Merelas

http://www.themightypen.net/public/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif You have no idea how impressed I am, Boaz. This throws away the conventions of poetry, dashes them completely... And it seems that rules are meant to be broken. This is one of the most amazing poems I have ever read, and I am being quite sincere and honest when I say this. You have a gift. The only thing I can say, is that it would be a shame if you were to waste it. Keep on writing. Treat us with more. -Merelas en'Bella

*Merelas smiles, and take's Gyr's place at the fornt of the line, and bows* A very merry birthday to you, Yui-chan. Although I don't know you particularly well, I have a gift for you, all the same. *A small, very ornate box is presented, with a latch on the side facing Yui* If you open it, you will find several different types of charcoal, molded into sticks, and sharpened, as well as a small knife for that purpose. It was meant for your drawing, which you have a great talent for. A happy birthday, again!

Wow... the time spent on this was definately, supremely worth it. At the end, it gives our free will credit... Gives me a feeling of relief, that even though we may do wrong, our conscious, and our ability to think is still something that we can do right. Extremely well written, a quality of work to aspire to. Well done! Encore!

I've already talked to online about this, so I'll just reiterate part of what I said there: WELL DONE! Let's see some more, Boaz!

Thanks for posting on the story! I have a job which is really inactive... time-consuming, but not all that thought-consuming, which leaves me with lots of time to think every day... And that in itself is scary, but it gives me lots of plot work time. So, during those 13.5 hours of nothingness, I worked out some of the plot, but I never quite got around to the distinct character descriptions. Thank you for pointing that out... I'll work it in somewhere. Will change the "an" to an "a". And the run-on's... They're addictive, I swear to God... I can't stop with them... I think it was Victor Hugo that had the sentence that had 108 words in it... or something like that. 22 commas, 4 semi-colons, and several brackets. *Starts chanting "HUGO! HUGO! HUGO!"* Oh, and about the individual powers/classes/whatever... all in good time, my friend... all in good time

A chilling, unfathomable view, presented well. Reminds me of Shakespeare when you break the non-rhyming pattern at the end... I believe, at the end of each scene, Shakespeare would twist a rhyme onto the exeunt. Well written. More, more!! (slams plate up and down on a table) WE WANT MORE! WE WANT MORE!

Extremely well written. The variation (although they are all short) of length in stanzas was effective, as well as the partial rhyme scheme. A worthwhile message, well presented. Encore!

DANCES THE HAPPY DANCE! Vince is happy! Vince is Happy! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee! Wow. I'm really tired. That's crazy. And now, I think I really need to... go post some more!!

As always, I'm terribly late with this, but I'm going to bring mine up anyways... some of you have touched on it, but I'm going to redo it. So if you don't like it, tough luck, buttercup. I'm going to say Loyalty. Loyalty is a huge issue for me, because if someone can be there for you ALWAYS, no matter what, and put your needs above their own, that's something. And if they would stay with you through anything, and remain faithful to you throughout a marriage or a friendship, or whatever... that's the most important thing to me. Wow... that made probably the least sense of anything I've said all day. Score! -Merelas

I wish you a very happy, and very belated, birthday . May the sun be warm and the wind at your back on your special day... or today, since your special day is already gone

Ok. This is really good, and It's awesome to look at some of your previous works and look at where you are now. Just some things I noticed: The feet of the lines seem not to match all the time. By this, I mean the flow of between lines in each stanza. I don't know if I can explain this correctly... hmm. It's sorta like syllables, relating to the meter of the poem. I would suggest reading them outloud to yourself when you finish, and seeing how the things flow. The only thing about that was that it sorta didn't make sense. I got the point, certainly, but it just didn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem. It's still a very good work, and the progress is awesome! More! More!

If I might, I'd like to open this up... I appreciate the fact that nobody's cluttered up my thread, but... a little help would still be nice

First and foremost, I would like to second Elrond Peredhil's request to return the focus to this excellent display of talent. A discussion on the various theories/techniques on poetry writing is definately fine, but not right in the middle of a member's post. I would also like to reiterate what Peredhil said about coming down on members for their personal style. I, for one, am frequently plagued by self-doubt about my "work." However, due to the generally accepting and constructive atmosphere of the Pen, I never hesitate to press the "add post" button, because I know that any feedback I recieve will be, at the very least, constructive, if not extremely supportive. Comments like Dragolin's that tell the author of this outstanding work that their personal style is wrong, and that it should be altered. Such a message detracts from the atmosphere I described earlier, and eventually, enough comments like that would result in a major decrease in posting due to self doubt, in my opinion. I realize that I am being mostly repetitive with this post, as well as slightly hypocritical by harping on an issue other than the post by Parmenion, but I do believe that these points should be stressed/emphasized. Parmenion, this is an amazing work. The eerieness (is that a word?!) it projects honestly gave me a shiver when I read it first, before I read it through again. Now, honestly, if I read something twice, it's good! The variation of stanza length, along with the intriguing rhyme scheme made this a very worthwhile read. I hope to see some more of your work soon! *Edited to remove evidence of a brain-fart*

Wow. That was very good... ingaging, giving insight to the mind of an assassin. The only thing I noticed was that the word "sure" was used several times. Some possible grammatical errors, but I don't remember what they were now. Just try to stay away from "sure," a little bit

Boaz! I'm very impressed. It has a very jazzy, classy sound... one that would feel right at home in a dark coffee shop, with people all dressed in Black. I love this poem, quite literally. It's long enough to fully explain what you're trying to, while still short enough to keep the reader's interest. It flows VERY well, even with the partial rhyme scheme, which is something that I am far to adamant about with my works-- it suits this VERY well. Once again, I'm impressed! Keep it coming!!

mm... This sounds good. Something about it that I can't put my finger on, I like. Everything constructive that I could offer has already been said, so I'll end with a traditional "Well done!"

