Sweetcherrie

aiaiaia, totally have not been around enough I see! *flaps her arms panicky and runs around in circles* What am I going to dooooo! *runs into a wall, and watches the stars circle her head* Argh, a birthday gift... *gathers the stars and sticks them on a card for Peredhil* Happy birthday

Well, for me it is the 26th today, so not too late yet Happy birthday Cryptomancer

I had left this alone for a bit since only Tanny had shown interest, and no matter how much I love her poetry...a ring with two people is a bit small. This is still open for sign-up. Am currently on holiday, and Gyr is here as well, so time is being diverted largely into other things. But I will come back to this. Until that time, feel free to sign up for it

*throws a shiny in the hugbin, then shakes the bin till the shiny is all the way on the bottom* For the person willing to wade through the hugs...

Thanks Yui, looks great

are we expected to post characters already?

Sorry, entirely forgot to post the endings. Gyrfalcon was the witch, and on the last nightphase he did well to chose himself for the revival potion, since the wolves had marked him as their target. However, he also marked Sav to receive the potion of death, and with this killed a villager. With Sav killed there were as many humans as wolves, and the wolves have won. Sorry there's no IC post. Congratulations to Phoenix and Tanuchan, the wolves of this game.

I'm in

All this talk all of a sudden about reshaping the forums does make me wonder what I've been doing wrong all those months in the DSEPROD room

Funny, when I posted this I was mainly hoping it was not a mistake to post my honest thoughts. I don't think we need event organizers at all. Every member can be an event organizer. We don't need more titles. (If anything the title almost seems to make a member go idle almost straight afterwards ) Maybe the guilds needs to clarify what they want to do as guild leaders? and what they want from the Pen? Because so far I've only heard what they didn't want. Which is being event organizers. So let us hear what you do think you should do, and maybe the Pen as a whole can profit from your ideas.

Hmm...maybe some of you are indeed But you guys should be a team, and to me it feels as if some are actively looking to restructure, and others are either not active at all, or they are somehow trying to hold on to what they have. I could be wrong, but then again what I can see is giving me this impression. I cannot speak for what I cannot see.

Hmm…I think that event organizer is one of the most important tasks of a Guild Leader. Already if you look at what people would like to see around the Pen I think you can see is that it’s activity and stuff organized what is needed. But not only event organizer, muse prickler, activity poker, helper…etc. Setting up an activity should not only be creating a nice activity and leaving it at that. It should be something that the whole membership can benefit from and has fun with. And if you fail the first time, you try a next time. The other thing that the Guilds were set up to do as far as I know, was help people who wanted this help, to improve in their writing. Either by giving them advice themselves or by connecting them with other people who can help. But, they were set up as an elite club, for those people who had already advanced in their writing, and wanted to advance even further. It’s pretty clear that an elite club is not what fits in the Pen I think, not if indeed the people who wanted this elite club have seemed to move on. I’ve been working with the guilds, and have been a guild leader, I think the guilds should be more interwoven than what they are now. A guild leader is not always able to give advice, also because they are simply not always capable enough to give it to the person who is seeking for it. What the guilds are now is dispensable, what they can be is a whole different thing. If the guilds were to pick up the challenge of organizing the different genres (not your own corner) in a way that the guilds will become interwoven with the Pen, and were less reluctant to give up their “We have to hold on to what we have, because the Gods prevent they erase us” attitude, I think they could help a great deal with getting some new and refreshing things around here. And yes, if that maybe means only organizing activities at the moment then this is what they should start with. Talking about greater things can always be done after, but start with the simple stuff and while you try to work that out, talk about how to get things done. Don’t talk about getting things done, and do nothing. Anyways, two cents of someone who’s still very much behind the possibilities of the guilds, but more and more against what they are now.

Woah, you make so much sense Racouol! I still think that babies are monsters of hell. As soon as they start talking and walking it gets better, but babies are just poop creating machines. Oh, and they make as much noise as heavy machinery in general....

A bit more practical question... Could we have a small place for visual art? I know it's not really writing, but it sorta comes together with it for a few people here

Oh well, since we've got that figured out, how about this one.... How come they don't add the time that we are in our mom's to our age?

Player Character Gyrfalcon Lupus Mynx Chiko Tanuchan Niko Gryphon Sav Dean the Adequate Lynching 1 Freakazoid Gilles Jordan Wolf kill 2 The Pokemon Monster Black 9 Wolf kill 1 Choc Alaeha Alex the Sister Phoenix Alex the Brother

Bugs was worried, very worried. The toons did not only accuse each other randomly, but now it turned out they were also accusing the wrong people. That evening they had grabbed Alex the Sister, and had tied her to the rocket, but just before she took off towards Toon Town, she showed him the proof that she was innocent. And not only innocent, she even had special powers. Doom’s team was doing a darn good job, maybe they were even working from the inside out….Oh my, would that be it? Bugs jumped up, “Nyeaaaaaaaaaah, I got it! We have traitors in our midst. OOC: Alaeha, Alex the Sister was the seer. It is now nightphase, specials send me your targets please (update of the list in OOC)

