Cyril Darkcloud Posted February 10, 2003 Report Share Posted February 10, 2003 Yeah, it might be summer but it’s cold in here tonight. Can’t see my breath and there ain’t no snow coming down but I’m walking real careful in case I step on some ice. Your eyes slip away from mine. Our hands are numb and their reaching fingers just don’t feel each other’s arms. And just like mine is your tongue is frozen to the steel of things too long unsaid inside the hard packed snowy banks of pain we never could get past. And I’m afraid it’s gonna be a long cold summer, because just like winter takes its time in coming, it’s gonna take its time to pass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 Very very strong symbolism. Very sad subject. I like how you identified it as summer, so that the reader would be sure to pick up on the symbolism and the distinct comparisons to feelings and objects is also very well done. Your poem shows you skill..and you wear that skill well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaneus Posted February 16, 2003 Report Share Posted February 16, 2003 I, like Rune, thought the symbolism was very good. Great job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Silverblade Posted February 16, 2003 Report Share Posted February 16, 2003 I should read more of your work. Beautiful poetry, Cyril, absolutely beautiful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zariah Posted February 16, 2003 Report Share Posted February 16, 2003 Very very nice. The only suggestion I would make is to not say "some ice", it just sticks out a bit to me....But that's an opinion..not even worthy of your consideration. Excellent. Please write more!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyril Darkcloud Posted February 17, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2003 Thank you all for the kind words -- this one has been percolating for quite a while and I wasn't sure if it would ever get written. Crowgirl, your opinions are very much worthy of my, or anyone else's consideration! I'm probably going to let this one sit for a while now that it's written, but once I get around to looking at it again your observation will be one of the things I'll make it a point to consider as I try and tweak the wording a bit. Details like that are important -- please do not hesitate in sharing them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 ditto on saw another honored guest reading this, so decided to bump it too... Sorry for the clutter. Ya know cyril and don't bite my head off for this, but you should consider turning this into a song. I'm think an older country or folk arrangement might work out quite nice. Like John Denver or Woody Guthrie, okay maybe not Woody, but you get the idea. rev... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WrenWind Posted May 7, 2006 Report Share Posted May 7, 2006 Really like this. As alwaysI find your work worth reading and rereading thanks for sharing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tasslehoff Posted May 15, 2006 Report Share Posted May 15, 2006 Cyril. My good friend it has been a long time. Ive meant to wander in here & comment before, when I first read it but times, are well ruff. I apologize so let me get to it! The meaning in this poem is so rich. It really works well. I want to re-read & such over & over to analyze & try to find something, but I cant. Nice to hear from you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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