Tattered

Here I go, whining again. Why is joy such a short trip, While agony is a lifetime tour? One bright morning, much to my delight Opportunity's DOOR OPENED and I saw the light! Shortly before I neared it, the door changed it's position And broad sided my head as it was swinging my direction People typically say "I guess I spoke too soon" When they comment "This life feels like a soft breeze" Only then, lifes drama swfitly shifts to a monsoon It seems that we must withhold our joyus praise and shout FREEZE! Everything in life is teetering on a balance The question remains, "Is this lot what I've been dealt?" Is this suffering my calling? Or does peace live around the corner? True it is that life lies in the journey and not the destination

Oh Tasselhoff, If I could only tell you how many times I have be unlucky enough to learn this... Over and over. When will it actually stick though, is the question. Most often in the end, the anguish we feel is not the loss of the one we thought we loved, but in the shame and disgust we feel of ourselves. You know for allowing it. For not seeing it. For not stopping it. *sighs*

Nerves and an anxious heart feed my energy today If it wasn't for the need to continue I just might rest-right-here- If we could just lay in bed 5 minuets more... But the unknown awaits us, out there, beckoning us "Come, come closer and listen to the messages, and learn" Put your hands to work while your mind races by Just breathe, oh my quivering heart, it is just SCHOOL And not even MY first day, but my daughter's All I can think is wait, relax, and all will be alright My mind fills with thoughts into an already cluttered tangle "What if's", "What if not's" Is this the right place? What can go wrong? Faces of parents passing with arms connected to a child, Like an excited pet drags it's owner down the path With a "Hi", "Hiii", "Oh hi", "Hi!" , and "Hello" Like clock work We planted a blue delphinium in the garden I spin her round and round on the never ending ride called Tire swing We explore every last corner and box within the four walled classroom I wear my sunglasses as if to mask my confusion And block my fear of whats to come, "The coming of age" Afraid if I blink twice she'll be married and I hear "Grandma?" But um, huh, shes only 4...... She loves to paint and quickly finds the Eisle This is where her 2 masterpieces are born What is this spell come over me, silly foolish worrying Or maybe not It is safe to assume that over the course of the next 14 years She will face,well Life, and all the turns and tumbles it takes a person I think twice and realize, I wouldn't want to save her from all failure For it is sometimes the hardest lessons that teach us the most Even though I accept this challange I want to cry, I just might cry I will attempt to avoid living vicariously I will do my best not to over protect I really don't want to interfere with the whole process I wish to submit to the creator and try as I might, to tune in with humilty live harmoniously with this precsious gift and teaching from above I like to call Bella. Happy First Day, My Sweetie!

*Laughs to herself* Well said, once again. Needs vs wants. Oh I have so many more wants than needs...*sigh*

I thoroughly enjoyed this. Although this story is not your own, your talented rewrite is. Very well done. I can imagine this was a difficult task and you pulled it off with finess.

Much thanks Tasselhoff, remeber it is you that brought me here. Thank you.

Peredihil, enlighten me! You are truly amazing or maybe you're selfish and this is all you wife's knowledge and teaching,:)lol. But amazing none the less. Thank you. I guess we all have a certain amount of selfishness and it IS human nature. But some have an extra dose of "the world revolves around me" and I will have what I want. Peredihil I want to thank you for always reading my entries and commenting so helpfully. I can learn a lot from what you write. Your wife is a lucky woman, I can tell. You and her can tell me all about your deep conversations on life anytime. I KNOW and you should know that I will take your words above and refer back to them honestly. I have learned from them, selfishness is evil. Putting your own desires before you consider the effects on the lives of those around you is definatley a immature, selfish,and most times hurtful approach to life.

Rhapsody, Thanks for your encouragement. I like that line too. I like to think that all of my writings are "intimate". At least that's what I go for because everything I write, I feel and I want the reader to feel the same as they read it.

