Gwaihir

There was a young lady named Gwai Who left work and baffled cried "Why, The world is so bright and coated in light! How strange to see a blue sky."

Looks like fun There once was a child named Appy Whose walk was quite skippy and hoppy She bounced her balloon And sang such a tune Quite soon we all had to copy! (okay, so it's a ball not a balloon, but don't shoot me for that)

Hey Degorram, If you are slightly different opinions than Wyvern, you might enjoy seeing the list of a few pieces the pen recommends. http://www.patrickdurham.net/themightypen/index.php?showtopic=12576 Or, post a hello in the Cabaret room Or, if you're a poet visit and maybe write in the Banquet hall. You could be a role player. Around here, you can role play about any where but organized RPs tend to belong in the Conservatory. Perhaps you're story writer/reader and would prefer the Assembly hall? Regardless, Welcome!

I strongly second what Katz says, by the way.

Greetings, Here to request a mission for my merchant who applied a bit ago. The word is that you're willing to give him one.

Well! With all the scofflaws who come doddering in here on their canes to complain it has gotten hard to work around here. I'm trying to write a scientific masterpiece on the breeding habits of polecats and then in comes some fool who wants to complain about my work. I don't care how they did it in his day! I have seen at least six polecats use codpieces to enhance their attractiveness to the females of their species and I have every right to document this without having to defend myself to unbelieving nincompoops! atlas giggle moose Zadown

Just to say: These are so wonderful to read. I can't really manage a haiku that his soley about the weather myself but I really enjoying these instead.

*chuckles* Thank you for making my day a bit funnier, Slinky (and you, seven or so people who might be temporarily embodying Slinky.)

Just for fun: Muddy trash and leaves Now pretty snow and sharp wind. Winter neighborhood Ten below out there We complain, turn up the heat He sits outside, frozen

This is a game stolen from this site, Ship of Fools and it seems very appropriate for then pen so I'll bring it here. The idea is easy. I'll start out by giving four words. The next person will write a few sentences (or more or less) containing all four of the words and then give new words. Changing their form is perfectly allowed Here's an example (with credit giving to 'Master Tubby Bear' who wrote the paragraph below. When yours truly gave these words: Moose kumquat feldspar parsimonious The following paragraph was written: It really riled Dr Bob, the eminent chemist, how parsimonious his wife had been with his packed lunch. Feldspar research all day, and only one kumquat rattling around in the tupperware container. "She's as useless as a Moose in a dressage contest" he said, trying not to think of chocolate mousse. So, try it! The four words are juicy pterodactyl jail blunt

Well, I hope your birthday was excellent since it's certainly done.

A Moment’s Peace Sweetcherrie Wow! I have to be honest, I was not looking forward to reading this many pages, but wow, what a story that turned out to be! Planning: The tension build up is great, the puzzle pieces all fit. At the end I have to say that it took just slightly too long to reveal what you wanted to reveal. I can understand you don’t want to leave anything out, but this could be reworked by using a slightly faster pace of writing. Possibly more shorter sentences worked into the story towards the end. Also I have a hard time to find back the five elements, but you did an amazing job with this story, well written. Dialogue: Very realistic, and even though this story is entirely in a fantasy setting you still managed to get the dialogue across as if it could’ve been said by the guy next door. Overall I would say that for dialogue you would get a level 3 from me here. Gwaihir Wonderful story! Comments: Beautiful setting. Very believable boy at the beginning. He has a hard time communicating and wants to be tough but he's a kid. I really love the details here. You make the setting real and very enjoyable. The transfer to the letter about the Great Bear is a bit sudden. Maybe it would help if you'd told us more about the style or background of our setting? This story is complicated enough that it would be nice if we had some story or tangent that gave us some ideas of the religious beliefs of the participants before they become vital. Good mother-son tension and I definitely like the way Kilde is done. things like calling herself a sack a bones are nice details that give some life to a character. carp-et that sounds useful for fishing-I am amused. I very much like that when her moment really comes Kilde becomes confident. So the gods are rather like all the rest of us I see. At least they tease each other that way. However, I'm a bit uncomfortable about his mother's punishment here. What did she really do? We don't know and I think we need more characterization on this certainly. A Moment's Peace: Though much longer than any of the other pieces in this challenge, I truely enjoyed reading this piece. It flowed well throughout the piece, with very few hang-ups within the wording, and surely a few of those were just my brain being a pain. The words were well chosen, and used in the proper context, as far as I could tell. The images produced by these well used words were quite good and powerful. Be they of the basin at the beginning in Lupisle, of the two wolf riders bounding down the side of the mountain on their wolf mounts on their way to Bruinisle, or of the great assembly at the temple of Bruinisle. All were well produced and developed. This is overall a very good piece, and I would actually hope that there may be a follow-up piece to see how things go with young Vachten. Panther A Moment's Peace: Though much longer than any of the other pieces in this challenge, I truely enjoyed reading this piece. It flowed well throughout the piece, with very few hang-ups within the wording, and surely a few of those were just my brain being a pain. The words were well chosen, and used in the proper context, as far as I could tell. The images produced by these well used words were quite good and powerful. Be they of the basin at the beginning in Lupisle, of the two wolf riders bounding down the side of the mountain on their wolf mounts on their way to Bruinisle, or of the great assembly at the temple of Bruinisle. All were well produced and developed. This is overall a very good piece, and I would actually hope that there may be a follow-up piece to see how things go with young Vachten. [Edited to insert Panther's comments]

