Snypiuer

Dear Pen Diary, So far, the hunt for reality dust bunnies has been unfruitfull. Muse remains captive. Mr. Finnigan (the oversize rat that roams the neighborhood and cleans up oil stains in driveways while everyone sleeps) offered his condolences for my failure and then presented his tail to be scratched - for luck (this works because Mr. Finnigan is half Lepercaun - don't ask how). Still no dust bunnies. BUT!!! After years upon years upon years of careful planning and subtle manipulation of the space/time continuum. . . The Grim Squeaker, Death of Rats, Priest to the Left Side of the Priest to the Left Side of the Priest to the Left Side of the Priest to the Left Side of the Priest to the Left Side of the Great God, Pharaoh Nanotoknonnen. . . has fallen into my trap! A new day of sports entertainment dawns!!!

Dear Pen Diary: Today the pork rinds made fun of me, while the cheese puffs marginalized me. A hairless chinchella mocked me as I endeavored to make myself take responsibility for my extreme apathy. Have decided to post more often, despite the ridicule from the neighbors' dyslexic (sp?) cat which believes he is a South American earth pig. Need to find my muse. Thus, I will be stalking dust bunnies for the foreseeable future. Everyone feel free to add your own entries. That's what a public diary is for.

Thanks for the advice Rev. But, if I bring fish oil home, the fish get the wrong idea. Then I have to put up with really suggestive remarks and looks that. . . well, frankly. . . make me feel REAL uncomfortable in my no-no place. You COULD say it's my own fault, you make ONE mistake! You have a little too much to drink, come home, there are the fish. They're very understanding and friendly, one thing leads to another and the next thing you know, you wake up and think, "Oh no! What did I do?" Of course the fish are understanding and supportive, "Things happen, we got carried away." they say. They agree that it should be forgotten as if it never happened, but they end up being passive aggressive and constantly trying to pressure you into 'things' then, apologizing and saying they couldn't help themselves. Then one day, you're tired and they offer a massage and you find their fins rubbing your shoulders. . .well, I don't have to tell anyone HERE what happens next. We ALL know how manipulative fish can be. ANYWAYS, let's not dwell on it. Think I'll try to see what Snypiuer has been up to while I've been away.

A distant rumbling is heard and Wyvern's office trembles. It seems as if darkness is creeping in. A flash of light and smoke fills the room. When it clears, a single balloon floats in the center of the room with a note tied to a string below it. A weak squeak (like the noise from one of those party noise makers you blow through and it unrolls) is heard as Wyvern reads the note: HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY!!! (the end is near) Cordially, Snypiuer The balloon pops and dramatic, eery music fills the room - duhduh DUUHHHH!!! http://www.themightypen.net/public/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif

Where have I been? Why haven't I posted? These seem to be the questions each of us should (must?) answer. I've been lurking. I come on and read, but don't log in. Seemed to lose my muse also. While there have been a few mentions of what/where a muse is/can be found, the fact remains that muses are held captive by reality. And everyone knows that reality hides under the furniture - since reality shares a remarkable resembalence to dust bunnies. One must sneak up on reality in order to catch it unawares, pounce upon it, beat it within an inch of it's life and (dare I say) waggle an admonishing finger at it, before it will release a captive muse. This in no way means, that the muse will be grateful and inspire it's savior. They are fickle that way. I haven't had the will for such an endevore. Medical issues have kept me out of work for awhile (hoping to get back to work soon), this isn't an excuse for not posting, in fact, I should be posting daily. Really don't know why I don't. Pretty sure I'm depressed. Took an on-line depression test (the extent of my bordome that led me to do this, depressed me) and I scored high to very high on all types of depression except for two. Manic depression and post-partum. It was depressing not to score high/very high on manic depression, because it meant that I didn't have the joy of at least having brief episodes of exhilerating manicness. Since I'm a guy, not scoring high/very high on post-partum depression made me think, "Yay me!" - for a while, 'till I realized that, as a guy, unless one of my highly illegal and questionably ethical cloning, artificial life or reanimation experiments actually succeeds, I will never feel the joy of creating life (or of standing over my creation and screaming, "IT, IS, ALIIIVVVEE!!!"). This depressed me. 'Till I figured out that, without the experiments, I would have to squeeze out an object that was roughly 2 feet long and about as round as a grapefruit, through a very tiny bodily orifice. Once again, "Yay me!" I really should post. I've been wondering what Snypiuer has been up to.

Started role playing in mid/late 70's. I already had a vivid imagination and read fantasy, horror and science fiction. D&D was a way to share my imagination with others. It was as if the characters I loved had come to life. By co-creating D&D and bringing about modern day role-playing (military simulation being it's pre-cursor), Gary Gygax had a profound impact on my life. I only wish I had been able to thank him in person.

I went by the house that I grew up in. Wondering, what I may see on the streets and yards where, as a child, I played. Perhaps a little boy that, once, was me. Would I feel the same warm breeze upon my face? Smell the same fresh cut grass, soft beneath my feet? Would I hear familiar laughter, from yesteryears? Or see faces, left behind so long ago? But, when I looked upon the house which, as a child was so big and grand, I just knew there were parts of it I had never seen I found it small quaint Old and faded Nothing as I remembered it to be. As I stood there, I felt an emptiness - deep within me And a sudden need to cry. It was at that moment I realized, I had not come back for memories. I was there to tell my childhood goodbye.

