reverie

very nice. only thing that throws me is the syllabus altered stanza. Seem an abrupt shift from the language thus far. Like, it's hard to conceive of someone carrying a syllabus in their pocket. Doesn't mean it can't happen even figuratively, but don't think "instructions" is a strong enough prep. for the launch into the realm of the syllabi. Also, I think you could have greater effect by omitting the last line and letting the poem hang on it's chorus/refrain.

agree, it's fun. Ya know, though I think can actually omit the "castle in the air" line and still get you intended meaning across. Castles and clouds have strong connotations with each other in the relm of the imagination. rev...

have you ever dreamed in Portuguese?

I'm inspired by individuals that overcomer stuff and how they went about doing it. Seriously. Yeah, I know that's vague. Sorry.

Hey guys. sorry I've been away. Weird story. Like, some how I got this idea in my head to take a lot of extra projects on since my course-load was considerably lighter this semester. So, I went for this independent study abroad project in Macau Special Administrative Region (SAR) of the People's Republic of China (PRC) based solely on my ability to speak Portuguese (which I can do only on the most elementary of levels), never minding the fact that only a small faction of the population in the SAR has not, as of yet, decided to adopt Cantonese as the real official language, and guess what I don't know a word of Cantonese. Oh I tried Mandarin once, but God that almost killed me. At any rate, while doing the interview and prep for this project, I decided to embark on another quest for equally doting independent 9 week research fellowship which would involve me writing a historical fiction novel of the history of capoeira in Brazil based solely on my ability to write poetry and speak Portuguese. See any disconnects there? Me too. And man is ever hard to compensate when your trying to convince an academic committee of accomplished individuals to fund your project anyway. That said, I decided I needed a little of time off, so I agreed to participate a fund-raiser to raise money for these kids that wanted to go to Mexico to help out indigenous kids over their speak-break holiday. Anyway, it's Latin-night, so we got salsa dancers, break-dancers from Mexico, my local capoeira group representing Brazil, some really cool acoustic guitars songs in Spanish I don't understand, but are cool anyway. It's cool we raise a bunch of money, so the kids get to go help the other kids. But then the salsa lessons started, and mind you, I've taken salsa lessons before (don't worry I suck), but still ball-room salsa ain't the same are real salsa, so I figured what the hell. I'll jump in there. Sure, why not. So as I'm making a fool out myself on the dance-floor so some kids can get go help out some other kids in Mexico, I notice two lonely looking people from my capoeria group kind of looking all wall-flower-ish at the edges. Now, I've been the wall-flower. I could write you a how-to guild on how-to-be-a-better wall-flower, and honestly it hurt me a little to see people I consider my friends looking so forlorn, and yeah you get the picture. So, I go up to Impala (that's her nick-name...like the car...everyone gets a nick-name... mine's tartaruga--it mean tortoise), and ask her, "Hey, ya dance?" and she gets all defensive and guarded and basically gives me that go-to-hell look, which almost makes me wish I would have asked pajama first, but then again I don't dance salsa with guys. Okay, I'm cool. Tried to a good deed, it backfired, whatever. Next night, I'm off playing a game (we don't fight or spar, we play) against Impala in the Roda (circle) of Capoeria and just as I'm getting into it I catch a "chapa" (a side kick with a wind-up...sort of like round-house, but you push instead of hook at the end) in the face. Oh, I'm sure it was just an accident, but that would make that the third accident like that this month (different girl, longer story...I wrote poem about her in the workshop). Next thing ya know, I'm in the Emergency room getting a CAT scan--ya know those things are really kind of fun. They tingle a little and the tube with lights spins, spins, and, spins AND the really nice doctors put stickers up everywhere for you look at so you don't accidentally look into laser beams that fry out your eyes. Yeah, good times. Anyway, turns out nothing broken, just my pride. So, they send me on my way with a prescription of vicoin. And oh my god does that stuff work. I have no tolerance to drugs people, none. I don't drink, smoke, and I'm not really that big on caffeine either. So for the rest of the week, I'm flying. What happened? Not really sure. Anyway round a 'bouts last Thursday, the viconin runs out. And damned if wasn't masking the onset of the flu. Oh boy, knew I should have got that flu-shot. Apparently, I picked it up in the Emergency Room. ...so, my fever's finally broke. Tamifu really does work. It's not just myth. Dang expensive though. Also, apple make great flu-food. Oh man, that combination of moistness and texture is just what you need when you can't keep anything else down. In other news, I'm on the short list for the Macau project, and though the Brazil one, is still possible, I'm feeling a little burned out at the moment, so I might not make the deadline. My sponsoring professor pulling out me the day I came off of viconin didn't help either, but I found a replacement with 24 hours depite the fever, and coughing and yeah blah, blah, blah. So, what's been going on? Looks like y'all been having a discussion. Forgive me if I don't take part. I've got a world to change. best of luck, revery the dreamlost "all you want to do is something good, so get ready to be ridiculed and misunderstood." (a. mann) the dream continues...