Screaming Shaman Sweetcherrie Firstly, I’d like to say that I really liked this story. It was a really nice read, and it left me wanting more. Planning: I think you’ve incorporated the five elements very well. You managed to make a story with all parts coming together in a logical way, and I think you’ve done pretty well on the planning part in this respect. In the beginning I was almost thinking, “Oh my, a prince story, what the?!”, but quickly you twisted the story line around, and managed to make it into something entirely different, but without losing the reader’s attention. Dialogue: In general the lines go well together with the characters, and I think they could be spoken the way you’ve written them, pretty realistic. I loved the way I had to go back over them, and found parts of a priest giving the last sacraments….you’ve interwoven 2 worlds nicely into one story. Gwaihir Somewhat Taleth-like but no worse for that. Enjoyed this quite a bit. Comments: I Like the note about the solid door and the material. Nice bit of setting and just the sort of detail I always notice when I'm knocking on people's doors. (Hope I'm not encroaching on Description here;)) The way you show Miakel sparing the woman here effectively makes him seem dangerous but still shows him as a nice guy. I like the sentient hair although it's a bit confusing. I accept the amnesia issue but still I wish we had more characterization of the Nemesis. Surely there have been chances to get to know him over all those failed attempts to kill him? As Ray'Shel turns into a dragon I once more wish I had knew more about this powerful pixie. It seems on the face of it a bit odd when a brother robs a brother but maybe if you had characterized Jacob more that would help? Re: Setting, the dream-like setting of this all makes it a bit unreal and I'm not sure whether that’s a strength or a weakness. I guess I'd like a few ore details in some places but the general way you did this is quite clever. Entertaining. I hope Jacob can be convicted. Panther Screaming Shaman: What a world. I could picture it clearly in my mind, its surroundings, the town, the shaman, Miakel, and his companion, Ray'Shel. The images did not hinder the movement of the story, however, just fleshed it out enough to keep the reader interested. Orlan did a good job striking the balance between keeping the tale moving, and giving enough details to build the world around it. The language used in the writing was very appropriate, and the use of words was well varied. It was an easy read, as far as structure, not making me re-read any more than I had to for my own reasons. The combination of clear images and concise language made this a very enjoyable read for me. [Edited to insert Panther's comments]

