lumpenproletariat

religion arguments never provide a happy ending around here. *backs away quickly*

I guess, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. oh yea and Aardvark....ah fuck it

At the age of 18, I feel that I should feel grown up, or at least more grown up than I did before. But I don't. I am who I always was. Could this be evidence time doesn't exist? I *am* the same person I was when I was 5, I have learned more things, and my body has changed, but I am the same person. My conscience then knew about my current state of mind and current state of body, the same way my conscience now knows my current states of mind and body. Yet time says that something in the future cannot be the thing it was in the past. Is some piece of dog feces on a lawn the dogfood that it was before, and is that dogfood the cow and other animals it was before that? It may be somewhat preposterous to be comparing myself to dog poo, but it wasn't my intention, merely drawing a picture of conflicting truths. At the age of 18, I believe I have spent enough time with and around other people that I can read their body language and personal nuances. However, what if I'm fooling myself? I am certainly no psychologist, no Freud. I would like to think I can read people, listen to what they don't know they're saying, but am I so used to inhabiting the omnipotent presence a television show or movie bequeaths upon me, that I think I know more about people than I do. Then does that mean people will act as they do on T.V. and in movies? Is the human psyche so calculable that someone whos' paycheck has too many zero's can write it into a script suitable for weekly use? Surely the stereotypicality of fictional Television characters, and for that matter "real" reality TV "stars" makes their thought process chartable. But then, if TV and movies have had such a big effect on me as I seem to worry they may have, then is it possible that many if not most other people are also effected the same way, and thus let their actions and thoughts and beliefs and emotions be governed by what visual media tells them is socially acceptable and correct? Then I would be correct in assuming I can tell what a person may be thinking, or how they will react when I say a given thing to them. At the age of 18 years, 1 month and 23 days, I have more knowledge in my brain than I have ever had at a point previously in my life. I know how to do more things than I did previously. If I practice these things I will learn how to do them better. How much "space" does my brain have? How many gigabytes of memory before my biological harddrive needs a format? When will I start permanently start forgetting things to accomodate new knowledge? *Will* I start permanently forgetting things? Is it possible to permanently forget things? Supposedly hyponosis can bring up memories you believed you forgot. Are the electronic highways in my head forged forever? The sure-fire reassurance that others have "been there done that", "Veni Vidi Vici", is indeed reassuring. My brain will not leak memory out my nose anytime soon. At the age of 18, I think I am more sensible than I was at anytime before. Sensible in all aspects of life. I look back at the clothes I wore a year ago and I scoff. I look back at what I used to believe in and I scoff. I look back at myself and wonder, maybe it was a different person. I look like them, I have the same name as them, I know the people they know, but my thoughts characterise me. My thoughts, emotions, beliefs and actions are all conducted by my brain, yet as I have learned more things since my past, my brain is different than it once was. Thus am I a different person to prior self. Am I myself? Now I am perplexed. I am, yet I'm not. I am reminded of the quote "I think therefore I am." I have been told by the governing class of self righteousness that this is incorrect, and that it is ofcourse "I am therefore I am". Is that not like saying "I am eating peanut butter, therefore I am eating peanut butter." It is as prudent as making an algebraic formula of "X = X", or giving "X" as the answer to a much harder formula that you simply cannot solve, perchance for lack of understanding? Maybe the pharisaic legions can go talk a long walk off a short pier. At the age of 18, my subway system of thought weaves its magic, it's utter human essence, and proceeds to judge. Television tells me judging others is bad, yet how can you not judge someone? I immediatly makes assumptions based on someone around their appearance, I don't believe myself to be stereotyping though. I don't know what exactly I'm doing, I only know I do it and can't not do it. Maybe I'm protecting myself and building a potential mental barrier between myself and someone I wouldn't normally know. Right now my grey matter tells me that I should not approach a 300lb man with many many tattoos and a fearsome visage. But, if a small girl of no more than 5 ran up to him wearing a pink fairies dress and fake fairy wings, grabbed his hand and said "I love you daddy" to which he responds "I love you too, pumpkin." My mental profile of him would change. He is then approachable, he is then a nice man. That is judging. Yet I have never had this happen to me in my life that I can remember. So maybe I do unwittingly believe that judging is wrong, and subconsciously ignore, rather than profile someone. Conversely, at this moment in my life, I believe people define life. When asked by someone "what is the meaning of life", I think an adequate answer is "people". I remember somewhere recently I believe Appy posted that (a quote) lonliness is desire to be with company and not having it, if you don't desire it, its called solitude. I don't buy into that. People effect people, it is an inevitability. Not being with people, anyform of people, that is books, TV, news, et cetera - can only lead down a path of despair. I hate to inform your English Professor Appy, but solitude is somewhat more complicated - though I am also pertinently aware he was probably trying to be witty and impressive. ....look, there I go judging people again. Postscript: Aardvark and Tyrion, trolling isn't needed.