Don't hit that... ouch

Bugs was just trying to explain what a traitor was, and wished he had Daffy with him, simply because a twaitor was so much more fun, when they heard a loud scream. All together they ran towards where the sound had come from, but what they found was one of the most horrible sights they had ever seen. The Pokemon Master was standing with his feet in dip, and slowly he was melting away. He wormed with his arms and tried desperately to get out, but the dip was working fast, and with a last gurgle he disappeared into the dip. Only a puddle remained where he had once been, and the toons stood terrified with horror. Then one spoke. “Was he a traitor, Bugs?” Sav asked softly. OOC: Gilles Jordan – The Pokemon Master, was a villager. It is now dayphase, my apologies it took so long.

ouchie Might be better if you keep all from the same poem in one thread, Chanz That way you would have all the work together Like what you've been doing so far, keep it up!

Nightphase is open for another 3 hours, then I will close it

Righty, as you confirmed in pm that you really do mean 'all' sorts of suggestions', I will do my very best to break this down, and give you my opinion on what I liked/didn't like and what I feel could be improved upon Poetry is not my forte, but I do have a sense of rhythm, and I normally read poetry out loud so I can hear the words and their sounds. I like how you start the poem with a good steady rhythm here, but your last line completely threw me off rhythm. I think this might be because there are a few too many syllables in there. If this was your intention then please ignore me, but I think the start of a poem should drag you in and then you can start throwing people off balance at a later stage Again the rhythm is slightly off. Never too sure how to explain this, since I do this by tapping. I think it has to do with how it come out of your mouth when you read it out loud. It feels slightly off at 'and guards me' and I think 'allows' could best be replaced with a one syllable word. Oh, and a type in guards I really like this stanza and the way you slowly build up towards the rest of the poem. typo: guard I really do like rhythm of this stanza, in my head I read it like this: He's my protector, and my guard He is my saviour, my wild card. He is my sanity, and my mind, He is my thoughts, and my find. And the last line might even be better as: He is my thoughts, my (something one syllable) find. Possibly some small changes so again the rhythm in my head keeps flowing: I want to be more than a friend, Though I do not wish to offend. My boyfriend, I don't want to hurt, I just want to seek his comfort. Maybe change the second line to: I do not know if they'll be fatal? Last line seems to have too many syllables, maybe: I'm not sure if I want them away. I like how you keep all lines short, but think the second might be slightly long in comparison. The last sentence has a syllable too many, not sure how to change it witout losing the meaning though, maybe take out 'But' ? Possible take some syllables out from the last line by: So wish this felt less like a crime. Here you broke the aabb schedule, but I think that's pretty ok since you're ending here, and it feels pretty good to end with something different. All in all I think you have a pretty good feeling here to work with, and you bring it across pretty well. You might consider shortening the piece, since there are some places where you repeat feelings. Then again, maybe it's just me liking these sort of pieces a bit more concise I would like to add that all these suggestions are just an opinion, and that you can of course do what you want with them. It's only that I saw the poem, and found that it's a good basis to continue upon You have some good stuff here, would be very cool to see you work on it

Maybe it's an idea to post each work with a rating of the sort of feedback you want for that work. It would prevent misunderstandings (and that way you don't have to work with different forums) Would it be possible to also have a ‘Give’ rating? For example: 0: I don’t give feedback. 1: what I liked 2: what I didn’t like 3: possible improvements 4: technical aspects of the work 5: grammatical aspects Etc…. I think it goes without saying that if you give feedback, you always give reasons as to why you thought this or that. To tell someone something is wrong without telling them WHY it is wrong, is simply wrong on its own already… And of course if a person is asking for a level 1, you will not give a 4 even though you can. In the end you could then put in your profile both sides of feedback. For example mine would most likely be: Give: Poetry: 1+2, sometimes 3 or 5 Stories: 1+2+3+4, sometimes 5 Roleplay: 1+2+3+4, sometimes 5 Receive: As defined in post. Maybe there are other ways, most likely even This is just something I came up with in 5 minutes.

I definitely think you improved on this with this second version I especially like the way you guide the reader through the story of the poem by the end rhymes, but also the similar sounds inside the sentences. There were some places that still felt a little off, though I'm having a hard time saying with each place exactly why. I have marked them in red, and where I could I gave the reason. I like the way you've used the heavier forms of words (weep fe) since they give the whole poem a heavier and darker feeling. All in all it feels like the poem presents resignation, but also a stubborness to not willingly except things. A really nice poem, and I'm glad to see you're still posting around this place, since I generally quite enjoy reading your work Oh, also, if you have work that you're still working on and would like some more feedback on than normal you could always post it in the Writer's Workshop. If something gets posted there people normally know that you would like feedback on it then

Happy Birtday Tavarilyn Hope you're having/had a good day