Zariah

you present GREAT imagery and sensory concepts and feelings in this poem! I loved it!

I really like the form- how it continues on the next line to give a feeling of great completeness when finished.

Awww that was so darn cute!

I really like this poem, I think it is the simplicity of form combined with the complex emotion of being trapped in inablility to escape from the inner pain.... I especially was moved by this stanza, b/c I feel the same way, too, sometimes.

Wyvvern, can u start another one??? i missed that last one *sad face, zariah*..... please?

[/b]I'm new with Animae, really. I became interested in the style of the animator who created Spirited Away. I saw Spirited Away and loved it, so I watched Castle in the Sky, Princess Mononoke, Kiki's Delivery Service, and My Neighbor Totoro. Each are different in their own ways, but not only did I appreciate the animation style and characters, but the fact that he was interested in appreciation of nature and nature's Spirit(s). For Castle in the Sky, it was the robots that cared for the tree and wildlife. For My Neighbor Totoro, it was the totoros who brought forth the forest. As well as in Princess Mononoke, the Wolves, Boars, and spirit creatures...sorry I don’t remember the name for them, and of course the Great Night Walker, who gave and took away life. For Spirited Away, it was about all kinds of Spirits....but I was appreciative of the River Spirit....not only b/c the main character's friend was a river spirit, but also b/c the girl saved the river spirit from pollution. It really made me realize that the Asian culture appreciates nature and tries to preserve the Earth from mistreatment. Anyway, I may not have any of the names right or anything.....but I love plots with deep meaning. Also, when watching Metropolis, I could see how dependant our society is on electronics and 'making life easier' and can see how humanity could destroy itself....it was really a thought provoker.

For me, I take in the painful memories as a part of what helped me become who I am today. It gives me a wake up call when I am thinking things are just too good to be true. Pain is normal, and I use the experiences that I went through in the past, to help me better cope with the ones I am soon to face in the present. Sometimes it's ok to just sit around for a few hours and mope from all the painful memories, but then it's good to counter them with GOOD memories afterward so you can still function in reality. Anyways, that's my 2 cents worth.

ALRIGHT! Two GREAT members celebrate being initiated in this world!!!! Have the Happiest birthday Griever and Kasmandre!!!!! *Does a Happy Birthday Dance with a goofy jester's hat on and pom-poms* :woot: :yuiwink: :yuismile:

Happy Belated B-Day, Gwai! From me and Oliver in spirit! Hope it was great! We love u!!!!!!!!!!

Seize me if you can, As I leave behind heavy dust. On my route in life’s voyage, I use motivation as the thrust. You have got to be earnest; I want real love or none at all. I'm overcoming life’s convictions, And need not again to fall. If you give me decent rationale, Why of you I shouldn’t fret. I'll consider letting you inside, Deeming you as no threat.

Thank you Yui, Ozy, Appy and Katzaniel....all of you have helped. I believe too, that I am on the right path. Happiness is not just a feeling, but a journey. So perhaps this life journey will enrich me to overflow with happiness. Having members such as you as well as most here at The Pen help keep that hope alive. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.....I shall begin to write again..... (overcoming ) ~Katy :pen:

This is Katy speaking IRL I'm trying to break some life habits or views....attempting to open myself up to recognize myself introspectively, to recognize others behavior, my own, and communication and how I can effectively form relationships with people. I am aiming to be comfortable being uncomfortable, going beyond my comfort zone and expanding boundaries. It's all really easy to "try" or say that this is what I want, but HOW do I do that? I understand that two ways are reflection of experiences and exploring the reasons behind my thoughts, feelings, and actions. It's hard to get started enough to see my behavior the way others can. I can recognize somethings, but when others point what the issues are and examples of where they were recognized, I can understand better. The other thing is I have specific issues that I'd appreciate some "tips for tackling" on. ~I'm reading a book on self-esteem. It's not really helping me though. It gives me a recognition of "the inner pesimist" versus the "moral conscious" stuff...but I guess I am searching for some actual "Building up" exercizes. Perhaps I am going about this the wrong way. <------ which would be why I would need other perspectives. ~I push people away (or they are repellent) to me because my insecurities encourage me to constantly seek reassurrance from everyone EVERY time I contact them. This could be mixed with a lack of trust issue? But I think it really carries over from the constant rejection I experienced in elementary school. I never fit in. No one ever liked me for who I was. I guess it's both that I seek acceptance from those who don't accept me AND when someone does accept me, I want to make sure they never change their mind because I FINALLY have what I seek and I fear losing that. Not only do I "act out" to seek approval, but I manipulate (not intentionally) other people to feel guilty or sorry for me so they will reassure me that I am okay. It's a complex of things.....I hate this behavior and also the emotional stress I am always under. I also hate the impact it has on other people. ~I'm considered rigid. I never really thought I was until one day in theater class, my teacher told me that I was too serious and intense about everything. She asked me when the last time I had fun was. I have never had "fun" as defined in the dictionary. I've had a "nice time", "pleasant time", okay time, but never Adrenaline rushing whopping good times of enjoyment. What's up with that? I don;t even know where to begin on addressing that.... ~I lack tact. I guess in my opinion, I never found this to be a problem in the sense that I am secure talking about whatever it is that I bring up....topics such as sex or topics that the general public avoid. I am also called "An open book", where I tell all of my self to people before they "know me well"....the ONLY problem I find with that is that I hurt more when I am rejected because I shared myself with another who didn't really care at all. ~ While at times, I can be a rational person with great advice when others seek my council, I am for the majority a very emotional person. I have had this problem my entire conscious life. It has improved with time and experience. However, I become especially sensative and vunerable when I am adapting to changes. This would be right now.....so while I can recognize that my stability is off kilter, I still have all these negative feelings of fear, lonliness, self doubt, ander, confussion...etc. and unfortunately, I as an open book literally DRAIN anyone I talk to because I am an emotional basketcase seeking most likely acceptance....and I'm oober vunerable and unsatisfied with probably anything....it's a really unhealthy cycle. I recognize small portions of this and temporarily address aspcts, but I can;t figure out what to do about the entire problem as a whole. For example: I now make the assumption (perhaps incorrectly) that whoever chose to read this is feeling a bit if not a lot drained by all of this heavy stuff. And then NORMALLY, this would be where I would appologize for being an inconvenience...however, I recognize that I shouldn't have to feel sorry b/c the readers are choosing to read this. And also, I need to realize that I am not a "burden" to the Pen members....so, that's some of what I am confused about. If anyone can think of something to say to help me out with clarrification, direction, explaination, or ideas of what I can do for myself, that'd be great. Thank you in advance. ~Katy

Unpredicted, you flew into my life, Damaged feathers, Mangled with fear. It seems, I too was shattered, With warped perceptions, Put on display. My gift to you was nurture, Not the ointment, Nor the gauze. Your hope gave me perspective, Without the answers, A distant glow. We both, apart on our own, Separate but equal, Are bonded strong. Unaided, we bear the hardships, Discovering answers, Growing pristine.

Very eerie!!!!!! Some suggestions: Pay attention to the verb tense. Halfway through you change the present tense to the past, and then back to the present…it may be more effective if you choose one tense. Line 2 ends with ‘silence’, and line 3 begins with ‘Silent’… perhaps a synonym would break the feeling of repetitiveness there. Line 7 has ‘speak’ in it, so for line 8, you could choose a synonym for ‘spoken’, such as uttered. Also there are other words for grave…this may not be as important, in my view, but since you used grave once, the last word could be a synonym that stands with greater impact on the entire poem, for example: other words for grave are crypt, vault, or chamber. However, I really liked the personification you gave to shadows, the silent echoes, the lonely breeze, fog. It was as if they were beings in themselves terrorizing the character to his death. These are just my suggestions. It was good to see you post!!!! -Katy