This is why I post. The feedback is more insightful then I deserve. Most would not pick up on the arrogance, let alone the mockery. From both points of view, those who believe, have an arrogant view that Man is so special, that a Higher Being must have created him. I believe they would view the poems view point as ignorant and sinful - for it embraces the one unforgivable sin, "The sin against the Holy Spirit. To acknowledge God and then to turn your back on him." Those who do not believe, have an arrogant view that Man is so special, he can be God. I believe they would see it as an affirmation of their own beliefs. Can anyone imagine how arrogant and dramatic an individual would have to be to recite what I wrote? The self importance and drama would make William Shatner cringe. In the end, it's simple. I believe that there is no God - but the basic truths that a belief in a kind and loving God entails are beneficial to mankind. I do good because it is right. No reward awaits me. My sins are my own, I suffer their outcome without malice from a higher being. This is arrogance beyond mockery. The fact that there are those who see this humbles me. By the way, "Proud and Uncowed" there is no higher arrogance (which, to me, is humorous) then sophmoric belief that one can imagine, believe or even speak anything of supreme importance, that is truly original. It's all been imagined, believed and spoken an infinite amount of times before. What better way to express this then in the voice of a young idealistic individual who thinks they're oh so clever? (ever read the FIRST self important writings of just about ANY individual?) Thanks for reading and your insights. I appreciate the effort spent by any one who takes the time to read my pathetic attempts at poetry and their insightful and helpful responses always amaze me. Thank you again and when I have the time, I will inflict myself upon the kind denizens of the Pen without warning.

Can I be saved, When I have no Faith? Shall I be punished, For every sin? Might I be forgiven Those of neccessity. Suffer, Only for those of whim? Or, shall My one true sin, be the sin of Pride? If I chose to stand for Judgement, Head unbowed. Shall I be sentenced To eternal Torment? If I face Him. Proud and Uncowed? How can it be? If I am Created in His Image? How can "Coming unto Him, as He is unto Me?" Be a sin? Do We not expect Our children To Grow and Prosper? Become more then even We Dream to be? Why believe less of Him? So, if my lack of Faith Is wrong. And I face His Judgment For My sin. It shall be Eye to Eye. Straight and Proud. My sins My own. Defiant to the end. If I am right And this is All. My choices. Still are mine. With no Judgment In the End. I Pay for My sins now. 'Till the end of time.

Thanks. I really do appreciate it. Just want to say, the fact I made Tattered cry, well, my friend would be proud of me. And that makes me all warm and tingly inside. Now, I think I'll get a stick and poke Peredhil with it to see if I can get a few tears there. Nothing better then making people cry to make ones self feel better. Thanks.

Snypiuer slept. And as he slept, he dreamnt. Now, the dreams of the semi-devine are not, in any sense, normal. They are full of portents and premonitions. Visions of the past, present and future. Actions within the dreams of the semi-devine can, and usually do, have real and substantial consequences upon the waking world. Thus, Snypiuer was not unaccustomed to strange and bewildering dreams. This dream, how ever, brought great concern to the sleeping Demi-God. Within it, he saw visions of flames and heard the smaking of lips from a hungry beast. A stiffling heat seemed to press down upon him like a smothering blanket. Yet, he also smelled the succulent aroma of roasting meat. It drifted all about, bringing deep and cavernous rumblings from deep within the sleeping Demi-God's belly. Sensing the wrongness, Snypiuer woke himself. He awoke to find the large fireplace in his sleeping quarters stacked with large pieces of wood and a raging fire burning within. Flames literally licking out beyond it's confines. Perplexed, Snypiuer wondered how his bed had become so close to the fireplace and why the fire within was so large. Hearing a swishing noise, he looked down at the foot of his bed to find Mr. Moog (a rather large - about 2 1/2 feet tall and about as wide - squirrel. Who also happens to be a powerful mage in his own right and one of three of Snypiuers closest companions) using a mop to spread what appeared to be mustard on a giant hot dog bun. Realizing that Snypiuer had awakened, Mr. Moog quickly dropped the mop, tried to stand in front of the giant hot dog bun, all the while twiddling his thumbs, and nonchallantly whistleng and looking around innocently. He then ran out of the room as fast as he could. It was at this time that Snypiuer realized what had happened. The succulent smell of roasting meat came from him. Looking down, his worst fears were realized. Snypiuer had become: A WEENIE. Snypiuer rose from his bed and slowly dressed (It was rather difficult, considering he was now a giant weenie with weenie fingers and such. Not to mention, Mr. Moog's attempted cooking had caused Snypiuer to plump up. All of this making Snypiuer's attire to not quite fit. Yet, he managed.) In a voice, soft, yet commanding, Snypiuer said, "Pith, Silvia" and after a short pause, "Mr. Moog. Attend me. Now." In an instant, three seperate rips in reality open around Snypiuer and a squirrel of about 3 feet in hight steps from each. The rips then wink out of existence. These are Snypiuer's closest companions. Taking in the situation, both Pith and Silvia quickly surmise what has taken place and, with arms crossed across their chests' and feet tapping, glare at Mr. Moog. Meanwhile, Mr. Moog is the picture of innocence. Blinking wide eyed, with a "Why-so-ever are you looking at me in such a way?" look upon his face. "Forget it." Snypiuer says, "We go to fix this." Snypiuer rips reality and there before him are the doors to the Tavern. They slam open as he enters, followed by his companions. All is quiet. Everyone within, following the Demi-God with their eyes, as they feel the emense and ancient energies that pulse from his being. He slowly walks to the center of the Tavern. Stops. And looks around with a glare that would make a Demon Lord cower like a 7 year old girl thrown into a pit of rabid tigers. Then.... it happens. The entire Tavern bursts into maniacal laughter. Snypiuer is, of course, a giant weenie. Several patrons fall of their chairs and even more relieve themselves uncontrollably. Two patrons actually die laughing and one literally bursts a lung (He gets better. But, is now called Wheezy.) Snypiuer patiently waits for the laughter to die down. It takes a while. A very LONG while. When it is finally calm, Snypiuer addresses the crowd, "Funny. I know. But, this state will not last long. I have been punished for not being more attentive. I am now here to correct this indescretion." Looking around, he continues, "What you may not know, is that, within the pantheon of Gods, there is a place none other has claimed. I claim that place now. Let it be known, that from this moment on, I am the Lesser Devine Being of Outdoor Cooking. This form shall be my avatar. Along with Captain Keg (Snypiuer points at Mr. Moog who becomes a walking keg of ale. He finds this disconcerting. That is, until he realizes there is a hose with a spigot coming out of the top of his head. It then becomes disconcerting to everyone else in the Tavern as he begins to drink out of himself.) Senior Sauce (Snypiuer points at Pith, who suddenly is wearing a giant sombrero with 2 six shooters, an ammo belt and criss-crossing bandolears. All full of ammo. But, instead of bullets, this ammo shoots any and all kinds of sauces anyone could ever imagine to put on food. He begins to expertly shoot ketchup, mustard, and various other condiments at everyones food in the Tavern.)" Sensing where things are headed, Silvia makes a valiant (yet futile) attempt to flee. Pointing at Silvia, Snypiuer continues, "And Side Dish Sil (Silvia finds herself dressed in an apron with many pockets, from which she can produce any side dish imaginable. Mac and cheese, beans, potato salad, fried Grxl knuckles. The list is endless.) Together, we will bless those who give their all when cooking outdoors and punish those who take outdoor cooking lightly. Basically, the blessings and punishments will be the same. We'll show up, sit around and eat your food, drink your soda, etc. But, we will bring our own ale, in the form of Captain Keg. On a side note, I also claim the title: 'Spokes Cherub of Processed Meats'. Which, of course, will give me the slightly-less-then-semi-devine ability and right to sample any and all processed meats in my immediate vicinity.........for free." Everyone in the Tavern stares blankly at the turn of events and news, that now, they have to worry about devine freeloaders showing up at their bar-b-ques and picnics. Snypiuer bows and says, "Thank you all for listening. I will attempt to be more attentive in the future." Transforming himself into his normal appearance, Snypiuer then turns and leaves, followed by Senior Sauce and Side Dish Sil, who are rolling the now drunkenly comatose Captain Keg before them and through the rip in reality. Which winks out of existence behind them. A chorus of chuckles can be heard lightly upon the air. As one, the patrons in the Tavern look at eachother and all around, and say, "Aww, CRAP!!!"