42. Am sick and not exactly chipper today though. Your Emotional IQ is in the average range. Essentially, you're able to recognize and deal with your own emotions and those of others in a reasonably effective manner. This is likely evident in your ability to relate to others, express your needs, and maintain a satisfactory level of emotional health. Since your score is in the mid-range, however, you are not taking full advantage of your potential. By learning and practicing new skills and more effective ways of dealing with people, you could increase your EIQ. After all, we can always improve our communication, ways of relating to others and resilience. The benefits will be numerous, including stronger relationships, a more successful career and better emotional health. Most of all, you will be an all-around happier person.

Floss and use a tongue scraper or if you don't own a tongue scraper at least brush your tongue. * Flossing prevents adult type cavities, gum disease and gingivitis, and those evil root canals. * Tongue scraping prevents bad breath. If you're going to run, invest in good shoes. If you're going to run a lot invest in good socks. If you're going to run a long distance race like over ten-miles and you're a guy. Tape up your NIBBLES! Use sports/medical tape or invest in nip-protects. Am serious. That's a new kind of pain there people. Never drink a red-bull or coffee before a long distance race! Never cheer long-distance runners on anywhere between 500 yards after any given start of a race and the 1st mile. That's where all the guys that drank coffee or red-bull decide to go to the bathroom. **chimes PSA (public service announcement) music** "The more you know..." rev...

I'm a terrible speller. So, Use the FireFox thing that Q suggested plus the Google tool bar spell check. The Google tool bar one rocks.

cool. Oh real quick. If there are actually several "Dreamwriters" like as a class. Then you can still use "the." It's like saying. Oh look, its the Soldier. or the Free-mason, the preacher, or the Dreamer (like Joseph and the...). Can be taking for reverence, point of fact, or insult. rev...

Okay, I'm going to give some light criticism here (just a touch), so please don't get offended. I've discovered that if don't follow the old convention of capitalizing every line, then your syntax, or the how your phrases or sentences are arranged on each line in relation to the other lines of the poem has greater effect. This is just personal preference though. The traveler peers into the gloom (Qualify this. What is this gloom you speak of? Could you describe it differently?) Discovering what it means to be alive Wandering silently, peacefully Drifting mistily, ever asleep. (might not need "mistily" / "Peacefully" in the previous line has enough weight to carry the image) Dewy eyes of golden starlight Sparkling reassuringly (Okay, so Eyes sparkle to the tune of the summer breeze. What is the tune of the summer breeze anyway? To the tune of the summer breeze In the long grass (like this) I watch in silence, for a moment No more. (So the breeze has broken the silence? Breeze are usually calming things, and though it's weird to say, it seems like a breeze might add to a silence like with white-noise. Now a gal-force wind, that will get you're attention) Weren't we there, for a time? For a brief moment, in an instant of glass? Or was it a dream? Sweeping eerily, wistfully Through the night sky On the backs of clouds Frozen for a moment Suspended, motionless Soaring For a moment. Travel with me now, Pull apart the mists of illusion And part the curtains of despair (which are?) Step into the realm of a moment. A field of white with drops of silver glaze Perhaps above us, but who can tell? It drifted in and out of focus But we didn't. Weren't we there for a time? Shimmering in a pool of starlight? Or was it a dream? Opening eyes, extinguish the sun Dreamwriter (Proper Name? or if title adding a "the" could help) lays down his pen And I almost believed what he wrote For a moment. (nice ending)

Cool, cool. Sorry if my comments are a little harsh. I'm currently taking my 5th consecutive creative writing workshop now, and it kind of makes me tend to be very direct in my comments, maybe a little too much. That said, for having no formal training it ain't bad. Hell, I wrote similarly just a couple years ago. And really, I should have tempered my comments more since you're new here. No shame in truck driving. I was mechanic in the army back in the late 90's. Still, if you like Poe or anyone else keep reading, or do the Audio books thing. (I love audio books!). You'd might be surprised how much you pick up by paying close attention to someone that's paid his dues. That's what musicians do. And yeah depression sucks, been there. Writing's a good release/escape for a while that is... best of luck, rev...

Sometimes it's better to know, than not to know but that doesn't mean you shouldn't put your best effort behind the attempt or rush it either. Life is complicated.

no need to defend yourself. but here's an idea. Create a thread with the Title like: "What inspires me/you?" Similar to that "Things I have Learned" thread that still kicking around. Post what you posted here as something that did inspire you, then invite other to post what inspired them. see, it's easy. It's all in the wrapping.

Here's looking at you kid. Even though, I don't drink, have a drink on me. all the best, rev...