The show was great wyv, look forward to next week

same error here...

I like it. The repeated third line with varying differences and the way it links all the stanzas is pretty cool I think

1) A Unit of Time: a week 2) Name of a City: Cologne (sp?) 3) Name of a River: Amazon 4) A location: Athens 5) Adjective: Big 6) Plural noun: Drunkards 7) Verb Ending in "ing": Drinking Adjective: Small 9) Type of Family Relative: 2nd cousin, twice removed 10) Noun: Pubcrawl 11) Plural Noun: Bartenders 12) Name of a Street: Dominion Road 13) An emotion: Fear 14) Verb in past tense: Drunk 15) Three Initials (example: ABB): CFC 16) Type of Animal: Tasmanian Tiger 17) Plural Noun: Batteries 18) A Junkfood: Burger Kings' Barbeque Bacon Double Cheeseburger 19) Adjective: Tiny 20) A Liquid: Salt Water edit: buger/burger :|

well, after so much urging, I'll finally post I recently (jan 16) went to a huge festival which had about 60 bands performing across various stages, called "The Big Day Out" ( http://www.bigdayout.com ) Featuring acts like the strokes (whom I missed somehwhat intentionally), Muse, Metallica, Aesop Rock & Mr Lif, Flaming Lips, and some New Zealand bands like The Mint Chicks, Fur Patrol and The Datsuns. Everyband I saw was great, particularly metallica. Photos I took after getting out of the metallica moshpit can be found http://frostar.orcon.net.nz/images/ here. nb: the first three are aforementioned photos of the band "The Datsuns". All the rest are metallica. I intend to see Metallica in the future whenever I can, based on the fact their shows are amasing ;p

oh gee thanks Cheyenne...not exactly what I was looking for, but thanks all the same ;P (the prior post helps a bit more) /lumpen

When I hear the name John Safran, one thing sticks out "down, down, down, down to Jew Town..."

The last movie I saw was Kill Bill, and I'd like to say its great, considering seeing it again. I didn't particularly like Jackie Brown. but Tarantino is back to the greatness of Pulp Fiction/Reservoir Dogs in this film. Part 2 should make it a legend film, I feel. If you're not sensitive to blood, or underage, go and see it ps. Wyv, that concert I'm going to in January now has some Def Jux artists coming, like Aesop Rock....I'm hoping Rjd2 might be among the attendees too

Thanks Ozy, Ayshela, Pered I've already taken some of these words to heart

chiming in with the "witty" sarcasm that I've come to know and hate! Do I have to tell you to f-off at the end of every post of mine now?

I'll start off by saying I have a kind of Deja-Vu by posting this...so if its been done before, you'll have to excuse me. I've been thinking recently, and I end up thinking "..if only I knew then what I know now." At any age, like if when I was 10 i knew what I do now, I would have had a very different 8 years So, almost undoubtedly, when I'm 30-40, I'll be thinking, "If only I knew then when I was 18, what I know now" What I'm asking for, is helpful life advice. I don't need to be told that life is a waste as we try to make some impact on the world, I'm not a morbid, despressed soul who can't see clearly, I live my life for me at the moment, and I was enjoying it, until I realised the future is here (cue panic! ), so I want to know what helpful things you've picked up over the years, so I won't be left thinking "if only I knew..."

