Merelas Posted January 2, 2004 Report Share Posted January 2, 2004 A Writer's Prayer With my pen, I humbly pray That I might write for You today. For though the pen brings joy and peace, It also brings tasks I must complete. And if I should abuse it now, I pray the Lord-enforce my vow. If I should write of love and grace, I pray my heart to be well placed. If I should write of sorrow or hate, I pray my faith would not abate. I want to use my gifts for you, And display your light in all I do. And so I make this solemn vow: That I have served, and will serve now. ~Amen~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopperWolf Posted January 2, 2004 Report Share Posted January 2, 2004 wonderful wonderful writing. perfect rhyme scheme structure and great topic. language use is marvelous and... and i love it. more to compliment but i must dash. great read! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted January 2, 2004 Report Share Posted January 2, 2004 Nicely done. The rhythm is a bit off in a few lines, but it's quite good. (And I like the idea behind it, especially) If I should write of sorrow or hate, I hate to suggest it, but perhaps pain instead of sorrow? It seems to fit the flow better, for me. I want to use my gifts for you, And display your light in all I do. If you change the comma to a semicolon, you can omit the word "and" which was a stumbling block to me. Those are the only ones I can think of quick fixes for... there was the "also" in the fourth line, but I've no practical ideas for that. (Sorry... I'm better at finding details that don't fit my idea of perfection than I am at fixing them. ) *Hugs* Very well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopperWolf Posted January 2, 2004 Report Share Posted January 2, 2004 firstly, I would suggest replacing the words "I must" for "to" in the fourth line. (that was for me the only stumble) "I want to use my gifts for you, And display your light in all I do." Secondly, I do not find the "and" to be a problem at all, since I obviously read with an English emphasis, in fact i would find it awkward if "and" were removed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted January 2, 2004 Report Share Posted January 2, 2004 Nice... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Wyrd Posted January 3, 2004 Report Share Posted January 3, 2004 Very nicely done, and I thought it flowed nicely if given a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beautiful Nightmare Posted January 3, 2004 Report Share Posted January 3, 2004 Aww its very good indeed hmmm you seem to be writting stuff about religion lately! Meh you write it very well though! Its vey very VERY good! Sorry just i like it alot! :woot: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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