What you have to understand, is that's it's all about writing and friendships made here. Most of us try to leave our politics, various religious views or what have you at the door (with varying levels of success) preferring to express those emotions in our art. We don't flame here, and discussions like this, innocent as they may seem at the beginning invite that sort of behavior. It takes a while to get used to it, but we've been around for years, and seems to have worked so far. So by all means share with us, but share it in your work or in private messages. Once you get to know us a little better, there are a few private forums within pen where something like this would be more appropriate, but even there it's not up for debate, it's just a place of sharing. kudos, rev...

Narrative Homage to Poe. But, in couplets with perfect rhyme throughout. That's bold. hmm, well let's have a look. The Fading of the Light Once upon a morning dreary, a knight awoke, his body weary, His life is giving unto fight, (passive construction) his sword, it flashes in the night, to defeat the Fading of the Light. //(Consider, if sword is flashing in the night, hasn't the light already faded?) For kingdoms, fiefs and countries all, his sword arm always answers the call, (you're forcing it here: rhythm wise). his shield would rise against the night, aim ever true, with shoulders tight, he fought the fading of the light.// Devils he fought, and demons too, (Devils plural = demons // Could try Spirits or Horrors constrasted with demons, but if you're being archaic you might as well say daemons too) his heart, stone hard, would ignore the view, (common not needed, line break does it for you.) of blood and bone and courage and fright, of battling pitting day against the night, and on they fought the Fading of the light. *Okay, I get it, you're going for old speak/style. If you're going to that, then you need to make your refrain stronger rhythmically. Easiest way to do that is by variation. Like change "Fading of the Light" to "Fading light" OR you could examine the ancient forms of the Ballad or the Ballade and mimic them. And once the battles have all died down, and the trees surrounding have all turned brown, the warriors walk off into the night, the gods smile down on a glorious sight, once again defeated, the Fading of the Light.

Welcome. If this is any indication of what you're capable of, then you should seriously consider developing your talent. You've got the spark, and it looks like a decent grasp on how to balance syntax vs line lengths n'such. Might I suggest dispensing with the all capitalized first words of each line. Oh sure, it's a valid convention in poetry, but it's a little dated. Off the top of my head, I played around a little with your first two stanzas. Let me know if you want me to do a full critique. *** Miss Queen sitting high on the throne with roses and wine, kissing all that are pretty But none are as lovely as you Miss Queen-- who shines on the TV, and skips/flips/dances/ (or some type of vamp/alluring word) through pages *** rev...

Revery strolls in decked out in an what could best be described as a 19th century accountant's black suit and vest combination sans jacket as Fountain trails behind laboring under the burden of what appears to a massive stack of tax forms and other assorted bits of paperwork. "Just place those on that desk over there Fountain." Fountain with a lurch heaves the pile of form onto the ever-aging desk. Sighing, the dreamlad gives the dreamlost that annoyed "anything else look?" "No, that's all, you can go play in the Garden now, while I make the announcement...yes, go play/mingle, entertain yourself, I've got business to attend to..." With that Fountain scampers off and Revery dons a slick limey-green visor, while setting out an brilliant blue abacus, a shinies-powered calculator, several indigo quills, marbled-wax impression kits, and blotting paper out on the desk. Content with the arrangement the dreamlost hangs a shingle off the front of the desk, and waits expectantly. Dreamlost TAX Advice and Financial Planning: Specialization in Inquisition Audit Defenses, Magics Schools Savings, Anything but Geld Investments, Anti-Scrooge Charms and Potions and Magical Real-Estate Sales and Transfers. Forms of Payment Accepted: Story, Trial, or Shiny. revery the dreamlost "'tis the season" ~someone not me the dream continues...

warm/warming shimmering (okay that's a hung stretch) drowsy/dosey reassuring charming fawning roosing soothing dreamlike or you go the other way: alarming arresting or just be different: hazy