Sociopath 100% Rational 42% Extroverted 85% Brutal 85% Arrogant Of other people, my age and gender taking test, I scored higher then: 87% on Rationality 48% on Extroversion 96% on Brutality 93% on Arrogance I'm on the edge in Extroversion. I could just be a smart ass. The statement that I would make a cunning serial killer is laughable. This just shows how far beneath me people are. To even believe that anyone could evaluate ME is a ridiculous notion, in and of itself. I'm perfectly harmless and, if I say so myself, just about the nicest, most trustworhy individual anyone could possibly have the pleasure to meet. I'm also very helpfull. I even give total strangers rides all the time. If you'd like, I could give you a lift. We just need to go out of the way for a bit so I can check in on an elderly friend who lives in a secluded wooded area and needs to be looked in on once in a while. Why don't you have one of these nice cold sodas to keep from getting thirsty on the way?

This is for my friend who died a couple months ago. Growing up, we were best friends. If I wasn't at his house, he was at mine. Though time and life had sent us in different directions, I considered him my brother. I can only hope he's watching me from some where and making fun of me for being such a sentimental wuss. I thought maybe "The Old Bridge" would do, for a goodbye, but it seemed inadequate. Pieces of James Taylor keep going through my head, the line "My body's aching and my time is at hand" seems to echo through my thoughts. But, I could never hope to write some thing as significant. This will have to do. Please excuse the next statement, but it was the way we talked to each other. This is for you, F@@ker. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Day the Heavens Cried ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Growing up You were more my brother Then my best friend. We shared secrets. Hopes. Dreams. We swore we'd stick together 'Till the very end. Then we set out Upon life's path. You on yours, I on mine. And though they wound their sperate ways. Still they crossed from time to time. And as we traveled, We had our ups and downs. Together and apart. Yet, through it all, You were always there. If not by my side, At least, Within my heart. Then came the day I got a call. Telling me you were gone. How did we drift so far apart, That I did not know, You had a pain so strong - You couldn't carry on? "He should have called." I said. "Maybe there was something I could have done." Then I thought, Why didn't I call? Why didn't I keep in touch? When it came to reaching out, Is my life so hectic, That I couldn't be the one? We'd stick together, 'Till the end. Both of us once swore. But it seems, As we grew old, I let you down. Oaths became words. And nothing more. Though I tried, I wasn't even there, When they sent you on your way. And while they said it rained, It wasn't rain that fell. It was tears. For, like me, The heavens cried that day.

BPO, can't volunteer. Not around enough to make it fair to everyone. Just wanted to point out that, I don't think any one REALLY wants to play the part of one of Peredhil's "Boys". Then again, you never know..............

