Savannah

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. > > Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. > > Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of > > nothing. > > Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to. > > Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. > > All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a > > substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? > > In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. > > Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. > > How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? > > AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these > > Terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these > > expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to > > Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all > > over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration. > >

The green of the salad reverberates off of the gleaming silver of the salad bowl. The maid comes into the room to remove the plates. In the hustle and bustle of activity a small round red tomato rolls off the dish onto the floor and under the chair.

Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried? A: Because he's Haydn! Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket? A: A Chopin Liszt. Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins? A: A pair of Re-bachs. Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue riding? A: Bach in the saddle again. Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the heck out of the dog. One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses. At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck." "Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."

He notices new people and he immediately rushes out to make them feel welcome. He knows the value of a hug. He can never be replaced. my time around Peredhil is limited at best-but nowhere I have visited has anyone ever had anything bad to say about him.

Miscellaneous terms Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do. Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall. Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage. Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with. Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers\: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. Eclipse \e-klips'\: What an English barber does for a living. Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: A clumsy ophthalmologist. Heroes \hee'-rhos\: What a guy in a boat does. Left Bank \left' bangk'\: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot. Misty \mis'-tee\: How golfers create divots. Paradox \par'-uh-doks\: Two physicians. Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: A helper on the farm. Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: What penguins see with.

Why would you give someone else-anyone else?-control over your life? That is like saying "I give up, I cannot handle this-you be responsible." That to me is not living-that is existing. To have someone else dictate your every move, your every thought? How absolutely terrible! The actions I take may not always be the best ones and they may result in horrible reactions, but in the end I prefer having no one to blame but me. You learn by doing-mistakes and all.

Scared sleeping Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Shakey. Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

I thought that was a piano

Congratulations to both Mom and Dad-a little life is given over to your care. As said above your life will never be the same. I wish you great joy and happiness which I am sure she will provide.

You have to actually say this one out loud to get it! Pig misunderstanding Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth." lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

Texan's guide to life Never squat with yer spurs on. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works. Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Always drink upstream from the herd. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in. Finally, never miss a good chance to shut up.

Hope you had a wonderful birthday!! This is my present to you: Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussion with his psychic. A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

I don't have a vote either-and I live about 30 minutes from the late and great John Cash. Love the man and love his music. He is a shining example of turning your life around and rolling down the right track.

Savannah walks out of the closet where she has been looking for stuff to sell. Walking up to the new guy she holds out her hand. "Nice to meet you-Don't ya hate it when you're the new guy? As for thoughts-at least you have them. But then again, its hard to miss what you never had. " *Laughing, she goes back to the closet* The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country's leader. The decree was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from power. This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.

Oh Wow Look at it this way Deg You are important enough to be ignored by that many people!!!! I am sure our friendship will grow -all any friendship needs is a little attention and a lot of understanding. A young chef decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise them in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. The young man replied, "I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have ... a hutch back of Notre Dame.

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you get rid of him on weekends. I love the weekends

*eyes the bare spot on her floor* Excuse me-could I see you over here for a second? and to answer the question oh heavens no

This would be the spot where I jump in I guess. Hi! I have been wandering this site for a couple of weeks, peeking into closets, opening up desk drawers, looking behind curtains. Very interesting place. Some of you people I know. Others I will get to know As I told Peredhil-I am not exactly creative. I am better known for leaving jokes behind when I go. I like to think I lighten someones day that way. If this is a not a good place for my humor, kindly direct me to the proper well and I shall drown myself. Unfortunately, I do not go quietly, as those who know me, know well. Anyhoo for my first attempt at humor (and no they are not my made up jokes-just jokes I pick up along my travels) Inner Strength If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills, If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it, If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time, If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong, If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, If you can face the world without lies and deceit, If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without liquor, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, If you can do all these things, Then you are probably the family dog.