I am sure many people feel similar to you and would like to be the real them. Not only would we all like to be natural, but also be accepted for it. You did a good job here. I don't know if "gived" is a proper word but I get what you mean by it. I think If you added some creative vocabulary to your already original writing, you would be spectacular. But this is all my opinion so take what you would like.

Most of what I write turns into a song of sorts. Actually as soon as I have a thought on what to write, it comes to me in the form of a song. Most of the songs in my life are sad broken love songs. Pathetic. I need a new song. I just need a muse in my life to help me sing...

I don't even want to think about the past Why I devote so much time to thinking on you I guess there's something still, I need to learn I would like to put it all to rest But I guess that's just not the way I could write a book on all the games we played I could stay forever remenising on the pain All I lost-the greatest thing-my sacrifice The thoughtless words you spoke to me The careless ways you misstreated me If this is what it takes maybe I don't want the prize Who am I kidding there's nothing at the end of this road The love we made was all a myth Nothing was real it was just a stupid slip I just spent your time and wasted mine We weren't headed anywhere we would want to be And this will be The last Melody About the way it used to be Between you and me All of my suffering All of my pointless wandering Time around you hoping you'd some day find a space for me Just trying to make sense of this worthless thing Trying to feel ok about the wasted gift You are still the pain in my side You are the darkness in my night You are not worth this selfworth fight I came in behind the rest I failed this test I should have left you where I found you I should have seen the red lights flash around you I should have protected what little I had left Now I am troubled, torn and tattered How could such a Mamas boy leave me like this? I must have ignored all the signs I must have been completely blind And this will be The last Melody About the way it used to be Between you and me All of my suffering All of my pointless wandering Some things just aren't worth the fight I wish I left you far behind, if I could erase that day You really don't deserve me You really hurt me You could have been my one and only But I would have seen the light eventually I only wish I was doing a well as you and her seem to be I just ask one thing, I want to feel it when I say "I'm doing ok" The only thing that fusterates me is all you took And the way you made me feel The way you lied and how hard I cried And no, it doesn't take long to fall in and out of love When the love was never real You are selfish and childish and afraid to feel. So this will be The last Melody About the way it used to be Between you and me Thats the way it should be I close the door and set you free This is the end, I cant allow more suffering. Good bye painful memory.

Thank you Peredhil, your words are always the warmest and comforting.

I see the bride and groom hand in hand and side by side The stars are out and it's a warm summer night the lights sparkle and the admiration shines People around all glow speaking of the two they love and know I started to look in your eyes but I am surely not your type Someone so pure so clean inside, someone I could really like I have grown up with you but it feels like I watched you grow I feel so unsightly by your side I feel so bad about my life I would have liked to let you know just how beautifully you glow But unspoken self imposed boudaries is all I know All I can do is dream a wish deep within my heart How blessed I would be to have someone like you, like me What a wonderful gift from God that would be I see your eyes they like what they see But sadness behind them shows what everybody knows They all ask when and where I'll be, who will I marry? They say they'd like to see me be the next to say "I do" But who would they picture me with, NOT THEIR son, that's who I feel like I am judged and off limits a bad seed I wish I could leave that all behind and start a new life indeed The night is darkening and the guests disperse I head for the car and I reach for my purse Someday I will find him, someday I will succeed In choosing the path that true happiness leeds

Hey I am sick of being sad and mean. Maybe we could vice versa or freaky friday you know switch roles. I wonder what happy is like...