The list: 1.A drunk, passed out friend. 2.Said friends private parts. 3.Warm bacon grease. 4.A hyper active, hungry Chihuahua. Under NO cicumstances are these objects to be mixed!!!! No matter how funny you THINK it will be. Do NOT ask how I know this, just accept it as fact!

There is an old song, can't remember title, but there is a part that goes: "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life Never make a pretty woman your wife. And from my personal point of view Get an ugly girl to marry you." Basically it's a song that says that beautiful women can have any man they want, so they don't have any reason to make YOU happy. While ugly women will do ANYTHING for a man that will marry them. Whether or not this is true, is not for me to say. I believe in individuals. Regardless, my advice pretaining to this song is: If this song ever comes on, never, under ANY circumstances, turn to the girl you are with and ask her to marry you. Do not ask how I know this, just accept it as fact!

Thanks for welcoming me back! Been out on the road since August and figured I'd get some things done while I'm home. So, been going over old Archmage post and copying them over here (Hope people enjoy them!) Also, while doing so, I ran across an old topic. Hence: Snypiuer places his finger a hairs bredth from Zool's nose and say's "I'm STILL not touching you!" HA........HA......HAAA...HAHAHAHAAAAHHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

************************* UNREGESTERED ************************* Long. And long. I traveled far. Restless, did I roam. 'Till the day, I heard the tale. I hastened to my home. A cold. Dark. And bitter place. It was, when I arrived. Time to rebuild. Mourn the dead. Comfort those, who survived. For there was truth. In the tale I heard. As I traveled. Far and wide. Those who remain. Are unregestered. Our past. It seems. Has died. --------------------- Snypiuer Bard of Terra Demi-God of Suicide Squirrel Squadrons

********************************************* THE ASSASSIN'S PRICE Any death, can be had. For a price. Mere coppers. Seven pieces of silver. Perhaps a bag of gold. The price is not in the fee. But, in the darkness of one's soul. So cast your lot and spare the tale. Be it honor. Love. Or greed. Every reason ancient, countlessly retold. Fore the price depends not on the need. But, the darkness of one's soul. ------------------

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` There was a boy, who dreamed of flight. Upon the wings of love. He would, each night, cast his eyes. To the skies above. To his eyes, Amongst the stars Flew a falcon and a dove. And when dreams came, soft and sweet. They were of only one. For his heart was pure. His love complete. Its heat was like the sun. And he knew, his love would last. 'Till his life was done. When came the dawn, the sky was blue. There flew high above. Upon the breeze, like angels bright. A falcon and a dove. And though we know, the truth of life. Never dimmed his love. For, when in love, dreams can come true. Even for a falcon and a dove. ------------------ Snypiuer Bard of Terra Demi-God of Suicide Squirrel Squadrons

****************************** I hear her. In the darkest depths of night. Her whispers echo through my dreams. Like a lovers caress. Or the soft, milky breath of a slumbering newborn. I feel her. Her yearning. I can feel her reaching out to me. Grasping. Seeking to pull me close. To clutch me tightly against her bosom. Like an over protective mother. I know. She would accept me. If I were to go to her. She would welcome me with open arms. And I could let go my burdens. Rest my head upon her shoulder. Shed tears of joy and sorrow. With no shame nor guilt. She would embrace me. Brush her gentle fingers through my hair. And lovingly whisper. "Now, now. All will be well. You are home." ------------------ Snypiuer Bard of Terra Demi-God of Suicide Squirrel Squadrons

The Forgotten Battle ******************** I turn and face the sun As it shines down and caresses me Upon this hill Above the field of glory. With trembling arm I raise my sword in salute Though I am weak My body so tired I thrill just to breath. For on this day A battle was fought A war was waged Many a life was given Upon that field below. Of all those who came this day To fight To die For honor Glory Pride I alone Won the right To sheath my sword Turn my back And walk away From that field below. So, with sword held high I raise my voice in praise To friend And foe, alike "A battle well fought! A challenge well met! Fear not. Your memory shall go on. For I shall go forth and tell the tale of this day. The deeds done. The Honor and Glory Due each of you." With this I lower my sword And plunge it into the ground Atop this hill As a marker for those who may yet pass As I do so I see the life That pools around my feet Is it friend's Or foe's Surely, it cannot be mine For, of all those who came this day To fight To die I alone won the right To survive To tell the tale of this day. It matters not My body tired Weak It's as if my soul cries out, "You are weary, rest. For you have a journey ahead." As I sit And look upon the field below I think "They shall sing your praises Throughout the lands. Oh, the stories I shall tell." With this I lay down Rest my head Close my eyes To sleep To dream Of glories past And yet to come I smile I am content And breath my last. ------------------ Snypiuer Bard of Terra Demi-God of Suicide Squirrel Squadrons

