Loki Wyrd Posted October 30, 2003 Report Share Posted October 30, 2003 (edited) There is a door, that I am To unlock; within myself It doth reside. I find myself In the most peculiar of places, leaving me To wonder why. My thoughts left unchecked Grow palpable, To hurt me as only they can. I am struggling To keep up with who I am; It is Not what I have. There is always, And forever shall be, something I reach for To achieve my piece of serenity. Edited July 4, 2014 by Peredhil Taking a guess to restore missing formatting 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted October 31, 2003 Report Share Posted October 31, 2003 hmm didn't mind you couldn't sleep when reading this.. I like it a lot. again you seem to put into words and form what i'm thinking about *rolls eyes but smiles* I loved: 'My thoughts left unchecked Grow palpable, To hurt me as only they can.' I have that too often... even if it's just the barbie commercial over and over again in my head while suffering migraine (I wouldn't wish that to happen to my worst enemy... it was hell quadripled (if that's a word) *shudders*) Nice work.. oh, one last thing, it has this chaotic quality, as if it's an untidy room... fits great *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepless Posted November 2, 2003 Report Share Posted November 2, 2003 heya loki not a bad poem, but i think you're far too wrorried about breaking the structure. for instance, that last verse would have been miles better if the third line had been split either side of the comma. without it, the reader get's uncomfortable that they aren't reading it properly. write it as it flows, not for it to look better on the page good luck and all.. i'll catch up with you on IRC sometime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted November 2, 2003 Report Share Posted November 2, 2003 nods I liked this one. Really liked the same line as Appy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted November 2, 2003 Report Share Posted November 2, 2003 *nod* as do i. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Wyrd Posted November 2, 2003 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2003 Thanks all for your comments. Sleepless, unfortunately my current situation does not allow me to get on IRC. I'm sure someday I'll be around there again, but probably not for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yatsuna13 Posted November 3, 2003 Report Share Posted November 3, 2003 it's a beautiful poem and has a lot of meaning behind it...the tone i presume is thoughtfull as if your confused...keep up the good work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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