Alaeha

Add into this myself, for all can say that I write poems that pass, at a glance, as being good, though dismal, sad, and gray. But watch your words, or you'll have not a chance! The poem-off sounds better than freestyle, for with no limit on the time you take, you can think on your work a little while and proofread it and fix that quick mistake. So come and read your poem if you dare, but caution is advisable. You see, for reckless words are dangerous, beware the cost of typing words too loose and free. Let those who wish to post their thoughts do so, and if they don't, they don't. We'll never know.

Wrote this just today... in Creative Writing. It was vaguely inspired by a poem I had been reading earlier. The first line was similar to a line from a T. S. Eliot poem. So it's very distantly related. Anyway... Here's the poem. The Unicorn Oh, I have seen the Unicorn, and seen her mane of silky white. She beckoned with her pearly horn, and led me through the dark, deep night. We walked a path of peaceful quiet, safely distant from the world. While at home there was a riot, silv’ry, dew drenched leaves unfurled and I was blinded by a mist, but followed on behind my friend. The dew stung not, but rather kissed my eyes, there at the world’s end. The forest seemed to disappear at once. It seemed I stepped from woods to plains, from tier to tier. I knelt, and softly wept. Tears flowing, I sat still a while, then heard a loving voice. “I’ve been with you uncounted miles, and now we can rejoice.” I turned and saw a lovely maid with pale, silken hair, her horn did not completely fade. The Unicorn was there. Oh, I have seen the Unicorn, she led me from my woe. If e’er she beckons with her horn, unquestioning I’ll go. She’s made my life worthwhile to live, and for her life, my own I’d give.

Really good... I like your poems and style a lot... But may I ask if you've ever tried writing in quatrains? (Rhyme scheme of ABAB or ABBA, rather than AA) I've found that there's a lot more freedom in quatrains than couplets, because you have longer to work toward each rhyme, if that makes sense... you might try it. (Tip: One thing that I stumbled across that helps me make it flow better is to shorten the B lines a little bit. One poetic foot, as it were) Just a thought... But I'll say again that I like this...

Very nice... Successfully written in a tight form. I really liked this... The last two lines of the second stanza in particular struck me. I guess that's all I have to say. Good Job, then!

Sorry, but I must post my thoughts on the pizza question. Each man pays ten dollars. 10 * 3 = 30 The boy leaves the 25 that the pizza actually cost there, and brings five with him. 25 + 5 = 30. The 25 is accounted for. He pays each man one dollar, and takes two for himself. The 25 in the cash register, however, is not touched. 25 + 1 * 3 + 2 = 30 or if you prefer 25 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 2 = 30 There is no missing dollar. The equation of 27 + 2 does not apply because the 25 was no longer available and was removed from the equation the moment the boy separated it from the five. As to the other, though, I must confess that I have no idea at all.

Beautiful... Absolutely beautiful. The sad thing is that I probably know people who aren't much more convincing than this in their character backgrounds. Add me to the list of people looking forward to day two!

Heh, a somewhat belated welcome, then. Sorry... I tend to be semi incommunicado on weekends.

Well, best to say this first... I think that you meant 'audience', not 'audious'. But apart from that, I can't see anything that needs fixing... If you've got notes for it, this would make an excellent song. Otherwise, it's a beautiful poem. Hrm... can't think of anything more to say, and my eloquence has fled, so I won't bother you any longer. *Hugs*

Hrm... I've heard two definitions of Poetry in the past. The two camps on it seem to be that poetry is: 1) A construct of words that express an idea in language that flows (is appealing or pleasant to read). 2) A bunch of words that are written to express emotion. Myself... I'd say that it is all of the above. This isn't because I write structured poetry. I'll explain briefly. If you see something truly beautiful, and want others to have the experience of seeing it, you want to draw/sketch/paint it so that it is appealing to the eye. So that they see the beauty of it. You want it to be what you saw, so you'll use the more elaborate methods rather than drawing stick figures and a little circle with a smily face in it for the sun. Likewise, the flow is used not only to make it appeal more, but also to immerse the reader in it more thoroughly. The rhythm you use doesn't have to make it peaceful or serene... Anyone who's heard Rap knows that. But the use of flow for appeal is also important because if your art doesn't appeal to people, so nobody reads it, is it really art? Just my thoughts. I'd say that whether poetry is required to flow or not, it's wiser for it to flow than not.

