Appy

ooh thank you for making me giggle Very nice written advertisment! *wanders on, still giggling about the dirty-mouth effect of the pill and the Nice Behaviour Disorder*

Big even *hugs* Had to look up the word silliloquay and that way found out that it's spelled soliloquy and even what it means too... *beams* thank you for your words on my first poem... I'm still not sure what to think about that one... it seems unfinished. And don't worry, I don't know either what I meant with "Life is unnecesary to existence" I might/will try to find out one day thought On the second poem... I wish it WAS raining! *frustrated look* It's more about the gloomy overcast and Nothing at ALL happening outside.. not about rainy days, at least those make me feel good about being warm inside or going out anyways, even though it's raining... but this grey overcast makes me feel empty, as if live stopped... Loved your little song, thanks for putting that down *hugs* You come into chat more ya hear? And not just to play AM, we have a lot of things to discuss still

~ needs work ~ Spring I wish to reach up high Push my hands into the sky To rip apart the gloomy clouds let the sun shine upon the earth But I am no giant I am no thunderbird nor pheonix This is all that's me being down with the weather Waiting for spring when new life unfolds and energy surges; My smile'll shape around it once more, with feeling.. [05 februari 2004, Leverkusen]

As I lie here in bed, late at night... [twitch] [switch] Wait, no more, screw this pattern of useless blabbing, this persona is too fickle for obvious, already treaded ways... [reboot] What I want is to speak, and to be heard What I say is contradictory to what I want [realisation] "There is no reason for LIFE" [/] [rejudging] "Maybe that's what life is all about..." [/] [recalcitration] "Life is unneccesary to existence" [/] [..] "Then again; What is life..; Does the unobserved exist?" [/][/][/][/] [05 februari 2004, Leverkusen]

Read it two times, out loud, something I usually don't do (yes I know I should) Gave me the shivers. First time I thought the end was out of place and unfinished, but I got it the second time around. The choppy feel works well for me. I cannot say that I used your tempo.. it made it more difficult to read it. Instead I treated each stanza as incantation, and that works well. Putting the emphasis on the last line in each 3 lined stanza if that helps explain how I read it. Maybe I should not be replying at all.. I realise I'm not really aware of what I want to say or how I can help, but here you have it. I like this the way it is, and especially the lenght is giving it it's mystical feel.. For the title, "Caught" could work, but how about "Mystified" or "Trapped"? The writer seems mystified and trapped in enchantment all through the poem, and realising it. My 2 cents, I'm glad you don't shun putting poetry into being, even though you call yourself a story-writer *hugs*

~ Came into being while pondering over a picture in my mind ~ Swirling; swirling round and round Never or ever touching ground Bundling; bundling found still bound Always; forever increased amount Dwindling; dwindling on all sound Ever and never standing ground

Looking back I realised I had promised a better translation, and it was needed So, here you are Manchmal werden mir die Wörter geklaut Die, die dafür da sind, das ich reden kann Manchmal werden mir die Bilder genommen Die, die dafür da sind, das ich sehen kann Manchmal werden mir die Geräusche gestohlen Die, die dafür da sind, das ich hören kann Aber nie verschwinden die Gefühle Die, die dafür da sind, das ich Leben kann Translation: Often my words are nicked Those, that are there, so I can speak Often my pictures are taken Those, that are there, so I can see Often my sounds are stolen Those, that are there, so I can hear But never do feelings dissapear Those, that are there, so I can live

~ Thanks both As for the poem, I've looked it over and revised it a bit. You were right Wyvern, it looks much better this way ~ If life is full of surprises but uneventfull; grab a pen and jot it down If days are grey but filled with colour; swing the brush and paint a picture If conversation is dull but emotion-strung; mold the words onto the screen When everything else isn't some poetry is too easy expand your mind and don't look back [25 januari 2004, Leverkusen] ~ comments on how the revision works for you are highly appreciated ~

*Appy runs in screaming: "FIRE FIRE FIRE!"* Uhm I mean... the centering function in the Banquet Room that Rune so graciously put there on lil' me's request is gone... *wails* Any change of fixing that when the bigger problems are out of the way? Thank you! *Appy dashes off again screaming: "FROGS FROGS FROGS!" this time*

~ Note: this poem should be centered but it seems that function is gone again *runs off to the cabaret room to report this terrible fact* ~ Earth's gravitational force Holding me close I curl up inside Within physical boundries Letting my mind wander I cross dimensions and knowledge Flying with newly grown wings Gravitation is lost on me I visit planets far away Places I once called home I am no stranger here This was me, long ago Falling back, I lose my wings Back to earth, whence I came And looking up at the stars A whisper escapes my lips . . . 'Give me irreality'

*hop-skipping along the corridor Appy decides she might aswell take a peek into the recruitment office and immediatly bounces into this story* Very interesting this, specially because of my high interest in anything Asian I guess Nice pace and good lay-out too, two of the things important for me to keep my concentration high enough to read it *flops down on the ground and starts an animated conversation about why Mr. Lizard is always late and at some point she almost throws over one of the big piles of paper on the desk* OOC: Hope you get accepted and see more of this

*Appy thinks it was definatly worth staying up till 4am for and will tune in again next week aswell...* Great to finally hear your music Wyv

*Appy's cheek twitches while she's allowing realplayer to touch her harddrive* I be tuning in, actually slept a bit earlier to be able to stay up :woot: *fidgets... realplayer almost there for install... aaaaaah*

ooh those were absolutely briiliant Peredhil! *Appy holds her belly from laughing so much*

~ It could be called 'Random'... but that has been used a bit much lately.. ~ If life is full of surprises but uneventfull; grab a pen and jot it down If days are grey and filled with colour; swing the brush and paint a picture If conversation is dull but emotion-strung; mold the words onto the screen Some 'poetry' can be easy when everything else isn't... [19 januari 2004, Leverkusen]

No offence or anything, but isn't this what the shoutbox is for? or... a chatclient maybe?

(Felt that I could start right away with commenting ) Something small from the second part that reads wrong to me is this sentence: "A big fist hits the table, hard and the uncomfortable silence is broken by the sound of the distant tolling of a bell." It indicates that the big fist hitting the table hard brings forth a silenced sound.. instead of being followed by one. Suggestion in italics: "A big fist hits the table, hard, and the uncomfertable silence that follows is broken by the sound of the distant tolling of a bell." That's all for the second part, I found both that and the first part well written and a good read, story-wise. Now for the third part, which had me completely confused during the fight I'm afraid... and maybe I have a solution for that. What had me confused is the big huge chunk of text with monologues and actions mixed up a bit too much. Once used to it, it might indeed give the idea of speed (which I felt was tried?) but I think it might read a bit easier with more spacing.. either put spaces between all actions and monologues(italics still): (italic monologue) (action) (italic monologue) or space it like this: (italic monologue) (action) (italic monologue) (action) personally the second would work the best for me... Now while writing this I realize that all this is layout or petty grammar thingy's (don't you just love thingy's? I love thingy's ) On to the actual story It is intriguing from start and almost reads as a play. The first two parts would be perfect for stage performance and I found that a plus. The concept is old, but refreshed by use of thoughts in the third part. Very nice how you use all aspects that make up a novel in such a short time (action, dialogue and scenery, to name a few) The only thing that threw me off especially in the third part is the switching between now and then, and I miss something there still.. possibly it is that even now the assassin doesn't seem uncomfertable with this job still, even though things didn't go all too well with getting into the castle(?) but this isn't shown completely and clear. If you can somehow make that more obvious (either that he's still confident in his own skills or that he's getting nervous) I think it would improve the story.. Overall a good read and I look forward to reading the last part for sure! (and will try not to distract you too much in irc while you write it ok? ) *hugs*

it's freezing in the surroundings... picture the rest yourself

Really sorry 'bout this but uhm... Mail Error! Could not send the email Failed at 'mail' command And yes, it did post it anyways *grabs the moment* Thank you Orlan! *hugs*

~ After pondering a bit I figured that nothing is bad enough not to be posted.. even though it might be bad enough not to be read... my latest experiment I present "Wild Roses" ... tried drawing the picture in my head and remembered why I write instead of draw. Enjoy and rip it apart, please. And if anyone wonders.. it doesn't seem finished to me either ~ Wild roses on a bed of white coldness enters;body into blight Warm red petals on a bed of snow hands twisted;boddily bloodflow Dampening air above a bed of final verification of ending life . . .

http://www.themightypen.net/public/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif This is great. I'm thinking it probably was the word heavenly that made me think that this is about.. well about (a) god really, toying with this world he created and being away from his usual daily business...in heaven ofcourse I don't know why but to me the idea of godly beings having created our world and looking at it as described in your poem gave me a smile The-Things aren't always what they appear, but sometimes they are 'just' that-kinda thing. The use of 'you' and 'your' does good too, me thinks we can all be gods in a way.. or should be I think i've been reading too much Terry Pratchett lately (I wanted to start this post with apologizing to annyone who might've been offended by me talking about religion and such... but I decided against it. If we all keep thinking about the rules who is left to think about the ruled?)

Should've thought of that amnesia thing, being dutch myself (we need a smiley with a little halo here )

~ 12 O'clock strikes... here where I am ~ Happy actual Birthday Salinye!

Catchy definatly, I'd say keep going Btw.. IF you are going to describe all the days.. I don't know, either it'll be very long or you're going to cut things short... just something to think of maybe? I know how projects like this would always go out of hand would I be writing it, ie. get too big

*Not wanting to interrupt but stil wanting to express her thanks to Loki for putting this experience to paper/data-source Appy drags a pillow in the thread and sits down to await what's comming*