Jechum Posted May 27, 2003 Report Share Posted May 27, 2003 Jechum floats in... Well Peredhil what can I say... Your writing mixture of fiction and non-fiction brought together a story that was good enough for a person who's known you over ten years to call and insure that it was a fictional story. But then again I’m bias, my visualization is enhanced since I know some of the real life characters you utilized as a mold, added in fictional details that surprised and caught my attention, I therefore may not be able to offer an objective opinion. I guess other people will have to comment to give you a better understanding. In my opinion the characters and plot are too real and comes across as bio-graphical. Ultimately you are a victim of your success as this may fright away comments on a valid work of fiction. You'll need to go back and edit it a little for a few spelling and grammatical errors. All and All VERY GOOD! :clappinghands (What do you mean, this is not an icon?) Jechum floats out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted May 27, 2003 Report Share Posted May 27, 2003 Thanks. It was all based on a dream I woke up, still Seeing. My dreams tend to be like that - very detailed with a soundtrack (which unfortunately, as I don't write music, I left out). Went back and edited out the errors I found - thank you for the suggestion. Heh, sorry for the scare, but my household isn't THAT weird! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted May 27, 2003 Report Share Posted May 27, 2003 Myself, I was immensely pleased to see that you'd posted something... I've been needing good reading material. I was, impressed by, among other things, the way in which you described the son... The crack about looking like an anime character was masterful, not only because it got the point across, but because while doing so, it also avoided the resentment that some people feel when reading about a character more attractive than themselves. Hrm... I know there was more that I liked, but I think that was honestly one of my favorite parts... But then, I'm a dedicated Xanth reader, as well, so that's to be expected. Thanks for posting it... You really should write more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted June 1, 2003 Report Share Posted June 1, 2003 This was an incredibly vivid story... As is typical of your writing, Peredhil, the story evokes true emotional reactions from the reader throughout. When the father was discomforted by the son's empty room, I too felt genuinely discomforted. It took me a certain courage to read through the scene where the son first punctured himself... the mixture pf anguish and exaltation was evoked so vividly that reading was almost painfull in itself. I could also truly feel the conflict between the cyclone of inner turmoil and the father's emotional shield. As Jechum pointed out, the mixture of fantasy and reality was also very effective. It gave the piece a certain disturbing realism... That must have been quite a dream. I found the religious elements of the piece both interesting and thought provoking. The notion of demons being related to ice rather than fire, in particular, was intriguing. I thought that the ending was comic yet thoroughly disturbing. I'm happy to see that your overwhelming workload hasn't stifled your ever-kindeling flames of creativity, and definitely look forward to reading any more pieces that may appear in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nobody of Consequence Posted June 7, 2003 Report Share Posted June 7, 2003 I'm loath to gush in detail, but I think I'll just have to grit my teeth this time Nice flow. The pacing felt about right. The suspense you built in the first third or so, then twisted, then rebuilt, then resolved, was nifty (world's most under-used word, is 'nifty'). And I'm glad to see the notion of demons being ice also appealed to others (though I can think of reasons why they would be firey, hehe ). Overall, I enjoyed it quite a great deal, and can think of nothing I personally would see changed. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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