Here I am, where you left me cold, I feel all alone. But I guess that I, I'm happy now, cuz you're not around to bring me low. And the truth be told, it was a miracle, you didn't steal my soul Lies you spoke, and games you played, you kept me in the cold, in the cold So I heard today, huh I knew anyway, Wow, you're game is old So if she doesn't leave, then we all know, you hooked her now But don't let mistakes decide, which way to go, and don't pretend you don't know That when what true comes out, theres no where to hide, you just might find she Left you in the In the cold

Revolving doors turning like the blood flowing thru my viens Raw nerves send soft noises sounding off like syrens in my head All the pain in my joints and muscle come together in a tight knot Sinched carefully around my neck and creaping up to my eyes The light of day burns my senses I would give anything to cloak myself in black in this moment I would dissapear, like love I once grasped I thought my hold was tight and destination in sight But with the wind my heart was sent into the atmosphere Shattered pieces never to be gathered again Falling down to my knees my kidneys hurt like a rod thru my center All the nurishment lost with my absent minded aproach to life Running so far and fast I forgot where I was going If I am not running away then I don't know where Im headed I stare in silence at the crowded masses flowing by All the sounds mesh into one muffled blur Will I spend my whole life slightly rocking, In the middle of a street, somewhere? Nowhere.

Reading those comments got me all distracted. Um, Regarding the poem above that got us all here debating to begin with...I enjoyed it. To me it struck a kind of morbid string. Sad, painful. It's like there's so much emotion hiding there behind the words. Almost angry...I don't really know. I rather enjoy reading all types of poetry and expression-helps me learn and develope my own...

Oh, why must love be so unkind? It gives so much life yet it can take away it all. Just like you poem says " I died when I dreamed of you" Love can seem a life or death. I have been there too many times. Thank you for your beautiful writing.

I like your style, short, sweet, and meaningful. Very Effective. Thanks for sharing.

I feel so tired I could cry From all the people who told me lies I feel so used up I could die From all the pain and from all those times Why do I trust in all the wrong places? Why do I loose all of lifes races? Why do I choose all the wrong faces? Why do I return to all the wrong places? What will it take for me to learn? How can I tune into my inner voice blessing? How much more of this before it's my turn? This sorrow never ends, just keeps going Waiting here for life to get easier But only pain fills my life with every tear And only trouble enters each new year And I am all alone I suddenly fear Only left with wonder, "what brought me here?"

Wow! Ha! Thanks you all for your sweet notes. Really, it is nice to know that I am not alone in this thing called growing up. Sometimes though, I really need to be reminded, that patience, it does pay off in the end. To hear my daughter say "Look I got an A on this test" To see my daughter laugh with her best friend To give her that quality time and long awkward talks about BOYS To give her a shoulder to cry on To give her a safe, secure place to grow To send her off to college And finally watch her begin a new begining with "I Do"...

Mommy, Mommy! Mommy, um, mommy will you play with me? Mommy will you color with me read to me and watch a video with me? Mommy I am starving. Mommy can I have some more? Mommy, Mommy can I have some more? Mommy here's your crayon. Mommy sit with me, mommy cook for me. Mommy I am thirsty, NO I want THAT cup. No actually I want the other cup. Actually I want water, actually I want chocolate milk. Mommy, Um, can I watch a movie? Mommy can I watch a video? Mommy, mommy mommy mommy? Can you watch it with me? Mommy will you choose one for me Mommy can I have a blanket, no the other one! The OTHER ONE IS MY FAVORITE! Mommy can I have my pillow, the Buterfly pillow? Mommy I want it louder mommy can you fix my blanket Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. Mommy can you rewind it, I missed that part? Mommy, um mommy, *Y A W N* Mommy I am tired. Mom......mmy.......zzzzzzzzzzz. This is my everyday, every second. If you think I am exaggerating, just have a kid! Or walk a day in my shoes. Thank God for sleep.

Gryfalcon- This was simply a question, a pondering. It can be what it will, a debate, or simply a statement evoking thought... Something that crossed my mind and is not completely satisfied. Tattered

Take Time Take time to learn, It is a sign of greatness. Take time to think, It is a source of power. Take time to plan, It is the first step to fulfillment. Take time to work, It is the price of success. Take time to dream, It is the fountain of achievement. Take time to act, It is an expression of belief in oneself. Take time to give, It is a symbol of maturity. Take time to smile, It is the window of the soul. Take time to love, It is a gift of God. By Floyd Brown

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