############################################# AT MY MASTER'S FEET ******************* At my master's feet I lay, panting away the days heat Silently watching Always at the ready A yawn A stretch A gentle cleansing of the groin I am content At my master's feet ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Very little is known about the long dead Blood God. The little that is known, is guarded and kept close - by me. My search to assume the mantle of this being of immense power has led me to many lands and places long forgotten. And I have gained knowledge and power, both ancient and forbidden. This is a story of one of my travels in search of this power and knowledge. It is known that the Blood God forged three swords of power. One sword is known to have been lost with him. One rests upon my hip. And the location of the last has been long forgotten to even the First Gods. While sitting in my study one day, one of my many scouts, that I send out in search of arcane lore and artifacts, returned with news that the location of the final sword may have been discovered. He told of a land shrouded in mystery and protected by strange magic. He also reported that the ruler of this land was a creature of terrible might and power. With foul Demon Lords, long thought dead, as his servants. He named this land Feld'DChe. I immediately sent an expedition out to gain more knowledge and personally started research on this land. I found very little. What I did find, suggested that Feld'DChe was, in fact, the legendary First Land. Where the First Gods anchored reality and brought order to Chaos. Where mortal life, itself, was born and set forth from. None, from my expedition, ever returned. The prospect that the final sword was actually within my grasp, was far too tantalizing. I set out to retrieve it with artifacts of vast power and a massive army that sent all before us running in terror. We were unchallenged by the greatest of all the lands we traveled through. The gods themselves took notice, and stood aside in fear. I, alone, returned. Through many strange and perilous lands, we traveled. After cresting a mountain range, a desert stretched before us. Barren of all life, a full third of my army was lost in the crossing - to dehydration and hunger. When it seemed that all was lost, we came to the shores of an enormous lake. At first, I believed it to be a mirage - a dream. We came down to its shore and, even I, fell to my knees in relief. We spent a month upon that shore, regaining our strength. It was the purest water any has ever tasted and the fish we pulled from those waters, were more succulent then I had ever imagined any food could be. After we regained our strength and spirits, we converted our wagons to rafts and set out across the waters. After three days of rowing across the placid surface, an island loomed before us. A land of green beauty. With birds of vibrant colors, languidly floating upon unseen currents. Creatures, of savage majesty, peacefully roamed among herds of gentle and timid beasts. We were even more surprised when we landed. None of these animals feared us or attacked. With a reverent hand, I reached out and stroked the mane of the largest lion I have ever seen. He nuzzled me and actually purred. A feeling of peace over came all of us. I knew, in my heart, that we had arrived. The elation I felt at being so close to my goal, seemed to spread amongst all of us. We made our way inland, without delay. A strength and fervor grew in me. I felt more powerful then I ever had. Surrounded by such magnificent animals and beauty, I could feel the land itself. I looked around and knew that so could those that followed me. As we progressed, the beauty and feeling only increased. It came as a shock, to all of us, when we came to a field that looked as if a war had been fought upon it. Rocks and craters littered it. Fallen trees and the bleached bones of unknown creatures lay scattered across it. At this point, the animals that had traveled amongst us, began to gently try to turn us back. You could feel the fear in them. They tugged at us and stood before us. They seemed to hang their head in sorrow as it became clear that we would not be deterred. The lion that had stayed by my side looked at me, I stared into his eyes and he seemed to say, "Please, do not go into that blasted land. Stay. Live among us." It took all my will to tear my eyes away. To take that first step towards my greatest lose. A part of me wishes I had not. As we started across that field, the animals stood solemnly at the very edge of some unseen barrier. Their sadness could be felt in all of us. I felt the attack an instant before it hit us. I threw up a shield that took the brunt of the force. A dark light seemed to spread across the shield and tendrils of some foul magic began to slip through cracks. I poured more power into the shield and the attack stopped. But it was too late. Everyone that the tendrils touched began to change. Limbs began to explode from chests and backs. One of my most loyal and trusted men turned to me, his entire head had turned into one giant gaping mouth - lined with fangs and tentacles. He screamed at me and I felt a tearing at my soul. I lashed out with raw magic power and shredded the meat from his bones. His skeleton flopped around on the ground as if it was still alive and in pain. Looking around, I saw those that had followed me, fighting and dying at each others hands. Wading into the battle, I used magic and sword to kill my own. The battle lasted 'till night fall. When it was over, the devastation was apparent. The dead and dying littered the field. We had decimated ourselves. All told, there was me and less then fifty of those that followed me standing. Perhaps the greatest army to ever be assembled, had destroyed itself. Turning to those that survived, I gave them leave to turn back. To live amongst the animals beyond the barrier in peace. I would go on. Not one of my men left my side. At the far edge of the blasted field, stood the crumbled walls of a once magnificent city. The very ground here pulsed with ancient and forgotten power. Entering the fallen city, we knew that this was, indeed, the First City - where life itself began. Making our way through the debris, we came to a large square. In the middle sat a dragon of ancient might. It spoke to us, "So, you have made it across the field of tears. It has been long since any have set foot upon the streets of this city. I am it's failed guardian. Placed here by the First Gods to protect and nurture those who were