Alaeha

I believe that it's spelled undertow. with a w, not an e. Unless you were speaking of athlete's foot, of course. Otherwise... I like it. I always wonder how long it will take some people to realize that it really is them, when they say that it's "not you, it's me". *Sighs*

Umm... First I'll say wow. It reminds me of one of the poems I wrote once, but didn't really like. I still have it in my notebook somewhere, but it wasn't any good. This was wonderful.

*Tackles Tasslehoff* Hey... one more fall can't do too much, with this many... right? *Hugs* *Hugs again* Just remember that if you go and get yourself killed, I'll hunt you down and kill you. *Glares* *Hugs yet again*

Ok... so this is, perhaps, a bit sad. But that's expected of me. And I felt bad about not having written anything lately. White as snow... I knew a man, a time ago, whose tale I think you ought to know. His heart was pure, as white as snow, yet in the end, he sank too low beneath his load. You ought to know... he was a healer, white as snow. He bore too many other's loads, and lost himself within their needs. He travelled with them down their roads... I fear I know where that path leads. I knew a man in days long past, whose giving heart was unsurpassed. He gave it all, until at last he'd nothing left. And so they cast their burdens, with weight unsurpassed upon the man, until at last he snapped, and shattered under such a load, for all have limits. Yet, he sacrificed his all. Too much was given up without regret. I knew a man a time ago... his heart was pure, as white as snow.

If you can't say it right, if the words won't come out 'till she fades out of sight, then you still have some doubt. So... just think for a time. Be kind, and be there. Contemplation's no crime, though it may seem unfair. When the words still won't come, but you know that you know, (as has happened to some) then it's time that you show. *Hugs* (Not sure if it means anything to you, but there's my three bits)

If I had to choose just one thing, and could actually have it, it would be the gift of healing. Too many of the people I know are hurt in one way or another... Second to that, I'd choose the ability to communicate directly mind to mind with someone else at will. (Assuming, of course, that they could "speak" as well) That could be really interesting if they happened to be dreaming at the time... And I wouldn't have to spend so much of my time in front of this funny looking box we call the computer.

Well... I like it. For myself, the only time I swear, ever, is in a direct quotation of someone who did, because I prefer to deliver someone else's words as they were given, to be interpreted as such. So in my work, it would be very much out of place... But swearing, in poetry, is much like anything else... If you use it right, it's an effective tool. It's a tool that I myself don't use, and that (to be perfectly honest) I find distasteful. But that does not mean that it doesn't have a place. *Reads what she's said* Wow... If this sounds harsh... I don't mean it as such. I'm just tired and coping with some unpleasant events right now.

Don't worry, DL... I probably would've mentioned it, if you hadn't. I might suggest adding a line to that stanza... Following "Three years ago, we met" Something like "A day I can't forget" or "Special, true... but yet" (The second would fit in quite well, or something similar, I think) As he said... Very nice. Very, very nice. Happy is good. Stay that way.

I thought pay to be rather fitting. Saying mostly that they put more in than the girls think. It's a good poem, though it leans a bit heavily (in my opinion) on stereotypes... I rather like it. It couldn't have been easy coming up with that many "ay" endings...

Sad... I'm not sure what to say beyond that. It's good, though.

My worst fear isn't so much of dying as of not dying... I'd rather be dead than trapped in an unbearable situation. And the idea of oblivion has never really worried me, because I figure that if you do simply disappear when you die, then you won't be around to worry about it. And there's no point in worrying about something that's going to happen in the future no matter what. I figure I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.

*Laughs* I know entirely too well how you feel, Damon. And don't worry. Nobody is going to be insulted by absence... *Hugs*

I like this one a lot. I only have one real suggestion. I'd suggest changing the eighth line to read "If I only hold fast", purely for the sake of the flow. It means the same thing but seems to me to read a little more smoothly. Just a thought. I loved the mood and idea to this one.