Baka? I'd consider something more along the lines of "Okaasan wa Inu desu." (Your mother is a dog) or even better, "Atama ga uunchi desu." (literally, head is poop... Referring to the previous subject. The DVD holding people)

Very very nice... Can't say too much as I have to go within sixty seconds, but... I like this. The imperfect rhyme seems to fit, and it flows very nicely, without having the slightly unusual rhyme scheme detract from what's being said. Very well done, if I may say so.

I like the last three lines particularly... Not the sort of thing I tend to read, but I'd say that you caught the "just for the moment" tendencies well... If that means anything to you. (If it doesn't, please unread it.)

Sorry about this, but I must voice one small criticism (critique, if you prefer). Being something of an english geek, it seems to me that many of the commas in the middles of the lines were unnecessary. If I'm wrong, feel free to say so, but they seemed to me to... tamper with the flow, damaging it somewhat. As to the victim vs. perpetrator thing, here's my view on it. I won't try to force it on anyone else, but here it is: While it is true that the perpetrators may not have done such things if, for example, they had received more attention or hadn't been abused as children or whatever else... it is also true that they have the power to choose for themselves how they cope with that. You always have the power to say "No, I'm not going to shoot this person." The victims aren't really innocent, but... My sympathies go not to those who are killed for such things, but to those who are left behind. While the one holding the gun may have been abused by his parents or ignored by those at school, it is he, and not they, who makes the ultimate decision as to whether or not the trigger on that gun is pulled. Sorry, had to say that. As to the issue of "minor crime", I would propose that a minor crime is any act which, though prohibited by the law, does not affect anyone other than the one committing the act. Examples of this would be Jaywalking or asking the Magic 8 Ball whether you would get a date to Tolo (if such were illegal). "Major Crimes" would logically be those which, like Rape, Murder, Theft, and such have a direct effect on other people. Just my thoughts. I did quite like the poem... And it must be a good poem if it's gotten so many different opinions on the message of it.

Glad to know that it amused others as well... knowing that it affects others is what makes writing (or any other art form, I would assume) truly worthwhile.

Well... I've read it before, but I'm afraid I really didn't have anything constructive to say. It's well done... I guess my primary suggestion would be to continue it. I want to know at least what it is that the character's supposed to have done.

I like this poem a lot... "I am the master of all that I see." Quite a line... Particularly in that context. I really liked "Cut off from the rest of life" too. Hmm... What more can I say than that? It's quite good... Writing poetry is a bit like gambling... You don't know what you're going to get. It might be good, it might be bad, but once you start, it's really hard to stop. Anyway, I'll give the thread to whoever's next in line.

Inspired by a friend who has written a few poems about the subject, I wrote this... I don't look down on the people who cut themselves. It bothers me that cutting is the only way they've found to cope with the pain they feel... but it bothers me far more that they've been hurt enough to need such a relief. And I do apologize for the one crude word. I normally don't use such language, but it seemed appropriate. Body Art Light flows in, white, from the window nearby. It flashes and dances in beams on the blade of her knife. Sitting still, she just wants a goodbye from her life full of pain, from the anguish she’s made. The wind sings through cracks in the wall, through the trees in the yard, in a sad, mournful tune. With a smile she begins, first one letter, enjoying the pleas of her body, she carves a full word in a while. A single, lone word that sums up her whole life. The time spent, desires to be rich, and everything else, all the frustrating strife that has taught her that she’s just a “Bitch”.