their children. For my sin of failure, I have been denied a Name and will never be allowed beyond these fallen walls. I beg of you, turn back." I replied, "Lord Dragon, long we have journeyed. Our losses great. Our will greater. We cannot turn back. Stand aside." To this he replied, "If I could, I would. But, in my defeat, I was cursed. I cannot let you pass. You must defeat me to go on. Please, do not force me to do this." My answer, and that of my comrades (I call them comrades, for that is what they were at this time) was an unsheathing of our swords. A tear fell from the great and noble dragons eye, as he said, "May you and the First Gods forgive me. But, if you do defeat me, I see you carry a sword of the Blood God. That which takes the soul of my kind. Please, if I fall, let that be the weapon that finishes me." His attack was violent, with a speed I have never experienced - in all my battles with dragons. He was truly a King amongst a noble race. With his left wing, he buffeted the men to my right as his tail swept out at those to my left. He let lose with a blast of flames at me and those around me. I was able to block most of the flame with a hasty shield. The mighty beast leapt into the air as four of my comrades, who retained bows, fired at him. One hit him in his right eye as he attempted to land upon us and crush us. This allowed me and a few others to dive out of the way. As he landed, he crushed those that could not get out of the way and whipped some others with his tail. Turning towards me, he spoke a word and I was blasted across the square, my cloak wrapping around me and protecting me. I stood to find those caught in the blast along with me, broken at my feet. The dragon must have thought we were all dead from the blast, for he turned his attention to those around him. This was his undoing. My comrades fought valiantly and managed to harm the dragon. But, it was obvious that they would fall. I used my magic to lift a fallen obelisk that lay near me, and sent it at the back of the beast, like a giant spear. It impaled him and drove him through the remains of a building. In the silence that fell, you could hear his heart slowly beating, fading. I scrambled through the rubble and came to his head. He looked at me, and smiled. In a low, soft voice, he said, "I am sorry. Please forgive me." I could only say, "There is no need." I then made my way to his chest and raised my sword. As I pierced his chest and heart, with his dying breath, he thanked me. There was but nine of us that left that square alive. We headed towards the heart of the city, where a castle yet stood. Entering the castle, we walked through halls filled with treasure beyond imagination. We passed through with neither a glance nor thought to them. It was in the center of the castle complex that a court yard sat. In the center of this court yard, was a raised, tiled floor. Round and fully 100 feet in diameter. There, in a semi circle, were 13 Demon Lords upon mounts out of nightmare. Raising a sword and pointing it at us, the center Demon Lord spoke, "You have traveled far and overcome much. Upon this floor, order was brought to Chaos and the sword of the Blood God was used to anchor it. All power, all reality, manifest from this place. Here is the beginning. Here will be the end. You stand in the presence of the Lord of this land. That which conquered this land and rules without peer. FALL TO YOUR KNEES! ABASE YOURSELF TO YOUR BETTER! And you will be allowed to die a swift death! BOW BEFORE THE FOUL AND FEROCIOUS PEPPER CORN OF FELD'DCHE!!!" At this, the Demon Lord pointed with his sword to the center of the floor. There sat a small round pepper corn. My comrades and I stood aghast. We stared at each other in disbelief. As one, we said, "WHAT!? It's a freakin' PEPPER CORN!!!" The Demon Lords attacked - screaming, "BLASPHEMY!!" Anger, beyond measure, consumed me. I spoke a word of power never heard by mortals. Found in one of my many searches to gain the mantle of the Blood God. A word forbidden, even to the divine. It rocked the entire island and the shock from it still vibrates through reality. The four center Demon Lords and their mounts were gone. Erased from reality as if they never existed. My comrades and I faced the remaining Demon Lords. The battle was swift and deadly. In the end. I alone stood. Beaten. Tired beyond measure. On my knees, I realized. It was for naught. The sword was the anchor of all reality. To take it would send all that there is back into Chaos. Eventually, I may figure out a way to replace it safely. But, for now, I must leave it. My anger burned within me. I turned to the small round pepper corn that sat in the center of the floor and saw only an outlet for that anger. I raised my sword and brought it down with all my might. To my horror, it skittered out from under my blade! "YOU BASTARD!" I screamed, and once again swung at it. It skittered away! I leaped upon it! Attempting to crush it. I beat upon it with my bare hands, 'till they were bloody and broken. The pepper corn remained whole and unhurt. No matter what I used to try to smash it, it skittered out from under it. Nothing but dents in my skin when I used my body. Magic had no effect. I fought the blasted thing for hours. Finally, exhausted and tired, I stood before the foul thing. A grim smile came over my lips as I raised my foot. I would crush it beneath my heel. As I brought my foot down, it rolled beneath my foot. I found myself falling backwards. Hitting my head, I became unconscious, I do not know for how long. When I came to, I stood. Death was all around me. And there, back in the center of the floor, sat the pepper corn. A chill ran up my spine as I turned to leave that place. I was once again attacked while crossing the field of tears. My magic barely saving me. The animals beyond the barrier were there. Waiting. They took care of me and nursed me back to health. It was with a heavy heart, that I left that land. So much beauty - and horror. Someday, if I figure out how to safely secure the sword, I will return. I will never reveal the lands location. But, if you ever come upon a land beyond a great desert. In the midst of a lake who's waters are purer then any others. Where the lion lays down with the lamb. A land that can only be described as Paradise. My advise is to linger not. Return to your home. And, if you heed my advice, be grateful that you did not face the wrath of the Foul and Ferocious Pepper Corn of Feld'DChe. ------------------ Snypiuer Bard of Terra Demi-God of Suicide Squirrel Squadrons

