jonathan_wolfe Posted February 19, 2003 Report Share Posted February 19, 2003 Summit & Fall The journey long and slow, mournful we walk down the country road It feels like the end, maybe it is End always means beginning. Maybe this is just passing in time We've lost some, but we find the new and embrace it, grasping it before we've lost all hope Now we are whole. Our determination steels, our hopes rise Now we know where we are going. But we are daunted by hardship again and again So we must be stronger. The tension, muscles and sweat, movement marching... running The charge, a sea of people... blades and armor The eye of the storm. The pursuit of victory. The grand achivement, returning home, victory at a cost The cost is worth it, the populace is safe. But there are black linings to this silver cloud. Incongruence, something isn't right. Very wrong... Betrayal, not now... it's... too late. The abidication of the king. His bloodied crown rolling on the floor. Now we have a new order. Things are changed, but we are strong... we must. The long wait is over, we have come back for our freedom We declare them evil, they to us... Whoever wins, will have their freedom nonetheless. I hope we win. Now this is the end. The crimson, the orange, yellow, rogue.... This is the end... I hope you had a good life. Sinking into the twilight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted February 19, 2003 Report Share Posted February 19, 2003 very visually compelling. Interesting use of line breaks/formatting. at the end: "We must" feels ... incomplete... when I read it out loud. That does set up a tension which fits that part of the poem - was it intended? The irony of going out to fight, only to come back and find a new head of government is really presented well. Have you had someone else read it aloud to you? Might give you an idea on how the punctuation/breathing is forming in someone else's mind. I liked it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaneus Posted February 19, 2003 Report Share Posted February 19, 2003 Wow. I have always liked poems about medeival battles and the such and this one is great. Is inspired by this to dig into his archives and get out his old one that's similiar, and maybe write some new ones Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopperWolf Posted February 19, 2003 Report Share Posted February 19, 2003 I have to agree with peredhil. It's excellent but there is something when reading it that seems out of place in spots. But the imagery is wonderful! I would say that it is perhaps a little short for the content. it would make a superb ballad if lengethned slightly, or anm amazing saga if you felt like going allllll the way Just a thought though. I'd like to read more of it, so it's a selfish thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonathan_wolfe Posted February 20, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2003 Thanks for the feedback, I read it over and agree "We must..." was cut a bit short. Working on verbally review these poems is something I need to learn as I place these down in bursts of ideas while listening to music, the end result can be either perfect, or hellish. This is inspired by the music of Warcraft 3... I feel a little shameful, taking a song I heard and converting it into a poem.... what's your guy's take on it? This is also my first attempt at a long poem, turning it into a ballad or a saga (Actually if I was to do that, I'd try another idea) would present an interesting and long challenge. Waiting for your further opinions.. -Jon' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopperWolf Posted February 20, 2003 Report Share Posted February 20, 2003 Make a Saga!! I hunger for a good saga. May even get around to one of my own some time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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