Gwaihir Posted May 14, 2003 Report Share Posted May 14, 2003 Note: I'm not saying that Madoka intended Sandy to be feeling this way in her story or anything, but this was imagination of his point of view. I wish your angry words would pour on me like rain It’s not the words that hurt—it’s the silence after Seeing your face, not just knowing that I’ve hurt you Knowing you feel too hurt to forgive me right now Your cold expression says the anger’s stayed with you When you’re trying to punish me that’s not so bad As when the pain and disappointment’s natural. I wish your angry words would pour on me like rain Instead I hear a quiet voice saying goodbye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted May 14, 2003 Report Share Posted May 14, 2003 I like this. It strikes a chord - anger is a form of involvement, and a manipulator can work with it, spin it, use it. And since the type has no other relationship tool than manipulation, when a relationship they actually want goes sour - they're doubly stuck. A quiet goodbye is a death knell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwaihir Posted May 14, 2003 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2003 Reworked so I figured I'd post it again Words Like Rain I wish your angry words would pour like rain It’s silence after, not the words that hurt Knowing you feel too sad right now to heal Your anger sinks beneath a growing chill Trying to punish me that’s not so bad But this freeze isn’t feigned—you just don’t care. I wish your angry words would pour like rain Instead I hear that quiet word "goodbye." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madoka Posted May 14, 2003 Report Share Posted May 14, 2003 It's a lovely poem! I wish I can write poems as well as I think I can write stories, but well... I never did do really good in poetry during my English classes. I find myself liking the first version more than the second version, though... I don't know why, but it just resonates with me more than the updated version. I'm sorry that I can explain it more than that, but I'm short on time and have to go. Nice poem though! Madoka. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted May 16, 2003 Report Share Posted May 16, 2003 i like them both, but in different ways. the second version is tighter, and holds more of the cold sadness that comes later in the processing of what's happened. The first version holds more of then wounded pain and anger, the initial shock at realizing how changed things are from what you thought. They're both very well done, but in tightening up the verse the emotion has changed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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