I walked him to his car down the street from school We made out under his umbrella and sat for minutes on his hood Of his red sports car, cheap but decorated to the max, Yet all I could think was that I wanted him to pay me that much attention So we got in and he drove me back to the gym The way his hands glided that stick shift made my desire bubble Yet he gave me a look to get out so he could get home to his friends Like every other Friday, I was not good enough for a real date So I called him as required, so he wouldn’t yell at me the next day And I let him go by 7 so he could meet with Cynthia at the movies Wondering why my life was on hold for him, yet intoxicated with his being Sickening my body was, for I was 105 pounds thin with no appetite. Always I’d cry, for my obsession drove me through a self-created hell And Sunday night came, so I wrote him the first note he expected and showered Next morning I put on make up and my hair the way he wanted it And met him at his locker, like a puppy to watch him socialize I handed him his note, walked him to class and let him tell me what I did wrong To the guidance counselor’s room I again went in tears to share my pain Ignoring their advice, I went to class and wrote letter number 2 Like a freak, I told him I had gone to the shrink and WAS he pissed Ultimatums he made, and I went behind his back to the counselor Crying through the halls like a fool and again drunk in his essence No longer even hugging, I wondered WHAT he wanted from me I accused him of cheating on me, for he never took me out… And of course, I got a verbal and then physical beating for my insolence Again an ultimatum; and sadly, he held me telling me I had his love… Weeks again of notes, walking him to classes, not speaking until spoken to, Nightly calls reducing me to tears, starving, and now cutting …. Weeks of daily secret visits to the counselors, losing friends, Reaching out for acceptance from him and his friends…. But just looking at me, they laughed, and I cried yet again It became apparent that I was too messed up to exist… I thought I was devoted and not good enough for my obsession I was so blind and couldn’t see he was stepping all over me So I did everything, like a slave and suffered pain of loneliness And felt like dying, to be anywhere but where I was going I took all the pills in the house, prescription and non, over 200 pills I lost 2 days and can not remember what happened, but I was numb Put into hospitals and messed over by uncaring doctors I was given medicines I was allergic to and misdiagnosed When put into outpatient, I cut and took an entire bottle of Wellbutrin And had my stomach pumped and drank charcoal in NYC hospital Back to the inpatient, and then later transferred to a new hospital There I was counseled and given the RIGHT medications After 3 months, I was released and transferred to a new high school Where I “started over” and tried to fit in with a new independence I hate the fact that I couldn’t see what I was doing to myself I wish now, 4 years later, I could tell myself what to do. What would my life have been like if I made better choices? I would have dropped his butt as soon as he started his behavior! I could have moved on, had a better education, gotten into a better college, Had better friends, grown up a little faster…. But it’s all over. I can’t change the past, although I wish I could have And I can only know that for this experience I did gain something. I grew up a lot emotionally, and I can see all the things I missed before And I maybe with this insight, I can help others. Self harm and degradation ARE giving up…. And others can help you see the good in life. So if you are in trouble, ASK for help Ask for insight, for a change in environment, for enlightenment. Although I was astray from God, I know He was there for me. I still had my life, to realize and live after the stormy experience. And He is here with me now, as always, and I am SO thankful. His Son gave us eternal life, and God gave me a second chance to show gratitude.

Happy Birthday Happy Bithday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday tooooooooo youuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!! (sorry I made up a song for you) Yey! Have a super stressfree day!

1) A Unit of Time - nano second 2) Name of a City - Kilmarnock 3) Name of a River - Wacomaca River 4) A location - The Beach 5) Adjective - sexy 6) Plural noun- towels 7) Verb Ending in "ing" - sun bathing Adjective - tan 9) Type of Family Relative - distant cousin 10) Noun - Bikini swimsuit 11) Plural Noun - crabs 12) Name of a Street - Cubit Creek Rd. 13) An emotion - calm 14) Verb in past tense - swam 15) Three Initials (example: ABB) - FUN 16) Type of Animal - dolphin 17) Plural Noun - Clouds 18) A Junkfood - potato chips 19) Adjective - salty 20) A Liquid - Margaritta drinks

Actually Tralla was responsible for the wonderful SIG. Thank you Tralla!

Ok here's the deal My life has taken a turn where I need to focus on school. I cannot be here as often and I cannot dedicate myself here. I really wanted to. But for now, I must not do a QQ and I need to just take it slow. So THANK you for all those who offered to help. I am sorry to all those who were interested in a newsletter. ANYONE is welcome to take over this idea. I am not very happy with myslef for making this choice, but ultimately it is for the better of my life. So appologies to ALL. And for the friends I have made here, please don;t hate me for this. Thanks. A special appology to Rachel. So Sorry. Please take this off the top and maybe erase the whole thread. Thanks.

Always in the middle, Not aiming or deserving, The pictures getting blurry, The lines crooked and swerving. My nose is bigger than my ears, Not wider than my tears, Nor older than my years. I yearn for true friends by my side, Who through thick and thin abide, And join me on my ride. Stuck here in the mud, With rain fallen at my heels, No way to move the car, For its slick beneath my wheels. So what for trying to be me? I’m ALWAYS wrong. It’s been too long! And with this song, I’m setting my heart FREEEEEEEEEEE. - Pardon the downer attitude....this was my "vent". This is rare for my entries so give me benefit of the doubt for lack of creativity and all...... -Katy

I like 7th Heaven, Friends, and The OC (Orange County).... I also like all the Law and Orders and both CSI's. But I rarely have time to watch TV so.....it's not an addiction.

Hey! So sorry. Finals exams and I will also be away from a key board for my vacation. It's so busy! I will borrow Nyy's computer sometime to update and work on this...gotta go.

Happy Birthday! I dont know you well, but would be glad to.... Hope it goes great! :wizzie:

It's an inside joke between the elders

LOL...very cute! :woot: