink bunny that was oh so cute and cuddly! The rest was made from mahogany and was smooth as a...as a very smooth thing...ok! Black donned a blood red tunic, adorned with rubies from fallen kingdoms in the distant past. The Vampire Lord gave up his armor long ago to take more pride in his work...if that was even possible! Black already had an ego ten times his normal body weight. the tunic streched down to a pair of tan dress pants and shoes. A black cape covered most of his body...leaving many a mystery to what had actually been within as he approached the microphone. Giving a prideful expression...the Vampire Lord began to speak.

 

Black-"I'm not going to stand up here and lie to you. If your looking for a model citizen that follows the golden rule and looks both ways before crossing the street...I'm not your man. At the same time...if your looking for an outlaw that will go to any length to make it happen...I'm not that either. Most would describe me as a wild card...a man of mistery that goes where he wants to and does what he pleases...all in the name of fun. In my 4509 years of life I haven't been around the block many times, but I can assure you I know my way through this game. One doesn't live this long...survive the living horrors I have had the pleasure of witnessing... without learning a thing or two. I can't promise that things will always get done the right way, but they will be accomplished...one way or another. If your looking for a man that will go though hell and back to make you happy...a hopeless romantic that doesn't always get things done, but always tries his hardest to do so...then by all means...you have but to ask." With this Black vanished into a puff of smoke and was seen no longer upon the stage.

 

*P.S...Black will take on any guy but he has a weankess to women...his gentlemenly code of honor won't let him fight back...easy pickings for a lady that likes to do things their way:)*

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Stephen sat quietly enjoying a cigarette, his hair back in its regular tail (this time without any suspicious strands woven into it) when he heard the soft padding of wolf paws approaching him. Suddenly the smoke he exhaled seemed to float in the direction of the sound, causing the wolf to sneeze a few times. With a satisfied smile, he took another pull from his cigarette.

 

:: I am absolutely not in the mood for this, Stephen. ::

 

:: What's wrong? ::

 

The growl he received as an answer told him it might not be a very good idea to continue this line of conversation.

 

:: I hope you'll be in a better mood for the last round of the pageant though. ::

 

Another growl, another line of conversation cut off. This time it was Tanny who started speaking again, though.

 

:: Say, Stephen ... ::

 

The almost too-friendly mental voice fitted the toothy grin perfectly.

 

:: That sounds like I should be worrying ... what's on your mind? ::

 

:: I have this wonderful idea ... I just need your signature for it. ::

 

:: My ... signature? For an idea of yours, when you seem to be rather ... annoyed with me? ::

 

Tanny, by now getting enthusiastic about her idea, tried to hide her mental chuckles.

 

:: See it as the compensation for your translation services. I promise it'll be fun! ::

 

:: Fun for me, or fun for you? ::

 

:: Stephen! ::

 

With a chuckle, Stephen agreed. She did seem to be genuinely enthusiastic ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Later ...

 

:: You signed me up for what? ::

 

:: You heard me ... ::

 

For a few moments, Stephen was quiet, at a complete loss for words. Then he started chuckling.

 

:: So people are actually supposed to bid money for a date with me? Tell you what, Wolf-Lady ... if anyone bids more than 1 geld on me without your interference I'll publicly apologize for those slip-ups you keep insisting I made during translations.::

 

If only he'd seen her toothy grin ...

 

 

 

 

 

Much later ...

 

With a nervous cough, Stephen went up to the microphone.

 

“Hi, I'm Stephen Hascodem.”

 

He was about to turn away again when he felt a mental nudge.

 

:: You're not even trying! ::

 

Sighing softly, he turned back to the microphone and kept his eyes fixed on a point straight ahead of him that he'd never see.

 

“Right. I'm here to ... uhh ... for about the same reason as about all the other guys I think. Which is ... err ...

 

::Finding a nice lady for an unforgettable date with you, Stephen...::

 

“... finding a nice lady for an unforgettable date with me, Stephen.”

 

With a frown he added, under his breath, “an unforgettable, wolfless date.”

 

Tanny grinned, but sent a soothing thread with her next thought.

 

:: I promise that no wolf will come into this, dear friend. I survived the Pageant so far, and you will survive and enjoy this date. Why don't you say samething about yourself? I know many of your qualities, but the ladies here probably don't. ::

At those words, some of his uncertainty faded away but there was still a great deal left.

 

“As you may know I'm blind, but that doesn't stop me from being very much at home in forests, hills, and generally away from what's often called civilization. My reflexes are pretty good, so if you stumble and fall I'll probably catch you.”

 

:: Don't leave out protective. ::

 

“I also tend to do my best to protect whoever's with me, so theoretically nothing bad should happen to you.”

 

:: Go on. Witty, fun ... I'm not going to keep flattering you, you know. ::

 

Tanny's mental grin matched Stephen's as he continued.

 

“Oh, and I'll also make witty remarks about ... ehh, for you.”

 

With a sigh, Tanny rolled her eyes.

 

:: Stephen, I'm starting to think you don't want a date... you can certainly add something more... how about caring, and considerate? ::

 

“And, uhh ... caring and considerate, too.”

 

Tanny nodded, satisfied.

 

“That's about it, I think. Happy bidding?”

 

His last sentence sounded like a question, and he almost seemed to be hurrying to get off the stage ...

 

Tanny smiled, falling in pace with Stephen as he half-ran out of sight. Quietly, she nudged and wove a strand around the energy-form of Stephen she could always feel entwined in the earth strands near him. As a result, almost without noticing it Stephen felt his tension draining out, and soon relaxed his pace and started wondering where this would lead ...

 

 

Important OOC notes :

- Thank you Tanny for the help with writing this!

- Just to make it clear : this means in no way that Stephen is already "taken". In fact, Tanny has agreed not to bid on him. Or on Venefyxatu. ;)

- Edited for tenses ... classic! :P

Edited by Venefyxatu
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Elrohir glides over the sand leaving no prints. Mounting the stage, he smiles at the crowd.

 

"Dad wanted me to let you all know that one of us is up for bid. Any one of us. So if you bid, you bid on the family and the bodyguards, and when you win, you can pick your date. Note that it is only *one* of us!"

 

He blinks as a thought hits him.

 

"When you send in your vote, just write 'Peredhil' to make it easier on the Judges. You can pick who you would like to see when you've won."

 

With a bow, he lithely glides away.

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Seeing the Bachelor Auction stage clear Gryphon bounds up to the microphone.

 

"Hi everybody, I'm up for auction to any interested ladies. I'm sure that if you win me I'll be able to come up with some entertainment to make your date with me one to remember."

 

With a grin Gryphon spreads his wings and leaps skyward, a powerful downstroke causing a miniature whirlwind to form around the stage and the microphone, which vanishes as quickly as he does into the sky.

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As he stumbled over the edge of the keep on which he'd been sitting, Knight flicked out his wings, and floated down gracefully..

 

 

...smack into the center of the Bachelor Auctions.

 

"Well now. This is about curious."

 

With a massive shrug, the angelic one chuckled. Checking himself over to ensure that his armor was not dirty, and that everything was in order, he looked over the sea of faces.

 

Muttering to himself about odd predicaments, He grinned wryly, and stepped up to the edge of the stage. "So... This would be the bachelor auction, and as you guessed it, I am a bachelor. Does this work like one of those TV shows..?"

 

The crowd looked at him blankly.

 

"...OOoookay... forget it. No TV."

 

Still the blank stares.

 

"Well, alright then. Hi there. For those that don't know me, I am Knight. I am a spiffy Archangel, who has been here, there, and everywhere, all over this plane and a few others. I definitely know a lot of you. You might know me from such endeavours as the Bruteweiser corporation... If you don't, ask Wyvern about it sometime..."

 

Somewhere, the sound of crickets could be heard....

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Backstage behind the Beauty Pageant Patham quickly put a shirt and some shorts over his swimwear and then made his way towards where some people had already presented themselves for the Bachelor Auction. He followed Knight on the stage.

 

"My name is Patham, and well I guess I could be called a shape-shifter."

 

His eyes dart around looking at the ladies gathered around.

 

If I want anyone to bid even 1 geld on me, I'll need to tell them much more than that. - he thought.

 

"I actually am a shape-shifter and my other form is that of an owl. Sometimes, although mostly not at will I can also achieve partial shapes, as in being an owl but having a small human part or vice-versa."

 

He paused, surveying the reactions to his words.

 

"I came here not so long ago, so I probably still don't know most of you as well as you would deserve, but I am trying."

 

He stepped back, then remembering one more thing added:

 

"If someone bids for me and wins I hope that we can have a really great time!"

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Panther silently walks up to the middle of the stage and looks around cautiously to those in the audience. Clothed in his new cloak of very dark purple silk, which goes down just shy of the ground, he clears his throat to introduce himself:

 

"Um, hello everyone. As you know, I am Panther, and this is my first time doing this auction. To those who are thinking about bidding on myself, rest assured, I will do my best to make it a memorable occasion."

 

Done his short, but hopefully sweet, introduction, Panther gives a large, toothsome smile to those around before bowing deeply to everyone and exiting the stage.

Edited by Lord Panther
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A small indigo form climbs up the stage, grumbling under his breath that there really should be stairs on this thing. After he's taken his footing, he begins to make his way towards the mike in the center, only to have a cord snag around his foot, throwing him dangerously off balance...

 

The foot trips, detangling itself from the cord and retangling itself in the little blue man's best (i.e. only) robe. Somehow or another, Finnius ends up in a half roll, half tumble, forward; as he goes, the robe slips disturbingly out of place, pulls itself up over his head, and as the diminutive blue Pennite stands from his tumble, thinking to change it Willy Wonka-style into a showy gesture, the rest of the poor brown garment gives up the ghost and falls to the floor.

 

For a brief moment, there is silence, and then the snickering begins. Finnius, for his part, turns a lovely shade of purple.

 

He then gathers the remains of his clothing, coughs tentatively towards the mike, causing massive feedback, recoils, leans forward, and gives a sheepish grin.

 

"Erm... if you didn't know me before, your certainly do now. It's er... for a good cause? Right? Heh... heh... immagetoffthestagenow."

 

The tiny bluish purple man then exits stage left, and retreats somewhere to re-robe. From the back can be heard the sounds of the remaining members of the Anti-Wyvern Bachelor Sign Up Sheet Protection Squad, stationed to make sure the scaley Elder didn't try to enter twice.

 

"Thank Zool he was wearing boxers..."

 

"Yeah, that could've been embarrasing otherwise."

 

"..."

 

"Very amusing, Sergeant Bunny."

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Black and Venefyxatu sat next to each other in the shadow of a small, somewhat dilapidated mausoleum. The sun made patterns on the ground and the only sound was that of the wind playing in between the graves.

 

“I heard you signed up for the bachelor's auction ... getting tired of warfare?”

 

The vampire grinned.

 

“Yes, I did – and no I'm not. The thing is, I'm sure it'll be fun. You should know by now that that's reason enough for me ...”

 

Venefyxatu replied with a thin smile.

 

“Yes, I should ... “

 

“Why don't you try it?”

 

“Me? Auctioning myself off? You must be joking.”

 

“No, I'm serious. Why don't you give it a try? Spending time with something that actually breathes wouldn't harm you, you know.”

 

With a thoughtful look, the archmage nodded.

 

“I'll think about it.”

 

 

 

 

 

Later.

 

The stage was empty, and the audience was about to leave when a certain nether mage shimmered into view.

 

“Just in time,” he muttered to himself.

 

Standing next to the microphone, he concentrated on the voice he'd used to command his armies once – soft as always, but somehow able to be heard for a long distance.

 

“As some of you know, I go by the name Venefyxatu. A friend of mine suggested that I sign up for this, and here I am. While I don't have much experience with ... breathing creatures, I am fairly sure that the right person could enjoy themselves on a ... date, is the word? With me...”

 

With a slight bow, the archmage shimmered out of view again.

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Sweetcherrie had looked at the presentation with fascination; it would be hard to chose, but she already had a couple of people in mind. Some of the people that had presented themselves here she hardly knew, but that would probably make it only more fun.

 

As Venfyxatu stepped off the stage, Sweetcherrie stepped on it. She was getting used to talking into the microphone and managed to barely make it sing this time as she announced that the presentation round was closed, and the bidding could start.

 

“Please ladies, you can bid on the three gentlemen of your choice and send this in a Personal Message to me or Katzaniel. The bidding will be closed around Tuesday so make haste, thank you for your attention.”

 

With this she stepped of the stage again, and prepared her own bids.

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