I wrote this today at school, for an assignment that's due in about a month... A project. I'm posting it here because it wound up coming out reasonably well, so I might as well let others read it... Ever wished you could just make everything alright? (Silly question, I know...) Restrained Healer Tonight there is a turmoil in my soul that cannot be explained to one who lacks the proper understanding of my role in life. Today, I fear, I’ve reached my max. I try to heal the hearts of those with whom I feel a bond, be it strong, odd, or weak. But not all can be fixed, and dangers loom just out of reach. I see but cannot speak. A healer and protector I may be, but not all pain can be diverted. Yet I pray that through these hardships they will see that I am here to be a safety net. Into each life a little rain must fall; but it will pass, don’t be afraid. Stand tall.

Friendship is like time, encouraging those who possess it to grow and even completely transform at times.

Hmm... Somehow I wasn't really aware of this thread until just now, yet it seems to have almost everyone involved. Don't know whether it can be called fashionable or not, but I apologize for my tardiness in the discussion. The use of the phrase "Get over it" really does bother me... Not so much because it's entirely unnecessary, but because the people most likely to use it are those who are either severely annoyed with (or just generally not pleasant toward) the person it's being directed at. It can be remarkably useful at times, but like all tools (and that's really what it and all other words and phrases are... tools) it has a great potential for abuse, and the misuse of such a phrase would come across as callous. Misused in such a way, it would serve only to further isolate and depress the person in question as another of their friends seemed to turn on them. But be that as it may, the idea that depression is (a ) not serious, or (b ) something that never needs external help, strikes me as being poorly thought through. Think about it for a moment... When you visit the dentist and he drills your teeth, doesn't he use anesthetics? When surgeons cut you open, do they do so while you're awake and feeling? Even when people have "lesser" pain, such as pulled muscles, sprained ankles, and such, they take pain killers. Depression is painful. I've been there, so have many members of my family. Emotional pain is far worse than physical pain, in my not terribly humble opinion. So why is it considered shameful or unacceptable for people to take prescribed medication to alleviate that, when people take drugs for a simple stuffed nose that isn't even so much a pain as an inconvenience? Granted, not everyone needs to take medicine to get over depression, but to shun those that do or to say that no one does is not only uninformed, but an application of double standards. This is what seems to me to be callous in this situation. And as to the comment made earlier about Psychiatrists... If there's no one else to talk to, and that's what you really need... to talk it through and get an honest perspective on the situation, the psychiatrist is worth every penny. Just my thoughts. I think I've addressed what was bothering me... I don't intend to offend anyone, so please don't take what I've said as offensive. But please don't ignore me either. I've been hurt too, so please don't try and tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about. Wow... I really need to try and rein myself in, or I'm going to start treating this as a debate, rather than a discussion... perhaps this thread should be ended before it gets ugly... Or perhaps I'll just have to avoid it in the future. I'll try and restrain myself...

Great poem... I've never written a poem about someone else's love... Well, not one where that someone else's love was returned. Interesting use of partial rhymes, too. Good form and good poem. But we don't have a peanut gallery here... Nope! But I'll make you a deal: I won't comment on your sexy butt if you don't comment about how mine is entirely too intelligent. (I'm often called a smart... umm... I don't use such language) Fair enough?

"Nothing really important"? *Sighs* I really don't know what to say... and it bothers me. I guess I'll just have to settle for this. My deepest apologies if anything I've done has (directly or in-) contributed to the situation. It's far too late for that to mean anything, but I would feel bad if I didn't say something... And good luck in finding some place that suits your needs better. I don't see the competition or hatred myself... Maybe I'm just blind. Wouldn't surprise me... I can't even put together an adequate goodbye message. Sorry to see you go. *Hugs*

I love it! This one's beautiful. *Laughs*

Also not a man hater. I figured that you were kidding, but that was half the fun. Dry humor is something I rather enjoy, after all. Anyhow... Fear is like a drug. The right kinds, in the right quantities, are useful. But too little does nothing at all, and too much will either cause serious damage or kill you. And some people are more resistant to it than others.

Minor correction. Alarm Clocks are like Stereotypical Guys. There is a difference. I do know a few men who don't conform to the stereotypical "macho" thing and are in fact quite interesting to be around.