Ahh... a poem of unrequited love. Very well done. Some of the rhyme scheme in the second stanza (or verse... the terms were never my strong point) was a little sketchy, but it was good all the same

Ah... such a longwinded comment this will be I must, I feel, bring to light the fact that, to even realize the innocence-no, the beauty of these moments shows great wisdom and insight. Further, the fact that you could revel in this vision (and vision it was, for though others could see it, I take it from your tale that you were the only one to realize the moment for what it was) and not be overcome by jealousy, doubt, or regret in any form, but to be truly happy for your friends, shows character. On top of the wisdom, insight, and character you have shown yourself to posess through this tale, you have explained the moment with beauty. I will not go so far as to say that you have done so with completeness, because I highly doubt that anyone will ever be able to completely describe a moment such as that, or even the feeling of love itself, let alone to witness it in a friend. Justin Silverblade, you show much talent as a writer-- already you have a strong command over the English Language, and there's still time for improvement. Not only have you excelled today, but you show much promise for tomorrow.

A good answer. Tradition was what I was actually looking for, but with customs you pretty much hit it. Well done Was probably fairly obvious, anyways.

I came up with this on the long, boring, desparately idle time that is driving a Combine in Harvest. I am merely a token, though sometimes broken. Long ago, your elders arranged A path to be followed; my enemy is change. I will live if I'm kept to the end of your days. But change will create a whole new set of ways. Who/What am I?

The dark, stormy night that is so cliché among flights of fantasy was a reality in this fairy tale… for here, of course, IS Cliché. That’s his name. Cliché. Cliché is a product of a dashing, handsome young warrior who wooed a damsel in distress straight into his bedchamber after slaying the dragon she was guarded by in the tall, central tower that was surrounded by boiling hot lava. Aaron swept Mariah off her feet immediately, literally, and carried her off to his castle where they could… talk. And after a whole three minutes of stimulating conversation, Aaron and Mariah were involved in the act of… well, they were fornicating under the consent of the king, anyway. And, thus, Cliché was created, as all things… or humans, anyway… are. And now, here stands Cliché, clutching his sword with as much force as his father had that fateful day when he was… conceived. Bold Cliché (named by his witty, strongly moral mother) and his companion, Merelas, are having a slight disagreement. “You nincompoop! Incompetent! Conveyor of Idiocy! If I were in the mood to do good deeds today, I would wipe you from the face of the earth to save us all from your fanatical retardation!” cries Merelas, his cynical face burning red, as he shouts at the brave, bold Cliché. “Nincompoop? I went before we left, thank you very much!” “BAH! Get out of my way!” Cries Merelas, clutching his staff, and cracking Cliché over the head with it as he goes, all the same. And so, following in his fuming companion’s wake, Cliché treks behind Merelas towards the looming tower, in the dark, stormy, moonless night. The two stop at the pool of lava, and Cliché looks momentarily perturbed… this wasn’t in his plan. “What now, oh brainless one?!” cries Merelas, sarcastically. “Well… don’t you have a trick that should…” “Of course I do!” snapped Merelas, cutting off Cliché, “obviously you’ve got to depend on me!” Merelas stands still serenely for a moment, holding his arms out to his side, with his staff still clasped in his right hand. After a moment, he twirls the staff over his head, and thrusts it into the ground. Immediately, his feet rise above the surface of the earth, and he looks angrily at Cliché, before cracking him over the head again… and the spell now applies to our gallant knight. The two soar over the lava, and Merelas immediately touches down, but Cliché is having too much fun with the flying stuff. “This is great crap! Why don’t you give me some of this more often?” he calls down, performing a loop in the air, swinging his sword around with flourish. With gritted teeth, Merelas says, “I really should,” before snapping his fingers, and sending Cliché soaring… down to earth with a crash. “Idiot!” And, with a sour look from Merelas, the two trudge onward, with Merelas in the lead, towards the looming tower, in the dark, stormy, moonless night. And now they’re at the door. Cliché warns him to stay back—this is a Knight’s Work! And so Merelas simply smiles, and gestures at the door serenely. “If you really think you can handle it… I mean… a dragon must be your area, after all, right?” “Of course!” And he charges straight at the door, steps through, and charges… And runs straight into the princess, knocing her off her feet. Merelas follows him in, disgustedly. Just his luck that the bumbling brute would run into a lady instead of a dragon… “Hello, fair maiden. I am Merelas en’Bella, a half-firelf, half human sorcerer, at your service.” “Hi,” she says distractedly, staring at Cliché with her eyes wide. Merelas snaps up out of the bow he’s sketched, and rolls his eyes so far back into his head that all you can see are the whites, briefly. “Hey… nice to feel—I mean meet you!” says Cliché, and he takes the woman’s hand, and leads her upstairs… Merelas rolls his eyes once more, realizes that all Cliché’s must come to an end, and this one’s is overdue. He storms out of the tower, and slams the door with a wave of his hand. “Women! And Knights!” he exclaims, stalking off. OOC: This is my first try at irony/humor blend, and obviously it's a fairly poor attempt, but it stands as my application nonetheless. Patiently, Merelas