Blondemoon Posted February 22, 2003 Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 listening to my cousins snores reading my best friends words seeing cold reality laid out holds no comfort bad day becomes worse phone rings with harass on the other end ruined the day tears flow heavy and hard but only for a short time then something else is found a stranger finds me i learn news, old news, news that should have been told long ago news that makes my heart stop my blood run cold and makes me want to die. tears flow heavy again sobs rack my frame my body aches with the pain you have caused me. i pick myself up get cleaned up razor cuts hurt when made by safety razors -------------------------------- later i'm numb walking in a fog still hoping to die not knowing what's true then i talk to you and pain explodes magnified a thousand times by a promise you made the same promise broken into shards the same day it was made by the lie you told to make it now i sit, old and new wounds open, raw, and bleeding the truth like salt poured in now i sit, wondering how could you lie to a friend like it was nothing and now i sit, staring at five pills mind finally made up after all i've endured. game over Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaneus Posted February 22, 2003 Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 Wow. Really amplifies the pain caused by one experience. I have felt like killing myself many times, I mena cna anyone honestly say they haven't? I just haven't killed my instincts enought to actually end my own life. Oh well, more stupid ramblings on my part. Good job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondemoon Posted February 22, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 thanks Arch. really bad day inspired, and it was two events, but it was the last one that kinda topped it off. discovering that one of your best friends has been lying to you for four months (a BIG lie, not some dinky little one), doing stuff that would involve cheating on the wife you didn't know he had until today, including stuff that involves you, (well, yesterday now) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted February 22, 2003 Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 Very graphic, conveys the immensity of feeling. The reason for desiring to end I'm not sure I understand which of the flavors this takes. Is it because the pain is so bad that feeling nothing at all would be preferable? Is it because having trusted and having trust broken by faithless 'Friend' life isn't worth trusting again? Is it the heavy culmulation of grim reality, the final straw so to speak, without a hope in the future toward which to work? Is it rage and frustration? Depression and exhaustion? Thinks about the many reasons for self destruction presented at the Pen. Oh - is it the 'I really AM hurting this badly' proving one? A rewrite might bring that out more. On the other hand, you prolly could use this, filtered through your demonstrated abilities to translate emotion to poetic words, to expand and amplify why lying is just wrong. Not in the moral sense that so many rationalize or excuse away, but in the pains that lies cause. Your 'friend', perhaps they thought that by lying they could 'protect' your feelings - but look at the exponential pain and rage you feel! Protective lies are still lies... You could mine this for several works, I think... If you have to feel it anyway, might as well codify it into words and learn. Peredhil realizes that words are cheap when pain is immediate, shuts up, and hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondemoon Posted February 22, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 Out of the choices you have given, I would say, it's all of the above. I must admit, I thought at first you were being sarcastic and whatnot about it Peredhil. Given the things I know, and the fact that you know the guy. Your idea for writing something about why lying is just wrong is a good one (although I could swear there's sarcasm there...that's 4 hours of very uneasy sleep talking), although at this point, I would be writing it for that specific person, and the entire point of it would be lost on him, since he didn't believe that just omitting such a major fact from someone he considered one of his best friends fell into the category of a lie. The entire point would be lost on him, because he would just do it again...like some other very important personal details that he flat out denied when I asked him, but his wife confirmed to be true when I talked to her. The entire point would be lost because if he'll lie to the woman he married, and to the woman that he knew was still in love with him, and tried to be his friend anyway...he'll do it again. And from what I gathered last night when I confronted him about it, he was just trying to save his own ass by not telling me. Keeping all the women in his life separate, or trying to, like he did before. Ahem. Sorry for the diatribe, but as you said, the pain is immediate, and nearly unbearable when faced with a veritable minefield of I told you so's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted February 22, 2003 Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 ouch. erm. I'm capable of sarcasm, but I avoid it when I'm at the Pen. Sorry it came off that way. That was me kinda brainstorming on how you could maybe use this to grow as a writer, channel and harness the pains. I apologize that it came off wrong. Incidently, to explain, other than my own two boys who post, I try to keep everyone's real life relationships separate from their Pen identities. It makes it easier to focus on individuals and not have to worry if they've had a falling out or coming together, except as it affects them and their writing. It also helps me avoid even implicitly taking sides in things of which I have no direct knowledge. I say this in way of explaination, to amplify that I wasn't being sarcastic. When I posted, I was thinking of your work, and you. It didn't even occur to me to consider it in relation to anyone else. Peredhil retreats (hopefully tactifully). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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