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is a story I've been telling since about 6th grade. Let's just say it's been a LONG time (considering that I'm older then Nim - that's why he's the only one who knows the same songs I do!). ********************************************* One morning, a boy of around six years old was playing outside in his sandbox, waiting for his mom to take him to school - which didn't start 'till noon, him being so young and all, he only went half a day. Anyways, as he was playing, the wind blew a purple piece of paper that landed right in front of him. This purple piece of paper had a word written on it. The little boy could not read this word, but he tried. He tried so hard that he didn't hear when his mother called to him. Finally she shouted, "Get in here and clean up! You're going to be late for school!" The little boy hurried into the house and closed the door behind him. "Why didn't you come when I called you young man?" His mother asked sternly. "Well, you see. I was playing outside and I found a purple peice of paper. It has a word written on it and I can't read what it says." His mother replied, "Let me see this purple piece of paper. I'll read it and tell you what it says." The little boy hands it to his mother who takes it and reads it to herself. The little boy's mother becomes enraged, "YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SH@T! YOU ARE NO SON OF MINE! GET OUT AND NEVER EVER COME BACK!!!" She shoves the purple piece of paper in his mouth and then kicks him through the door - with out even opening it first! The little boy lays in a heap for awhile and then gets up. Having no where else to go, he heads to school. Needless to say, he is late. His teacher asks, "What happened to you!?" The little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So I walked here and here I am." Flabbergasted at such a tale, the teacher says, "Let me read the purple piece of paper and I'll tell you what it says." The little boy hesitantly hands the purple piece of paper to his teacher, she reads it. "YOU GODD@MNED LITTLE SON OF A B@TCH!" and hits the little boy with a chair! "TAKE THIS PURPLE PIECE OF PAPER AND GO TO THE PRINCIPLES OFFICE! NOW!" She hits him in the back of the head with a stapler as he stumbles out of the room. When he gets to the principles office, the principle looks at the little boy and says, "What happened to you!?" The little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So, having no where else to go, I walked to school and was late. The teacher asked me why and I told her. She said she'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it said, so I handed it to her. She read it, yelled at me, called me bad names. Hit me with a chair. Told me to come here. So, I got up, she hit me in the head with a stapler as I stumbled out the door. I came here - so here I am." The principle can't believe what he just heard. "Let me see this purple piece of paper." He tells the little boy. The little boy sighs and hands the purple piece of paper to the principle. He reads it. "YOU MOTHER F@@KING LITTLE WORM!!!" and beats the little boy sensless with a lamp! He then drags the little boys limp body to the school board and leaves him there with the purple piece of paper. The school board sits in stunned silence until the little boy comes to. When the little boy comes to, the head of the school board says, "What happened to you!?" The little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So, having no where else to go, I walked to school and was late. The teacher asked me why and I told her. She said she'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it said, so I handed it to her. She read it, yelled at me, called me bad names. Hit me with a chair. Told me to go to the principles office. So, I got up, she hit me in the head with a stapler as I stumbled out the door. I went to the principles office, he asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what was on it. I gave it to him, he read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me sensless with a lamp. Dragged my limp body here - so here I am." The school board sat in shock until the head of the school board said, "Give us the purple piece of paper. We'll read it and tell you what it says." The little boy hangs his head and hands them the purple piece of paper. They all crowd around and read it together. Yells of, "YOU FILTHY @SSWIPE!!" and "GOATS@CKING MAGGOT!!!" ring out as they take turns beating the little boy and then throw him through a third story window with the purple piece of paper. Landing in some bushes, the little boy survives and limps away before they can come outside and beat him some more. With no where else to go, the little boy wanders the streets. A police officer sees him and investigates why a little boy his age is not in school and wandering the streets alone. Coming up to the boy, he sees him and says, "What happened to you!?" The little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So, having no where else to go, I walked to school and was late. The teacher asked me why and I told her. She said she'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it said, so I handed it to her. She read it, yelled at me, called me bad names. Hit me with a chair. Told me to go to the principles office. So, I got up, she hit me in the head with a stapler as I stumbled out the door. I went to the principles office, he asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what was on it. I gave it to him, he read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me sensless with a lamp. Dragged my limp body to the school board and left me there. When I came to, the school board asked what happened. I told them and they said they would read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it says. I gave it to them, they read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Took turns beating me. Threw me through a third story window. Luckily, I landed in some bushes and survived. I got up and left before they could come out after me. With no where else to go, I started wandering the streets - so here I am." The police officer says, "Son, I'll get to the bottom of this. Let me see that purple piece of paper." With hope, the little boy gives the police officer the purple piece of paper. He reads it. "YOU NO GOOD PIECE OF TRASH!!! F@@KING DOG LICKING SCUM!!!" and proceeds to pistol whip the little boy before taking him to the court house and before a judge. The judge sees the little boy and says, "What happened to you!?" The little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So, having no where else to go, I walked to school and was late. The teacher asked me why and I told her. She said she'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it said, so I handed it to her. She read it, yelled at me, called me bad names. Hit me with a chair. Told me to go to the principles office. So, I got up, she hit me in the head with a stapler as I stumbled out the door. I went to the principles office, he asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what was on it. I gave it to him, he read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me sensless with a lamp. Dragged my limp body to the school board and left me there. When I came to, the school board asked what happened. I told them and they said they would read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it says. I gave it to them, they read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Took turns beating me. Threw me through a third story window. Luckily, I landed in some bushes and survived. I got up and left before they could come out after me. With no where else to go, I started wandering the streets. A police officer found me and asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd get to the bottom of this, so I gave him the purple piece of paper. