HappyBuddha

Lonely these car spangled streets bulletproof eyes, the startling serpent hiss of bus brakes. yet unable to exhale, cold, stale streams of cigarette flavored breath in whose windows dark bodies break reflected tinsel, cloaking the glare that masks looming streets beyond better...we're getting there...need some constructive commentary here

Wow! I like it. More later.

Sink, these car spangled streets bulletproof eyes exhaling bus brakes windows that reflect the light inside, but fail to hide the darkness outside

Man, I pity the fool who doesn't tune in to Any Given Moment this Friday. Tune in online to see me and Wyvern hanging in the studio, sporting our gangster/angster threads.

Hippie You are 28% Rational, 57% Extroverted, 0% Brutal, and 0% Arrogant. You are the Hippie! Characterized by a strong sense of extroversion, irrationality, gentleness, and humility, you no doubt frolic through fields preaching peace and love to all! You are probably either very spiritual or needlessly paranoid about "the man", like most hippies, as a result of your focus on intuition and feelings over cold, brutal logic. You are also very, very social. And like any hippie, who would have no qualms about hitchiking across the country just to meet some interesting people, you too love to interact with others, even complete strangers. Because we know most any hippie is peace-loving and humble, it stands to reason that you, as well, are terribly gentle and humble, almost to the point of revulsion. Your carefree attitude of peace and harmony is probably very, very sickening to realists or cynics or anyone who isn't a hippie, to tell the truth. In short, your personality is defective because you are overly emotional, extroverted, gentle, and humble--thus making you an annoying hippie. And you listen to psychadelic rock and smoke a whole lot of pot. Okay, maybe not, but I wouldn't be surprised if you did. To put it less negatively: 1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational. 2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted. 3. You are more GENTLE than brutal. 4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant. Compatibility: Your exact opposite is the Sociopath. Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Televangelist, and the Robot.

Umm, what the others said for imagery...this poem does a pretty good job of bringing across a vivid image to its audience, very well done! I find that the better poems tend to draw the critic in me out more, and such is the case here. Since I'm in class (and thus have time, that rarest commodity), I'll try to give a fairly thorough critique of the piece... First, I'd like to build on what Quincunx said - I agree with some of her criticism, especially the necessity of changing, "showing," to, "shows." I also agree with her conclusions concerning the, "bite," line, which is somewhat confusing. I do like what you do with the, "still," in the second line of that couplet - it complements the, "silence," two couplets later, by subtly paving the way for the image of eerie tranquility that, "silence reigns," and, "no sounds echo/pierce through," give off. By placing, "still," after, "seems," you further amplify this effect, as it uses the word in a less assertive and energetic manner - if you began the line with, "still," then it would come across as a strong contradiction or outstanding defiance of the expected, instead of its current status as a quietly perplexing exception. For this reason, I would at least try to preserve the first two words of that line if you choose to rework it and get rid of, "bite." I have to disagree with Quincunx's assessment of, "no sounds echo." I found the couplet, "No sounds echo/through eggshell gore," to be one of the best and tastiest lines in this poem - I really, really like that couplet. Its hard to put into words why I find it so attractive, but I guess, "no sounds echo," says more eloquently and less typically what, "silence reigns," had already established - it uses an interesting (if sliiiightly nonsensical) metaphor to communicate an image, and in my opinion, it does so effectively. From where I see it, the semi-nonsensical interplay betwen the two lines of this couplet is OK, because the intention and image is still effectively communicated and expressed - you don't need to peer hard at the lines to get the point, that this battle lacks any sound. For this reason, I'm all for preserving this couplet in its original state. Also, I really like the image of, "eggshell gore," it's yet another well-developed metaphor, and runs together excellently with the 1st line of this couplet. I like the rhyming between the first two couplets, as it seems pretty natural and unforced. Unfortunately, I can't say the same about the rhyming of the 3rd and 4th couplets - the 2nd line in the 3rd couplet irks me, it comes across as a, "filler," rhyme shoved in there to make the rhyming work. Try playing with that, and fixing it up. The fight/bite rhyme also seems a little forced, perhaps b/c the 'bite' doesn't make total sense, making it seem artificial and forced upon the poem.

I second Wyvern's review of Motorcycle Diaries - its a powerful and well-done movie that really captures both the beauty of the South America and the inspiration Che finds for his later revolutionary exploits during his trip. Its amusing without becoming distracted from its primary goal, and serious without degrading the enjoyable parts of the film. All around, its a great movie, one of the better films to come out of 2004 in my opinion.

I really like this poem, Sweet. Very accomplished - sometimes the structure doesn't *quite* click with the words, but I nitpick precisely because its so good. The better a poem is, the more the flaws with it stand out, as is the case here. Overall a very fine piece of work that you should be proud to call your own Edit: Perhaps the very last line would work better if you clipped a few words? I thought it might be more effective if, instead of using: And my heart blows blindly at the newly found cinders, showing me the sparks You used: And my heart blows on newly found cinders, showing me the sparks It seems like the "blindly" is just a random alliteration that clunks it up, while using an article before "newly found cinders" again seems to clunk it.