Decoy aka THE-MIGHTY-LAWN-DART! observes the scene between the almost Dragonic-one and the boy from a distance. Flames flickering across his face reveal a brief expression of mild puzzlement that resolves itself into a frown. Walking out of the Cabaret Room, he makes his way through the many halls of the pen arriving at the hollowed arch that marks the entrance to the Passageway. Taking out his tarnished and graying amulet etched with Castle at sunrise set atop a bank of clouds, remembering that wider and often times more volatile magics are at work in this part of the pen. Still the token of the dreamlost should assure his him safe-passage across the threshold. Holding the symbol out in front of him, he crosses the lightly cast veil of pen-boundary-magic arriving in a large, but narrow chamber leading to two large doors--one crimson and ornate the other plain and unadorned. Choosing the plainer of the two he walks into the Workshop searching for his master among the vast, but seldomly used sections of pennite potenial. Decoy finds him in the chestnut room--the section set aside for poetic forms and power tools--agonizing over the adjustments of a jigsaw-puzzle-vice--at a loss to find the precise mechanically correct positional relationship between the piece of work and the tool. "Blast, French forms are like a spiders web, you cut the wrong thread and whole structure falls limp." Decoy coughs quietly, and Revery the dreamlost raises an eye, "Oh was there something, Decoy?" "Yes, my lord, I believe there is something of mild concern in the Caboret Room," thus spake THE-MIGHTY-LAWN-DART! "Mild Concern, oh then have Quest or Fountain take care of it, I've been working on the Pantoum for days now, and I feel I've almost got it..." Revery pauses as he see's the expression on THE-MIGHTY-LAWN-DART's face, "...oh what is it then?" Decoy quickly relays all that he's seen concerning the notice from the guilds and the almost-dragonlic-one. Revery thinks for a moment, then sighing, turns and goes back to considering the jig--ackwardly bent, and alternately covering one eye and chewing on his lower lip. "Spiderwebs," he mutters. "...pull the wrong thread and the whole thing falls limp..." His work done, THE-MIGHTY-LAWN-DART! withdraws, allowing the dreamlost to get back to his labors. Existing the Writers' Workshop and he returns to the threshold between the narrow chamber and Passageway and once again pulls out the amulet of the dreamlost, and returns unharmed into the greater pen proper to be the see what can be seen for all of the realm of the dreamlost. --Decoy aka "THE-MIGHTY-LAWN-DART!!!"

no problem. Glad to know my comments do some good after all. So the impression I get is that it meant to be read chat like with possibly very small pauses between lines. Minimalism's cool enough. Combining "each" and "other" makes for a kind of hypnotic effect. Unorthodoxed, but it works. rev...

I know you like to keep things exactly as you envision them, but you can play around a little with this. try experimenting with the punctuation, but maybe not too much. neat, rev...

Have you ever ate sushi on a commercial airliner? Have you ever zoned out of a conversation and ended saying the exact same thing that the person right next you just said without knowing it, until everyone and I mean EVERYONE made you aware of that fact.

I've been watching a lot movies lately. Too much time on my hands, waiting for the semester to start, that and I'm recovering from some minor injuries. Anyway. The Fountain was pretty, but I felt completely misled by the previews. Trippy film. A Very Long Engagement If you like Amelie, you'll like this one. French Film with the same Director, same leading ladying, Audrey Tautou as Amelie, but it's far more serious as it is set in WWI. Still a love story though, and a nice one at that, with trench warfare to boot. It's one of the few movies I can watch more than once, and still enjoy (Royal Tenenbaums, Euro-trip, Four Rooms, Serenity, and Romeo and Juliet.) Evil Dead I and II: Neat enough. Bruce Cambell rocks. Anyway, comparing both with each other and the third movie in the series: Army of Darkness will send you on a blissful trivia hunt for plot inconsistencies. Even more interesting is why those inconsistencies occurred in the first place (lack of funding, editing disputes, ratings, etc). Mirror Mask A surreal collaboration between Neil Gaiman, Dave Mckean, and Jim Henson's legacy workshops with juggling. Family friendly story in the tradition of Labyrinth.

No problem Nix. Time was words were my escape pouring frustration onto the page like liquid couched in florid lines of expression woven fantasies around my misery (period? or do you want the thought to continues into the next stanza) *** Hmm, can't really suggest anything concrete for the first stanza, but I can attempt to bring something to your attention; Lets look at the stanza as if it was a sentence: Time was words were my escape--/: pouring frustration onto the page like liquid couched in florid lines of expression--woven fantasies around my misery. Double meanings here. "pour" --to cause to flow; to vent/express combine with "couched" specifically "liquid" being "couched" --to embroider, to express/phrase. Liquid Images vs woven images vs variations on the act of expression. Conflict? not sure. Liquid images are explicit because of "simile" Line four qualifies/explains the simile, thus "woven fantasies" line is a really a metaphor for line one and two. Neat. *** Forever looking forward (not sure if this is a continuation of last line of previous stanza or not.) my dreams lead me on images of pure clarity resound across my battered mind in peals, which for a time brought peace *** Hmm let's do the same thing for this stanza: Forever looking forward, my dreams lead me on ---> images (dual beginning/ending word phrasing?) of pure clarity resound across my battered mind in peals, which for a time brought peace I think punctuation can clarify some of the syntax/phrasing issues. Forever looking forward my dreams lead me on. (think you need the hard stop of a period to avoid a clash with the next image. A colon or dash wouldn't work unless you rephrased*) images of pure clarity resound across my battered mind *my dreams lead me on: images of pure clarity resounding across my battered mind. am a little tired, so that all I can do for now. take care, rev...