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Pistol whipped me and brought me here - so here I am." The judge says, "Let me see that purple piece of paper." The little boy hands it to him. He reads it. "SH@T EATING LOW LIFE!!! I'M SENTENCING YOU TO LIFE IN PRISON!!! AND THIS PURPLE PIECE OF PAPER WILL BE YOUR ONLY COMPANY 'TILL THE DAY YOU DIE!!!" and proceeds to beat the little boy with his gavel. When the little boy arrives in prison, the warden sees him and says, "What happened to you!?" The little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So, having no where else to go, I walked to school and was late. The teacher asked me why and I told her. She said she'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it said, so I handed it to her. She read it, yelled at me, called me bad names. Hit me with a chair. Told me to go to the principles office. So, I got up, she hit me in the head with a stapler as I stumbled out the door. I went to the principles office, he asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what was on it. I gave it to him, he read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me sensless with a lamp. Dragged my limp body to the school board and left me there. When I came to, the school board asked what happened. I told them and they said they would read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it says. I gave it to them, they read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Took turns beating me. Threw me through a third story window. Luckily, I landed in some bushes and survived. I got up and left before they could come out after me. With no where else to go, I started wandering the streets. A police officer found me and asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd get to the bottom of this, so I gave him the purple piece of paper. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Pistol whipped me and took me to the court house before a judge. The judge asked what happened, so I told him. He said to give him the purple piece of paper. So, I did. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me with his gavel. Sentenced me and the purple piece of paper to life in prison - so here I am." The warden said, "Well, before anything else, I'll need to see this purple piece of paper." The little boy hands the purple piece of paper to him. He reads it. "YOU VILE LITTLE @SS MUNCHER!!! FORGET LIFE IN PRISON!!! YOU'RE GOING TO THE CHAIR!!! NOW!!!" grabs a gaurds club and beats him. Then drags him to the electric chair and fries the little boy. The little boy opens his eyes to find himself holding the purple piece of paper and standing at the Pearly Gates of heaven. Saint Peter, not expecting the little boy and seeing the state he's in, says, "What happened to you!?" The little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So, having no where else to go, I walked to school and was late. The teacher asked me why and I told her. She said she'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it said, so I handed it to her. She read it, yelled at me, called me bad names. Hit me with a chair. Told me to go to the principles office. So, I got up, she hit me in the head with a stapler as I stumbled out the door. I went to the principles office, he asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what was on it. I gave it to him, he read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me sensless with a lamp. Dragged my limp body to the school board and left me there. When I came to, the school board asked what happened. I told them and they said they would read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it says. I gave it to them, they read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Took turns beating me. Threw me through a third story window. Luckily, I landed in some bushes and survived. I got up and left before they could come out after me. With no where else to go, I started wandering the streets. A police officer found me and asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd get to the bottom of this, so I gave him the purple piece of paper. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Pistol whipped me and took me to the court house before a judge. The judge asked what happened, so I told him. He said to give him the purple piece of paper. So, I did. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me with his gavel. Sentenced me and the purple piece of paper to life in prison. When I got to the prison, the warden asked what happened, so I told him. He said before anything else, he'd have to see the purple piece of paper. so I gave it to him. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me with a club and fried me in the electric chair - so here I am." With compassion in his eyes, Saint Peter says, "My poor child. Let me read this purple piece of paper. I shall read it and all will be better." The little boy hands the purple piece of paper to Saint Peter. He reads it. "YOU GODD@MNED C@NT!!!" takes off his halo and beats the little boy whith it, while cursing him with words never heard by mortal beings before. Then casts him down into hell. The little boy lands at the cloven hooves of Satan himself. Rather startled, Satan looks at the little boy and says, "What happened to you!?" Sitting up and taking a deep breath, the little boy replies, "Well, you see this morning, I was playing outside and found a purple piece of paper. It has a word written on it and I don't know what it says. My mom called me in 'cause I was going to be late and I showed her the purple piece of paper. She read it. Became enraged. Yelled at me and called me bad names. Shoved the purple piece of paper in my mouth and kicked me through the door. Didn't even open it first! Told me never to come back. So, having no where else to go, I walked to school and was late. The teacher asked me why and I told her. She said she'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it said, so I handed it to her. She read it, yelled at me, called me bad names. Hit me with a chair. Told me to go to the principles office. So, I got up, she hit me in the head with a stapler as I stumbled out the door. I went to the principles office, he asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd read the purple piece of paper and tell me what was on it. I gave it to him, he read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me sensless with a lamp. Dragged my limp body to the school board and left me there. When I came to, the school board asked what happened. I told them and they said they would read the purple piece of paper and tell me what it says. I gave it to them, they read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Took turns beating me. Threw me through a third story window. Luckily, I landed in some bushes and survived. I got up and left before they could come out after me. With no where else to go, I started wandering the streets. A police officer found me and asked what happened. I told him. He said he'd get to the bottom of this, so I gave him the purple piece of paper. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Pistol whipped me and took me to the court house before a judge. The judge asked what happened, so I told him. He said to give him the purple piece of paper. So, I did. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me with his gavel. Sentenced me and the purple piece of paper to life in prison. When I got to the prison, the warden asked what happened, so I told him. He said before anything else, he'd have to see the purple piece of paper. so I gave it to him. He read it. Yelled at me, called me bad names. Beat me with a club and fried me in the electric chair. When I opened my eyes, I found myself holding the purple piece of paper and standing before the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter. Saint Peter asked what happened, so I told him. He said he would read the purple piece of paper and all will be better. So I gave it to him and he read it. He yelled at me, called me bad names. Cursed me with words never heard by mortal beings before. Beat me with his halo and cast me down here - so here I am." Satan says, "WHOA! Your own mother!? ALL those people!? EVEN Saint Peter!? AND this all started THIS morning!? To a LITTLE BOY!? I have GOT to know this word!!! Don't worry about a thing boy! I LIKE...no. I LOVE things like this! You just give me that purple piece of paper and not only will I tell you what it says, I'll make eternity for you as good as it can possibly be in Hell. You've got it made my boy!" The little boy shrugs and says, "Heck, what have I got to lose?" So he holds out the purple peice of paper. With ecstatic glee, Satan reaches for it with one fiery hand. Grasping it, the purple piece of paper BURST into flames! So, we'll NEVER know what the word on the purple piece of paper was. ------------------ Snypiuer Bard of Terra Demi-God of Suicide Squirrel Squadrons