Sweet Dreams Sweetcherrie: A nice story; sensitive, and reaching out more into the emotional parts then your normal work. I think in this part you’ve been improving greatly lately. Planning: I think you worked out the elements nicely, and incorporated them nicely in this story. The plotline has a few jumps and holes in it however. Firstly, why tell a child that her gerbil has died right before the child will die? In my head it would be more logical if you kept the child in the dark, unless there are good reasons to tell. The end is heartbreaking, and well written, but also a bit sudden. I think if you would have worked slower towards this, you would’ve given yourself and the reader the possibility to work up tension, and if done right the reader already starts thinking, “No way she is going to die! is she?” This way it’s a bit too abrupt and the reader has not been given enough time to get in the right set of mind. Lastly, be careful with trying to force things a story. I know here you had to of course work with the elements given to you, but to talk about her dad’s day without a clear reason sort of felt strange to me. Dialogue: There are places where the dialogue comes across as completely natural and other places where it’s very forced. Also be very careful with long pieces of dialogue, people speak a lot less than you would normally think, and leave an enormous amount up to interpretation. More often than not they even say nothing at all with the few words they are saying, and the words are empty and hollow. Gwaihir Great story and a fun read! Comments: I like that you don't tell us she's in the hospital or mortally ill. In fact, I like that you start us off with just a girl who's bored in bed though perhaps t he counting goes a bit too long. Also, I sort of wish I got more characterization of Dr. Brien. She mentions that now she likes him even less--has he been a bastard before? The mother is a nervous type one gathers since she is so transparently nervous that even the young child could tell. However, we don't really get much really about the father. Of course, sick people are often distracted by their own pain but still I wish I had more about the parents. Don't they have something they want to say to their daughter when she's about to die? Setting: I like it a lot. The hospital setting is practical but not in our faces. I like that you didn't make it interesting or important in and of itself. I'm not sure I like the hamster part but I did find the ending touching. Panther Sweet Dreams: I think that this story was quite well written. As far as grammar goes, there may have been one or two stumbling blocks, but all in all, they did not disrupt the flow of this writing. The description in this piece was definatley top notch. It was smooth and had enough details in it for me, without drowing the flow of the piece with too many details. I felt as if I could have been in the hospital room watching all this unfold before my eyes. The descriptions also did a very effective pull on the emotions, especially at the end of the piece. Overall, I enjoyed this piece very much, and would recommend it to anyone who would be even a bit interested. Very well done, Patrick. [edited to insert Panther's comments]

Go Gyr! Burping briefly, big beery Bornean boys bring bulbous birch baskets.

You people are amazing.

man, I have quite the luck with women!

Especially egalitarian eels exonerate even extra-evil elderly emus.

Chakyaka jumped to his feet in outrage. "How dare you accuse Fleur! She's the most innocent person here!" Fleur, sitting nearby blushed at this but the neighborhood Fremen saw nothing but red. "Some weirdo offworlder who thinks she knows something is just jealous because someone here has a life ahead of her. If you creeps don't massacre the only person worth anything here. I have never before seen anyone who actually seemed to trust me--who believed my word unquestioningly and helps everyone. OOC: Vote for Jamilla

Well, no one had a 1/3rds plurality so no one died so it wasn't much to miss.

Similarly, I will be happy with what ever you, Patrick, and my fellow were-wolf players.

Next vote is Feb 16th.

Chakyaka cuddled near Fleur (after she had calmed down a bit) and beamed. "I don't think anyone's guilty--the whole world is beautiful." Niab looked at him as if he were nuts. "A bunch of murdered people around here probably don't think so." The usually grumpy Fremen nodded. "True and it's a disgusting tragedy but I can't be suspicious of anyone right now." OOC: No vote

voting is closed. Sorry Patrick, but the vote was against you.

When Alfonso snapped his fingers to call the nearest servant to fill his glass he was surprised at the lack of reaction. The rogue waited exactly as long as he could and when he did fill the glass, he carefully filled it right to the brim so that Alfonso had to be very careful not to splash as he took his first sip. The incident wasn't really a problem--Alfonso had perfect hand control but it was offensive. What had gotten into the servants to make them think he wasn't as important as anyone. This was the second one to annoy him today. Clearly, he would have to talk to someone about the help these days. Still, he was beginning to wonder if it wasn't something more serious a little bit later. He tried to engage the dashing woman next to him in conversation and after a quick smile she quickly turned away. However, nothing was final until later on. When the King arrived with pomp he had an announcement. "There is one among you who we have all welcomed. Since he came he has been given a position teachign horseback riding and we were all pleased with him. However, now the court bubbles with discontent about him. Alfonso de Margarita you are hereby banished from this city for five years. Be gone before noon next or your head will be your penalty."