*Hugtackles* You don't need to run, you're quite welcome to stay here in fact What you did wasn't wrong, not at all - you did what you had to, to release, to escape, everything and anything that had pent up inside you. There is no shame for what you did, and I never for a moment waver from holding you close to my heart. Like Ayshela, my inbox and phone are always open to you. In fact, they've been busy harassing your inbox and phone for the past couple of days

This is a pretty good poem on its own merits - knowing the story behind it makes it a real kicker. *Hugs tight* Not much to say here that I haven't already said.

*Hugs tight for an extra long time* This poem encapsulates what we've all been through but hope never to feel again...here's offering you the best of luck and hope in getting back to your feet and turning your back on the ugliness. You know I'm beside you every step of the way.

I like this poem - the imagery, structure, and word choice are creative and generally work well. I'll comment more in-depth soon, but I wanted to go ahead and give you some well-deserved encouragement.

Adds a hug to the pile, grinning For our favoritests wolfy! (Well, she shares the title with Canid, but still )

Don't roses grow in gardens, not castles?

Curse you Peredhil, you're always stealing my words out from under me! You can't steal my hug, however Hugs I'm there myself, its tough I know. The ones you love are the closest thing to a release, find them, or at least let them find you.

Happy Birthday you lovable lug! *hugs*

Zariah - I went and saw Sage Francis last night in Atlanta, your poem pretty much sums up my experience Very, very enjoyable, and the openers were suprisingly out-of-this-world (the Sol illaquists and Jared Paul) too; the fact that I, the only high school kid there, was out-dancing a goodly majority of the college folks was only the icing on the cake

Certainly PM the person. And I'm with Pered, Cyril's poetry of all the Pen poetry impresses me most, with its incredible style - effortless ease and lucid language that says precisely what is meant to be said, and says it beautifully. Hats off to him - and hats off to all the other Pen writers, especially those who continue to write and put forth their work before the Pen community even though they know in their hearts that they aren't exactly star poets (I'm certainly part of this last group). This courage and openness is what makes the Pen so unique and treasured.

Yeah, I would significantly shrink the margins if this forum would allow me - actually, I guess I can do that manually. I'm going to go and edit that in right now.

Farewell eyes, silent like lightning, pure shirtless frame serene like a centrifuge, I cried amongst brothers, ^blurry sobs coloring the cold Tennessee darkness that clapped down upon my eternal flame, ^a single stuttering breath dying to rejoin the pitch-black weathered lodge where the sounds of sneakers scuffling on an unyielding floor, of hands slapping and slipping across sweat-slickened skin, of the joyous flash and epiphany of a love-filled head greeting cracked concrete, of frantic scrabbling cries and hoarse curses all flowed into one last wrenching note of unadultered glory. Criticism and praise are equally welcome - just be truthful, and respond with what you think this poem deserves (Anything, from level 1 to 5. Just be truthful). Interpretation/explication is also welcome, if you so feel.

Happy Birthday Merry! bouncehugs

Aw, you guys rock! Thanks for the thought, hugs, and love, it means the world to me And yes, I had a very happy birthday, thanks to your good wishes I'm sure. Joyfully returns the hugs (and tackles, hehe!) and reverently handles Wyv's gift when it is presented, before quietly tossing it in a drawer from which it will never emerge when Wyv's back is turned

[Purple made me post this little gem (entirely accidental in its phrasing I might add!) from our conversation tonight] HappyBuddha: yes HappyBuddha: ! HappyBuddha: do it! f*** your mother! Purple Shadows: next time I have the copay maybe

High schools often seem like the most low level prisons, in terms of the social setup...partial confinement mixed with lots of cramped hormones and unsatable desires - *hugs* to you, just get through it all. At least you know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. As for the poem, the line, "Turn the sound up to ignore," is really, really awesome at capturing what you're talking about. I swear I love that line to death. And with, "Back to the memories, back to the pain/I don’t have to be there to know it’s the same," the rhyming/syllabic structure goes really well, these lines pull of the rhymes seemlessly.

The last three lines do an excellent job of breaking from the structure extant in the rest of the poem; the mounting syllables build the impact of the phrase, and really deliver home the message. A very smart move on your part, to break from the dominant poetic structure in that way. Without that breakup of the structure I don't think this poem would be nearly as good (and its good) as it is. I'm too lazy to rework that paragraph to fit in the side bit that the "shattered" aspect of the author is accentuated by the break, which 'shatters' the former structure through its harsh departure. Finally...I think you do a good job of making the two structures distinct while still complementary - the first structure uses the sentence breaks of the second, but on a less drastic scale that warms up the reader for the structure shift. As for the meaning...I'll leave that to someone else, I've exhausted my critical voice right here Man thats sloppy criticism, but better than nothing I hope