I like this. The contrast between the imperfect rhymes and the observed perfection of the subject could be taken any number of ways... Wow. That's all I've got to say right now. Sorry. *Hugs*

"Gived" isn't a proper word, I think... I believe the word is "Given". If you don't mind that, then go ahead and leave it. But if it's a problem... you can either change it and take the imperfect rhyme, or you can revamp the lines. If you take the latter, I'd recommend making them "live" and "give". As in: I think I'm dead But what does it mean to live? I think I'm nice But I never seem to give. Or you could choose new words to rhyme. This is just the first alternative to come to mind. *Hugs*

That's why I never intend to leave "for good". *Hugs Sol*

As Wrenwind said... it could use some polish. But it's still very good. I especially like the last lines. *Hugs*

I liked this... But to Parmenion (on Ayshela's behalf... I share her opinion here...): It's easy enough... depression, for one thing, is hardly rational. And even rational thought can recognize a trend over time. And there are situations from which any other form of escape is unlikely enough to make it pointless to even bother thinking about it. When the opportunity and hope have been destroyed, there's no reason or will to continue for one's own sake. Even oblivion is preferable over despair. That, after all, is the idea behind anesthesia... that it's better not to feel than to feel pain. And do you know anyone who would wish to go through a surgical procedure without anesthetics? And... perhaps it's merely that I have strange religious ideas... but I've never thought that there was nothing to be gained or done in the "afterlife". And as I said... if there is none, that's still preferable at times. Happiness and Joy are nice... but sometimes they aren't worth the price. *Hugs*

Umm... How is this shoddy? The format seems a little odd to me... but that's just because I tend to have longer lines... Though if you want to polish it, I've a suggestion... You might try dropping a syllable from the second and fourth lines of the third stanza. It'd come out looking more like: Electric shocks run up my spine, As I prepare a simple line. This is good... I like the idea behind it, especially.

I've never really held it against him... I always regarded it as being a self-inflicted injury. After all... the only person who can grind your heart into the asphalt is the one you give it to. So I suppose you could say forgiven... I appreciate all the support on this one... I wasn't sure, really, how good it would actually be. *Hugs* "Even now, when it’s too late... No. I cannot, will not hate."

*Hugs* Happy Birthday! *Hugs again*

*Hugs* Glad to know you're happy. You certainly need it. Maybe sometime soon I'll be able to say the same. *Rehugs*

Hmm... I have but two suggestion for this... If you're interested. The mood to this song is beautiful, and if I may suggest it, you might consider adding a single syllable to one of the lines... for the sake of the flow, if nothing else. It may just be that I was reading it wrong, though. To illustrate (changes bolded) I danced above the stars But still my thoughts ran back to you Ok... so I omitted "the" in favor of "my" in the suggestion... but it seemed different. The only other thing I have to suggest: You might strike the one of the d's in the word "dided" in the last line... You can take or leave the suggestions... just figured that I might as well make them, unless they're unwelcome.

Yeah... I really like this... But (like everything else in life) it could use some work. Maybe if you broke it up a bit... The only suggestion I've got that hasn't been given is something that occured to me, and it's more a matter of personal style, I suppose, than anything else... (And it may seem a bit out of place...) anyways... Though the feel of the poem is rushed, the words seem (to me) to speak of hesitation, and it seems to me that the hesitation could be suggested more strongly by changing the line "Cuz today I can't face my fear." to be "Today... I just can't face my fear." or some such. Just a thought. Be sure to write more though...

Hmm... I rather liked this one. The erratic rhyming was ok, I think... Not to start a debate, but... How can one really say that the "best" poems were written in one way or another? Poe, after all, wrote the Raven with a very rigid rhyme scheme. Dr. Seuss is one of the most well known poets in America, and he made use of rhyming... And apart from all that, tastes differ anyway. It's better that way. Anyways... Just some of my thoughts. *Hugs*