falcon, please don't take this response offensively, but I think I might come off as kind of blunt. I guess I have a pretty average, even good life. I enjoy myself a lot of the time, when I'm doing something I enjoy. Now that highschools gone, I suddenly find myself "in the future" I thought about when I was 11-12-13 etc. I can look back to myself at those ages, and I often think "damnit I was a dork", or "thats not like me now at all". I guess what I'm trying to say with this point, is that people change, whether they want to or not. But, if you do want to change, specifically for the better, you usually can if you're willing to put in the effort (which I'm sometimes guilty of being not willing ). Even if you need to be sponsored by SubWay to change yourself, you can. Maybe there are extremes in which you cannot change, horrendous poverty, or total and utter isolation. However, as long as you are posting at the pen, you have neither of those things. You say you are seeing yourself more and more like your character Cioden, where did this character come from initially? Surely some part of him respresents a part of you. Hell, I know I have darker moments, in fact I have an (inherited) incredibly short temper, and I usually don't bother to exercise patience over it. Why I don't, I couldn't tell - I simply don't know. However, I don't think it makes me a worse person. But, back to my previous point, if you don't want to see this "Cioden" side of yourself coming out, change it. Try to exercise control, use whatever means you need to. Personally I would recommend letting your friends in real life know you don't want to be this way, and you're trying to change, from your description of them, they seem like reasonable people and would probably understand. And, sometimes jumping to conclusions is a good thing, sometimes it is not. IF you feel you jump to conclusions, and don't like it, then try to change it. If you don't feel you do, just continue as-is in that department or something. So for that, which I feel I kinda know what I'm talking about, I'll sum it up to this: If you don't like what you are growing up into, and want to change your future. Do so. If you are committed and willing to do it, then do it. Now, this is where I begin my random bullshit guessing, I, have in all honesty, not cried in a long time. I cannot remember the last time I did. I do not know why, I just haven't had those emotions in a long time I guess. Maybe society has imposed its "machoness" image on me to a point where I won't cry even if I need to, again I have no idea. But I guess crying is healthy, if it helps you let stuff out, then go for it. Feeling ashamed/revolted of something you're doing thats harmless isn't very smart, and I know you know that, but just tell yourself that next time you feel that emotion. And you mentioned you thought you might be trying to get people to read your poems? Going by what I crappily picked up from some Psych books I read a while ago, human want for appraisal/attention is pretty universal. I wouldn't worry about that. Humans may be rather more similar than you think (? I dunno)... About financial worries: EVERYONE thinks about those kind of things, except maybe really rich people. Even then they might be concerned about how to make more profit or something. How you're going to pay for college? I have no clue, I really don't. As far as my finances go, stuff usually tends to sort itself out, I guess that could be why I have an average/good life. anyway, all in all, if you don't like something, change it. If you absolutely can't change it, C'est La Vie? Hope I wasn't too blunt Falc /James ps. To Aardvark and Tyrion: If you want to interject with some utterly pointless sarcastic/mundane comment, just fuck off.

If I'd seen this when you posted it, I would have said "shouldn't you be studying? ;p" But anyway, great poem

sunshine in london, hah very good

o_O thanks all

Yes, that cheeky young fellow boosted himself a bit

so that would make Aardvark mickey mouse?

hmmm, Zool is goofy, hands down ;p Pluto would be Tyrion Orlan as bugs bunny Wyvern as daffy, soooo definitely , possibly sylvester though, or maybe scar(?) from lionking Tweety...hmm Elmer Fudd would be...thats a tough one, ummm no one comes to mind And I see Peredhil as simbas father from the lion king..mufasa? I can't remember Yosemite Sam, we'll have to go with Sali, just to annoy her ;p {I know some of these are warner bros, but they are what came to mind}

You had some good points and bad points X, the worst being I could never believe one word about anything that came out your mouth. Later, have a nice life n all

I'm thankful for life, and the fact that I can motivate myself to become a better person.

I felt the way you did Falcon when I started on the old b1 ubb. I was posting among people like Wyvern and Brute and Chey, and Tzim and Gyr were the moderators (I think )..but like overtime it kinda wore away for me, and I'm now friends with them, rather than looking up and thinking "wow" like I used to, its hard to explain :S Maybe it had something to do with being Elder with them for a while, I dunno.

maybe me Snow, maybe depends how SWG goes